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I finally found a "casual" job in hospitality as a chef (yay! actually I'm ok with 12hr shifts, just not back to back). So this is what happened,

Day 1: Awesome, quickly learning things and boss likes my skills and attitude.

Day 2: Still good, introduced to a guy who has worked there a bit longer to learn the ropes.

Day 3: Went from food prep to one of the main chefs, starting to incorporate my own skills, knowledge and taking on a leader role within the restaurant. Boss is really happy with me, I'm cooking alongside him and just as fast.

Day 4: That guy I was introduced to had a disagreement with me on how to do things; I said I was going to do it my way as long as the result is the same. He kept telling me to stick to the method even though I see inconveniences and needless actions. He went straight to the boss telling him that I'm not listening but the boss was cool with it (I typed the boss as ENTx). That pissed me off because we could have solved the issue without complaining to the boss.

Day 5: In the morning I was really pissed off for a solid 2hrs because I came in before 11 (it was 10:57 and I start at 11) and was clocking in and checking if my other times were right. That guy storms up to me and says "What are you doing!?"
Me: "Errr clocking in?"
Dude: "No, what are you doing now?"
Me: "Checking if my times are right or not." (I'm still getting used to the system, I thought he was joking around but his facial expressions weren't)
Dude: "No, don't just stand there and do nothing, it's busy!" (It's not busy)
me: "Yeah I know but-" *A lady politely asked me to wash up* "O.K"
I'm washing up and he comes over telling what to do, how to do it, "hurry up because it's not a show" he keeps checking up on me.
Me: "Dude chill"
Dude: "Get it done properly, listen to me!"
So I just pushed my anger down just "Yeah, yeah". I'm drying things then the washer ended a second ago like literally less than a second and he storms up to me saying "What are you doing!? Look! You need to quickly load everything etc" and so I said "Well I need more space that's why I'm drying the other stuff so I can put it away".
Dude: "No just put it upside down yeah, just quickly! quickly!". There's no reason to rush as there's no customers and it's not a busy day so I ignored him and kept drying shit. Even if we have many things to do, he's being counter productive by stopping his food prep to constantly tell me what to do.
So when I stopped responding, he was like, "Look! Listen to me!!". I calmly walked into the giant cool room where no one could hear me and swore a bunch.

Later on it seems like things were cool, the boss was telling everyone to be a team etc. I placed the dry pans next to that guy and told him to place it above as I can't reach.
Dude: "Don't just put the pans there"
Me: "I can't reach, can you put it up there for me?"
Dude: "I'm busy you know? you should complete one task and not just leave it"
I look at what he's doing, he is just stirring some sauce...looks like he can spare a second to place pans on the top shelf. Teamwork. My. Ass. FFS.

Another chef in a different section said he noticed that the guy is controlling mainly to girls, it could be a cultural thing or it could be that our section is mainly female. I find it really hard to back down but since I'm new I kind of have to, although I already have a couple chefs vouching for me if I do go off at him.

How should I deal with this guy? Is there a quick way to cool down and not get angry, defensive etc? I inevitably go on defense mode when he's around. Should I just grit my teeth and do as he says? Tell the boss? Actually go off at him? Just looking at him makes me angry :angry:
Have you dealt with people like this? What was your experience? I want to know!

Anyways, tomorrow will be day 6. The boss wants me to start delegating work and training others but I only just started working so lets hope the girls act better than that guy.
 

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Dunno, you tell your boss the guy spends more time harassing you than actually doing his job, and suggest him to reassure that guy because his insecurities prevent you from doing yours. Then, you tell the guy that you talked about it with your boss, before they talk together, to show that it's not a sneaky move, and you just want to solve the conflict in a friendly way that's beyond his control.
 

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When I was reading your story at first I didn't realize you were a woman so I couldn't believe you'd respond so ... nicely to that d00sh. I can't know if gender was really that guy's issue, but I've definitely met that guy before -- the (possibly by accident) complete sexist. I had a few teachers in high school that really seemed to prefer certain genders or jocks over nerds or whatever. Usually I just tried to impress them to show I was competent and then it wasn't an issue for me. I imagine that might work even if it isn't a gender thing. Is there anything impressive you could do?
 

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First, be happy he's not your boss and that your boss is a chill dude.

Next are your options.

Option 1:
Keep being defensive at him.

Pros: - You keep your ego.
- You get to piss him off.
- You get to do things your way.
Cons: - Work remains super shitty forever until one of you leaves.
- You develop a strong hatred and grudge.
- You will be pissed off everyday.

Option 2: Kiss his ass.

Pros: - Teamwork!
- No more getting pissed off.
- Guy starts adoring you more and more.
Cons: - Work remains somewhat shitty forever until one of you leaves.
- You become his bitch.
- You can't do things your way.


Option 3: Fake kiss his ass.

Pros: - Teamwork!
- No more getting pissed off.
- Guy starts adoring you more and more.
- You can do some things your way (behind his back).
- You mantain most of your ego.
- You can manipulate his ass.
Cons: - Work still remains slightly shitty forever until one of you leaves.
- You appear to be his bitch.


Moral of the story: Get out as soon as you can- do your own startup like a food truck or something so you can fire anyone who pisses you off.
 

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i have similar issues in work. i make an effort to get on with everyone, but one of our supervisors is EXTREMELY controlling...like, he will watch you on the cameras and literally make notes in his notepad of what you're doing at what times etc. he tries to subjugate everyone. he's an atypical ESTJ. because of his lack of emotion in the work place i find it very hard to connect with him at all and basically just view him as the robot thing that walks around from time to time, but in the moments i have been called up for him, i have to look at it from his perspective

he literally doesn't give a fuck about me. if the job isn't done exactly right, he will use all his stupid power to ensure everyone knows who is in charge. if you argue...you'll get the first hint of emotion. irritation, which quickly jumps to annoyance and anger. i've never made it that far because i hold my tongue and bury my emotions, as you said. some of my other colleagues don't. they stand up to him, which i respect, but imo it is probably not wise, since he does make notes of EVERYTHING and imo just stores them up for later use so that eventually, he can just fire you with a billion insignificant little things that no one else even noticed. maybe i'm just a pussy, but standing up for myself with a power mad control freak isn't worth it when i know the entire building already hates him and will sympathize with me regardless of what i do

if someone isn't reasonable, it's stupid to try and reason with them. let them feel in control and just get on with your work imo, though bare in mind i don't have the balls to stand up to someone who will view it as insubordination. short term satisfaction that will kick me in the ass later on doesn't seem like a great way to foster my self respect. i don't care about him enough to let him under my skin. i want my job, and if he needs to play master and commander to have any sense of identity in the work place, i'm happy to play skivvy to his delusions, because i'd rather get on with everyone, him included, because he doesn't, and i've seen how insecure that makes someone. if i don't rise to him, i have nothing to lose. people who say i should stand up for myself constantly call him a prick and a cunt and eventually start treating him the way he treats them...whereas i've actually managed to make the fucker laugh

i don't mind if the jokes on me. i get paid at the end of the day, and he has to come into work with a worse reputation than hitler in a 21st century jewish bank. imo, i win. self respect is overrated
 

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Discussion Starter #7
@IDontThinkSo If the guy does that again, I'll notify the boss. I bet he had a grudge from day 3 because I kept questioning his actions instead of being his bitch lol.
@Cowboy Fair point. I'm pretty good with knives, I'd say chop him up and serve him as a rare cut :laughing:
@avs2night And we'd expect better from teachers :rolleyes: luckily I've never experienced bad teachers...
@xdae I'd like to stay at least a month. I've been jumping from job to job, kinda want something more stable and towards what I actually want to do. Right now I need the money >.>
@Kaboomz damn that sucks! the incompetent boss from my previous, previous job was just like that. I had to explain why her choices will damage the brand etc. and she took offence because I kept questioning her and to refund at least 50% of my broken umbrella (It was a special umbrella) that she broke while moving heavy objects around staff bags etc. I eventually stopped caring and wished she crashed and burned lol. At least I got my money.
 

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Tell the boss he keeps brushing by your chest section whenever he passes
and it is making you feel uncomfortable.

;)

He gets canned. You get peace. You just have to live with the fact you lied to make
your life easier. ...ok ok ... assuming you cant live with that.

I would pull the old health and safety card on him. You work in a kitchen.
Health and Safety is never followed in thos places.
Ever. Maybe they do the best they can but its never to the letter.
Get him nailed on assorted health and safety items. It can not be argued.
Much like the breast brush. They have to do something about it.

Ok now assuming you dont want the half wit fired then try this.
Play it up. Do what he says. What have you got to loose?
When shit goes wrong, assuming it does you have his instructions to
fall back on furthermore assuming you do do it his way for a spell
even knowing there is a better way. When you go to higher ups
you can present a solution that is better than his and you have the backing of
trying it his way and knowing a better way. If you just start doing stuff your own way
better or not you are going to piss people off.

I am a foreman. I always tell my staff. I encourage new ideas but NEVER implement them
without getting me involved and letting me know the idea or change of process.
Usually in established places of business there are established practices. These practices by and large
are tried and tested. To circumvent them simply since you see something overtly obvious
is not only a guess that it is better it is also saying to the other staff that your going to
do it your way since YOU think its better. Its just not a good way to start.
 

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You should pick your battles ! Don't waste energy on fights over something petty, especially so soon. Why not be agreeable and do what your boss wants since doing it another way produces the exact same result? Everybody wins in that scenario. Go in next week with a good attitude .
 

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The one thing I keep hearing is "listen to me!". It's a control thing.

Do what you need to do in order to get your job done. Don't listen to him, don't let him get to you. Make sure your shit is in order so that if anything falls back on you, you can prove you've been doing your job. If he's going to waste time trying to micro-manage you, he will ultimately fail. Especially since he's not doing his job because he's too busy being up your ass and watching what you're doing.

OR.

Tell him to get fucked. You'll feel better, and maybe he will leave you alone. :)
 

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@FueledByEvil is recommending illegitimate blackmail, I'm not below this. I smiled when I read it. His other suggestions are pretty on point too.

Since your boss seems to be really impressed with your skills, and probably even you, and knows about this dickhead's history, I wouldn't stress too terribly hard.

Though, if it makes you feel better, you can wage a true ENTP war against him and watch him teeter over the edge of a mental cliff. Watching people collapse mentally is very entertaining, especially when you believe they deserve every last shred of torment. It's a bit of extra work, but might be ultimately worthwhile for you, as you can start looking forward to the next thing you can do to him instead of dreading the next day.

Find out where he lives. Pay some kids a few bucks to chuck rocks at his apartment or home and smash his windows. Slash all of his tires once or twice a month. (Just be sure to check out for surveillance ahead of time. You may need to ingratiate yourself with him and visit his home as an invited guest ahead of time so you can have plausible deniability.) Pour diesel fuel on his lawn. It'll never grow again. Do anything and everything you can to make him late for work and put stress on him at home. If that's waiting until he leaves for work and then turning off the all the breakers to his house before you head in to work yourself, unplugging the coax for his cable or sat tv, turning on the exterior faucets to his house so it floods his yard, filling his tires with quickcrete(tm), or just plain paying kids in the neighborhood to fuck with him and TP his house on a routine basis. If you aren't below breaking and entering, flip the breakers and then open his fridge. Put superglue in the locks of his vehicle. Epoxy the fuel-door shut. All of these and more. I don't know if you live in an area where evaporative cooling is common, but you can dump a huge bag of dogshit in the water reservoir. If not, if you know a little electrical work, disabling the heat exchanger for the AC unit is simple enough. It's hot this time of year unless you live in the southern hemisphere.

Start applying pressure to him in other ways. Call him late at night from a pre-paid phone until he answers at like 3am and then hang up. Send cute handwritten letters (might want to have someone else write them) so a significant other might pick them up and start asking questions. Add his E-mail address to tons and tons and tons of mailing lists. Go all out, leave no social arena unturned!

Put so much stress on him outside of work that it can't help but bleed into your work environment. And when he snaps, that's when you go for the kill at work.

At work, solve all of your disagreements with the boss's approval in the most ridiculous and garish ways possible. Like with the washing/drying station. Get a 5-ft stepladder. You may only need a 1 or 2 foot ladder, but a 5-footer is definitely an eye sore. He doesn't like it when you don't lock in early? Ask your boss if he can adjust your schedule at the last minute so it looks like you are "late" when you really aren't. Ask so many questions that it makes his head spin. "Can you go over that one more time?" "I just want to make sure it's perfect for you, can you show that to me again?" "I'm having a hard time with this, you told me last time that I needed to make sure it got done before I moved on, can you tell me where this needs to go?" Show him how micromanaging is going to fuck him over. Key: SHOW DON'T TELL.

You can even run funny crazy shit like the "potato family" stunt. Get your boss and the rest of the group in on it. Get some potatoes and dress them up and/or give them the names of the people who work with you. Separate his potato from the group after a week, and then after another week, put miniature pitchforks and stuff in the "hands" of the other potatoes and have his potato be chopped up.

I'm sure you can come up with more. Every thing you do will feel like a beautiful release. And you get the wonderful reward of watching his sanity slip into the abyss.
 

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When I was reading your story at first I didn't realize you were a woman so I couldn't believe you'd respond so ... nicely to that d00sh. I can't know if gender was really that guy's issue, but I've definitely met that guy before -- the (possibly by accident) complete sexist. I had a few teachers in high school that really seemed to prefer certain genders or jocks over nerds or whatever. Usually I just tried to impress them to show I was competent and then it wasn't an issue for me. I imagine that might work even if it isn't a gender thing. Is there anything impressive you could do?
Being a woman in a mainly male career too (I know the kitchens are still very male dominated-my brother was a chef), I think the guy has it out for you because 1) he thinks he has seniority and doesn't like that you hit the ground running and impressed the boss and 2) is definitely being a dick because you are a woman. I found people like that are still going to be dicks no matter what you do. He will always find a way to twist what you do to make you look bad because people like that seem to think that by tearing down people around them will make themselves look better. I find that this approach may work for them in the short term but eventually the bosses see through it. You can usually tell if this is pattern by how many jobs the person has had in the same field (an ENTP might bounce around but usually it is a change of career or interest not just job). If it seems he never lasts longer than a year at most places, it means he doesn't play well with others.

Anyway, I have found the best way to deal with this is to wait it out and act respectful (but not a doormat) to this guy until he shoots himself in the foot (which he will inevitable do). Show the boss your skills and abilities. Show the boss the opposite of what this guy is saying (most likely behind your back too more than you know). Show your co-workers your skills and abilities too so that when he is telling your boss that you are slow, not doing things right, etc. they all will be in your corner. Try your damnedest not bad mouth him beyond a co-worker you might vent to who you know will not two face you and tell the dude.
 

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@FueledByEvil is recommending illegitimate blackmail, I'm not below this. I smiled when I read it. His other suggestions are pretty on point too.

Since your boss seems to be really impressed with your skills, and probably even you, and knows about this dickhead's history, I wouldn't stress too terribly hard.

Though, if it makes you feel better, you can wage a true ENTP war against him and watch him teeter over the edge of a mental cliff. Watching people collapse mentally is very entertaining, especially when you believe they deserve every last shred of torment. It's a bit of extra work, but might be ultimately worthwhile for you, as you can start looking forward to the next thing you can do to him instead of dreading the next day.

Find out where he lives. Pay some kids a few bucks to chuck rocks at his apartment or home and smash his windows. Slash all of his tires once or twice a month. (Just be sure to check out for surveillance ahead of time. You may need to ingratiate yourself with him and visit his home as an invited guest ahead of time so you can have plausible deniability.) Pour diesel fuel on his lawn. It'll never grow again. Do anything and everything you can to make him late for work and put stress on him at home. If that's waiting until he leaves for work and then turning off the all the breakers to his house before you head in to work yourself, unplugging the coax for his cable or sat tv, turning on the exterior faucets to his house so it floods his yard, filling his tires with quickcrete(tm), or just plain paying kids in the neighborhood to fuck with him and TP his house on a routine basis. If you aren't below breaking and entering, flip the breakers and then open his fridge. Put superglue in the locks of his vehicle. Epoxy the fuel-door shut. All of these and more. I don't know if you live in an area where evaporative cooling is common, but you can dump a huge bag of dogshit in the water reservoir. If not, if you know a little electrical work, disabling the heat exchanger for the AC unit is simple enough. It's hot this time of year unless you live in the southern hemisphere.

Start applying pressure to him in other ways. Call him late at night from a pre-paid phone until he answers at like 3am and then hang up. Send cute handwritten letters (might want to have someone else write them) so a significant other might pick them up and start asking questions. Add his E-mail address to tons and tons and tons of mailing lists. Go all out, leave no social arena unturned!

Put so much stress on him outside of work that it can't help but bleed into your work environment. And when he snaps, that's when you go for the kill at work.

At work, solve all of your disagreements with the boss's approval in the most ridiculous and garish ways possible. Like with the washing/drying station. Get a 5-ft stepladder. You may only need a 1 or 2 foot ladder, but a 5-footer is definitely an eye sore. He doesn't like it when you don't lock in early? Ask your boss if he can adjust your schedule at the last minute so it looks like you are "late" when you really aren't. Ask so many questions that it makes his head spin. "Can you go over that one more time?" "I just want to make sure it's perfect for you, can you show that to me again?" "I'm having a hard time with this, you told me last time that I needed to make sure it got done before I moved on, can you tell me where this needs to go?" Show him how micromanaging is going to fuck him over. Key: SHOW DON'T TELL.

You can even run funny crazy shit like the "potato family" stunt. Get your boss and the rest of the group in on it. Get some potatoes and dress them up and/or give them the names of the people who work with you. Separate his potato from the group after a week, and then after another week, put miniature pitchforks and stuff in the "hands" of the other potatoes and have his potato be chopped up.

I'm sure you can come up with more. Every thing you do will feel like a beautiful release. And you get the wonderful reward of watching his sanity slip into the abyss.
narcissism tends to blind people to the folly of their actions...anti social behavior is not only petulant, it puts you at risk not only from the authorities, but from someone who for all you know may have a family he feels the need to protect from a person who has demonstrated extremely violent tendencies and irrational behavior

just give someone the rope and let them build their own gallows.. fuck him and sue him :exterminate:

why you would do this over a work squabble is beyond me though
 

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narcissism tends to blind people to the folly of their actions...anti social behavior is not only petulant, it puts you at risk not only from the authorities, but from someone who for all you know may have a family he feels the need to protect from a person who has demonstrated extremely violent tendencies and irrational behavior

just give someone the rope and let them build their own gallows.. fuck him and sue him :exterminate:

why you would do this over a work squabble is beyond me though

Your counter is at odds with your advice.


This guy has a family don't hurt him
...fuck him then sue him??
Sounds Merican.

Social behaviour does not have a rule set.
You either are social or not. The state and actions of do not dictate the options.
 

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Your counter is at odds with your advice.


This guy has a family don't hurt him
...fuck him then sue him??
Sounds Merican.

Social behaviour does not have a rule set.
You either are social or not. The state and actions of do not dictate the options.
i didn't say you shouldn't do it because he had a family and it was wrong. i said you shouldn't do it because parents will kill to protect their children and it's stupid

and i'm totally serious about the sue/fuck.

totally
 

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narcissism tends to blind people to the folly of their actions...anti social behavior is not only petulant, it puts you at risk not only from the authorities, but from someone who for all you know may have a family he feels the need to protect from a person who has demonstrated extremely violent tendencies and irrational behavior
Not the authorities! *gasp*
And I've never been called a narcissist before. . .
 

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Not the authorities! *gasp*
And I've never been called a narcissist before. . .
i didn't call you a narcissist.

narcissist implies disorder. narcissism is a perfectly natural psychological response when one feels invalidated by another. we all get to enjoy it. some of us just end up depending on it. interesting which one you associated more with :ninja:
 
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