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Hi...Just had my 15 yr old daughter ENFP burst into my room crying her eyes out as a male friend from school is talking about suicide to her on facebook. He is 15 also and apparently living alone for the past 4 months as his mother has left him. I have just found all of this out about twenty minutes ago.

Apparently he has been talking like this for some time and my daughter waved to him while she was at the beach with friends today...she says he seemed ok. This is her first real incident like this.

I watched over her conversation with him for about twenty minutes and he's pretty messed up but we managed to eventually get him to think about coming to a BarBQ here tomorrow...we'll just have a small family thing and go from there. At first he said he couldn't; something about having to look after his dogs of which one is dying (My daughter confirmed this) but then he suggested he could get the old lady to maybe look after the dogs for a bit. We then got a semi-commitment from him that he'd let her know in the morning. I got my daughter to state she would text him in the morning with the details to which he agreed.

Now...we have no idea to where this kid lives except that he in her class at school and no contact other than facebook and she has his mobile number. She handled the whole thing well but is obviously really upset...anything else you can suggest we may do to assist him?

He obviously needs help...feeling like he caused nothing but trouble for his parents, etc and would be better of dead as cannot do anything right...Always need to take these threats seriously as you no doubt know and I do think there's more than attention seeking going on here:sad:

Any immediate ideas would be appreciated...
 

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do nothing.
 
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The reason I've posted this on the ISTJ forum as such is because you people are more likely to offer ideas which i may simply overlook or not consider. I usually get the big picture but miss the details as such...Again...thanks in advance
 

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do nothing.
I don't plan doing anything right now as there's really nothing I can do but what about tomorrow morning? Hopefully he will be feeling better but there's also his living arrangements...apparently he's living on $60 per week that his mom sends him. Sorry I'm appalled that this kid is living alone and been placed in this bad situation...period!
 

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If it seriously bothers you, report it. Police, or other authorities of the likes that may be responsible. Otherwise let him do his thing. It's not your responsibility as a person to fix him up, but by law you are responsible to report, in order to stay out of trouble if he truly committed suicide and you knew of it.

EDIT: Your country's law may differ on the last part, here however they could try and get you for 'failure to render assistance'.
 

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Hi...Just had my 15 yr old daughter ENFP burst into my room crying her eyes out as a male friend from school is talking about suicide to her on facebook. He is 15 also and apparently living alone for the past 4 months as his mother has left him. I have just found all of this out about twenty minutes ago.

Apparently he has been talking like this for some time and my daughter waved to him while she was at the beach with friends today...she says he seemed ok. This is her first real incident like this.

I watched over her conversation with him for about twenty minutes and he's pretty messed up but we managed to eventually get him to think about coming to a BarBQ here tomorrow...we'll just have a small family thing and go from there. At first he said he couldn't; something about having to look after his dogs of which one is dying (My daughter confirmed this) but then he suggested he could get the old lady to maybe look after the dogs for a bit. We then got a semi-commitment from him that he'd let her know in the morning. I got my daughter to state she would text him in the morning with the details to which he agreed.

Now...we have no idea to where this kid lives except that he in her class at school and no contact other than facebook and she has his mobile number. She handled the whole thing well but is obviously really upset...anything else you can suggest we may do to assist him?

He obviously needs help...feeling like he caused nothing but trouble for his parents, etc and would be better of dead as cannot do anything right...Always need to take these threats seriously as you no doubt know and I do think there's more than attention seeking going on here:sad:

Any immediate ideas would be appreciated...

He might likely still be dealing with the shock and pain of his mother leaving him. Why did she leave? And a 15 year old in that state living alone? Does he have any other older guardian?
 

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I don't plan doing anything right now as there's really nothing I can do but what about tomorrow morning? Hopefully he will be feeling better but there's also his living arrangements...apparently he's living on $60 per week that his mom sends him. Sorry I'm appalled that this kid is living alone and been placed in this bad situation...period!
Oh..his mother sends him money..Shouldn't she be informed of his emotional well being? He's only 15 !!!
 

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I'd strongly recommend telling your daughter to take the guy to his school counselor(assuming her school has those). I had a relatively close friend talking about suicide as well and my friend and I were able to convince him to see his school counselor. He's doing just fine now, so I think this might be a decent first step in getting to the root of the problem.

HTH :happy:
 
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Threats of suicide should always be taken seriously. Males are a bit more likely to carry out suicide than females. I think he is in immediate need of professional help. Your local police authority is likely to have social workers who can intervene. Also his school counselors may be trained for these situations.
 

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I dunno what I'm doing in this thread. I usually don't reply to posts like these. But here is my advice:

The BBQ was a good idea. But if his dog is dying, he might really want to be with his dog. I know that if my dog was dying, I would be horribly upset. Especially if those were my only housemates (you say his mom has left him). If his dog does die, then maybe offer to come over and have a memorial service kind of thing- bury the dog and give the kid a chance to cry. If his dog does die, he will probably be even more suicidal.
Whatever happens with the dog, invite him over for some meals. And don't make it an "event"- just do what you would normally do. If your family sits at the dinner table together and talks, then do that- but don't force him to talk. If your family has dinner in front of the TV (like my family does), then do that. Just try to not try. Be normal. I hate it when people make a huge deal of my presence- if I want to be there, it's because I want to be there normally- I want to be apart of your family as it already is.
As for the bigger picture... I would tell the school's psych counselor. Just ask to meet with him/her, and they can take it from there. They are extremely qualified to handle with these sort of things, and it wouldn't be like going to an outside source, like the police, yourself. If you did that, I am guessing that there would be a lot of questions asked to you. The school's counselor can get in touch with bigger services if he/she feels the need to do so. And, because your daughter met him through school, it would seem a bit more natural if you went to the school's counselor. You could probably even send him/her an email first, and meet with him/her in person if they wished.

... in your posts, it seemed to me like you maybe want to take him into your house. I know that I would really wish to do that too, if I knew the kid well. If you do, it might be very problematic (especially if he has dogs!). Since your daughter and the kid go to the same school, I can imagine that it might be very embarrassing for him as well (a lot of kids would not understand at all). Maybe just give him an extra $20 every couple of weeks, or something like that. It could help him a lot until the school's counselor can get other services in place for the kid. Heck, I cannot imagine living on $60/week AND having to pay for dog food and other dog things. Sometimes just a little help actually helps A LOT, instead of trying to take over the situation (taking over the situation = calling the police, for me). Immediate action can cause a LOT of problems, and it just might send this kid over the edge.

I really hope that I provided some sort of help/perspective.

EDIT: Aw, damn. I guess I was working on this post so long that I missed all of the other posts saying to go to the school's counselor too. Haha, sorry! >_<
 

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Discussion Starter #12
Sometimes just a little help actually helps A LOT, instead of trying to take over the situation (taking over the situation = calling the police, for me). Immediate action can cause a LOT of problems, and it just might send this kid over the edge.

I really hope that I provided some sort of help/perspective. >_<
To everyone that replied...a huge sincere thanks...

The boy did come over to our house for a BarBQ, had a swim, watched movies and basically hung out with my kids for the day...seems to have gone well.

We're about to have dinner in the next hour or so and he's staying for that too; so hopefully he's feeling a bit better than last night.

We now have his address and I have also seen that there is an adult male living with him although I have no idea of who he is. He has also told me on the way over in the car to my place that his older brother lives near me; so he isn't actually alone. I don't know if he gets on with him but at least he isn't actually alone.

As far as acting normal...we are far from normal! :laughing:No seriously we always have a house full of teens and kids especially over the weekend and everyone usually gets on pretty well most of the time.

I will speak to the school counselor but see if he'll listen to his pears first. I agree that interfering can cause more harm than good if not careful. All in all; I am just glad that he decided to come over and just chill with my family / kids. Hopefully he'll see that he's pretty normal...:happy:
 

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Sorry for the late reply; like nosilla, I don't usually reply to these type threads. The reason is because I usually don't have the "right" words.

However, upon contemplation, what *I* would do in the situation? Call Social Services IMMEDIATELY. I don't care if there IS an adult living there or not - they have the training to deal with the situation on a professional and personal level that we (as caring outsiders) cannot.

Even though it's after the fact, I'd still make the call right away. They need to intervene in this.
 

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I've been so depressed that I seriously considered suicide at one point. The only thing that pulled me out of it, was having my best friend literally drag me to see the campus counselor. Have you daughter drag him to the school counselor, and he'll be able to direct him to a psychologist. You and your daughter don't have experience dealing with this, and it is a very serious and delicate matter to handle.
 

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Most Talk About Suicide Before They Act On It

Suicide is the #3 killer of teens and 32,000 people in the United States take their own life each year, and it's estimated at around 1 million world wide. Any threat of suicide should be taken seriously, especially if there is evidence of depression. This young man needs counseling, love and understanding... Certainly his mother leaving the family has been devastating for him. It's wonderful that you have included him in your family activities, and having a mother figure in his life (even part-time) to encourage him is likely very helpful. There are also suicide hotlines and websites available online to help educate his friends and family, in addition to suicide hotline phone numbers. I personally would do everything possible to encourage and guide this young man in order to possibly save his life and your sanity if he should act upon his words. Most in our society are not educated regarding suicide because it carries a stigma, and most who have lost a loved one don't talk about it. Therefore, most don't take a verbal expression as seriously as they should. Studies indicate that serious clinical depression causes changes in the brain chemistry that too often can lead to suicide... The most common cause of this devastating and tragic end of precious life. PS... Anyone who callously says, "Do Nothing," needs a serious dose of empathy, compassion and conscience!! Hope that this individual never suffers the loss of a loved one by suicide... It's a harsh, and often debilitating form of suffering and loss.
 

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I just typed out a long ass response before realizing that this thread is from 2010. You'd think I'd learn to pay attention to dates by now. Oh well....
 
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And thread necrophilia is the #1 cause of puzzlement on PerC.
I guess my #1 cause of puzzlement on PerC is people who are puzzled with thread necrophilia. I know this is a source of irritation to a number of people here, but just because a thread is older doesn't mean the information within it is irrelevant today. :shrugs: I guess I don't see what the big deal is. (Embrace your (general "your") Ne!)

@Love2Hug ,

Thank you for your post. Who knows? Your very post on this thread may help someone save the life of a suicidal person. Thank you for that. :) I'm so very sorry for your loss and sincerely hope that your time here at PerC helps you in your healing and recovery process.
 

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I think this thread being revived was actually meant for me in a way, as I have been suicidal in the past few months and just today was wondering how one goes about getting help when those closest to you (spouse/parents) don't take my feelings seriously. It is a big gamble IMO to trust that every time those thoughts crop up, my own values and/or apathy will stop me. I hope I will always be strong but sometimes objectivity gets lost when in the grip of depression.
 

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I think this thread being revived was actually meant for me in a way, as I have been suicidal in the past few months and just today was wondering how one goes about getting help when those closest to you (spouse/parents) don't take my feelings seriously. It is a big gamble IMO to trust that every time those thoughts crop up, my own values and/or apathy will stop me. I hope I will always be strong but sometimes objectivity gets lost when in the grip of depression.
Are you sitting down to talk with your husband about some of these things? Communication is always a big factor to fixing things. Lets let this thread die and start a new thread or PM me.
 
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