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Some people do not believe in this term, that's fine. I believe in it, and I am a demisexual.

What I want to know is- Since demis only find someone sexually attractive if they form a connection/bond with a significant other, then are they able to find other people attractive in a non sexual manner? Is yes, why? If no, why?
 

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I am able to find people aesthetically pleasing, but I do not attach any meaning or value to it, even in a relationship where I am attracted to a person. My attraction is never about looks. I don't base decisions on beauty or respect people less or more for having it. I look at them, notice things I like or dislike about their appearances, but this does not alter how I feel about them or how I treat them. I recognize my own gappy teeth and weird chin shape as visually unappealing, but I am not ashamed of my face or body. I am not defined by what I look like. I still like myself and consider myself worthy of love and respect. The same applies to others.
 

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I usually just say that I'm asexual for the sake of simplicity. I'm probably closer to demisexual though. I do feel sexual attraction in limited situations. In my case, I don't require an emotional connection to feel sexual attraction. I require an INTENSE intellectual connection. Think Vulcan mind meld.

I can absolutely appreciate the aesthetic of a good-looking person of any gender. However, it's no more sexual than listening to nice piece of music or watching a sunset. It's basically just a "Huh, that's pretty" sort of response.

I don't see people and think "I want to have sex with them" I see people and think "I want to have a conversation with them."

I form fleeting mental attractions to people all the time. Someone will say something that catches my interest...then 30 seconds later they will say something else that has me recoiling in disgust :p

The sexual element doesn't come into play until I form that incredibly strong intellectual link with them. Then it's like a switch flips in my brain and I'm suddenly like, "Hey this guy I've been debating with for the last 8 hours has a penis." :laughing:
 

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I don't believe in demisexuals. All the one's I've ever met were having more sex than the average "normal" sexual person. Pretty sure women just call themselves that so that people don't perceive them as sluts.
Perhaps they're having more sex because they're looking to find sex that they actually enjoy.


OP, for my own part, I believe I'd be consider Demi-romantic more so than Demi-sexual, so my perspective probably isn't the one you're looking for. My understanding, though, was that for anybody, including Demi-sexuals, attraction can be experienced on many other levels. Attraction, by definition, is the action or power of evoking interest, pleasure, or liking for someone or something. On a simplistic level, if I think you can give me an ice-cream cone, and I like ice-cream, I'm probably experiencing attraction.

Based on that reasoning, a Demi-sexual could experience as many kinds of attraction as there are reasons for enjoyment, and the label only dictates that they experience sexual attraction on a basis dependent on the existence of an emotional bond.

*edit*
Actually, I'm unsure about the bond part. Maybe it doesn't have to be emotional...
 

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Most people don't really understand what demisexuality is. Demisexuals are closer to asexuals than sexuals :) I was very skeptical about it at first but then I found out I'm demiromantic. Karma, eh?

I think this explains it well.
"Demisexuality is about desire and arousal, not just sex and who you do it with. It's not merely that I'm only interested in having sex with people that I love, it's also that I feel a complete absence of desire or sexual feelings toward everyone else. Ever. What makes me demisexual is that absence."

I'm demiromantic. I can only become romantically attracted to someone I already love. I don't have random romantic crushes and for me to possibly become romantically attracted to someone, I have to love them first. Otherwise, I would view that person as a platonic friend. So it's like the complete opposite of how most people experience romantic love. Normally they have romantic crushes first, bond romantically and fall in love. To me it's like bond platonically, grow to love that person and I MIGHT develop romantic feelings for them.

Sexual and romantic attraction are often PRIMARY attraction for most people. Emotional attraction that makes you want to bond comes with or after that. For demis we experience emotional attraction first and sexual or romantic attraction MIGHT follow afterwards making them SECONDARY.
 

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I don't believe in demisexuals. All the one's I've ever met were having more sex than the average "normal" sexual person. Pretty sure women just call themselves that so that people don't perceive them as sluts.
I'm asexual and I'm probably having more sex than you are :p What's your point?
 

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Isn't it? It sure sounds like one to me. How is it possible for a person to be romantically interested in someone they don't love?
cuz it's not the kind of love triggered by infatuation or romance. It's pure platonic love. Not romantic love. The kind of love you experience after knowing someone for years. Romantic crushes can turn into romantic love but I don't believe in "love at first sight" thing. You can't love someone you know nothing about. That's just limerence.
 
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There are three types of attraction.

Sensory attraction, where you're attracted to the aesthetics of a person ("I like that").

Romantic attraction, where you want a relationship with a person ("I wanna marry that").

And sexual attraction, where you experience lust for a person ("I wanna fuck that").

These three types of attraction function independently from one another (although they often align in an individual, perpetuating the notion that they are one and the same).

For example, you could find hipster boys wearing beanies aesthetically pleasing but want nothing to do with them sexually. Or you could be sexually attracted to someone but not want a romantic relationship with them.

So to answer your question, yeah you can find someone attractive aesthetics-wise and not be sexually attracted to them because the two actually have nothing to do with each other.
 

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I'm asexual and I'm probably having more sex than you are :p What's your point?
That IS my point. Or, more specifically, my point is that you're not asexual if you're having sex (unless it's just to make someone else happy?).

Romantic crushes can turn into romantic love but I don't believe in "love at first sight" thing. You can't love someone you know nothing about. That's just limerence.
I'm pretty sure ~90% of people don't believe in "love at first sight". That's a fairy tale and comparing yourself to it is rather silly. :happy:
 

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There are three types of attraction.

Sensual attraction, where you're attracted to the aesthetics of a person ("I like that").
I thought that's aesthetic attraction. Sensual attraction is when you want to be close and sensual with someone.
 

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That IS my point. Or, more specifically, my point is that you're not asexual if you're having sex (unless it's just to make someone else happy?).
People have sex for so many reasons. Yes, I wouldn't have sex if it wasn't for my partner.
 
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There's a lot of misconceptions about demisexuality and rather than a sexuality, to me it's a way to define sexual patterns. It's more of a qualifier than a primary orientation.

Being demisexual doesn't mean being completely uninterested in sex or not having a sex drive rather the inability of desiring sex or being attracted to someone unless you develop strong romantic feelings first.

If I see a gorgeous man or woman but I'm not in love with them, and to me love is something rare and significant, I won't really have any urge to daydream about sexually or establishing any kind of physical relation. It's like looking at a pretty picture or an alluring celebrity, I never understood people masturbating over celebrities unless it's someone whose art and personality touched you deeply.

I find it easier to get aroused by art, books, music, my own imagination, feelings and memories.
I can enjoy porn and explicitly sexual things, though I'm open but specific, but only because of projection.

But when I'm in love with someone my sex drive is ridiculously high (depression aside).
Now I desire him all the time, I'm no sex crazed person and I have no real experience but it just explodes.

Other demisexuals are closer to the asexual spectrum.
It's not really that simple but human sexuality is beautiful because it's subjective and complex
 

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That IS my point. Or, more specifically, my point is that you're not asexual if you're having sex (unless it's just to make someone else happy?).
One can be asexual and have sex, it refers to sexual attraction, not sexual behaviour.
Likewise a demisexual could have sex while not attracted to a person, I think the difficulty here may be the presumption that a person only behaves sexually because of attraction but people's motivations can go beyond that, though I would think it the most compelling factors.

To help exemplify, a priest may be both romantically and physically attracted to women ie heterosexual but in his behaviour he is presumably sexually abstinent, but we wouldn't say that he is asexual for the lack of sex.

Sexual attraction ≠ Sexual behaviour
 
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