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Discussion Starter #1
I have an ENTJ friend, who has as of late, had the worst attitude. I'm even starting to wonder if she's an actual ENTJ. She could have just as well lied through her MBTI to get the desired results. She admires ENTJs.

I've been extremely busy, she messaged me today asking me a question. So I explained to her that I've been very busy, sick, and didn't to respond to her right now. Her response was sharp and snarky. "You don't have to act like I'm insinuating that you should HAVE TO answer me right away." Which caught me off guard. So I replied, "I didn't say that." and then closed the conversation. She then proceeded to inform me she was blocking me.

She also has this extremely annoying tendency to text me when she is bored and ask if I'm in her area. When I tell her no, she replies with something like, "Well I was just bored and wanted to see if anyone was in the area, that was a mass text." That's fine, but don't be a dick about it when you respond. Christ.

It's becoming more and more frequent and annoying however, the frequency of her really terrible attitude. I know if I were her and I were to get feedback from a friend to knock off the bitchy diva act, I'd appreciate it. But I have a feeling because she is clearly not mature, this may end badly. Thoughts?
 

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Part of it may just be misinterpretation of her words, but she definitely sounds mean. I would ignore her.
 

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fire breathing dragon
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I got ENTJ from the test as well. So I wouldn't trust it as much dominant function use. From what you've described, it doesn't sound Te dom, but I'll let the actual Te doms chime in on that. It sounds bitter, emotional, and reactive. I don't know enough about the functions or their order to determine which she is using. Im gonna guess ENFJ Fe dom?


I agree with the second poster, Ignore her.
 

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My ESTJ friend does the exact same thing...just different scenarios.

Defensive people aren't necessarily going to be "feelers". She's extremely ESTJ, and she's one of the most defensive people I know.
 

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My ISTP friend does this; I ignore her until it subsides. Is she moody or is this a constant thing?
 

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fire breathing dragon
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My ESTJ friend does the exact same thing...just different scenarios.

Defensive people aren't necessarily going to be "feelers". She's extremely ESTJ, and she's one of the most defensive people I know.
Maybe if we knew her Enneagram type, we could further understand her? I think combining both tell us more. I said Fe because it was she seemed to want the OP to ascribe to treating her a certain way or she'd revoke friendship. It was emotional, almost attack-like, and sort of controlling, defensiveness. I don't know enough about the enneagram to make suggestions though.
 

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Maybe if we knew her Enneagram type, we could further understand her? I think combining both tell us more. I said Fe because it was she seemed to want the OP to ascribe to treating her a certain way or she'd revoke friendship. It was emotional, almost attack-like, and sort of controlling, defensiveness. I don't know enough about the enneagram to make suggestions though.
I'm sure her enneagram would make it more clear. I was just saying that there are a lot of ST/NT people who act overly defensive like this.
 

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The only thing that makes my friend stop is silence. That.is.it.

I have to start replying with either one or two word answers, or nothing at all.
 

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Discussion Starter #11
@Chipps She's too clueless about others feelings and feelings of her own to be Fe. She once told me she tested as an ISTJ. However, ISTJs are as non-confrontational as possible and are typically very easy going. They'd sooner judge themselves than others. She has to be very in control over everything and if shit doesn't go her way, she starts spouting off negative things about various other people to fill in her void.

@Enfpleasantly This girl and I have a mutual ENFP friend who has chosen to distance herself. The "ENTJ" got upset and started asking her if she didn't like her. Also started asking her why she was hanging out with friends SHE had introduced the ENFP to without her. My ENFP friend (who is my best friend), has just told me that it might be best to distance myself as she did. I'm thinking she's right.

@Monkey King While I somewhat agree with your suggested approach - I think I may just ignore her. Because we have so many mutual friends I feel like she's going to talk massive shit and then a bunch of drama will follow. Though I wouldn't give two shits on how it pans out, I want to spare our friends the episode, based off of what happened with another friend she had a falling out with.

@corgiflatmate This seems to be something that resonates from her constantly. She has this air about her where she thinks she is better than everyone, yet lacks so much insight on her actions, and just awkwardly alienates herself from the rest of the group and then lashes out and blames everyone else.

I'm pretty confident the decision has been made based off of what I've written in this post. Which is unfortunate, as we had great conversations about things we are mutually interested in. Maybe after losing several friends to this behaviour, it will finally make her realize she needs to make some changes. I feel like I'm in high school again, bickering over friends. Thank you for the input everyone. Much appreciated.
 

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@Miso

The coward strategy: Distance her, it can be counter-productive if she is inmature, you dont want her as an "almost enemy" (like your ENFP friend), since you have friends in common it will only stress you out (remember inferior F is shitty when its about social problems, NFs have more control over this).

The other strategy: Drag your friends into you, tell them what is happening and ask for advice, they know better, if the advice is useful, use it, if not, atleast they know you and know your point of view about the situation, so they will (well the T ones) see it objectivly if she starts complaining. Also it seems that youre more social and have better manners with people, so probably your friends will see you as a rational-good person and will not judge you even if she say lies about you to them so, you can confront her about "the situation" with a backbone (like the ENTJ stereotype would).
 

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@Miso, ok I'm not just saying this, but holy cow! My ESTJ friend didn't want to go out one night, but her Husband did; she threw a fit when he decided to go without her and said "they are my friends, I introduced you to them!". Basically, if she loses control, she reduces down to a child who reaches with petty things.

She and I actually got into it recently and didn't talk for mos. She tried to micromanage MY life and when I would have MY get togethers. When I went with a date she didn't want, she threw a fit reaching with petty things, coming off as childish. She would try to force me by saying "well we can't make it", like that's punishment for me, Pfft.

I told her to get over herself and stop expecting people to live their life around her. She didn't like that AT ALL and told me not to talk to her. So I didn't . I don't have the energy in my life anymore for people who take that much work to be friends with. Eventually she contacted me again, which surprised me. We are fine now, but I keep my distance.

She thinks a lot like the ENTJ's I know, but there are some noticeable differences:

She is more detail oriented, especially with dates and times.

She is very sensitive to taste and smell. Extremely picky about what restaurants to go to and will stick the same one, and same dish because she knows it's good. Also sticks to the same drink in bursts and is very picky with how the bartender makes them.

She is definitely living in the here and now. She plans for the future; a college savings for her kids, and saving for a family vacation, but she doesn't contemplate about humanity, the future, or if there is more to life...like the big picture stuff.

Eta: I'm not trying to imply all ESTJ's act the way she does when losing control, just her specifically based on experience. I know another ESTJ who is a really awesome guy.
 

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fire breathing dragon
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@Miso

I'm starting to think this friend just has a princess complex. Maybe her parents forgot to tell her that the sun didn't rise and set off her ass?

Since she blocked you, I'd suggest you ignore her for now. She probably wants you to be worried and come to her so that she can win. Her behavior seems very manipulative and controlling. Theres no point in playing into her hand. However, if she does contact you again, might I suggest you letting her know up front that you're putting up with her bullshit behavior and that if she continues youll walk away for good. If she throws a fit or whatever, don't let it upset and state firmly, "You heard what I said." I'd be willing to bet that she'll stop doing it or she'll leave you alone for good. People that behave like this generally aren't called out for it nor do people set boundaries for them, so by you doing so it will probably come as a shock to her and she'll oblige.
 

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Could be stress related.

I'd just ride it out and keep your distance. Ignore her for your own sake - not to prove a point. She'll come around or you'll slowly drift apart.
 
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Wow. I've known all kinds of people like this. I've never had any problems, though.

Why? Because I get all up in people's shit. I don't have to allow anyone into my friends circle. If you aren't adding to the dynamic, you're gone. There are many things I'll put up with, but bullshit isn't one of them.

Edit: I also do a lot of ignoring. If it's not worth confronting them about, I've been known to simply drop off the earth to people. I highly recommend this approach in general because it requires the least effort.
 

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is it possible it isn't the other person? hmmm



Now I'm just the outside party, and it seems on the ENTJ forum it's more popular to affirm each other's opinions as oppose to post critique, ironically, so take me here with a grain of salt. Obviously I don't know the entire truth of the situation.

But if a friend messages me "I don't have to talk to your right now" in response to a message, that DOES imply you thought her subtext was, "I expected them to drop things they were doing to talk to me", which it very likely was not your friends implication. It is true your friend is defensive, but sometimes defensiveness comes in reaction to feeling someone has misunderstood your intentions. Since communication is a two way street, it would not be that much harder to message "Get back to you later", or "sorry busy right now", or not reply at all and wait until you DO have time to respond, instead of sending messages with ambiguous subtext. If it is too much trouble to adapt your language to send clear messages to your friend instead of being clear with her, if you have so little regard for how your communication effects her, you are probably right, do not bother being friends with her.

On the other hand, there is a missing word in your text here. You wrote, "didn't to respond to her right now". If the missing word is have, I can see your friends response making sense. But if you wrote, "have time" or something that effect, that sets up a whole different story. Furthermore, if you adjusted your communication to say, "sorry busy, i'll call you back" which no one can read anything into, and your friend still has a problem, than you know it isn't you at all, it is them. Is it worth performing an experiment to see what's really going on?
However, that part about blocking you sounds really immature. It doesn't make sense within the context; either this is, as you say, a really petty, defensive preson, or there is more history here to explain their reaction?

And to echo enfpleasantly, I don't think it has anything to do with being an entj or else the implication would be entjs never mis-read other people or get into arguments, which probably isn't true.
 
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