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Discussion Starter #1
So in my drama club there is an INFP, who I do like talking to.
My big issues come when I disagree with her about something, because Fi is so very different from my thought process.
At one point she was trying to make a point about how another club got canceled, and we should be worried that we're next. I see this as pointless, because we aren't going to stop trying and have no control over the shows we pick.
So, I point out all the reasons why there is no chance of that happening (People needing it for an arts credit, it's more established, less expensive, our principle's son being an actor, etc.)
Her response was "But we still should be worried about it"

I do not know how to deal with someone who doesn't listen to logic. Well, except for just taking advantage of the fact she's an introverted feeler and make her mad so she'll stay quiet. But I don't really want her to hate me.

How can I get through to her? (And not saying that my ideas are all perfect, I just think she should be a little more grounded in reality)
 

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Have you explained how worrying is counter productive and is a total waste of energy?
Even if there is a chance of it getting scrapped which you're sure it won't what purpose does worrying serve unless it's going to motivate her to get her arse into line and do things brilliantly to prove it shouldn't be scrapped.

Question, how is it causing problems by disagreeing about the future of the show?
Like is her POV interfering with the process? Because if its just an opinion and that opinion isn't impeding on anything, you don't need to really change her point of view and just keep her in line with what needs to be done for the show.
 

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Cafe Legend and MOTM Jan 2011
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Why do you need to change how she feels about the issue? Some of us are just pessimists because it makes it easier to handle the bad things that could potentially happen. If things go well, she'll be happily surprised, right?

Meanwhile, if you have already attempted to be reassuring by explaining why you aren't worried, there's not much more you can do. She will feel how she feels, for whatever reasons she chooses.
 

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I agree with your logic in this situation, and I am not ENTP. :) Meaning to say, Fi doesn't mean INFPs are "illogical", even if it's an alien world to you. If you convey your logic processes in a kind and patient manner, she's bound to accept it and understand your point-in short, do not question why she thinks that way, but suggest why your reasoning might be a better approach, without hinting that her worried state isn't valid (I understand why you are worried, as there may be a chance of your concerns coming true, but have you considered that-insert your point of view in here-, so blah, blah, and if anything like that happens, there's nothing we could have done, and anyway, we'll still try and make the best out of it! You'll see everything will be fine.") :)
 

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Meanwhile, if you have already attempted to be reassuring by explaining why you aren't worried, there's not much more you can do. She will feel how she feels, for whatever reasons she chooses.
Wanted to add this-if your point has already ben kindly expressed, there's not much you can do but accept her feelings on the issue-making her "mad" to "quiet her" is not the way to go (nor is it logical to do now, right?)
 

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Just accept this as her personality trait. I do the same thing, it's just how we are programmed to be. You can always encourage her by saying, "Hey, it won't be so bad. I highly doubt we'll get canceled." Leave logic out of it and she'll be more apt to listen to you.
 

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If you are having an argument because the two of you are having differences, then that's natural. Believe me friendship without argument(sometimes) isn't worth to cherish.
 

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"If we get cancelled we get cancelled"

then either

a "here's what we're going to do to prevent this from happening"

or

b "there's nothing we can do to prevent this from happening, so let's just work hard, enjoy ourselves, and perform well"
 

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Hahas sometimes I forget to listen to logic too D: (my bad! xD)
When this happens it really helps if whoever I'm disagreeing try to find a common ground instead of just pushing his/her point, it just makes me even more frustrated because I can't help but feel like that person isn't even really listening or absorbing what I'm trying to say. I hardly worry so much actually, but when I do, instead of getting impatient and going on and on about how pointless it is to worry, people who tell me "I understand why you're worried, but honestly getting worked up about this won't help anything, don't fret too much over it" really hit me hard on the head and calm me down :D When I'm really really stressed going "Oh my, a million wrinkles just sprouted all over your face" kind of pops the little bubble cause it's so abrupt and ridiculous xD
 

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MOTM January 2013
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Perhaps this is a Ji versus Pe thing? Like Ne see's no point in limitations but rather the possibilities because it is your dominant percieving function and she has a dominant judging function, Fi.

How do you know she doesn't have viable reasons or logic for being more apprehensive? Just too different perspective's, chances are, her Si has probably a role to play here, based on bad feelings from the past, she may trust in those reasons for being doubtful and perhaps see your perspective as not really being cautious enough, too open to take action even though possible consequences are on her mind. Perhaps ask her what specifically she is concerned about, what she see's going wrong as a result? Find more answers from her.
 

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At one point she was trying to make a point about how another club got canceled, and we should be worried that we're next. I see this as pointless, because we aren't going to stop trying and have no control over the shows we pick.

This is Ni or possibly Te, not Fi

"But we still should be worried about it"

Si and Ni

'Well, except for just taking advantage of the fact she's an introverted feeler and make her mad so she'll stay quiet.'

Poisonous thoughts.

How do you know she's an INFP? Pessimism is a trait of all personality types. Being emotional does not mean you're an INFP. Also, the answer to the question is probably you becoming more mature and less ignorant to the ignorance of others. Compassion is key to understanding here.


 

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Discussion Starter #12
H
Question, how is it causing problems by disagreeing about the future of the show?
Like is her POV interfering with the process? Because if its just an opinion and that opinion isn't impeding on anything, you don't need to really change her point of view and just keep her in line with what needs to be done for the show.
It's not that we disagree, it's that she and a couple other people keep saying "We need to make this year's shows great because ___"
And we aren't picking the show. All we'll be doing is auditioning and preforming, and since none of us planned to just not try talking about that serves no purpose.

Good point though on pointing out that it's not productive. That'll probably be helpful in many ways.
 

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It's not that we disagree, it's that she and a couple other people keep saying "We need to make this year's shows great because ___"
And we aren't picking the show. All we'll be doing is auditioning and preforming, and since none of us planned to just not try talking about that serves no purpose.

Good point though on pointing out that it's not productive. That'll probably be helpful in many ways.
Maybe she thinks it's not productive to be unaware of the potential outcomes of the situation, because being aware of potential outcomes could change the way you audition/perform (i.e. audition/perform with the intentions to make the show "great this year" so that you may avoid the club being cancelled as opposed to half-heartedly performing and possibly putting the risk of cancellation higher).

Just a thought though.
 
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