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I recently lost a close friend and classmate (whom I have known for the past 5 years) to depression. While I have been able to get through the worst of it, I'm still having trouble finding closure. Can any other ENTPs here with more experience in this offer me some advice please?
 
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Tough one my man. I have lost a ton of close people as well.

Forgive my crass directness here.. Did they pass away or are they mentally absent?

I would prefer not to assume.
 

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Tough one my man. I have lost a ton of close people as well.

Forgive my crass directness here.. Did they pass away or are they mentally absent?

I would prefer not to assume.
To put it bluntly, she jumped in front of a train. Her depression was genetic (from her mother's side), so it wasn't really anyone's fault, so I don't blame myself. It also means that a lot of people didn't see this coming. I saw her the night before at a party, and she seemed fine, if a bit off.
 

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Suicide. Really tough.

http://personalitycafe.com/entp-forum-visionaries/697986-entp-handling-death.html

The above link is right up your ally.
My brother committed suicide 2 years ago and I started that thread.

Obviously no two issues are the same yet I think you will find some great answers
in there. If not from current PerC members, former ones that may not be around to
weigh in.

I will flesh out a more articulate response when I can dedicate some head space to this.
I dont like my run of the mill rambling post for items such as this. You deserve better in
serious situations. Basically? I like to keep my Fe in check if possible.

It is confusing and somewhat daunting to feel in these situations.
Just allow for some unabated feels to slip through that ENTP logic
shell. Its tough but doable. Understanding what you are feeling becomes
the tough bit.

NF's are a great crutch, as a start.
 

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When I experience loss, it's like a dose of Novocaine. I tend to bottle those feelings up and push them away to deal with 10 years from now after a mental break. The only thing I've learned from loss and my own brushes with death is that life moves on. It doesn't stop to wait for anyone.

Sorry Kaiser, I don't have any good advice to give.

Just posting to wish you well.
 

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@Ka1serTheRoll I'm sorry that happened. That is a really crappy situation and sad and just...awful.

The one piece of advice I can give speaks to what @CrispyBacon mentioned - I also tend to bottle my feelings up and isolate when something happens that hits me deep. @FueledByEvil also hinted at this when speaking about feels. So, more recently I have tried to make myself say yes to help or support when it is offered and be honest and say no when people ask me if I am doing okay.

I feel like because as an ENTP internally/deeply I am always in a bit of emotional turmoil/walking a tightrope but managing fine, I have habituated to refusing help in any instance, and bucking up. I am always "fine" and ready to retreat so no one can see me licking my wounds. Then I wish afterwards that I hadn't.

I feel embarrassed - not even asking for help - embarrassed even accepting help or a friend's offer of support when they suggest it. I feel like since technically something won't break me - "It isn't as bad as..." "She wasn't a family member" "I'm not going to die" or whatever excuse - I should be able to whether it alone. That hasn't been healthy in the past.

I am not trying to turn the conversation towards me, but rather just speak to my own experience and see if it is at all helpful to you. Perhaps it is not. But I would guess that you have people that want to help you and support you. My dad once said to me, "One of the kindest things you can do for your friends is let them help you. It makes them feel good about themselves. Give them that gift."

We're all on your team here bud.
 

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Keeping head clear during "action" is positive, I think it is one of the talents of ENTPs, de-attaching from environment and being able to objectively (and fearlessly) see possibilities and analyze them rationally. Breaking down during a crisis never gets any benefit to anyone. Another point is holding always inside and never go thought the phases of grief; Grief needs to be expressed, how it is expressed is mostly irrelevant, but it needs to be expressed. Delaying grief expression during the crisis, when action needs to be taken and leadership is necessary, is highly positive; delaying it too much, specifically when no further immediate action is needed, it quite negative.

I don't want to give "recipes" because most people cooks very well at their own taste when we talk about death, but personally I already faced the dead of many people closely mine; then, I tried to reflect, mostly via "brainstorming" (I'm ENTP so that's my favourite tool), how this person affected positively myself as individual, what I've learned from our interaction, how my abilities have been improved, and what part of their vital ambitions are still coherent, which of them align with mine, how I can follow pursuing them and how their life trajectory empowers me. This is something that often is labelled as "legacy", but that for a person that works with futures and present is just a tool, includes material legacy but it goes far beyond that.

Maybe written as i did it sounds odds, but a very similar approach is followed by range of organizations from buddist reincarnation cults to private foundations, going by cinematic Jedi knights. Perhaps this means that this process is quite universal, or simply, convergent evolution towards something useful. Furthermore, this technically advances oneself through the grief phases (denial, isolation, anger, bargaining, depression), and puts you in a position of acceptance. The trick here is to see dead both as vital experience, as a possibility of leadership of projects that became orphan, and as spiritual "force" available to use to raid the future and make change a reality.
 
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