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I have a tendency to caught up in my past failures to the point that they hold me back and severely limit me as a person.

I think it's just natural for me to sit and analyze old mistakes and shortcomings. I don't think this is necessarily a bad thing, since there are a lot of beneficial lessons you can learn from failure. My problem is I have a hard time finding these lessons and gaining anything useful from my failures. I just beat myself up over them and only gain a fear of failing again.

Does anyone have any ideas why this might be the case? Is it just an inability to deal with the negative emotions and pain that result from failing or is it something else? I'm trying to figure out a way to make better use of past failings, but so far I've been unable to do so.
 

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I try to take my failures in stride and focus on the future, then when I am say on the bus or something where I am not preoccupied with anything I consider my past mistakes and try to apply their lessons to my life. As I good as this sounds, I am not very good at the application part or at making myself remember bad incidents on demand when on the bus as my mind wanders a lot.

Maybe if you try this system you will have better luck than me in those regards.
 

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I also used to always second-guess myself, but I tend to fall back on my really bad memory and just forget about my mistakes... All will be well when you do not dwell on your past.
 
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What Entr0py said. Spot on.

It isn't easy to forget the past, and I have thrown almighty pity parties, for myself alone, with rum and chocolate cake, the works, no-one else invited, you get the picture.

Concentrate on what your strengths are, recognise your weaknesses, but don't dwell on them. Strengths are what make you awesome.
 
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Yeah, we tend to want to presume that the past indicates the future, and every time we fail we expect to fail more and succeed less.
 

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An INTP once told me her biggest fear was failure. Without her confirmation about fearing failure, I sensed that she was indeed afraid to fail. I don't think fear itself is necessarily a problem for her as an INTP but the fact that she was panicking was the problem. At her state of high anxiety, she was making poor decisions and insights due to her imagined fear, the fear of failure.

The interesting thing is, I looked at her life and all her accomplishments. I can't find a single reason why she has to fear failure when in fact after my observation, she has no "accomplishments" (such is the life of an NTP including myself). She has no wealth, no children, no love, no accomplishments, no recognition, no power, and but not limited to no determination. At the end of the day, she was a zero. Logically, if a person does not have accomplishments, failure is not possible because that person is a failure. And to add to that, her panicking was blinding her ability to pick up her life and go out to reality and achieve something. To sum up this boring paragraph in one sentence, I told her, "You can't fail if you have nothing to lose."

Eventually, she planned to start graduate school and obtained her acceptance letter from one. Her motivation probably came from many sources, but I am glad to have contribute to some of that.

The key philosophy is not to subtract yourself to a zero (for those that have so-called accomplishments) but to think that accomplishments are just objects which are not part of you. The only thing we truly own in our lives are our bodies and minds, not love, money, power, nor wealth. When the body and mind are synchronized, accomplishment naturally flows in.
 

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Like someone once said:

There is no failure, only feedback.
 
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I'm also afraid to fail. It feels like shit when you give it your best and it's just not good enough because the inability to success means that you're just not good enough. Sure the definition of success can be redefine, but to me, failure is that you just couldn't cut it. I also hate it when people tell me to feel better or think positive. I might feel like shit for a day or week and everyone around me can sense it, mixed in with the normal INTP personality, they describe me extremely dark during those times. But at the end of the day I tell me myself, "can't win them all" and go on with my life.
 
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This happens to me as well. Sometimes my Si goes on overdrive and all my past failures, even the small ones, seem like they are still significant. And Ne working along with Si is even worse... not only do I become caught in the past, I think of all the things I could have done in that situation. Even in a given situation that I considered a big success, the possible mistakes I could have made overwhelm me. I'm unable to come back to the present, and accept that what has happened has happened, and there's no way to change it. If you are in a mood where you can't stop thinking about your past failures, just try focusing on the present. I take a walk, play guitar, etc. and just try to forget about it for a while. It's not a permanent solution, I know, but it's the only one I have.
 

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Like someone once said:

There is no failure, only feedback.
This hits the closest to the core of the problem.

I honestly don't mind focusing on failures because I know there's a lot of useful feedback in them. The problem is I can't extract it and end up focusing on the wrong parts of the failure: things I can't control, negative emotions that are tied to it, etc. I can see a lot of patterns and similar mistakes being made, I just struggle to make full use of it all.

Only extracting the negatives is just toxic and leads to fear and anxiety about failing again...because I only get negative things from the experience. There's just a disconnect somewhere that prevents me from finding the information that is beneficial. I think it's just me getting too caught up in the emotional side of it because I have problems dealing with those emotions.
 

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As I've noticed often, most feelings of failure are actually feelings of guilt, that you've disappointed some expectations of you.
Sometimes these expectations from yourself, in which case you should probably stop viewing them as expectations, but rather as ideals/dreams/goals which you can only do your best to achieve, and attempt to better yourself, analyze when you fail and determine what went wrong.

Then, these expectations can be from others (i.e. parents), in which case you should try to determine whether their expectations of you actually fit in with your own ideals/desires/abilities, because if they don't, then it can't be helped; you are who you are.

In my case, most of my feelings of "failure" actually resulted from not fitting in with others' expectations of me, because they were unrealistic. I couldn't/didn't want to be the person they expected me to be. Once I realized that, it became much easier, since my failures only concerned myself (and I try not to be too harsh on myself since it would make it difficult for me to learn and try again).

Then again, I don't have people who are physically dependent on me at the moment, so I don't know, it might be different in other contexts.

So that's how I personally deal with most failures. Though I do get sad/frustrated sometimes, but I get over it.
 

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Same things happen to me, I get caught up in the millions of what if situations that run through my mind. I see my mistakes in a very negative view. I think part of the problem is an expectation that I should be able to solve the problem, that if only I can think through the tunnels, I'll find the right combination that will unlock the mystery.

Thanks for posting, I can totally relate.

I try to take my failures in stride and focus on the future, then when I am say on the bus or something where I am not preoccupied with anything I consider my past mistakes and try to apply their lessons to my life. As I good as this sounds, I am not very good at the application part or at making myself remember bad incidents on demand when on the bus as my mind wanders a lot.

Maybe if you try this system you will have better luck than me in those regards.
 

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Did I say anything at all?

abstract: Let's be a confident fatalist

As an INTP,my exprience is when this occurs, there should be some real problem in the past that need to be checked and think over. Because generally we could acess our exprience is a quite objective way.(which I perceive)

The problem occurs when I find it hard to seperate the enviromental factors and the troubles caused by myself, at some point of the analyze even the difference beween my advantage and my fault seen to disapear, because I could contribute the good things I do to the enviroment and the bad thing to my temperament. Then I would stuck in repetitive remorse.

As this all is about correcting the behavior pattern, and changing behavior pattern is usually vaguely relates to "changing yourself", which I think is quite unpractical and people don't really want that and it's really not "humane".

So the practical thing is to extract your temperament factors related to your failure as much as possible( temperament,not particular behavior). Recognize these characters and be more determined to get along with them. Try to use neutral words in order to further explore them.Examine the difference between them and your specific behavior. Then you might get an idea about the rigidity of these characters in your temperament.

From my experience, it's the rigidity that make me feel somehow desperate, and lead to kind of fatalism.
To further explain rigidity, it is regarded as the stopping phase of a developmental process.(at least by Freud) Here it could be regarded as the freezing phase of the development of the temperamental characteristics. And because of various reason,inability to break rigidity leads to the unadaptable behavior. In the case of INTP, as their introversion make them so afraid of repeating their wrong doings,they could become really cautious about acting in a certain way or even thinking in a certain way if it was perceived as a trap to failure. However, I found that generally the temperament derived from the bad behavior could found its elements in the good case . And temperament alwalys works as the direction of people's action. they are trying to avoid something which is unavoidable in the long run.The power they already have ceases to work, only the impulse remain. Lose of functions results from avoiding the risks of representing real temperament in their major action.The functionality of the people would be replaced by the rigidity of certain unadaptable behavior pattern.

Whatever failure are usually normal for the life of human. My preference would be to take my own temperament seriously and let it lead me instinctually (even in a thinking process,I feel this would let me know more about my property and help me develop my function), contribute the unappropriate part to the rigidity, which would be solved by ongoing intelligence or changing enviroment. One could only be himself anyway. You could not found what is the real world without taking yourself as the perspective.
 

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An INTP once told me her biggest fear was failure. Without her confirmation about fearing failure, I sensed that she was indeed afraid to fail. I don't think fear itself is necessarily a problem for her as an INTP but the fact that she was panicking was the problem. At her state of high anxiety, she was making poor decisions and insights due to her imagined fear, the fear of failure.

The interesting thing is, I looked at her life and all her accomplishments. I can't find a single reason why she has to fear failure when in fact after my observation, she has no "accomplishments" (such is the life of an NTP including myself). She has no wealth, no children, no love, no accomplishments, no recognition, no power, and but not limited to no determination. At the end of the day, she was a zero. Logically, if a person does not have accomplishments, failure is not possible because that person is a failure. And to add to that, her panicking was blinding her ability to pick up her life and go out to reality and achieve something. To sum up this boring paragraph in one sentence, I told her, "You can't fail if you have nothing to lose."

Eventually, she planned to start graduate school and obtained her acceptance letter from one. Her motivation probably came from many sources, but I am glad to have contribute to some of that.

The key philosophy is not to subtract yourself to a zero (for those that have so-called accomplishments) but to think that accomplishments are just objects which are not part of you. The only thing we truly own in our lives are our bodies and minds, not love, money, power, nor wealth. When the body and mind are synchronized, accomplishment naturally flows in.
yes, that's kinda like me. The thing is I basically put myself to a point of having nothing to lose, intentionally, just so I could have total freedom of choice..kinda fucked up, i know, but I think it might actually work.
I wonder if this is a general issue for INTPs, because it is definitely an issue for me: I am having trouble with accepting the idea that I gotta start at the bottom, and work my way to the top..
 

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I have a tendency to caught up in my past failures to the point that they hold me back and severely limit me as a person.

I think it's just natural for me to sit and analyze old mistakes and shortcomings. I don't think this is necessarily a bad thing, since there are a lot of beneficial lessons you can learn from failure. My problem is I have a hard time finding these lessons and gaining anything useful from my failures. I just beat myself up over them and only gain a fear of failing again.

Does anyone have any ideas why this might be the case? Is it just an inability to deal with the negative emotions and pain that result from failing or is it something else? I'm trying to figure out a way to make better use of past failings, but so far I've been unable to do so.

I've been there too before, it can be a huge source of stress.

Why don't you try putting yourself in the position of an objective outsider? Observe your past failures by make believe that you're an outsider instead of the one feeling those emotions?

The way I move forward is to create new dreams, even if it means creating a new self as long as it's both progressive and it appeals to who I am inside.
 
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