[noosabar]

When I lay down at night to sleep I experience overwhelming feelings of dread, doubt, unworthiness, acute emotional pain attached to past lovers, emptiness, and longing.
These are not just thoughts banging around in my head, they are whole body experiences, the most notable being my torso is going to collape and my heart explode.
I honestly contemplate suicide to avoid this time of day, I dont believe I would actually suicide, however It feels like non existance would be preferrable. It is fucking awfull, like walking naked into a dark forest crawling with hungry demons. I get so scared.Any suggestions?????

 

[northernsky]

Have you tried:

keeping a notebook beside your bed to vent all these feelings and hopefully clear your head before bed

some form of white noise, like a fan, I use this when I can't escape a whirl of thoughts

listening to something before bed - I favour a comedy podcast to send me to sleep enjoyably

 

[PorlockVisitor]

I can relate to this. Night time was the worst for me when I was depressed. I would lie there and question everything, my mind wandered to places that were better forgotten.

I liked Nikson's suggestions. I would like to add some things though:

-Make a playlist of happy music to listen to as you're going to sleep. Upbeat songs will probably keep you up longer, so just choose some songs that will keep you calm.

-I didn't really sleep with stuffed animals when I was younger, but when this problem arose it felt good to have something to hang on to. Not suggesting you go out and buy yourself a stuffed animal here. Instead, have and extra pillow for you keep in your arms. This sounds stupid, however, you could try it. It helped keep me connected to reality in a sense, kept me from feeling like was drifting off to nowhere.

-When you notice your mind drifting to darker things, reflect on some positive thing you did during the day or something you would like to do the next day.

-The best thing for me was to create a cool place I wanted to go to when I was dreaming. I would close my eyes and focus completely on the place or scenario I wanted to create. I didn't just stop at the skeleton, I would flesh everything out in intricate detail. If this didn't work I would count sheep, trying to picture each individual sheep with a number painted on it's side hopping over a fence. OR I would take words and think of as many rhymes as I possibly could... yeah.

The idea is to find something to distract yourself from these thought of despair. Hopefully you can find something that works for you.

 

[Just_Some_Guy]

Sounds like you've got some demons to exorcise. I suggest meditation to expose the roots of your problems. Also, since you're feeling localized dread in your body, a little yoga may help.

Why when you are about to sleep? What changes? What shift occurs that makes you vulnerable to these feelings? When we sleep, we prepare to surrender to the unconscious, so the threshold of conscious and unconscious weakens. This is why I suggest artificially lowering this threshold through meditation so you can confront these issues on your own terms.

Me, I experience mania and a hyper-active mind when I try to sleep. The old note book besides the bed works wonders.

 

[TurranMC]

When I lay down to sleep I start thinking about all the problems around me. But I differ from you in that I do not feel hopeless about them, I just sit and think to myself what can I do to fix them. I feel no matter what the problem is, it can be overcome, I just have to figure out how to do it. Why would I think any different?

 

[HannibalLecter]

I was reading about apocalyptic events last night before bed. Methane Bubbles, mostly; but some other things, as well.
I slept better than usual.
Obviously, I do not feel depressed that time of the day.

 

[Miss Scarlet]

Have you tried:

keeping a notebook beside your bed to vent all these feelings and hopefully clear your head before bed

some form of white noise, like a fan, I use this when I can't escape a whirl of thoughts

listening to something before bed - I favour a comedy podcast to send me to sleep enjoyably

I agree that writing or journaling is a great idea! It helps me.

You could also try meditation. Burning oil helps me.

 

[KaylRyck]

Burning oil helps me.

Is that incense? I've always wanted to buy one...whenever I get a whiff of them in a store its sooo good.

 

[noosabar]

Im not sure what instigates this experience, I dont lay down and consciously think corrosive thoughts. Throughout the day I am active, constructive and progressive. Im out of bed before sunrise daily. I have an optomistic outlook and carry little or no anger towards my life. I am empathetic and do not begrudge any past situations. I find the situation perplexing to say the least. Two nights ago I was in a semi conscious state and was totally paralised unable to move, and full of fear and dread.

 

[noosabar]

I was reading about apocalyptic events last night before bed. Methane Bubbles, mostly; but some other things, as well.
I slept better than usual.
Obviously, I do not feel depressed that time of the day.

Obviously, congratulations.

 

[Miss Scarlet]

Is that incense? I've always wanted to buy one...whenever I get a whiff of them in a store its sooo good.

Yep! You should get one I got a really nice one from the dollar store!

 

[Just_Some_Guy]

Im not sure what instigates this experience, I dont lay down and consciously think corrosive thoughts. Throughout the day I am active, constructive and progressive. Im out of bed before sunrise daily. I have an optomistic outlook and carry little or no anger towards my life. I am empathetic and do not begrudge any past situations. I find the situation perplexing to say the least. Two nights ago I was in a semi conscious state and was totally paralised unable to move, and full of fear and dread.

Dude, this is totally something unconscious. You need to investigate this.

 

[Linnifae]

I have the same problem. I take xanax at night to deal with it, but every time it gets around the time I should be going to bed, my mind plays everything bad that's happened in my life, or focuses on my current worries, or I just get sad for no apparent reason at all.

 

[noosabar]

I have the same problem. I take xanax at night to deal with it, but every time it gets around the time I should be going to bed, my mind plays everything bad that's happened in my life, or focuses on my current worries, or I just get sad for no apparent reason at all.

Im sorry to hear that your experiences are similar, I would not wish it upon anyone.

 

[GrannyWeatherwax]

Bedtime sucks.

I usually bring a book to bed and read myself to sleep.
It distracts me from dark thoughts.
Only thing is, I have to read until I actually fall asleep. Not putting the book down and turn off the light, then I'll just wake up and the thought-train of pain is off again. So I end up always sleeping with the light on.

It has to be a book that is not too heavy to read; not to serious and not too exiting either.
Go for fun and cozy.
Right now I'm plowing through the Discworld series. It's awesome. <3
Usually I only read them when it's bedtime, that helps me associate bedtime with something good.
(This is only my experience. I'm not saying that it will work for you, but it could be worth a try...?)

The way you describe your experiences sounds like it's almost physical.
Maybe you have a dormant depression that you manage to hold back at daytime when you're active, but hit's you full force when it gets dark and you're tired.
Talking to a professional might help.
Maybe you should even ask your doctor to temporarily prescribe something that can calm you down in the evenings.
I hope you find a way to make things better!

 

[WickedQueen]

Eh, I don't think I ever experience it.

So, uhmm...
Have you tried masturbating?

 

[Just_Some_Guy]

Eh, I don't think I ever experience it.

So, uhmm...
Have you tried masturbating?

Of all the people to say this, I would never have suspected WickedQueen.

Totally caught me off guard.

I lol'd.

 

[noosabar]

Eh, I don't think I ever experience it.

So, uhmm...
Have you tried masturbating?

Im not quite sure what your suggesting, masterbating?

I engage in a tricky technique I call " having a good wank" on occasion, this just doesn't cut the mustard, the slippery little dark demons slide back in under the fuzzy stuff.

 

[WickedQueen]

Are you still experiencing those depression? Have you tried any of above suggestions?

 

[noosabar]

Therapy did not reveal anything.

I tend not to read as i veer off on tangents when influenced others thoughts, meaning the book only lasts a couple of minuites in my hands.

I have an acute aversion to any kind of pharms.

I spend the best part of my evenings in stillness and quietness. Meditative

wanking is fun.

I am beginning to think I need more physical contact.
15-20 mins at the chiro every Monday is all the touch I have each week.
I dont socialize. Outside of work I have no human contact. I have this pc no phone service, or tv, or radio.
Im sounding like a victim, Im not. The dread it still comes.