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I made this comment speaking for myself in another thread. It discussed how ISFJ's feel when having IRL discussions, particularly with NT's:
As I mentioned there, I was speaking for all ISFJ's but can really only truly speak for myself. So to all of the other ISFJ's, do you feel the same way I do, or is it quite different? I'm curious to see how on point I am about our type in regards to this.
teddy564339 said:This is certainly very true for me. I only like to have many kinds of intellectual conversations if I think that the feel of the conversation will go well. This is because I've had many conversations where I have been intimidated or where I've gotten hurt, bothered, or embarrassed. The problem is that those conversations will resonate with me for days and it will make me miserable, and when I finally get over it I feel like I wasted days of happiness in my life by getting involved in the conversation at all.
It's tough to do this face to face because I think ISFJ's get so much comfort out of sticking to their known values. An ISFJ can change their views and values, but it takes time. They have to sit back, reflect on something, and re-evaluate how they feel in order to see if they feel the need to make a change. As a result, it's very hard for an ISFJ to respond quickly in a heated debate without getting flustered. It only goes well for us if we have already heard similar arguments before and can rely on our old information. If we do here something new that is convincing to us, it's very hard for us to admit it on the spot because we need to go back and reflect on it personally before we can make the decision to change our view.
This means when someone makes a good point, then we're kind of caught in a state of confusion. Now, if the other person goes about it correctly for us, this can be a good thing...if they calmly present their points and show support in us considering the new idea, then we're more likely to take it on and the conversation is fine. However, if the person is trying to "win" the argument and is pushing their point of view down our throats (and forgive me for saying so, but I think this is most likely to occur with NT's), we're going to end up feeling stupid and embarrassed, leading to the situation I described earlier. This is not only dangerous in that our hurt feelings will make us more likely to rebel against the new idea (even if we're inclined to agree with it), but it will dissuade us from wanting to engage in new conversations as well.
In some ways, I think this is where a lot of unhealthy ISFJ behavior comes from, especially in older people. If an ISFJ has been burned and hurt so many times by people trying to force new ideas upon them, then they are more likely to shut themselves away in their own worlds with their own values, ignoring logic, reason, and the consideration of new ideas.
Of course, I really can only speak for myself, and I'm speculating when I talk about ISFJ's in general. But it appears to fit in with what I know about ISFJ's in general.
As I mentioned there, I was speaking for all ISFJ's but can really only truly speak for myself. So to all of the other ISFJ's, do you feel the same way I do, or is it quite different? I'm curious to see how on point I am about our type in regards to this.