[Lo.Lee.Ta.]

Hi, I'm a 5w4. I have severe depression... I have recently started to go to a counselor and psychiatrist about it, though.

I'm wondering: Has anyone else has experienced depression while in college?
How did/do you cope?


I am a Biochemistry and Molecular Biology major.
I like science and want to be a doctor/surgeon. I love to research medical conditions.

I am usually VERY conscientious about my schoolwork and study A LOT.

I have become so depressed in college that it is affecting my grades, though. I never thought this would happen.
At the beginning of the semester, I study so much and do well. My grades are good at this point, but I always want them to be better I get very frustrated when I don't do as well I wanted to.
I am a perfectionist. I dwell on the test grade and the test questions and think about them over and over and over.
I cannot get the tests out of my mind. I get so obsessed.

I have a hard time studying for the next test because I keep thinking about the past test.


This never-good-enough grade idea gets me so depressed.
I feel like I can never achieve what I want to in life.
I get so depressed that I cannot even get out of bed anymore. I feel like there is no point of even going to class.
I become extremely reclusive and stay inside my apartment room all the time.
I feel like there is no hope in my future. I still read the text books and show up for test days during this period, but my grades dramatically drop. :crying:
I like to listen to Mozart's Requiem and classical funeral marches a lot.
Suicide is on my mind every single day.


It is so bad. But I don't see how I can even get out of this depressive state to even accomplish what I need to with my classes...


Has anyone experienced anything even remotely like this?
Has anyone experienced depression in college?
What was your experience like?
How did you get out of it?

I really need help!

 

[cursive]

Please do not EVER attempt suicide. It is not a good solution to these problems, problems which I am pretty sure are in your power to defeat, since you seem to be quite brave about communicating and seeking help.

I am a perfectionist. I dwell on the test grade and the test questions and think about them over and over and over.
I cannot get the tests out of my mind. I get so obsessed. I understand this obsession. If you think about just doing your best, every single time, you might be able to let go a little. Your best changes from day to day, but you do what you can. Forgive yourself, you are a person. It's ok to not be perfect.

This never-good-enough grade idea gets me so depressed. Stop focusing on failures, cultivate and congratulate your successes.
I feel like I can never achieve what I want to in life. YOU CAN, but not if you give up! Look at all the successful people you know of, they all defeated the odds. You can, too.
I get so depressed that I cannot even get out of bed anymore. I feel like there is no point of even going to class. TAKE A SHOWER! Get dressed! DO SOMETHING. FORCE YOURSELF.
I become extremely reclusive and stay inside my apartment room all the time. GO OUTSIDE!
I feel like there is no hope in my future. I still read the text books and show up for test days during this period, but my grades dramatically drop. :crying:
I like to listen to Mozart's Requiem and classical funeral marches a lot. STOP THIS! Listen to something EMPOWERING. Listen to something sexy! Happy! Fun!
Suicide is on my mind every single day. NO. DO NOT. SERIOUSLY.

What's your living situation like? Are there any external sources for the intense pressure you put on yourself? If you really love studying your chosen major, is there any way you can just focus on the enjoyment, to extract as much knowledge as you can, but not worry as much about the grade or perfection? If it would be possible to trick your brain, you might be able to subvert this tendency. Do you feel better writing out your worries and talking about them? What makes you feel like this burden is lifted off your shoulders? What would you ideally like to do with your life, if you could just get out of your own way?

Negative mind-talk is an enemy. It must be defeated. You must try your best, every day, to be your own friend, to trick your brain into doing what you want it to. When you notice you're being hard on yourself, think about how dangerous it is. It really is. It could trick you into destroying something very valuable. Your life is a gift. You can do anything you want with it. Fill it with things that make you happy, with things that inspire you. Focus on gratitude. Find the ways in which you are blessed, and be thankful.

I really applaud your courage to seek professional help. It is brave, to put yourself out there.

 

[Lo.Lee.Ta.]

Thank you, violetblack.

Your words really did help. I feel much empowered already from your response.
I'm taking what you've said to heart.
Thanks!

 

[ghostly]

I'm a 5w4 with depression as well. Mine caused me to flunk out of college, so now I won't go back until I've gotten enough professional assistance that I know I'm stable on my feet again. I am really afraid that I'll get screwed up again. I don't have much advice, just wanted to offer solidarity. I hope you are able to keep yourself afloat, I believe you can!

 

[Bricolage]

Thank you, violetblack.

Your words really did help. I feel much empowered already from your response.
I'm taking what you've said to heart.
Thanks!

You can almost always claw your way back, although things might seem insanely bleak right now. I just incorporated a few new things into my schedule and it had a big impact. A lot of this might sound anathema to an INTP or type five but here does: sunshine, some social interaction, balanced eating habits, daily walks, fulfilling work or hobby, maybe a chinese tonic herb like reishi, and meditation. Just try some things. It doesn't seem like you have much to lose. Eating too many carbs can turn you hypoglycemic and anhedonic later in the day; ditto for coffee. A great deal of depression can be modulated with diet and exercise, as hokey as that sounds.

 

[BlueSeven]

Perhaps connection with your subject peersonally might help motivation. You could go to events or exhibits and the like? To save from the guilt and fear of academic excellence. Then those experiences can be used as wider knowledge kin order to help to evyour tests.

 

[626Stitch]

@Lo.Lee.Ta.

It sounds like your whole life revolves around studying. Maybe if you had some alternative focuses it would take some of the preassure of. Also are you neglecting your personal needs which are not met by studying? These could be
- social
- need for physichal activity
- need to get outdoors

 

[626Stitch]

Also you might find this site usefull. It sounds like your perfectionast tendencies are highly destructive.

Self-compassion - A Healthier Way of Relating to Yourself

 

[Pride49]

Hmm. I'm a 4-5-8 and ... I deny saying flunk because actually I am in another college/mini semester thing.
I have decided that in order for me to attain some type of happiness. Is to somehow make myself better than others...horrible advice.

As such. I am extremely arrogant. And will not admit it verbally.
I've decided instilling admiration in others. And others being impressed by me matters a lot to me.
So. I decide to become as smart as possible cramming as much information as I can to make others want me to enlighten them.
Then again you may not need a Pride boost as much.
I also considered the feeling I have when others fear me.
And decided that wasn't a good outlet. Because immediately I daydreamed about sympathizing with murderers.
But what of natural fear? The fear as my ISTJ cousin says forces someone to use some type of natural safety measures.
That would require me to either be extremely weird or have some type of power unattainable.

College and learning to me has become something to be proud of. Not so much a requirement for jobs (although the benefit is gratifying). But comforting yourself with the fact if something interesting were to happen that would require knowledge. Or the chance to boost your ego came up...ah never mind.

But any-who. I would say having a best friend or three or four is important. I'd think having a best friend of the opposite sex is the best friend. Because...They won't challenge your values...i.e. Accuse you as much for being weak, or accusing you of being weird for not complying to society.

Once again you are an individual.

I remember these two girls were having a conversation in the campus cafe and one was crying and stuff. (I assumed is was about a relationship and it was.) I tried to offer some of my recent advice for coping and was shot down. They treated me as if I was just another jerk. A stereotype of what women think men are. I was devastated because of that. So. I say. Respect others individualism as well regardless of your own bias that they aren't like you. I have a feeling depression likes nonchalant company. And If this is true two depressed individuals are an even better outlet.

Don't listen to the lullaby from a few dollars more. The song in itself signifies suicide so no. I agree that happier music is better to release depression. Hopefully you aren't the portion of type 4 that ONLY listens to specific music in order to be different.

IDK. I've been rambling

 

[Pride49]

Also you might find this site usefull. It sounds like your perfectionast tendencies are highly destructive.

Self-compassion - A Healthier Way of Relating to Yourself

A bit Cheesy. Sounds as if she's talking to children

 

[Pride49]

Also, think about the unpredictability of life

Edit: In fact, I posted a picture that was meant for another thread. Sorry for the three posts in a row