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Just spent almost an hour doing nothing but rolling around in my thoughts, in bed with an excessively overactive Fi which constantly demands your attention. She envelopes me and forces me to pay attention to her and nothing else.

I focus so closely on it, I lose my perception of time, and even forget what I'm doing. What I look like. I don't feel whole. I start to cry at one point somewhere, and I don't even remember what brought it on. I get lost in a Massive Attack song, someone asking, "Why don't you close your eyes and reinvent me?" It rings all too true.

I have nothing to grasp onto, because if I did, I would say I was weak for relying on anyone but myself, because they might not be there tomorrow. I honestly can't even find the will to care, I'm so tired; half from wrestling with my overanalyzing Fi and from predicting what will happen if I try to take control of everything again. The other half is sleep deprivation and massive personal life changing stress.

It's me against a blurred skyline. I live in a dream. I am so, so tired. I hope the strained cord between my formless being and the blurred, foggy otherworld does not break.

Why don't you close your eyes and reinvent me?
 
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