[Mr strategy]

Recently i have started to enter the dating world. Surprisinly im doing alright. What my HUGE problem is that i have trouble conveying feelings or emotions in conversations. Women get turned off by a logical explination and i am trying to give them a diffrent answer
but i can't.
Like a girl tells me she is about to get her Provisional drivers lisense and all i can say is thats awsome. Nothing else. Should i offer encouragement or something else?

There has been one girl who has the mind to understand me but she has no idea im an aspie. Well neither does anyone else i hang around and i don't want to tell her i am one as i may make her feel negativly. Not like she will start to insult me but i don't want special treatment and make people feel bad about me when they see me. Also i think i have offended her as i rarely see her now. But that last part is just supistition, she does subjects with a shitload of homework/assignments. Academically she is smarter.

So any usful tips or tactics i can use would be great. Anything that you can share would be awsome.
If it helps im 17.

 

[SweetPickles]

Awww, I feel for you. My stepson has Aspergers he is only 7 he has such a sweet kind soul but has a hard time making friends because he just doesn't know how to act socially appropriate. Are you in counseling? I'm sure there is some type of help for you somewhere in this arena. I would use your strengths, you are probably very reliable and loyal. You may have a hard time in your younger years because women tend to go for "bad boys", but they eventually get disgusted with them. Women love to talk, just listen to what they are saying without judging or adding logical insight. Try to be gentle with those who you think are irrational. You are going to have to learn a lot through trial and error (but we all do really). Somethings may not come naturally to you and you will be out of your comfort zone...but just try your best. I hope I was helpful, I have a soft spot for people with Aspergers because they are often very misunderstood. They can have a good life if they don't stay rigid in their own way of thinking...difficult but doable.

 

[Brian1]

I have a mild case of Cerebral Palsy. I don't know about you, I'm just making a quick judgement call, but I suspect you're starting to lie to yourself as you don't want to talk about your condition. JFK had Addison's disease, FDR was paralyzed waist down, Huxley memorized his speeches because he was blind, and Frida wore long dresses to cover up her mangled leg from polio. So if you're lying, I started going down that path myself in my twenties. I would be honest with the lady in question, say you have Aspergers, then say you want to be loved and have a real relationship, you don't always want to have a girl friend who is nice to you, you want a girlfriend who will be emotionally and physically there for you. Don't settle for anything less. I'm sure there will be someone who will be proud to say they have an Aspie for a boyfriend. Because in a sense even though you don't want to be defined by your disability, honesty is the key to any healthy relationship. High School still is rough though. Keep us posted. Good Luck.

 

[SweetPickles]

I have a mild case of Cerebral Palsy. I don't know about you, I'm just making a quick judgement call, but I suspect you're starting to lie to yourself as you don't want to talk about your condition. JFK had Addison's disease, FDR was paralyzed waist down, Huxley memorized his speeches because he was blind, and Frida wore long dresses to cover up her mangled leg from polio. So if you're lying, I started going down that path myself in my twenties. I would be honest with the lady in question, say you have Aspergers, then say you want to be loved and have a real relationship, you don't always want to have a girl friend who is nice to you, you want a girlfriend who will be emotionally and physically there for you. Don't settle for anything less. I'm sure there will be someone who will be proud to say they have an Aspie for a boyfriend. Because in a sense even though you don't want to be defined by your disability, honesty is the key to any healthy relationship. High School still is rough though. Keep us posted. Good Luck.

Sorry, I couldn't disagree more. First off, Asperger's is a wide spectrum "disorder" (notice the quotes). It's not a disease, it's a different way of thinking. I haven't met the OP, there are many people with Aspergers who function in society and relationships just fine. You don't just state off the bat, "hey I have Asperger's". If your relationship goes to another level or problems occur then I would maybe discuss your diagnosis.

People on message boards are much more accepting than in real life. Most people don't fully understand Aspergers and every case is different. There may also be a stigma. I have suffered from depression on and off my whole life. Did I tell my husband that? Not until there was a level of love and trust. No need to be labeled by a diagnosis right off the bat.

 

[Wellsy]

I agree with Brian. Nothing wrong in being upfront about it, you're not using it to manipulate sympathy or something. It's just something you have and it would help them to know that you have it.
A lot of things can go wrong by letting people assume things because assumptions in some peoples minds can get really far fetched, I would blame it for false gossiping.
Hopefully they know what is or you could at least explain details of it to them, I don't think they'll think less of you for it and if someone does then they're rather ignorant and not the sort of people you want to be with.

Good Luck

 

[Brian1]

You missed my point, Aspergers is a disability, JFK Richard Reeves says "he was more promiscuous with doctors than he was with women." The JFK always had a photo shoot where he appeared healthy, and full of vigor, and the reality was, he was given the last rites five times before Dallas. FDR conspired with the media so that the cartoonists always had him running, or he appeared with his sone, to give the appearance, that he was walking. We lie to ourselves about our disability. I'm sure in dating there are rules, and milestones a person has to achieve. For the normal general population, they hit the marks, a person with Aspergers might not be able to hit those milestones and if they do, they don't do them the same way. People need to be open to that difference.

Sorry, I couldn't disagree more. First off, Asperger's is a wide spectrum "disorder" (notice the quotes). It's not a disease, it's a different way of thinking. I haven't met the OP, there are many people with Aspergers who function in society and relationships just fine. You don't just state off the bat, "hey I have Asperger's". If your relationship goes to another level or problems occur then I would maybe discuss your diagnosis.

People on message boards are much more accepting than in real life. Most people don't fully understand Aspergers and every case is different. There may also be a stigma. I have suffered from depression on and off my whole life. Did I tell my husband that? Not until there was a level of love and trust. No need to be labeled by a diagnosis right off the bat.

 

[SweetPickles]

You missed my point, Aspergers is a disability, JFK Richard Reeves says "he was more promiscuous with doctors than he was with women." The JFK always had a photo shoot where he appeared healthy, and full of vigor, and the reality was, he was given the last rites five times before Dallas. FDR conspired with the media so that the cartoonists always had him running, or he appeared with his sone, to give the appearance, that he was walking. We lie to ourselves about our disability. I'm sure in dating there are rules, and milestones a person has to achieve. For the normal general population, they hit the marks, a person with Aspergers might not be able to hit those milestones and if they do, they don't do them the same way. People need to be open to that difference.

No I see your point, but people are not just their disability. Sure, having asperger's will cause some issues but there are things we do not know about the OP. More and more people are being diagnosed with these so-called disorders. Aspergers used to me more specific now it seems to be anyone who is socially awkward with a high IQ (or people with autistic traits with high IQ's). Bill Gates is even rumored to have it. Asperger's is a new diagnosis, I'm not ruling out that OP may eventually have to tell his partner...I'm just saying wait until its someone he can trust. It's common sense you don't just lay everything out on the table at first. That can be alarming for the other person. I can tell you don't have a full grasp on Asperger's by the way you are comparing it to other diseases.

 

[Mr strategy]

Disability or not, its a diffrent way of thinking. With enough effort you can easily get over that hump that "I have aspergers and such i should use it as an excuse" really i was using this for a while but im over it. I have improved with my social skills to that of an average person and i no longer have any aspie traits. Just being diagnosed with it means you will have a bit more trouble then others but hell just make the effort to make a mad dash to catch up with everyone.

There are a few girls now that i can socialize well with and i am getting better going about the dating game. I never needed a counsiler for this all i had to do was help myself. Many aspies (my sister included) are waiting for someone to lift them off the ground and put them on there feet.

 

[Erbse]

Sometimes I wonder if people realize that Aspergers is an actual form of autism, and as such nothing you just overcome or turn off.

Anyway, like it or not, I doubt you're autistic.

Social morons are just that, social morons. I am one, too, yet far from being Asperger'ish.

Still, feel free to dismiss my opinion as you see fit.

 

[Olena]

Sometimes I wonder if people realize that Aspergers is an actual form of autism, and as such nothing you just overcome or turn off.

Anyway, like it or not, I doubt you're autistic.

Social morons are just that, social morons. I am one, too, yet far from being Asperger'ish.

Still, feel free to dismiss my opinion as you see fit.

Maybe they self-diagnosed.

They can't just suddenly evolve into a 'normal' person. They're not Pokemon. -_-

I've read of people in their late 30's still feeling down because they just can't do the relationship thing properly and have trouble finding someone. I've seen tons tons of 'Will I ever find someone? =/' topics on forums for people with Aspergers. We all have trouble finding someone, but they seem to be playing on Hard mode.


I was out-front with my issues when I met my bf, like, right of the bat and we're still together. If he had judged me immediately based on some a few disorders and illnesses, he wouldn't have been worth my time.

It's not about 'trust and love', is the person a decent enough human being to not judge you on it and treat you respectfully, regardless of whether they are in love with you yet or not? Do they try understanding what it's about or do they just assume you're 'too much work'?

I want to know who they are when they're not clouded by 'love' for me. Are they still a good person?

I wouldn't be interested in pursuing an asshole so yes, I will tell the truth if I'm interested in pursuing a friendship/relationship.

 

[Michael82]

Girls who can listen beyond words may be interesting for you. If a girl doesn't care too much about saying the right things all the time she may be someone you can have a relationship with.

Being an asperger habits and tendencies may be difficult for a girl to deal with. I was together for a week or two with someone who has autism and when we were online all weekend I had to honestly tell her on Sunday that I had difficulty with her singing for a bit. But, now I understand that she did that (maybe partly) to show her feelings for me and I feel sorry I didn't understand it at that time.

 

[changos]

Anything that you can share would be awsome.
If it helps im 17.

I believe this is very important, you are going to experience different episodes of calibration and adjustments. Not mean to offend nobody, this is just my opinion (it casually appears on many books too ) but don't try to take at heart everything a woman says. Some just talk what they are thinking (not conclusions) not that it is bad, no, but it can confuse a logical mind that won't understand why someone is talking about things never meant to be done. Wait till your woman talks about the people that she hates and then find her still talking and laughing about it... :/

PS. I experienced rejection over my logic but trust me, a lot of woman love a man with a working functional logic tied with actions.

 

[Mr strategy]

Sometimes I wonder if people realize that Aspergers is an actual form of autism, and as such nothing you just overcome or turn off.

Anyway, like it or not, I doubt you're autistic.

Social morons are just that, social morons. I am one, too, yet far from being Asperger'ish.

Still, feel free to dismiss my opinion as you see fit.

I have my doubts that im aspie also but when i was 6 i had the majority of the traits and was professionally diagnosed. Also i know that you will always have autism but you can overcome much of it. It just takes time and control.

 

[Mutatio NOmenis]

Keep going at at; you'll get better eventually.

Signed, a fellow Aspie.

 

[Aßbiscuits]

I'm naturally quite a romantic person, so I have girls climbing all over me. I may say ridiculous things sometimes but I don't get punished for it. Relationships are an obsession of mine. Asperger's syndrome has never got in the way. Because I listen so well and care about their problems they consider me absolutely charming. It's a word they throw around a lot. Can you imagine? And I'm a girl.

U guize all jelly? Aw. Cute. Quit whining though, man up. If I can do it, so can you.

(Also, my homeopath gave me oxytocin a few years ago. Maybe that helps a little. And looks, I spend a lot of time on my looks, you need to be willing to look your best. Hygiene. Read books about body language. Ingore most of the advise on the internet. Alcohol helps, but not too much. You need to have a lot of interest and determination to keep you motivated. If you don't have that, you're screwed).

 

[Duck_of_Death]

Recently i have started to enter the dating world. Surprisinly im doing alright. What my HUGE problem is that i have trouble conveying feelings or emotions in conversations. Women get turned off by a logical explination and i am trying to give them a diffrent answer
but i can't.
Like a girl tells me she is about to get her Provisional drivers lisense and all i can say is thats awsome. Nothing else. Should i offer encouragement or something else?

There has been one girl who has the mind to understand me but she has no idea im an aspie. Well neither does anyone else i hang around and i don't want to tell her i am one as i may make her feel negativly. Not like she will start to insult me but i don't want special treatment and make people feel bad about me when they see me. Also i think i have offended her as i rarely see her now. But that last part is just supistition, she does subjects with a shitload of homework/assignments. Academically she is smarter.

So any usful tips or tactics i can use would be great. Anything that you can share would be awsome.
If it helps im 17.

I don't know if I suffer from Asperger's per se, but I'm like a computer, and I'm black, so...

What helped me was getting some confidence.
Believing in one's self, knowing one's personal value, blah, blah, blah.
We all have our personal setbacks and the central goal in life is to overcome them.

Getting some swagger, too. That helped.

Mostly, what you gotta do is make 'em laugh.
Leave the caustic/perverted/dark/abrasive humor at home, though.
Just be upbeat, positive and humorous.

Oh, and wear a lot of polo shirts. That definitely helped me when I was starting out.

 

[Mr strategy]

I don't know if I suffer from Asperger's per se, but I'm like a computer, and I'm black, so...

What helped me was getting some confidence.
Believing in one's self, knowing one's personal value, blah, blah, blah.
We all have our personal setbacks and the central goal in life is to overcome them.

Getting some swagger, too. That helped.

Mostly, what you gotta do is make 'em laugh.
Leave the caustic/perverted/dark/abrasive humor at home, though.
Just be upbeat, positive and humorous.

Oh, and wear a lot of polo shirts. That definitely helped me when I was starting out.

Swag check
Upbeat check
Positive check
No dark humor check
Humorous check
make them laugh mostly
Confidence check
Believe in myself check

Yeah im pretty much good now. People approach and talk to me now. At first it felt weird but now its quite the norm. Also is it possible that i was depressed for 8-9 years? I was on seriquel and Ritalin for 10 years and i swear they rip emotion from you. I cannot remember how i lived my life for the past 10 years prior the beginning of February.

Also i notice that im getting eye'd up by some people now and my social skills are only getting better as of now. There is no way im going back ever.