[Up and Away]

I see feelings as just a tool in the tool box. Simple emotions like instincts tell us when to duck, jump back, or when something is wrong etc...

The complex feelings though, I really have no problem disclosing them or discussing them.

No one seems to mind "much" about saying when they are happy or when they like something.

But some people seem so deathly afraid of discussing insecure feelings, as if they can be used against them.

Idk.. to me anytime someone tries to say I'm being "insecure" about say a social situation... then I just respond with something like..

"Yea thats true I'm a bit shy, but only when I'm around people that make me nervous haha"

See how thats sort of a backhanded slap back to them?

I mean, is being afraid to give information about insecure feelings simply because someone does not know how to deal with them if someone uses the information against them?

I could also just simply say that I'm insecure about their friendship, etc..

I guess what I'm really asking is, why do INTJ's, if in fact they do, require more trust than statistically average, in order to disclose insecure feelings?

 

[Kasawd]

Powerful or sensitive emotions are simply a private matter, reserved for long-term friends and significant others. For myself, there is no fear in expression, simply a lack of desire to do so with those I deem to be acquaintances.

Acquaintances don't want to hear about your deep feelies, anyway.

 

[Magma Spire]

What do they matter? Feelings don't get the job done. They don't bring home the bacon. They limit productivity. They hinder business, and business is good.

I don't talk about my feelings. It's not that I don't like it, I just don't. I don't have a good grasp on how mine work, and I live by the mantra "it's better to be uninformed than misinformed." When it comes to feelings, as far as I know, I don't, and I don't like talking about things I can't explain because there isn't much to talk about. That's one reason.

 

[Feral sheep]

exposing feelings hints on a deeper level what is broken inside and reveals what things possibly in the past lead to the present day intj, that they would rather not disclose or talk further about

getting personal takes energy out of some people. i really hate revealing crap about me.

 

[Hapalo]

I can't speak for all (obviously) but...
I only talk about feelings with friends and I don't use the word "friend" lightly.
Also I am paranoid as fuck.

 

[Impavida]

I'm not afraid of talking about feelings. I just find it a hell of a lot of work. There are few circumstances where the cost-benefit analysis comes down in favour of talking about them. When it does, I do. Otherwise, it's just not worth the effort.

 

[II Kung foO fight II]

I'm not afraid of discussing my feelings with those I do trust. But then again, I trust very few.
To be completely honest, I actually haven't disclose anything in depth with anyone. I write in my Facebook notes (which is set to private) when I feel the need for some sort of output.

 

[quadrivium]

It takes time for me to understand my own feelings, much less reveal them with others.

 

[lib]

Double posting.

 

[lib]

I'm deathly/deadly bored talking about feelings.

 

[MuChApArAdOx]

Although i can only relate this with the INTJ i know personally, the answer is Fi. INTJ do talk about their feelings, but like me who uses Fi, we don't always think its necessary to explode/express with emotion, externally. And like many Fi users would claim, its not easy to find the right words that are fitting for that particular " feeling "...Ug, but true.

Fi needs to make sense of emotions before expressing them, and this can take time. If forced to express without having the time to process, it can come out looking like a hot mess, looking more like Fe, which isn't natural for the INTJ. Fi is an internal function for a reason, and the sooner that people can wrap their mind around that it needs to be treated internally first, the better. Once these emotions are justified or rationalized, talking about emotions isn't an issue. This is the experience i have with the INTJ i know personally.

 

[Perhaps]

I'm not afraid of talking about feelings. I just find it a hell of a lot of work. There are few circumstances where the cost-benefit analysis comes down in favour of talking about them. When it does, I do. Otherwise, it's just not worth the effort.

Basically this. It's very difficult for me to put my feelings into words a lot of the time, so I prefer not to do it.

That, and I've generally had the experience of people not taking me seriously if I'm not screaming and crying and instead calmly explaining how I feel, so it's not really worth the time and energy.

 

[Jxuptosae]

Necessity and desire work against talking about feelings. There will never be a need for it, and the desire just doesn't arise. I have no problem talking about them (to the right person) but usually the question is: "What's the point?" See the posts before me, other than this (which is more or less just a rewording and clarification) I don't have anything new to add.

 

[Humoriarty]

"Yea thats true I'm a bit shy, but only when I'm around people that make me nervous haha"

no-one "makes" you anything, except maybe a cup of tea.

be responsible for your own crap.

 

[Humoriarty]

That, and I've generally had the experience of people not taking me seriously if I'm not screaming and crying and instead calmly explaining how I feel, so it's not really worth the time and energy.

totally ignored!! is my experience.

 

[Perhaps]

totally ignored!! is my experience.

That's fun too! Your emotions only exist if you're smearing them all over everyone and making them responsible for how you feel, clearly!

 

[Pyyrhic]

I generally lack enough feelings to have a discussion about them, and the few times i have had led to a boring monologue of them talking about their feelings, and so there is no point in talking about them.

 

[Humoriarty]

That's fun too! Your emotions only exist if you're smearing them all over everyone and making them responsible for how you feel, clearly!

BUT THEY ARRREEEE RESPONSIBLE FOR HOOOWWWW I FEEEELLLLL


*shudders, then dies inside*

I've had a friend almost die from a heart attack a while back, a particular group of people i interact with dont know this...i DID consider mentioning that it was stressing me a bit.. yet at the time i had to listen to so much minor importance CRAP from them i really dont know what kept me from going on a killing spree. i could go on.. but what the fuck is the point, you cant compete with that type of twattery and ... fuck......

and yesterday because i dont emote much i had all manner of projecting thrown at me... it was actually funny... but me laughing would have "proved" i "hated" them... i dont really, i have no energy for hatred to lesser species... and self hatred must be awful to suffer from. pity i suppose is the best i can manage for those people.

will stop now... perhaps go sharpen knives or something! ha!!

 

[beth x]

Insecure feelings?

I have a hard enough time knowing what my feelings are. I don't enjoy being taken on face value for feelings I may or may not be feeling. I don't like being beholden to someone who can use my feelings on a matter so they can manipulate me at a later date. It's pretty much as simple as that. Anyone who wants to know my private feelings will have to jump through hoops of their own and show me theirs too. I'm not a feeling machine after all. Heh.

Showing weakness isn't really what I'm talking about. I rationalise what I feel by actively paying attention to them and sorting them into priorities to act on in a deliberate manner. I'm stable with feelings and they are attended to in a way that I would tend to getting dressed or researching a topic or keeping my car serviced. It's a matter of course to attend to feelings (but they are private and not for anyone else unless I say so).

If I missed some feelings and they are pointed out by someone "witnessing" them I will talk about them. They aren't insecure, I just have to reflect to find out what they are. Fi is not my dominant function.

There is always going to be someone who mistakes your quietness or loudness or your freaking anything on things you are feeling. Of course they are there but they aren't valued or little attention is paid to them unless they are reflected upon. They aren't insecure feelings, they are simply private or not known.

 

[chill.take.over]

I guess what I'm really asking is, why do INTJ's, if in fact they do, require more trust than statistically average, in order to disclose insecure feelings?

I always hear the trust factor when it comes to people opening up more and I only speak for myself but I don't have any problem "trusting" people with my problems necessarily. I'm very private, and talking about some emotions just feel very weird.

I don't fear emotions, I think when one feels something then it should come out on their own time and when they're comfortable, whether it be with a trusted friend or alone. Things like my certain fears I feel odd opening up about (my fear of spiders I have no problem talking about with friends but my fear of failure I have no desire to share) or about insecurity for that matter. If I'm in an eerie, depressed mood I tend to also keep that to myself. Those are very personal issues and really don't care to talk about them mostly. I don't think it will be used against me and I'm not ashamed of them, it's just that I'm already private as it is; I don't enjoy feeling exposed and naked to the world and I don't like talking about it anyway, even when I need to.

This only occurs with real life relationships; if it's online I have no problem telling these feelings, probably because I don't know them and I can do it anonymously without feeling totally strange. It still feels weird, but at least I don't have to look at them while I'm spilling my guts all over the place.

And another thing: I don't like how about people listen; too many people don't listen anymore--everyone wants to tell you want to do, talk all over you, make assumptions without asking questions, and so on. I don't want to deal with that. Sometimes I don't even want a 'I understand.' I do consider myself born again so I do have God if nothing else. However it would be nice if one of these beings on earth would just shut up and listen for a change. Sometimes I don't need or want words of wisdom, words of encouragement, or any word, just two ears and one mind to listen and process and what I'm saying.