@Hypersensitivity
That is a very interesting article, thanks for sharing.
This is my depression experience, don't know if it will help at all, but here goes:
I was depressed for years as a teenager, but have not been for a long time (Thank God). When I was depressed I frankly didn't care enough to try to NOT be depressed. Lying in bed all day was so much easier. I don't know if I would have stopped being depressed if some major parts of my life hadn't changed, because pulling myself out of it on my own seemed impossible and futile and, like you said, there was something comforting in my depression. I was defensive of it, like it was an actual part of my own identity, just the way I
was, and abandoning it seemed like abandoning part of who I was.
I am glad to report that I am
so much more than my depression
.
The first part of getting over it was physically getting away from certain triggers (people, places) which brought out the worst in me and which I reacted to by playing and replaying all the worst parts of my life over and over in my head (much of which dealt with abuse). I replaced them with new ideas, new people, and new things to do.
The next part was dealing with the emotional ups-and-downs, crazy mood swings, and confusing breakdowns that kept happening as I emerged out of it (I didn't really realize I had been depressed, or maybe I would have understood that I was still dealing with the emergence process. If I'd known I think it would have helped greatly). During this part of my life I was better since I felt happiness from time to time, but because I wasn't ALWAYS happy, was actually pretty unstable and was prone to breakdowns, I felt like something was wrong with me that was actually ME, and not part of what I had been through. This made it even worse in some ways. Thinking I was crazy because I wasn't always happy and everyone else around was sucked. And taking out my anger or confusion on, say, an SO, made it even worse as major relationships fell apart due to my emotionality, and I didn't understand why and blamed myself and my own fits of irrationality and negativity.
So the next part of it was eventually realizing that I don't have to hate myself or feel pathetic for feeling negative or down sometimes, for needing time alone, or for strong feelings of hate or regret. I had labeled this feeling of rage and sadness inside me "The Beast," and I learned that the beast needed to be expressed, not ignored, and dealt with in some manner proactively, ON PURPOSE, and not when it chose to break out on its own. At this point I imagine therapy probably would have helped, but I never really thought about it. An important experience or two also helped me put my life in perspective and realize that it could have been so, so much worse, and also how much beauty and joy there is in it even amidst despair (umm, try traveling to Sub-Saharan Africa and still feeling sorry for yourself. I dare you.)
A lot of the work I have done since then deals with translating my anger or disgust with the world into sadness and expressing it, along with trying to genuinely forgive certain people and realize that they have struggled with difficulties in their life too, and taking steps to be a better person while still liking myself for who I am. Stopped being resentful, or feeling like I was totally out of control of my own life (though I recognize too that there are some things you can't control). Things that I would have raged about or processed through my Ni over and over again to no avail, I just cry about now. Simpler, and more effective, to let yourself feel an emotion, and then let it pass, without self-hate, other-hate, or blame. Trying to be proactive and to see the little beautiful things in life. I have found much peace through trying to help other people in worse situations than what I've been through.
My life and emotional state is so much better now. SO MUCH BETTER! It is worth the letting go, though it is a long and not-so-easy process, and different for every individual.
Good luck... find your
hope in the Pandora's box of it all, and hang on to it.
