Personality Cafe banner

1 - 20 of 27 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,156 Posts
Discussion Starter #1
What do you guys feel about people who lie? Hate them? Feel sympathy for them?

I don't agree with lying. But also, I know that i've told some lies. They seemed small and harmless to me. But isn't that what most people tell themselves when they lie?

I've seen that there are different types of lies and different types of liars.
Some people deliberately lie either to be cruel to others or to avoid the consequences of their actions. That's the kind I have little tolerance for.

However, I have written some people off and deemed them as untrustworthy liars, then discovered lately that they were very confused people who had been believing lies themselves.

Some people are very self-deceptive and don't even realize that they are lying. I forget that not everyone is self-aware and introspective. Some people honestly believe the lies that they tell and don't understand when they are confronted with truth.

Lying about actions is not what I am talking about. If someone say, eats pizza and then later says they haven't. That's certainly a lie.
But some people have certain fixed beliefs about themselves or other people that are false, yet they hold onto them.
And some people have just been misinformed. They have listened to bad sources, believed hearsay, rumors, or got their information from a faulty source and don't know that they have been misinformed.

Do you believe there is any hope for those kinds of people?
Sometimes it is hard to tell where lies are coming from.

All conversation welcomed.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
106 Posts
I don't harshly judge those who lie since I have lied in the past. I mostly feel sympathy for them and hope for the best. Like you stated, lies can be a result of different things. If it is a lie from a misunderstanding and the person is willing to understand, the lie can be easily cleared up. However, if someone is lying for personal gain, that is something I have the least tolerance for. I try to be as close to my true self as I possibly can, but I can't help it if I'm being lied to and may, as a result, help spread a lie. Those who don't realize they are lying might have a loss of touch with reality, or may see the lie as insignificant while another may see it as great.

Lies about beliefs and not actions could be seen as subjective since a belief is an opinion. If someone believes another person is a terrible, that may be their personal truth based on experience. Another might see that same person as wonderful. That's not a lie to me, that's a difference of opinion.

I do think there is hope for people who lie only if they see the consequences of their words. Something has to happen to show them that it's wrong and usually that something has to affect them directly. I often feel that people who tell the worst lies are narcissistic and are only thinking of themselves and their personal gain. It's hard for me to see how a lie can help someone more than the truth can.
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
1,244 Posts
I cannot deal with liars of any kind. I see hypocrisy as a form of lying; same with omission of the truth as well as cheating.

I believe if someone can lie once about one thing, they can lie again about anything. I don't ever see a good reason to lie.

Edit: To actually answer your question, I guess I just don't understand people who lie. Honesty is a part of being true to yourself. People who lie are making a choice to do so.
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
158 Posts
I see any form of deception as a wall. Everyone lies to present the image of themselves they wish to project onto society. So I have great trouble when people lie (whether its an omission, a dismissal, a denial, or any kind of concealment) about themselves to me. They are not being open with me, and I am left feeling indignant or sad. Or both.

It is one of those things that I learn to acknowledge and tolerate. I empathize with people who feel the need to lie to protect themselves or something important to them. I observe people who use lies as weapons or corrupt stepping stones to try to understand the circumstances and dynamics of this perpetual human phenomenon. I can say that I openly despise lying as an overarching concept, as honesty and authenticity (to others and to the self) come first. But when dealing with people and the actual individual lies they tell, I find myself quietly forming opinions and guards in my head. I recognize which people are worth my trust and which people I should guard against.

Misinformation can and should be rectified. This is one reason why I value education so much. A life long dedication to learning prevents the mind from stagnating and becoming rigid and indolent. For people too lazy to do their research or too easily convinced by words in the wind, the best I can do is encourage them to think for themselves. There will always be people actively trying to dispel lies from the world, and there will always be people doing the opposite. I set the standard for myself to draw truth out, to re-evaluate and reconfirm, to think comprehensively (as far as I can manage). From there, perhaps I can be of assistance to others.
 
  • Like
Reactions: Ethanol and Nickel

·
Registered
Joined
·
381 Posts
For me, honesty is the number 1 most important thing in a relationship. I myself am pretty much brutally honest when it comes to meaningful things. If someone is capable of lying without a conscience, for me it's a sign of a cold core. Although it might not be true...It's just my first reaction.

My ex boyfriend lied all the time. He was really caught in a web of dozens of lies. First I was offended and hurt. But then I felt sympathetic. Then I tried to help him and be understanding and patient...But...It didn't help. And today I resent him. The sad thing is that I know he's still caught in that web.

I remember it just being so frustrating...I would catch him in the act of doing something and he'd still deny it. He'd manipulate me into thinking I'm psycho and paranoid. Once he cried about it though...Because he felt so bad on the inside. That day I really thought I understood, but turns out things never got better anyhow.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
885 Posts
I feel them out. I look beyond the lie and try to figure out why they lied. It isn't an automatic write off for me, but it does throw up caution flags. I give them a chance to explain and go from there. If they are just malicious and manipulative, then yeah i have little use for them. But if they are troubled, I understand not all people who lie are liars, so to speak. not all lies are malicious. sometimes people make stupid mistakes, and sometimes their reasons are understandable. not excusable, but understandable to the point that it is forgivable. lies that spawn from fear or shame are usually grounds for growth in my experience. there is a reason they lied, that is what i am most interested in.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
710 Posts
I have trouble being around people who do not feel sincere....
depending on what the person is lying about...I can't be around them once they start sounding fake or hypocritical >.> it will cause me to .....dislike the person as much as I possibly could dislike someone....

however if someone is lying to themselves to hide something painful from themselves ...I understand this but would probably try to make them see the truth
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2 Posts
I was raised with a strong sense of morality and integrity growing up in a religious home, so my personality flourished. My wife, who is a strong ENFP (I think), has a completely different mindset. She believes that it is okay to lie so long as it dosen't hurt anyone and gets you what you want. As long as she didn't lie to me I was okay with that. So I trusted her without reservation for most of our marriage until I found out that she had been sneaking around with her male co-worker and lying about where she was. My entire belief system came crashing down and I had to review everything she ever told me in the past. Despite my insistence on the truth she still denies any wrong doing to this day.

All I have to say is that for me, trust is now the utmost most important quality in a friend and confident. If they lie about the little things unapologetically, they lie about the big ones too. Because it's not about lying per-se, but the act of manipulation for their own personal reasons.
 

·
Registered
INFJ 6w5, 1w2, 2w1 Sx/Sp
Joined
·
10,469 Posts
Most people are scared when they are confronted with the truth. I've seen it time and time again and even within myself. Part of me wants to resist with every fiber of my being and the other part knows it to be true no matter how much I may deny it. Likewise, someone may deny it all day long, I still believe they know the truth DEEP inside when it is clearly presented to them. It's pride that holds us back. The truth is it takes courage to own up to certain truths about yourself that may not be so pretty. Most people lie to themselves on a consistent basis because they are cowards. Not saying that in a malicious way, just an observation. When presented with the truth they cannot handle it so they run away, "hide" from it with the lies they consistently tell themselves and they do it SO much that it becomes a habit, it becomes apart of them. Our choices make us who we are. It is a coward who chooses to lie to him/herself because the truth will usually be hard to swallow but it is right. It is easy to lie to yourself all the time. It's the coward's road. Just the way I see it. I do try to be patient with these people though. I have family that is this way. The lies are like a defense mechanism because they're not ready to handle the "trauma" of the truth just yet because that would turn their whole world upside down and it would challenge them to change - something most people are not very willing to do because that would cause them to face their fears. It's important to have an open mind and heart.

As for the misinformed people, if they are stubborn in their beliefs when a new perspective is presented to them, that's just foolish. I mean you can at least CONSIDER another opinion/other info. If not, then great.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
4,395 Posts
Lying is rrrrrreeeeeeaaaaallllllllllyyyyyyyyyyyyy important to human life.

But I think lying has gotten a bad rap, and should be reformed. All those negative connotations. SURE you can lie for dick reasons, but you can do ANYTHING for dick-ish reasons! Some examples: cooking, farting, buying a dog, make a facebook status, hit on a stranger, have sex, wear an outfit. Basically anything could be done for immoral dick asshole douche reasons---just like lying.

But like those things--lying can be used for good as well!

You all know the circumstances----because YOU ARE ALL. LIARS


 

·
Registered
Joined
·
3,876 Posts
You can't use Fe and or common sense and not be a liar..

For example.. "Look at my baby. Isn't she the most beautiful thing?"
You actually think it's the ugliest baby you have ever seen... Your response?
"Oh yes she is a lovely girl"
Because how many of you are actually going to tell the truth?
 

·
MOTM October 2013
Joined
·
6,445 Posts
For people outside of my "circle" (people who have very little impact on my situation with their lies), it's kind of amusing. Like there's nothing more funny than someone straining to get you to believe them, jumping through all sorts of hoops and blasting through their repertoire of tricks...when you already know the truth. Maybe it's my sadistic side that just lets them continue flailing through that.

But when their lies are serious, like when they have the ear of my boss, or something like that, I react more strongly. Usually it ends up with me calling them on their BS, then doorslamming them. Which...probably isn't all that good a way of handling it, as they get angry at the confrontation and then use their lying to hurt me even more. In my experiences, a person who lies habitually is also one who takes revenge habitually. Just because they're out of your life, doesn't mean they're "gone".
 

·
MOTM October 2013
Joined
·
6,445 Posts
You can't use Fe and or common sense and not be a liar..

For example.. "Look at my baby. Isn't she the most beautiful thing?"
You actually think it's the ugliest baby you have ever seen... Your response?
"Oh yes she is a lovely girl"
Because how many of you are actually going to tell the truth?
:laughing: My uncle is a pediatrician who deals with this on a regular basis. His solution? "That is SOME baby!" Not technically a lie...
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
629 Posts
Lying is rrrrrreeeeeeaaaaallllllllllyyyyyyyyyyyyy important to human life.

But I think lying has gotten a bad rap, and should be reformed. All those negative connotations. SURE you can lie for dick reasons, but you can do ANYTHING for dick-ish reasons! Some examples: cooking, farting, buying a dog, make a facebook status, hit on a stranger, have sex, wear an outfit. Basically anything could be done for immoral dick asshole douche reasons---just like lying.

But like those things--lying can be used for good as well!

You all know the circumstances----because YOU ARE ALL. LIARS


While I can agree that we all do lie, and sometimes lying is necessary to protect someone's feelings or privacy (or sometimes other well-intentioned things), I disagree that everyone is a "liar."

This may just be an issue of semantics, so forgive me if that is the case.
But when I refer to someone as a liar, I do not mean that they lie sometimes. I mean that they have created a pattern of lying- a habit or way of life.

For that reason, I really do have a different opinion between those who lie and those who are liars.

That being said, I actually have a moral objection to lying in any situation. Not to claim that I innocent here...I definitely lie to cover myself, to protect someone's feelings, to keep a kid from knowing something they shouldn't, etc...
But, regardless, a lie is a lie, and I believe lying is wrong.

Just my two cents. :)
 
  • Like
Reactions: Kevinaswell

·
Registered
INFJ 6w5, 1w2, 2w1 Sx/Sp
Joined
·
10,469 Posts
Well you could always just learn to see the baby in a different way instead of viewing the baby as ugly.

I got the impression we were talking about a different type of lie. Sorry if I went off on a tangent.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
3,876 Posts
Lies are the glue that hold our society together.

Lying is innate. Nobody teaches their children to lie but every kid knows how to do it as soon as they learn to speak. They will lie instinctively.
We never outgrow this.. We just learn to control (attach morality to) it.
Sadly..Some people take that control beyond their own person.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
603 Posts
everybody lies. it's why they are lying. i can forgive most offences if the person was simply scared/confused/misinformed/their heart was in the right place even if their head wasn't. if they did it out of carelessness or for a self-serving purpose... well remember to close the door behind ya, pal. thanks.
 
  • Like
Reactions: Dalien

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,486 Posts
I lie a lot and also feel bad when I do:) I don't really know how to lie and feel good at the same time.
 
1 - 20 of 27 Posts
Top