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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I'm a nonbeliever, and I was (until tonight) seeing a very religious (Baptist) man. We've been on and off for a few weeks.

He has qualities I like, but more and more things are coming out that I have a huge problem with (anti-gay marriage, etc...religion-based things). He also told me (in a roundabout way) that I am going to hell because I don't believe in God.

He also told me that I can't be a moral person without believing in God. I can't even wrap my head around that one. :unsure:

Today, he posted an anti-gay marriage article on Facebook. For me, it was the last straw (after many debates about human rights, etc). I ended the relationship, and he is freaking out and calling me a hypocrite.

I didn't tell him all of the reasons that I'm ending things - I just said that our belief systems and philosophies are too different and I'm struggling with it. I'm not going to go into detail with him out of respect for his beliefs, but he is pushing me to explain...

Can it ever work between a believer and a nonbeliever, or people of very different faiths?
 

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Sure, but it doesn't hurt when you share the same core beliefs. Just makes life easier in my opinion. Anyway, he doesn't sound like a very understanding or reasonable person and that appears to be the main issue here. He can't just expect you to suddenly be willing to adopt the same beliefs as him. And you don't owe him any sort of explanation unless you feel the need to explain yourself of course.
 

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i think it's possible.

really though, "beliefs" almost have to become a sort of "true faith" before they won't conflict with or be threatened by another's.

and at that point, the belief itself would be something that is actually greater than the thought(s) that created it. almost like the combination of thoughts are a path that takes you to a point where things become unexplainable, where everyone else's views are potentially true--or at least valid within a certain perspective for the change it can affect inside of them.

and that in itself should bring one back to the idea that their own belief is potentially "untrue", and only valid for the peace of mind it gives, and for the proximity of finding oneself closer to "faith"/peace-of-mind in regards to their place in the universe...

very "hippy-dippy", but something i believe to be "true".
 

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It most certainly can work between a believer and nonbeliever, as long as they respect each other's beliefs, have compatible values and practice tolerance. The religious men I dated had no intentions of changing who I was (proselyting), directly or indirectly. I always make my boundaries clear up-front. I do not withstand prejudice. The religious people I dated all had great values and were not prejudiced in the least, against LGBT folk or whatever else.

In all honesty, I would not last with the person you describe in the OP. It would have far more to do with their personality, their close-mindedness and intolerance than their being religious.
 

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It is quite possible.

But the person who has strong religious beliefs must be open to the idea that the other won't be following in the same footsteps.
It seems to me that he is trying to forcibly project his beliefs onto you hoping that you will pick them up and then attempting to passive aggressively dismantle your own.

IMO you don't own him any explanation.

It basically works if its a "you believe what you believe, I believe what I believe but we both love each other regardless". If that middle ground doesn't exist then there isn't any room for much.

Honestly though having the same if not similar core belief as the other person makes things a lot easier in a relationship. Less hurdles to jump over and less judgements to deal with.
 

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I agree with the comments here that focus on his disrespect and intolerance for those who don't believe as he does as the main issue, as opposed to differing beliefs in general.

I also wonder if he may be asking you to further explain (and using provocative language eg calling you a hypocrite) in order to keep the conversation going so he can keep trying to convert you.

Whatever the case, I agree with @Vivid Melody and @UtterMess that you don't owe him further explanation.
 

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I think if neither party are particularly serious about their beliefs then yeah, sure its manageable, its just like a difference in opinion or taste. You just have to respect it.
But if one (or both) party is constantly judging and pressuring the other party, and said beliefs and values seriously conflict with little compromise, then it just isn't going to work.

I certainly wouldn't mind dating a religious person. I respect that some people need a god in their lives, that they need faith and a religious community, something to fill a certain void in their life, I can see the GOOD in religion despite being atheist, (I also see alot of bad too, but thats mostly from the minority that take it waaaaaay too far. There's having faith and then there's just being a crazy closed-minded and potentially dangerous religious zealot), but I just don't care to believe. I'm just the sort of person that lives in his own little world. I don't think too hard on existentialism or what is good or bad when I'd rather play Battletoads or go for a nice walk instead.
(Its not that I'm not aware of the bigger picture here, I just don't care too much about it unless it steps into my personal little world and starts trampling on it. Then we got some serious problems buddy :mad: )
 

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I'm going to go against the tide here and be blunt. If you're talking about positions or beliefs that are honestly empty, like who's the better musician between Reznor and Maynard, then you can overlook that. Any belief that is a defining characteristic of either person, then it will become a problem. The only way to avoid that is for someone to submit to the other's position or to have no stake in that position at all.

A woman can be perfect for me in every conceivable way, but if she believes something that goes against something fundamental about me--being racist, hateful, insipid, or any other definitive belief that counters a definitive belief of my own--then we will unavoidably cause problems. There's just no way around it.

I was in the same position (atheist v mormon) and it just could not work when she couldn't get over the fact that I had no interest in discussing god. It just fell apart from there. So, you really made the only decision that you cold have made.
 

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Discussion Starter · #12 ·
He will NOT leave me alone. I told him to stop harrassing me. He's calling me names, etc. Wow. How very Christian of him.
 

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He will NOT leave me alone. I told him to stop harrassing me. He's calling me names, etc. Wow. How very Christian of him.
Mes 121:75 If the bitch dumpeth thou, thou shalt harraseth her and calleth her names! For tis' not in the right of a woman to dumpeth a man!
 

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He will NOT leave me alone. I told him to stop harrassing me. He's calling me names, etc. Wow. How very Christian of him.
Rejection tends to show people's true colors.
 

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Discussion Starter · #15 ·
Mes 121:75 If the bitch dumpeth thou, thou shalt harraseth her and calleth her names! For tis' not in the right of a woman to dumpeth a man!
:laughing: This made me laugh - a lot. Thanks for that - I needed it! :happy:
 
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Discussion Starter · #16 ·
Rejection tends to show people's true colors.
Exactly, and what is funny is that he is too stupid to realize what a hypocritical idiot he sounds like now. I actually laughed at him. Told him he cracks me up.
 

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Exactly, and what is funny is that he is too stupid to realize what a hypocritical idiot he sounds like now. I actually laughed at him. Told him he cracks me up.
I'm pretty sure he realizes it, he's just hurt that his bigotry didn't win and he wants to lash out because of it. You know, like a five-year-old would.
 
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I'm a non-believer and my husband's a Christian. He believe's in the separation of Church and State. It isn't Christianity's business if homosexual couples marry and should be legal as long as various faiths aren't forced to perform homosexual marriages. He accepts that not everyone believes what he believes and focuses on his own heart and life choices. He has proselytized, but I've observed it's only when people ask him questions. He's a balanced, healthy person that doesn't use his faith to beat people over the head with or presume his own superiority over others due to his faith. I respect his faith and admire him as a person. If there were more Christians like him, the world would be a better place.

Christianity isn't a bad thing. It's when bullies become Christians that we have a problem.
 

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He will NOT leave me alone. I told him to stop harrassing me. He's calling me names, etc. Wow. How very Christian of him.
Quote everything he has called you on his Facebook wall lol.

Also, I think it takes two very connected and special people to be able to "be together" successfully, with two very different views in life. Or perhaps it takes two very disconnected people. I'd say Enneagram and even a little MBTI can help examine those possibilities (avoid strong-believing Fi's for example), but otherwise I'd just avoid the situation if at all possible.
 

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I'm a non-believer and my husband's a Christian. He believe's in the separation of Church and State. It isn't Christianity's business if homosexual couples marry and should be legal as long as various faiths aren't forced to perform homosexual marriages. He accepts that not everyone believes what he believes and focuses on his own heart and life choices. He has proselytized, but I've observed it's only when people ask him questions. He's a balanced, healthy person that doesn't use his faith to beat people over the head with or presume his own superiority over others due to his faith. I respect his faith and admire him as a person. If there were more Christians like him, the world would be a better place.

Christianity isn't a bad thing. It's when bullies become Christians that we have a problem.
^^ example of two connected people that make it work :wink:
 
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