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How do you deal with difficult people? From my own experiences, friends' experiences, and going through the INFJ thread, I get the impression that when it comes to "fight or flight," INFJs usually tend to select "flight." We either withdraw, give the INFJ door slam, or extricate ourselves from the situation that contains this difficult person. In a way, this is often a mature choice, because we carefully choose which battles to fight and sometimes, it's not worth our energy and time to deal with some kind of people.

However, I have recently been realizing that sometimes, difficult people can't be avoided. We need to face them, and worse, we need to face the negative consequences they have left in our lives. So how do you deal with situations where you can't avoid difficult people?

For example, this fall, I will be beginning a job that has employed a lot of graduates from my college. Two people I had once trusted had spoke negatively about the way I handled certain things (To clarify - these people were the ones that slacked off on their responsibilities in a group project, left me to do everything, and then complained when I did things my way after they were "too busy" to help out or contact our group the entire term; these were two different classes, but both were very flaky seniors). As a result, I feel really burdened even before starting the job, because I have this strong desire to "prove myself right" and to show that I am a very capable (and effective!) person for the job. I've already ruled out anything "confrontational," such as approaching people at the new job about what they've heard, etc... because all that seems so "drama-queen" and also very catty. I know those two people said things about me, because I heard it through other acquaintances (who are also there), but I know they would deny saying those things, which would just turn into a huge "he-said-she-said-but-i-heard" ordeal. As a result, I've concluded that the only thing I could do was to NOT run away (as I am accustomed to doing), keep my head held high, and successfully do my job. The only thing is, I constantly feel tension within, because I know we're not starting off on a clean slate, but they start off with negative impressions of me. My field is really tight-knit and small, so there's no way for me to avoid any of this, by the way. In general, I dislike it when people have the wrong idea about me because they heard something, and I find myself constantly struggling with this. Even though I know I did the right thing (and others in the situation would also agree), I find myself doubting myself, and feeling pressured that these people think badly of me.

Anyway, that's just my own personal experience, but if you guys can relate in other ways or offer any advice/feedback/insight, please feel free to add your own thoughts. =)
 

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It's taken me a long time to learn this, but sometimes I find the best way to deal with difficult people is pretend they don't exist. When I deal with them, I'm extremely professional. I try not to be cold, although sometimes if I'm really hurting then I can be quite the ice queen. The trick is to keep things professional, to not give in to your emotional side in this instance. Go into this job with your head held high (you did the right thing, after all) and do the best job you can. Be friendly with your other co-workers. In time, they'll see by your work and your ethics that you're not the person they were told you are. No worries! Just let yourself shine. I know, this is all easier to say than do, but best wishes! *hug*
 

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Stop trying, some people don't want help and they will be a bit*ch about it.
 
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