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INFJ 3w2 Sx/So
3,373 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Dear Fe (Extroverted Feeling),

I cannot decide whether having you as my second function is a blessing or a curse. I appreciate you for allowing me to read into the gestures and subtle, emotional inferences that I see around me, but I hate that you make me care about all of that so much to begin with. You stress me out, almost incessantly. Because of you, I can't approach a group of people without being hit with a wave of feelings. Every facial expression and every word feels like a harsh ray of light at best, and a cold dagger at worst. Eye contact makes me feel violated because of the strong connections that you force me to involuntarily make with others, and if someone so much as glances at me for a few seconds I feel as though they're shining a spotlight on my face.

I also hate that you deny me the ability to examine my own feelings. I feel something, and it flies away from me and onto others before I get a chance to name what it is. You disallow me from knowing what I feel, and yet you force me to display whatever it is. Often times, I don't even agree with what I'm emoting, but you don't give me the chance to realize that much before it's too late. Quite frankly, Fe, you're a pushy asshole a lot of the time. I wish I knew how to bridle you.

Who "owns" their feelings? I'm allowed to "own" mine in the sense that you make me create feelings, but as was previously said, you don't allow me to keep them for long. The other side of your coin, Fi, allows its users to store feelings, but not create and distribute. I can at least admit that I'd rather deal with the problems that you give me. As I personally see it, you're the lesser of the two evils. That's not to say that Fi is "evil", but I don't see the two of us working together very well.

You make me feel as though I'm subservient to others and their feelings, the ones that they're able to store. I give, and receive nothing. I can credit you with this: you're not particularly needy where "receiving" is concerned, and you've made me fairly low-maintenance in that regard. Sometimes, oddly enough, it makes me feel robotic. What an odd, paradoxical identity: the "feelings robot"; distributing and organizing all things emotional, while being practically unfeeling when left to my own devices. You've made my feelings almost purely reactionary, and they're essentially non-existent when they have nothing or no one to bounce off of.

Perhaps someday you and I will learn how to operate more harmoniously. I'll learn how to tame you where I should, how to better control what gets past the gate. I'll learn how to use you for good -- to help others in organizing and making peace with their own feelings. Maybe, somewhere down the road, I'll finally see you as the asset that you potentially are.

As of now, you are my "problem child". You force your big brother (Ni) to constantly search for emotional patterns when it'd really rather play with your younger brother (Ti). Maybe the two of you will get along better someday, but for now I wish that you'd stop being so pushy with him while trying to knock Ti down into the dirt. You always want the spotlight, and you use Se to push your agendas even more. He's not very well developed at all, so I hate that you drag him into all of this.

I want to bring you up in the way that I should. I want to see you as a mature, operational function that helps rather than hinders. As of now, we've still got a long way to go.
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