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Hi! I'm an ENFP girl on the way to make a big decision. The thing is, I've been in love with an INTJ man for nearly 3 years. He is 10 years older than me and has a wife. We meet everyday, which makes extremely difficult to forget him either to change my own feelings. I've always liked him and as the years went by, I realized that i am completely in love with him. I am aware that the mere fact he has a wife would make him a tabu, but i just can't help my emotions.
As for our relationship:
-We have always had some sort of chemistry , we tease and play jokes on each other a lot but at the same time talking about more serious topics is also pretty easy and satisfying
-However these sort of things mostly happen when we are alone, when I'm with my friends, he watches me from a certain distance or if he joins the conversation, he usually communicates with my friends and avoids eye-contact with me.
- He regularly texts me on Facebook and he has such a strange writing style because, when he reads my messages, he doesn't answer but after minutes and usually comes up with something funny/sarcastic/ and well a thaught through message.
- He drove me home a few days ago, which was so awkward, he hardly said anything, he did not even look at me, not a glance it felt like i annoyed him, and then on facebook he wrote a lot.
- He is interested in my problems but he acts like he wasn't interested (at least when others are around)
- He started to touch and play with my hair recently
- I also feel like he tried to make me jealous, he speaks about his wife ( he calls her: wifey)--> and the other day when it was just the two of us alone he called me wifey
I am confused about his behaviour, which saddens and I usually end up seeing myself as a pathetic human being, so today i ignored him (sort of) , i avoided his gaze, and i think he realised that and now he is probably angry with me, he ignored me harder than i ignored him, and he was staring in front of himself with that death glare of his all day. So i feel eve more fucked up. My best friend (ENTP) came up with an idea. She thinks i should tell him everything, ask him questions, because he is the only one who can give me the answers i need. That makes perfect sense, though i feel scared and i am afraid of hurting a tie with someone i truly love.
I am interested in your general opinion about my situation and our relationship. I appreciate every answer i am given! Thank you in advance!
 

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He is a married man. But yeah, go ahead and ask(sarcasm). You won't get what you want though. That's my opinion.

Edit: Lol, you were the one who posted about "forbidden love" and back then you said there is no marriage involved? Now he has a wife? You seem to manipulate "facts" so that you can get an answer you seek. If I were you, I'd doubt my own perspective as it seem very biased.
 

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He's married lol...

Go ahead and talk to him about it if you want, but if he really is willing to either a) ditch his wife for you or b) cheat on his wife with you, I think that speaks volumes about his idea of commitment. My advice is: Suck it up and move on. You'll find someone else to love.
 

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I reckon that when someone makes an inquiry such as this (should I tell a married man who has been potentially showing interest I have feelings for him), they do not truly seek advice, only justification for the decision they have already made.

That being said, proceeding with this endeavour is foolish, and you know this. It will only end in heartbreak for you. This is an irrational and selfish action, and a lose-lose situation. Move on.
 

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Plague Doctor
INTJ, 5w4, Ni-T type
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If you get involved with him romantically or bring romance into the relationship, it's going to end badly. Whether it's your perception of what he's doing or what he's actually doing, this sounds like a really unhealthy friendship, too. I'd suggest stepping back and moving on without seeking any sort of relationship with this guy.
 
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I see 3 likely outcomes to you talking to him:

1. He will remind you that he is married and not available.
2. He will be open to cheating on his wife and pursuing an affair with you. Which means that he is a selfish, untrustworthy lout not worthy of your time.
3. He will dance around the subject, not give you a straight answer, and imply that he wants to pursue a flirtation with you but not take it further. Which leaves you in an unsatisfying limbo.

Lose, lose, and lose.

Find someone else who is more available and worthy of your time. If he pouts because you don't chat and flirt and joke anymore, that's his issue to deal with.
 

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i can't get my head around being in love with someone who uses a word like 'wifey'. i'd deck or divorce anybody who did it to me. but different strokes, i suppose.

i'm not sure what you're looking for but it does seem like you're trying to set more consistent boundaries and rules for your interactions with him, just for your own good. so if you truly think that he's taking that personally, then yes. one option would be to explain why you're doing it. i think if he's an ethical person he'd probably understand it and 'help' you by observing better boundaries his own self.

i don't approve of asking him questions though. part of the boundaries should be that there shouldn't BE any conversation about any 'us' between you and him. there isn't/should not be an 'us' in the first place. i do think he's making it harder for you by things like the physical contact and the cutesy-name gaming though. that ought to stop, period.
 

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He is married and from the way you are describing it he is unlikely to leave her. Don’t waste your time. Move on and find someone who is available.
 
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