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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I apologize if there's already a thread like this.

I am wondering (especially if you're a guy and reading this), would you date a girl who USED to cut and still has scars on her arms? Like, say it's been almost a year since she last cut, and she feels no more urges to hurt herself anymore... Would the scars bother you or think she's not "healthy" enough mentally to be in a relationship? Would you prefer it if she hid it or leave them out in short-sleeved shirts out in the open?
 

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I wouldn't be ashamed of dating a girl who used to cut. If she feels she is healed and is past it, I don't see a problem. But if their are signs she might be doing it again, I'd try to help her out. I don't judge and ditch. To be honest, her mental health would worry me more than her physical health if she relapsed.
 

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I don't mind either as long as they do it do it anymore and is stable and capable of loving themselves then I don't mind. I have self-inflicted scars and women still like me for who I am and what a better person I've become. In the end it's if there mentally stable for a relationship.
 
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We all have skeletons in our closets. Due to my violent history i can relate to someone who actually had a share of doubt in his/hers sefl-worth, i have to deal with it every day. So yes, why not.
 

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I don't think you need to judge her for it like she is a bad person. But I would ask her about them and I would ask if she has recovered or has gone some therapy.

Cutting is anger turned inward. I'm not sure one year is enough for her to learn how to express herself assertively. Even though she may have stopped the cutting, she may not have learned the correct ways to deal with her anger. This can also lead to her not being able to create appropriate boundaries in the relationship. Just be mindful of that . Keep the communication open.

Many, many, many people have cut. Many teenagers are angry. Many of them implode instead of explode. Those are the cutters, drug users, risky behaviors, etc. They don't hurt others, just themselves.

My daughter did it about 6 months ago. I assure you she has had great recovery from it. She is not ashamed but she is very open about what she went through. That is a good sign. If your girl can open up about it and talk about it with you that's very positive. It still might be a bit awkward, but emotionally it shouldn't "own" her still. Understand?

Another thing. I didn't think guys noticed it that much. I would walk around with my daughter when I first got her back from her dad. Her cuts were still fresh and visible. Guys would still hit on my daughter. It was like they either didn't notice or didn't care. It perplexed me. You are very perceptive.
 

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I have a small scar on my left arm that I cut there while trying to get enough blood to write something for a college crush, a line between my breasts from when I was fantasizing about cutting out my own heart, a tiny mark on my left hand near the thumb that I put there with a heated paperclip, just to feel it burning, and a couple of burn scars on my right upper thigh.

I only did it when I was on Paxil. I've always been obsessive about love, but that horrible medication made it worse and also increased my suicidal thoughts.

The kind of man I hope to find will appreciate and understand the sacrificial nature of the scars on my arm and chest, and might even relate. I have a deep need to express attraction in extreme, even insane ways, even when self-harm is not involved, and hopefully he will not consider this need a flaw. He will also understand why I would want to make my emotional pain something tangible in a world where only physical pain is taken seriously by other people.
 

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Discussion Starter · #7 ·
Thanks so much for the replies, everyone. :happy: I am just... Wondering, because I used to cut. I have about 30 or more scars but it's been almost a year since I last did it... My scars are like, white and faded now, but it still makes me feel a little ashamed and embarrassed when someone looks at them in public...

I'm past it now. It's in the past and it is staying there, pretty much for good. I'm over it. I'm just, scared that I'll still get shit for it today. :frustrating:
 

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Thanks so much for the replies, everyone. :happy: I am just... Wondering, because I used to cut. I have about 30 or more scars but it's been almost a year since I last did it... My scars are like, white and faded now, but it still makes me feel a little ashamed and embarrassed when someone looks at them in public...

I'm past it now. It's in the past and it is staying there, pretty much for good. I'm over it. I'm just, scared that I'll still get shit for it today. :frustrating:
Aww, you seem so optimistic now. I wouldn't have ever known you did it too. *hugs*

Well, when you find love, the right person won't judge you for it.
 
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I would date someone with self inflicted scars provided they moved past it. I think it shows strength the fact you identified an aspect of your life that was a problem and coped your way through it. While I can't relate to SI, I did have addictions that I phased out of my life when I identified they were problems for me; so I have the utmost respect for people that conquer their addictions since I know how hard it is.
 
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I wouldn't have a problem with it.
 
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Discussion Starter · #11 ·
Yes, I view them as my battle scars, actually; They each tell a story that I can't express in words by myself. When I was trying to quit almost a year ago, it was the hardest thing I ever done... now I know exactly how those heroin addicts feel when they get cut off from the only thing that kept them feeling good when their lives pushed them down; I would shake and cry and want to throw up, but I never gave in. I would physically, literally, felt sick to my stomach as I fought through the urges, but thank God I did it and I survived it.

If somebody is going to give me shit for what I've been through, then I will gladly show them the door and remind them to make sure it doesn't hit their ass on the way out.

EDIT: I just found my only self-injury journal from this other website... I counted up and found out that in 4 more days, I will reach 8 whole months since my last cut. :D
 

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Yes, I view them as my battle scars, actually; They each tell a story that I can't express in words by myself. When I was trying to quit almost a year ago, it was the hardest thing I ever done... now I know exactly how those heroin addicts feel when they get cut off from the only thing that kept them feeling good when their lives pushed them down; I would shake and cry and want to throw up, but I never gave in. I would physically, literally, felt sick to my stomach as I fought through the urges, but thank God I did it and I survived it.

If somebody is going to give me shit for what I've been through, then I will gladly show them the door and remind them to make sure it doesn't hit their ass on the way out.

EDIT: I just found my only self-injury journal from this other website... I counted up and found out that in 4 more days, I will reach 8 whole months since my last cut. :D
Lol. Even though I said you were perceptive, I'm apparently not. I had no idea that you might have been the girl in mind. I didn't even notice that you were a girl. Sorry! But it doesn't change my original response to you.

Thank you for opening up though. And don't worry, you'll move beyond. I started channeling it through running and have never been happier. Working out is essential for me.
 
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I'm of course a guy, but I feel almost strange not having physical scars, given the amount of mental scars I have. Still, a scar is a healed wound. It is no longer a wound. I would not mind dating such a girl. I've dated far, far worse (one of them did cut, actually).
 

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it's not a reason to not get into a relationship, and not a reason to end a relationship.

i thought self-inflicting pain was a joke until i came to this forum. seems well over
50% of the people on this forum do it for some reason. i will never understand why,
but i try not to judge.

my aunt, same age as me, have cuts on her wrists from suicide attempt. it bothers
her today, that she has to hide it underneath bracelets, etc. and it has, of course,
greatly decreased her self-esteem. i'm probably one of few who knows about it.
 

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If I were someone who dated, it wouldn't be an issue for me at all. I've been through a bit of depression, though, so I can relate. It might be different if I hadn't.
 

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Well i'm over hurting myself for over a year already. Now I made it one of my goals to help others recover everyone has hard times some just release pain in different means necessary. It just hurts me inside when I see someone with a new or old injury because I used to be the same. Even though its hard for some people to understand why people do it in the first place and there are all too many reasons to be listed. We just all got to understand what there going though to help them proceed on. Scars are not only physical, but there also mental and emotional scars too.
 

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i thought self-inflicting pain was a joke until i came to this forum. seems well over
50% of the people on this forum do it for some reason. i will never understand why,
but i try not to judge.
You post quite a bit about abusing drugs when you are in pain. There really isn't much difference. Your physical wounds aren't as obvious perhaps. At least not now anyway.
 

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I wouldn't have a problem with it. Everyone has been through shit and everyone has scars in some form or another. They're nothing to be ashamed of. Not to encourage cutting, but when I see someone wearing their old scars without trying to cover them I think it's beautiful, in a way. To me is says 'I've experienced pain, but I'm still alive and proud.' I respect that.
 

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as long as she not hurting you in any sense, go for it!
 
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