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Discussion Starter · #1 · (Edited)
Before I start I just want to say, I like a lot of fours, a lot of INFPS grace it’s ranks and to all of you fours out there doing your part to manage your fixation and make the world a better place, I commend you.

The images are kinda small because, I had to copy them over from my machine, sorry about that, use ctrl + to enlarge them and and ctrl - to go back to normal size in your web browser.


Now on to the other part of this post……….

I have a four in my life that is clearly fixated, I have stated it numerous times before that I really want nothing to do with them, but the cannot seem to get it through their head that I really do not like them very much and do not want anything to do with them anymore.

Let’s discuss this………
A Four
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I have listened to the person continuously talk about how much better they are then others, how they are on such a different level then other people, and also how special and unique they are compared to everyone else, I fairly sure that this is a four fixation rearing its head. To get more specific, their behavior falls clearly along these lines.
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I also clearly see these trance clues in their behavior as well.
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I would have to say that they are a sexual four, because they are always trying to do something to prove how “superior” and “elite” they are compared to everyone else.

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It’s seems they have even began to try and use the Enneagram to justify their superiority over others and me, by trying to say that I have anger issues because I’m a 9, while it true that a 9’s core fixation revolves around anger, it really works more like this.
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And while I do have anger issues, it would not be the ones that they are trying to imply that I have,
I’m not really that butt hurt about it however, because it means at least they picked up a book or just went to a web site, and took a second to try and learn something that could be beneficial to them, however what chaps my hide is that said individual, is trying to take someone elses core fixation, and warp it for their own purposes (four fix again) to prove their superiority, it is my opinion that the Enneagram is about getting, down to the deepest levels of how a person relates to themselves and the rest of the world., and this type of shit just does not cut it. Although I do actively believe in typing other people, so you can understand their filter.

I have heard it all about how to get this person out of my life, including moving, well it’s a thought but, it pretty much boils down to the fact that I can live wherever I want, I actually tried to move to Thailand to not have to deal with this person and their bullshit anymore, if an international time zone is not enough of an indicator of how little I want that person in my life, I don’t know what is.

I’m only looking for serious replies to this post, no flaming and no bullshit please, I really want to understand how to deal with this person better.
 

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MOTM Dec 2011
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It doesnt add up that someone with such a fragile sense of self would push themselves on others when theyve been openly rejected. Immediate retreat is a more common response.

4s are withdrawn types and tend to deal with conflict that way. For example, the unhealthier I am, the more I feel criticized or unable to fit in, and so the more I isolate myself. I will struggle to think anyone likes me, even those who give signs of it. So if someone were to tell me quite direclty that they cannot stand me and dont want to be friends, a sharp withdrawal would be the natural response.

Maybe this person is masochistic on a whole different level, but it doesnt align with 4 disintegration patterns. I understand that 4s disintegrate to 2, which leads to pride (elitism to deal with feeling ugly on the inside), but this kind of pride usually results in the withdrawal (being above it, aka avoiding shame through avoiding interaction) not shoving yourself on someone who has made it clear they cannot stand you.

Im not saying this person is not a 4, but that perhaps you have not made yourself so clear as you think nor acted in-line with it. How can you continue to associate with someone against your will? Are you really thrown together that much? This makes no sense to me.

There is no "dealing with someone" if you cannot stand them and cannot have compassion for them.
 

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Discussion Starter · #3 ·
It doesnt add up that someone with such a fragile sense of self would push themselves on others when theyve been openly rejected. Immediate retreat is a more common response.

4s are withdrawn types and tend to deal with conflict that way. For example, the unhealthier I am, the more I feel criticized or unable to fit in, and so the more I isolate myself. I will struggle to think anyone likes me, even those who give signs of it. So if someone were to tell me quite direclty that they cannot stand me and dont want to be friends, a sharp withdrawal would be the natural response.

Maybe this person is masochistic on a whole different level, but it doesnt align with 4 disintegration patterns. I understand that 4s disintegrate to 2, which leads to pride (elitism to deal with feeling ugly on the inside), but this kind of pride usually results in the withdrawal (being above it, aka avoiding shame through avoiding interaction) not shoving yourself on someone who has made it clear they cannot stand you.

Im not saying this person is not a 4, but that perhaps you have not made yourself so clear as you think nor acted in-line with it. How can you continue to associate with someone against your will? Are you really thrown together that much? This makes no sense to me.

There is no "dealing with someone" if you cannot stand them and cannot have compassion for them.
Here is what I told them.....From this moment on, you and I mean nothing to each other, never speak to me again.

I really don't think I could have been any clearer than this.
 

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Here is what I told them.....From this moment on, you and I mean nothing to each other, never speak to me again.

I really don't think I could have been any clearer than this.
If you cut off all contact and don't reply to calls/texts/emails/whatever then eventually this person will get the message and stop trying.

And ditto what OrangeAppled said, that's pretty surprising behavior for a 4!
 

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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
It doesnt add up that someone with such a fragile sense of self would push themselves on others when theyve been openly rejected. Immediate retreat is a more common response.

4s are withdrawn types and tend to deal with conflict that way. For example, the unhealthier I am, the more I feel criticized or unable to fit in, and so the more I isolate myself. I will struggle to think anyone likes me, even those who give signs of it. So if someone were to tell me quite direclty that they cannot stand me and dont want to be friends, a sharp withdrawal would be the natural response.

Maybe this person is masochistic on a whole different level, but it doesnt align with 4 disintegration patterns. I understand that 4s disintegrate to 2, which leads to pride (elitism to deal with feeling ugly on the inside), but this kind of pride usually results in the withdrawal (being above it, aka avoiding shame through avoiding interaction) not shoving yourself on someone who has made it clear they cannot stand you.

Im not saying this person is not a 4, but that perhaps you have not made yourself so clear as you think nor acted in-line with it. How can you continue to associate with someone against your will? Are you really thrown together that much? This makes no sense to me.

There is no "dealing with someone" if you cannot stand them and cannot have compassion for them.
Oh missed the other part, i'm kinda being stalked here, the person keeps on doing things to insert themselves into my life.
 

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Discussion Starter · #6 ·
If you cut off all contact and don't reply to calls/texts/emails/whatever then eventually this person will get the message and stop trying.

And ditto what OrangeAppled said, that's pretty surprising behavior for a 4!
The person in question is seriously disturbed, might just be a sadist as stated above.
 

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The person in question is seriously disturbed, might just be a sadist as stated above.
Deng. Sorry you have to deal with this. Hey if this person keeps finding ways to insert themselves into your life, my suggestion would be to just keep all communication to a minimum or not communicate at all if possible. Eventually this person is going to get really bored and move on. If he/she tries to talk to you, you could find an excuse to leave and if you can't do that then you could just give one word answers.
 

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Deal with them as a stalker and someone mentally ill, not a "type four". Perhaps seek out some professional info and support on how to deal with such people.

That is all the advice I can give.
 

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I agree with @OrangeAppled . Clearly they have mental health issues and probably a very severe personality disorder (but that's just a guess from limited information). Maybe they are a very unhealthy type 4, but I don't think that is their main problem. I'm so sorry! :(
 
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