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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Ok, so I know we're suffer from anxiety once and a while.

When I was younger I never really had anxiety, it's only started when I turned about 18 or 19 (I'm now 23).

When I was younger I used to hang around a lot of pot smokers and druggies, my family was also ruined from drugs. As I've gotten older and seen the effects of what drugs do to you, I've become more anxious about them. I've personally never taken drugs or anything despite being exposed to them a lot.

Now I find I get very anxious about them. A good example of this is one of my very close friends has started smoking pot (She's never been exposed to it before). Basically I just doorslammed her. She knew my views on drugs and stuff long before she started and I did talk to her and she basically told me I don't know what I'm talking about. Even after a month or so I still find myself extremely anxious about her, having seen it before with a lot of my other friends that I've known for a long time.

This doesn't just extend to drugs. It's with sex and sleeping around too. I don't know if I'm just making excuses up about this, but like I couldn't stand it if a girl I was dating went clubbing all the time. I used to date a girl and she would always go and tell me it was ok, then I found out she'd just hook up with random people there and basically cheat on me.

So basically I find it very hard to trust people, and when I do, I get massive anxiety about this stuff. I try to let it go, but I can't.

Being anxious causes me to like... not be controlling, but harping and like always asking questions if you get me. It's like I'm a nosy parent or something. I try not to do it, but sometimes I can't help it. This is not healthy for relationships or friendships.

Sorry if I haven't been clear. I don't like to say too much personal stuff on the internet.
 

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Your not alone slyke. first of all i'd like to extend my deepest respect and admiration to you for being able to abstain from drug use when you seem so surrounded by it, tho i have found that if you are lucky enough to grow up without slipping up and joining the party, you tend to view the situations that drug use causes with an unbiased completely clear outlook, thus giving you the positive reinforment to continue to abstain.

im not shocked in the least that all that shit makes you nervous, drug use and addiction is without question a driving force to be reckoned with, i loath to imagine how many people have become lost or dead from drug use, drug dealing, drug enforcement and the like. its an unpredictable sketchy underworld at its very worst.

im sad to hear you 'lost' your friend, but for some the call of the party is too much to resist, maybe she'll change her mind, or maybe she'll find/lose herself in the new circle. if you'r in the process of letting go, sadness and anxiety aside, there probably isnt much you can do to persuade her otherwise.

I myself can completely sympathyze with the anxiety intimacy stirs within you. I was in a similar situation with a similar kind of woman, and instead of overcoming my dislike of the club scene i simply let her do what she wanted to...looking back i either regret not going out and about with her, or i regret ever getting together with her in the first place, because she ended up leaving me hanging on a string and then confessing to unfaithfulness, bringing forth an infinite rage inside of me that destroyed the possibility of a continued union. she was one of the few people I ever slept with, and to this day thinking of sex or sleeping around gives me a knot in the stomach and a furrowed brow. perhaps I made the improper neural connection between a sex life and betrayal. though the feeling still exists inside, my rational mind tells me it is untrue, and i need only find a wholesome relationship to restore the true fearless joy of being close with a femme.

as far as the continued distrust and insecurity, i can give little advice at this point, i am much the same way, and view any new undertaking in friendship or courtship a stressful ordeal. its almost like I have an obsession with knowing everything, for only then will i know if i am being wronged. i'd like to think if I could chat with my creator about it he would say that i can never truly trust anyone but myself, but without the risk of putting yourself out there and becoming vulnerable you will be alone forever.

I think the only way to overcome the harping and questioning is to find a way to silence the worry or fear which causes the curiousity in the first place. I imagine myself having the thought of fear, accepting that it is possible, and finding a way to continue funtioning happily without having to bore into the object of my curiousity...because we both know slyke, constant questioning and nosing is extremely annoying to most people, and is likely to drive them off.
 

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What I find so surprising about your post is that I understand exactly what you mean, however I come from a family who does not drink, do drugs, smoke, or go clubbing (they have discouraged doing all those things).

I get really anxious about it too... uggggh. I've never been close enough to see that spiral of destruction because I've found it easier to cut somebody out of my life since I don't want to deal with the slew of issues it's going to conjure. It's like watching a storm cloud form and you're just anticipating it to get worst, so why not take myself elsewhere?

I have a friend who apparently does drugs (nothing heavy), but she keeps this secret life of hers hidden from me at all times. When I was younger I had an extremely hard time dealing. I'm finding that I can be a bit more tolerant of these activities as I age. With this particular friend, for some reason or other, I refuse to acknowledge the storm and focus on the good and the endless possibilities for her future that doesn't involve those things. I've always tried to be a positive source in her life. Our friendship has been 10 years in the making. The older we get, the more I realize she hasn't changed much... I still have faith that one day when I pull my life together and become an independent adult (good career) I'll help her gain hers too... somehow.

I don't know how help you with this because I'm in the same boat... I find it difficult to date somebody who clubs, smokes, does drugs, or even drinks alcohol (yes, alcohol... go figure I just cut like 95% of the male population). Those things make for a really unstable me which makes for an unstable relationship; one where I have no peace of mind. My good friend whom I still stick by is something different when compared to a potential lover. I have a very difficult time being in a relationship with somebody who engages in those activities.

I'm writing this so you know you're not alone. It makes more sense for you to have this anxiety because of your experience. I don't know why I have mine? I just want life with my significant other to be simple, not complex. I always see the potential that it could become a major wreck on our life and relationship if he lost control, so I'd rather him not engage at all in any of those activities as I myself do not.
 

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I speak to you both calmly from the veil of dark clouds you observe so objectively and with trepidation, and these emotions are completely justified in my experienced opinion, for how can a mind help but feel anxious in viewing that which it does not understand? and indeed an untainted mind will NEVER understand fully the nature of the illness in question, though you each have a clear advantage of seeing the effects of such a lifestyle, you will never know the strange and alluring smoke and mirrors which draw people to such dismal conclusions, which warrent taking such illogical actions so repedatively and in despair. For we the sick ones do and do and do to feel nothing less than a mere moment of the freedom you both know only as reality. from my very first caress of synthetic chemical happiness and every subsequent touch thereafter has drawn me further from wholesome reality and a chance to accomplish something real, now wishing only to retrace my steps and take a right instead of a left.

all poetic talk out the window im pretty happy to make contact with a couple people that are untainted. as far as alcahol goes in reality its nothing but a fermented vegetable elixir which is poisonous and numbs the body and mind. i may be weird but my nature is still good, and i am intelligent enough to know I desire to learn from you both as you are both people i desire to have more in common with.

I may not have done very much in my life but i started saying yes to things i shouldnt have several years ago, since that started i've been unable to accomplish anything of value other than to say i've caused myself hardships and sorrows so self inflicted and unnecessary. you guys may feel stress from the anxiety and confusion of drugs and alcahol, but im telling you now that its a strong indicator that neither of you will fall for the illusion anytime soon. in that respect you should be proud of this fear, for it represents a fear of the unknown, and these are things you would sooner not know. i'd love to get to know you folks a little better, for im planning to have more in common with you someday.(in this particular category anways)
 

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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
I do agree that some people can handle light drugs, it is however very rare. I know her well enough to know she can't. She has no idea what's she getting into, and things she's told me before in her past tells me when push comes to shove, she won't make the right choice. Out of all the people who've done drugs that I've met, I have only really met one person who had control over their drug addiction. I wouldn't even call it an addiction, and to this day it doesn't bother me that they do it.

I agree with you about not dating anyone who drinks, smokes etc. It causes too much instability, something that we dread. If they take a few sips of wine or beer at a social gathering, then okay. Anything more and that's a problem, for me any way.

I didn't mention this is the first post, but since you brought it up I may as well. I have romantic feelings for her. They aren't strong. I was happy just being friends, but I would have dated her if she liked me back. She knew too, and it didn't seem to bother her too much. I'm pretty much the only friend she's kept; when she found out someone liked her she'd usually cut them off. I allowed myself to be exposed because she isn't the girl who gets wasted at parties and stuff like that. She's been clubbing and sort of likes it, but doesn't go often (hardly ever), she drinks a little when she goes out, but doesn't get drunk. She used to smoke cigarettes but quit a while back. I didn't like these things, but I thought about it logically and thought it acceptable, she's obviously showing some control and maturity. Now it's like she just threw it all away. I don't know what she's been doing in the last month, don't think I want to.

As Ravendealer said, I hope she realizes it. I'm sure you all know what I mean, where we secretly hope they'll come back and say sorry and that we were right. Not in an egotistical way, more like so we can trust them again kinda way. But from experience, this hardly ever happens. They just don't turn around and you can see their life slowly getting worse. I always wondered if they know what's happening, and if they did, why they don't care.

I share the same views as you Ravendealer, I too get that knot you're talking about. The one were you know every one is doing it and how can you trust a girl who's done that before?

You're totally right when you say you have to put yourself out there, or stay lonely, it just always seems to end before it begins with me.
 

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yeah slyke, your in a rut thats all. one of my more materialistic friends said something to me the other day and i didnt like it at first but its so true....she said friends are expendable, they come and they go, pour a shot for lost homies, and talk shit of the ones who leave you high and dry...to which i replied, this is relatively true but a tough pill to swallow, sad to say we live in a pre packaged freeze dried deep fried world...and whether i'd like to admit it or not there are enough crisp unopened friendship packages to keep me busy for the rest of my days and beyond.

im glad you agree, that means we're onto something.
 

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Discussion Starter · #7 ·
That's true. But something common doesn't have much value. If something can be acquired easily, then who's going to bother fighting for it?

You wouldn't fight over dirt, dirt means nothing.
 

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if all we needed was dirt life WOULD be easy. think about how peaceful the earth was when there was nothing but grass and trees? more than enough ground and air for everyone, no struggle, no conflict, utopia. hahaha i like you slyke, your a smart guy, and a clean one too, i respect that.

but considering the world we live in it just aint possible, with so much uncertainty and bullshit your bound to hit some snags and get roughed up if you arent careful....as i see it there is terrible, and beautiful, all you can hope for is to find someone with a shred of the same special you got inside, and pray that you make eachother strong enough to face the infinite possibilities with a humble tear and a sincere smile.

damn this forum gets me thinking, in ways i never thought possible.
 

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Discussion Starter · #9 ·
They see their life slowly getting worse, but I don't think they see the link between sex, drugs or the people they hang with causing it.

I'm at least glad some people share the same views as me. I'm not so alone after all :D.
 

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The irony is im one of the 'monsters' in question slyke. albeit a demon with a heart of gold. from my perspective for the longest time i viewed sober people with discust. they were LAME, and WEIRD, and BORING, i just didnt understand them. And now i want to know them, I want to understand what makes them tick, because I lost touch with each and every one in my life. my best friend, my lover, my god, has been drugs, and this god promises me death, jail, and disgrace. Thats when i started realizing that my perceptions were incorrect. when i started speculating why i'd started in the first place. haha I was facing my fear..hahaha isnt that stupid!? hahaha but its kinda true. i was curious, and i wanted to befriend the people and things i was most afraid of in this world. most mystified by and intimidated by.
 

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Discussion Starter · #11 ·
I don't fear drugs. I have seen even the strongest people be destroyed by them. They do nothing but offer a quick way out, at a price too costly for those not on their death bed.

I understand them, and know what they do. So I have a kind of respect for them, knowing to keep away, as you would a monster.

I know why people choose to do them. They make you feel good, and take away your pain. But it always comes back.

Why would you want to use drugs to have fun, when you can have more fun another another way, with no consequences? Drugs stop you from caring, they take that away from you. You give away your passion for life, just to be mellowed out and content. This is why people who use do not achieve.

Nothing worth anything ever comes without a price, be it success, love, or what ever. I've found in life that the harder you try the more meaning everything has to you. Your friends, your work, anything you care about. If you take the easy way out you're robbing yourself of that happiness.

Drugs will give you a quick fix, but it costs more then it's worth in the long run, and it destroys who you are. You live to use drugs, all your thoughts focus on them. Eventually your every waking thought is about the next time you can get high. You're not living for what you care about any more, you're living for your fix. It's fake, it's artificial, and it makes your life meaningless.

I've seen so many of my friends ruined from drugs. The strong, the weak, the smart, the dumb. Those who had a future as a musician, a scientist, a vet. You name it.

Now I can't be around this any more. Too much sadness, too much loss. The worst part is all these people realize it after it's too late. I can't help them any more, just pitty them. It's a sad thing I had to accept in life.

There are some who have been saved, but it's not as many as I would like. Each person I've seen fall I feel is my own fault. If I could just explained it another way, or helped them understand they may have not done it.

I've given up now. I just can't watch it any more. If a friend goes down that road, I tell them and leave them. This is hard to do, and makes me very anxious about them. It's not like I stop caring. If they come back before it's too late, then I'm happy. I only ask to the Universe, to God or who ever is listening to have that one person I can be with that won't do this. Then at least I can rest.
 

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haha turns out you know alot more than i do. so whats the answer? why success for some and not for others slyke? I can't burden you or drag you down from all the way over here, at the very least its entertaining speculation. and at best a long awaited epiphony.
 

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I don't fear drugs. I have seen even the strongest people be destroyed by them. They do nothing but offer a quick way out, at a price too costly for those not on their death bed.

I understand them, and know what they do. So I have a kind of respect for them, knowing to keep away, as you would a monster.

I've given up now. I just can't watch it any more. If a friend goes down that road, I tell them and leave them. This is hard to do, and makes me very anxious about them. It's not like I stop caring. If they come back before it's too late, then I'm happy. I only ask to the Universe, to God or who ever is listening to have that one person I can be with that won't do this. Then at least I can rest.
I completely understand and know your thoughts here. I call these souls "dead man walking". I like you have seen all that you have seen. It is more than I want too. I have even been a co-dependent of a drug addict. It is pure & simple hell for the user and the co-dependents. I have learned that one can not always help a drug addict. As well as, they can not always help theirselves. I hear so many people give the closed minded thought that they can give up the drugs if they want to. Well, not neccessarily so. It is my understanding, there is a dna makeup factor involved too. This knowledge only comes by way of what I have read and experienced. I do not know the details. I did not delve further into the facts, because I needed to pull myself away from the drug addict scenario.Too much overwhelming pain. Yes, sir, it is very sad and disturbing. I don't believe that you are less caring, because you walk away; you give your advice before doing so. I think it is super hard to understand that one sometimes has to save theirselves in order to be able to help others that they can help. INFJs want to save everyone, but alas, they can not. I went through my own living hell learning this lesson. Don't beat yourself up too much. I think you are stronger for realizing that you can not help everyone & stepping back so that you can help the ones you can. I chose to save myself emotionally in order to be there for the ones I can.
 

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If dirt is all that us humans had then you can bet it is dirt that we would fight over.

I come from a family affected by drug/alcohol use. My father was a violent alcoholic and became addicted to crack when I was in high school. I have seen what such an addiction can do, and it is not pretty for anyone involved, least for the user. I have had a few friends fall victim to heroin and crack as well. I once briefly dated a girl who was on meth, cocaine, and who knows what else. What Dalien say is true, sometimes it is not possible to help people addicted to drugs, and you only succeed in opening yourself up to harm. You are not responsible.

I disowned my own father for man years because of his behavior. He was bi-polar, and I do not blame him (not now at least, he‘s dead). For a very long time I harbored a rather intense dislike of drugs and those who used them. I attribute this to my father’s actions. When I was eighteen I lost this aversion and began drinking a bit and experimented a few times with certain substances (nothing heavy or addicting), but never really found anything to my liking. I also began smoking cigarettes (which I quit several years ago). I must admit that my distaste for drugs, even for marijuana, continued even after this for many years.

Another friend became addicted to heroin, and I was forced to doorslam him as well, not because of the drug use, but because of his behavior. They are related to a degree, but not every heavy drug user manifests the same traits (though many do). He became increasingly and unpredictably angry and violent. Knowing him brought me no noticeable benefit. I could not change him, and it was potentially dangerous being around him. I do not judge him (though I may have at one point), but I could not bring myself to endure that sort of rollercoaster ride.

Though I do not smoke marijuana currently, I will likely do so in the future. I have lost my distaste and condemnation for marijuana, and actually consider it to be a beneficial drug, both for its medical benefits as well as its recreational value. I know many people who smoke on a regular basis and have never seen any harm come of it, either for them or anyone else. For this reason, and not out of a desire to use it personally, I eagerly await the day when it is legalized.

I do drink from time to time, mostly wine, but no more binge drinking. My acid reflux limits my alcohol intake to a large extent, and I am a few years shy of forty). I will not extol the virtues of alcohol, as it is a potentially harmful substance, though, as with many things, it really depends on the user. I speak form experience in that it is definitely not a cure for depression. It is like pouring gasoline on a fire (which is kinda what it feels like on my acid reflux sometimes, too). Nevertheless I do enjoy it to a degree, and even enjoy the occasional overindulgence

I can definitely understand your trust issues, though personally I would never have doorslammeed your friend. I consider marijuana about on the same level as coca cola; just a substance that brings pleasure. I tend to take people as they come, drug users or not. I must admit that I would be extremely wary of a crackhead or heroin user, or even a raging alcoholic. If their behavior is erratic or potentially violent, I would dismiss them, and quickly. If they are suffering, I will attempt to help, up to a point. While I have seen destructive potential of drugs, I do not judge anyone who indulges in any substance for any reason, but I would definitely keep myself at a safe distance in the case of certain substances. If I dismiss someone, it is wholly borne of pragmatic concerns. Marijuana is about the most innocuous substance I can imagine.

As far as sex goes, I do not really care that someone sleeps around (someone that I am not dating). It does not alter my opinion of them in any way. There are many reasons that someone might do this, and not all are negative, and even if they were, that is really that person‘s business. Hopefully they have enough sense to protect themselves (both form disease and pregnancy). On the other hand, in the case of your cheating ex, I would have zero tolerance for this, and I empathize completely.
 

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did the DEA high jack this thread :tongue: im just playing.lol
i've never had anxiety problems even tho i've been around "drugs" my whole life in one form or another including alcohol, cigarettes ect.heck...i consider caffeine a drug.
I'd never tried anything till i was 18, after i graduated i tried a joint...and good god i didn't turn into a sex crazed manic lol
I still smoke pot just as someone would have a glass of wine with dinner and see nothing wrong with it. im the only one out of my friends who owns his own home, has multiple college degrees. i too have seen SOME people destroyed by drugs. their drugs use is their coping mechanism ...the key is trying to find the root of their pain. Most are young, they experiment, find its not for them and ...that's it.. a hand full get consumed by it and go down... sadly some of the most beautiful girls (inside and out) i know got into meth and 3 months later looked like gutter trash with their faces all scabby and stuff... the ones i notice to be susceptible to this are "children" who's parents sheltered them or brought them up super religious that when they move out and get a taste of freedom they go wild!
i've tried Ecstasy, mushrooms, and i came out of it thinking ... "oh...so thats what thats about" and never went on to hard stuff, i would never ever ever stick a needle in myself or snort anything up my nose.. ::shudders:: gross.
im against "drugs" but what im more against is ignorance covered by "morals"
im truly sorry that your friend wasn't strong enough... or at least isn't yet and its in your best interest to leave them be but offer them a few words of advice they are listening even if it might not seem like it at the time... some times people need to do things for themselves as much as we want to help and guide them.
 

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Discussion Starter · #16 · (Edited)
haha turns out you know alot more than i do. so whats the answer? why success for some and not for others slyke? I can't burden you or drag you down from all the way over here, at the very least its entertaining speculation. and at best a long awaited epiphony.
I don't know. I'm fairly successful (Working for a fairly respected company, good education, degrees, living by myself, many awards etc) and my younger brother who went through the exact same thing as me is not (No job, on drugs, in and out of trouble with the law). I can only put it down to what we believe in. I always believed in doing the right thing, where's he was more laid back and had a "don't care" attitude. I believed in keeping away from drugs and sex and all that stuff. It's not going to help me. I saw no one I respected or wanted to be like doing that stuff, so I figured that's not the way to go. It's what's in your heart that counts, I guess. Nothing worth it comes free. If being successful was easy, everyone would be. I've always known what I wanted and did nothing to deviate from it.

When I figure it out, I'll write a book or something, lol. I do agree that marijuana can be used for medical purposes, I do agree it should be legalized for this purpose only. But in most circumstances, there's other ways. Any type of drug for partying or pleasure or what ever is bad in my opinion. Small amount of alcohol can be healthy and have no ill effects. Smoking damages your lungs. It's small, but still. Small amounts of alcohol isn't addictive. One pass of the pipe is enough to get most newbies off their face.

My biggest problem is I care too much. I get colder and colder everyday bit by bit. I just want it to stop. I wish I didn't know these things sometimes.
 

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Thanks Slyke, your my god damn hero. Im not sure if i'll ever be like you, I chose a long time ago to embrace instant gratification, and for better or worse that decision is in the past, which certainly colors my present, and shall my future. Either way its nice to connect with someone who I know, knows what he's talking about. your thoughts are most valuable to me, and im glad we agree on alot of things even though we are so different.
 

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Slyke, I can only wish the world was filled with more people who thought the same. I've found it difficult to find the right guy because of some of the things you've mentioned in your post.

If he isn't clubbing, he's either doing drugs on the side, or smoking. It's hard these days to find somebody I can relate to and somebody that I could be comfortable not stressing about something as unimportant as a beverage or ash. It's not worth thinking about or dealing with it.

It'd be nice to meet people who focused more of their time on improving themselves, reaching their goals, and sharing their life. My close friend (ENFP) has a bf who's clean, and she's clean too. It's nice to hang around her, I find a certain comfort knowing I won't have to worry about that stuff getting complicated. I find myself just really relaxed and enjoying life. I can only imagine what it's like between her and her boyfriend (to have that kind of peace of mind).

When I find a guy who fits the part AND MORE, I'm going to be so excited I might just die haha
 

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"I find myself just really relaxed and enjoying life, I can only imagine what its like between her and her boyfriend(having that kind of peace of mind)"- Ethanol (sry im dumb i never learned the partial quote system)

This is the one thing i cant remember from my sober childhood that draws me to the lifestyle you and slyke have...I have to admit there is something deep inside me, like a little faded almost imperceptable impression that this relaxed peace of mind surpasses all the intensely polarized highs and lows I submit myself to. Its been a few years since i've even been able to see that lifestyle in this inquizitive fashion and wonder if its right for me.

Maybe sobriety is just as addictive. The phrase 'a sobriety that surpasses intoxication' comes to mind
 

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Discussion Starter · #20 ·
I don't think I'm better then people who take drugs. But I do enjoy a clean mind. I know it's my own and at the end of the day I know I didn't have to run from reality to be happy. I held the fort.

I just don't understand why people give up so easily. It wouldn't be so bad if the effects weren't bad.

It's not only guys Ethanol, it's girls too. Lots of girls are doing this now too. I don't know, I've always imaged girls to be something to be protected and beautiful and loved; inside she has strength and character. She's strong but inside fragile.. This kinda stuff (drugs, sleeping around etc) is like... not what I imagined girls should be like. I know the type of girl I want - a girl like what I just described.
 
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