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Discussion Starter #1
In what ways do you defy the INFJ stereotypes?

I will start:
The stereotype is that INFJs are counselors and people lean on them as listeners and advice givers, but that doesn't happen in my life at all.
 

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Defying the INFJ stereotype
In what ways do you defy the INFJ stereotypes?

I will start:
The stereotype is that INFJs are counselors and people lean on them as listeners and advice givers, but that doesn't happen in my life at all.

A common stereotype is that INFJs only make up 1% of the population and by extension anyone "claiming" to be an INFJ is automatically suspected of being an INFP. Also, I don't wear all black like a mortician.

And I'll be damned, so many have told me I am 'articulate' which is a variation of 'eloquent' (Sure, heard that, too).

Now I have tears rolling down my deadpan face and onto my big harnessed breasts because I cannot get validated as a recognizable INFJ--and the doubters have admitted to never meeting one in person, so how would they recognize one online. (Rhetoricals galore).

Faint sound of a morose lyrics starting up on youtube...

Don't suspect me:

I only listen to classical music that I have composed for the oboe. o_O
 

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I read somewhere that INFJs hate talking on the phone and are kind of scared of it.

I'm not afraid of talking on the phone.. yes it gets borring after a while because I would much rather talk face to face. I can get nervous talking to someone I don't know, but I don't hate it and it's not a fear of mine.
 

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I second the silly "INFJs are so rare, you can't possibly be one" thing. It seems like some confuse rarity with nonexistence. I have had someone in this very forum call me "INFP in denial", for example. :kitteh: I kinda wish that was the case.

The counselor thing has been a reality for most of my life, actually.

It is not exactly a stereotype (or is it?), but seeing every other fictional character that is some sort of spiritualist or mentor figure being typed INFJ is just so silly. It is like typing every villain as INTJ because "le masterminds".
 

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I do have the whole "counselor" thing, but I definitely don't give off warm vibes to everyone I come across. I'm consistently described as "intimidating" or "terrifying", which is interesting, given that I'm a skinny, 5'2 white girl.

I'm incredibly nurturing towards the people who I click with or feel the need to protect for some reason, but I can actually be quite b*tchy towards people who rub me the wrong way (which admittedly only happens once in a blue moon, and I tend to get over those feelings eventually). Not something I'm proud of, but it's there.

I think that people tend to overestimate the INFJ niceness. We are really, really not that chill. :laughing:

Also, I don't wear all black like a mortician.
 

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I've been mistaken for an INTJ.

I think primarily because I actively suppress my Fe in public to a degree. I'm a tall, long haired, bearded guy so I don't go about flaunting my love of people all too often.

There is also the case where I can be incredibly judgemental and cold towards people who cross me or people I care about in some manner. Whether this is a lack of general respect, a breach of others or my own boundaries or simply unethical actions.

It can be quite hypocritical of me to behave in such a way since I too am prone to mistakes quite frequently.

So essentially I can be soft and cuddly but I can and will rip you to shreds even without laying a finger on you.
 

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@Crimson Ash

Your rip someone to shreds comment reminds me of how I put it, "Seal off all exits, no escape," and my husband's telling me about 10 years ago that I used my mouth -- at my worst -- as effectively as a man can use his fists.

That got my attention. I rarely "pop off" like that any longer.

Wow, I really didn't feel that kind of ugly, but I'll take his word for it as he was on the receiving end, and even then he'd already known me for nearly 20 years.

INFJs are people, so we are a mix, and it ain't all sugary, uh-uh.
 

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Discussion Starter #10
I've been mistaken for an INTJ.

I think primarily because I actively suppress my Fe in public to a degree. I'm a tall, long haired, bearded guy so I don't go about flaunting my love of people all too often.

There is also the case where I can be incredibly judgemental and cold towards people who cross me or people I care about in some manner. Whether this is a lack of general respect, a breach of others or my own boundaries or simply unethical actions.

It can be quite hypocritical of me to behave in such a way since I too am prone to mistakes quite frequently.

So essentially I can be soft and cuddly but I can and will rip you to shreds even without laying a finger on you.
Agreed, I'm also like that.
I really dislike when people are disrespectful towards me especially.
 

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@Crimson Ash

Your rip someone to shreds comment reminds me of how I put it, "Seal off all exits, no escape," and my husband's telling me about 10 years ago that I used my mouth -- at my worst -- as effectively as a man can use his fists.

That got my attention. I rarely "pop off" like that any longer.

Wow, I really didn't feel that kind of ugly, but I'll take his word for it as he was on the receiving end, and even then he'd already known me for nearly 20 years.

INFJs are people, so we are a mix, and it ain't all sugary, uh-uh.
Oh yes, I have done it only one or two times but in all instances it is the last straw when nothing else can be done and I see no other alternative.

It also works almost unconsciously. I stream a coherent and honest blast of truth in harsh words towards someone but in a rapid manner without stopping.

I've realized that it's a different approach to how someone who always wants to win arguments and/or narcissists structure a verbal conflict. It lacks any ad hominem and cuts right to why their actions were wrong and how their action inflicted harm. In my experience it's not done to bring them down but rather help them realize and correct their mistake.
 

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@Crimson Ash

Your rip someone to shreds comment reminds me of how I put it, "Seal off all exits, no escape," and my husband's telling me about 10 years ago that I used my mouth -- at my worst -- as effectively as a man can use his fists.

That got my attention. I rarely "pop off" like that any longer.

Wow, I really didn't feel that kind of ugly, but I'll take his word for it as he was on the receiving end, and even then he'd already known me for nearly 20 years.

INFJs are people, so we are a mix, and it ain't all sugary, uh-uh.
My father used to say that talking to me was like walking into a buzz-saw.

I've gotten a bit more nuanced since . . .
 

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I feel like INFJs are stereotyped as depressed, anxious, overly empathetic, ethereal creatures that are all-seeing and all-knowing and drift above the other mortals like fairies over their domain. My boyfriend is none of these things. He's very empathetic, sure - the closest we usually come to fighting is me being upset, him really wanting to know what's wrong, and then me telling him and him crying because he feels so bad that he made me sad. But he doesn't read into things too much, and he definitely doesn't have depression or anxiety.

I think they're also often stereotyped as being quiet onlookers. While he can be quiet with strangers - my roommates said that in the week he was visiting me, they heard him utter about three words - he can also be a bit of a clown, especially when he feels comfortable. He was also much louder in high school. He's very much the type to listen in on me speaking with a friend and then pipe up with a sarcastic comment or a terrible pun.

EDIT: Actually, I think I probably fit more of these stereotypes than he does. I've dealt with depression and anxiety, I can be hyperaware of others in social situations - though only when I'm incredibly anxious, which is not very often - and I've been the "counselor" friend quite a few times in my life. (And for random strangers, which I hear is an INFJ thing.) He can be a bit naive about social situations as well, while I'm pretty good at social cues and reading people. (Admittedly, this is an acquired trait.) This doesn't really add anything of value to the post, I just found it amusing lol
 

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You hear all the time that INFJs can be so emotional. I tell you, I don't know what particularly in my life has occurred to set it apart, but I've got three emotional states: amused, annoyed, and infuriated. A lot of the time when weird or sad shit is going on, I'm like some observer from outside the natural flow of time who just happens to be documenting things for some scientific survey. Oh, I can portray the proper emotional responses as needed for the situation at hand, but on the inside it's much more... clean. I dunno man, I could just have PTSD or something.
 

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I feel like INFJs are stereotyped as depressed, anxious, overly empathetic, ethereal creatures that are all-seeing and all-knowing and drift above the other mortals like fairies over their domain. My boyfriend is none of these things. He's very empathetic, sure - the closest we usually come to fighting is me being upset, him really wanting to know what's wrong, and then me telling him and him crying because he feels so bad that he made me sad. But he doesn't read into things too much, and he definitely doesn't have depression or anxiety.

I think they're also often stereotyped as being quiet onlookers. While he can be quiet with strangers - my roommates said that in the week he was visiting me, they heard him utter about three words - he can also be a bit of a clown, especially when he feels comfortable. He was also much louder in high school. He's very much the type to listen in on me speaking with a friend and then pipe up with a sarcastic comment or a terrible pun.

EDIT: Actually, I think I probably fit more of these stereotypes than he does. I've dealt with depression and anxiety, I can be hyperaware of others in social situations - though only when I'm incredibly anxious, which is not very often - and I've been the "counselor" friend quite a few times in my life. (And for random strangers, which I hear is an INFJ thing.) He can be a bit naive about social situations as well, while I'm pretty good at social cues and reading people. (Admittedly, this is an acquired trait.) This doesn't really add anything of value to the post, I just found it amusing lol
Your boyfriend honestly sounds adorable. Also, I used to know an ENTJ and she was a fantastic counsellor. I was always telling her my problems. She was always checking up on how I was doing. I miss her a lot.
 

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Discussion Starter #19
You hear all the time that INFJs can be so emotional. I tell you, I don't know what particularly in my life has occurred to set it apart, but I've got three emotional states: amused, annoyed, and infuriated. A lot of the time when weird or sad shit is going on, I'm like some observer from outside the natural flow of time who just happens to be documenting things for some scientific survey. Oh, I can portray the proper emotional responses as needed for the situation at hand, but on the inside it's much more... clean. I dunno man, I could just have PTSD or something.
Sounds similar to me. Most of the time I feel just neutral.
This might be especially common among male INFJs as we learn to suppress our emotions outwardly and unconsciously do this ourselves inwardly as well.
 
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