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How would an INFJ woman typical deal with unwanted attention from a man?

Based on clues that I probably wrongly perceived as "I like you, talk to me" I approached a woman very carefully to show my interest. But with no positive result.

Because of certain situational factors I see this girl about 5 times each week. Naturally I will try to avoid her and keep a certain distance between us. But she doesn't, almost every time I look in her direction our eyes meet for a brief moment. She does not try to avoid me at all, there have been plenty of opportunities where she could have sent me pretty strong signals.

I have a problem understanding how she could not understand my approach as nothing else than romantic interest. She have granted me less attention after that, but that could easily be because I have tried to avoid her :unsure:

Case 32: On my way home waiting for a train (that is according to Wikipedia more than 100 meters) she comes down the stairs and sees me, but stops just 2 meters away from me. It's not crowded at all. Personally I would continue further down the platform.
 

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How would an INFJ woman typical deal with unwanted attention from a man?
I try to shut people down before it gets to the point I have to flat out reject them. You can usually tell when a guy likes you (staring, approaching you for conversation all the time, showing up at times and places he'll know you'll be)... then I have to decide if I want to let them into my life or not.

If the attention is unwanted, I try my damnedest to send 'signals' that I'm not approachable. I avoid eye contact. I cross my arms. I turn my body away from his. I avoid conversation... or shut down conversation as it begins. Basically anything to show him that I'm either not interested, not worth pursuing, or just not warm and open. Whatever it takes to get the point across. Occasionally this requires much effort on my part depending on the gentleman involved.

The problem with being 'nice' and a good listener, is that if I am too much myself to a guy who I know is interested in me.... it can seem like I'm leading him on. Which I don't want to do. I also don't want it to get to a point where he asks me out and I have to flat out reject him. No one likes that.

This post kind of makes me seem evil. I'm not. It's just difficult to convey to someone who is interested in you that you aren't interested in them. I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings, but I also don't want to lead them on either...
 

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I can never tell if a guy likes me and even if he is sending strong signals I still doubt that he is actually interested so I tend to ignore the behaviour... I think the only way for a guy to get my attention is to be direct and tell me that he likes me.
 

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I try to shut people down before it gets to the point I have to flat out reject them. You can usually tell when a guy likes you (staring, approaching you for conversation all the time, showing up at times and places he'll know you'll be)... then I have to decide if I want to let them into my life or not.

If the attention is unwanted, I try my damnedest to send 'signals' that I'm not approachable. I avoid eye contact. I cross my arms. I turn my body away from his. I avoid conversation... or shut down conversation as it begins. Basically anything to show him that I'm either not interested, not worth pursuing, or just not warm and open. Whatever it takes to get the point across. Occasionally this requires much effort on my part depending on the gentleman involved.

The problem with being 'nice' and a good listener, is that if I am too much myself to a guy who I know is interested in me.... it can seem like I'm leading him on. Which I don't want to do. I also don't want it to get to a point where he asks me out and I have to flat out reject him. No one likes that.

This post kind of makes me seem evil. I'm not. It's just difficult to convey to someone who is interested in you that you aren't interested in them. I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings, but I also don't want to lead them on either...
^^This.

I very recently had to reject a coworker.
I'm in a relationship, so I just right out told him so.
I let him know I was flattered nontheless,
but the whole thing was awkward and uncomfortable for everybody,
including nearby customers. lol.

One tip with INXX girls, maybe more so INFX: If you're interested in us,
just assume we already know and that we're reacting to it.
So watch our body language very carefully.
If we like you, we'll still be our warm and friendly selves,
but not much more because we don't want to be the ones
that go out on the limb.

If we don't like you,
we will still seem civil,
but an element of our warmth will be missing.
Hence, displaying attitudes of polite disinterest:
(i.e. avoiding eye contact, focusing our mental energy elsewhere in conversation,
keeping our body language gaurded, etc.)

So bottom line:
If I personally like you,
not much changes in my behavior at all.

If I don't like you,
still, not a lot changes to the outsider.
Just don't assume all friendliness is a sign of interest,
and watch closely for differences in subtle Se signals.

This probably wasn't much help,
but there's my two cents.
 

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I can never tell if a guy likes me and even if he is sending strong signals I still doubt that he is actually interested so I tend to ignore the behaviour... I think the only way for a guy to get my attention is to be direct and tell me that he likes me.
Yeah, I'm pretty much the same. I'm so open and friendly to everyone I don't know if they are interested or just interested in being friends. If I do find out someone is interested I get all embarrassed. I will tell them indirectly that I'm not interested back (it's easy for me now, I have a wedding ring and can just mention my husband in every conversation we have). But I won't shoot them down or ignore them unless they have really upset me in some way.

To OP, you haven't really given enough info for me to tell what's going on with this girl - if your advances didn't get a positive result, how exactly did it go - did you get a negative result, or a neutral result or? Maybe she's interested in being friends even though she's not interested in being more? Maybe she stands close to you on the platform because walking further down would be an obvious sign that she is ignoring you, and either she doesn't want to ignore you, or she doesn't want you to think that she has noticed you, or she doesn't want to avoid you (doesn't want to make her turn down of your advances into a big deal worth changing her behaviour for). I dunno - it could be any number of things.
 

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A tennis metaphor:

You see a girl and decide you want to play tennis with her. You carefully plan your first serve and let it fly. The tennis ball whizzes past her, and she looks at you, dumbfounded. You interpret this dumbfounded look as disinterest and sheepishly toss away your racket, figuring she doesn't want to play tennis. Meanwhile, because this girl had no idea you wanted to play tennis with her in the first place, she must deconstruct the events that just happened in her head.

"He wants to play tennis with me? Why me? Does he think I'm good enough to play with him? Is he good enough to play with me? Hmm. I'll let him serve again and see how good he is."

She is ready, she's got her racket and she's positioning herself to properly return your serve. Your tennis partner is ready to start a rally with you, but you're not serving. Serve the ball before she completely loses interest in playing with you.
 

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A tennis metaphor:

You see a girl and decide you want to play tennis with her. You carefully plan your first serve and let it fly. The tennis ball whizzes past her, and she looks at you, dumbfounded. You interpret this dumbfounded look as disinterest and sheepishly toss away your racket, figuring she doesn't want to play tennis. Meanwhile, because this girl had no idea you wanted to play tennis with her in the first place, she must deconstruct the events that just happened in her head.

"He wants to play tennis with me? Why me? Does he think I'm good enough to play with him? Is he good enough to play with me? Hmm. I'll let him serve again and see how good he is."

She is ready, she's got her racket and she's positioning herself to properly return your serve. Your tennis partner is ready to start a rally with you, but you're not serving. Serve the ball before she completely loses interest in playing with you.
There's been a lot of metaphors on this site lately, but they do seem to paint a clear picture. =)
 

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If you like her tell her you're interested and ask her out. If she says no, your attention is unwanted and you will know. It will also show her you at least have some balls, making her more likely to say yes in the first place. That's been my experience anyway. I'm a total dunce when it comes to being a casanova and saying just the right thing, so I just stopped trying to. If you were proficient at that kind of thing, my guess is you would have already made some subtle moves and found out. Seeing as you're probably not good at it, I would advise you to not try. The last thing you want to do is appear like you have no idea what you're doing.

Just spit it out. What's the worst that can happen? A lot guys are scared to get rejected, but what really happens when you do? You can just say "I liked her and I tried, but it wasn't mutual. On the next one", so even though the moment might be a bit awkward, it has no lasting social consequences. If she says yes, however, good things may happen. In my country we have a saying: "If you don't shoot, you always miss".
 
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