Personality Cafe banner

1 - 18 of 18 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
4,567 Posts
Discussion Starter #1
I remember walking with my friend as we went to buy snacks for some party or something and I started thinking outloud. "Do you ever think that maybe you've already died and you are just continuing your life as if your death never happened because this is what the afterlife looks like, just an exact mirror of what your life was?"

She looked at me as if I was insane and I started to believe it. I suddenly realised that what I thought was a harmless question was actually a vulnerable peer into a part of my mind that I should probably lock off in case people thought I wasn't part of the 'sane' people. It sounded like a cry for help, it was never meant to be.

"Sorry," I said, "That sounds morbid, I know." But the question always burned in me, I just never heard anyone experiencing this too. I felt as though I was just floating in a dream, as if there was a point in my life where something just switched off and everything felt a little less real. During my childhood I felt alive and constantly present in the world but now it felt like I just hadn't woken up. I would brush against velcro or press against rose thorns to feel roughness and sharpness, feelings that can't be felt in a dream. Things would seem weird... like the feeling where if you repeat a word often enough it begins to look foreign? That was how my day to day life felt or just moments in my life. Sometimes I just didn't feel like I was involved with my own life.

I associated it with bad sleep or a disconnect from reality, as though I was still caught up in whatever fantasy world had swept me away. There was no difference between that fantasy and reality at some points of my life, the importance of fantasy was so high that I blamed it on being an escapist. I thought, INFPs are the ones with their heads in the clouds, I must be an INFP. We are the "Dreamers" after all.

It wasn't until today that I stumbled across a video which talks about this feeling. It gave it a name, and it's often linked to anxiety or depression, of course. I have been searching for years to escape this feeling and I have no idea how.

Derealisation.

Derealization (sometimes abbreviated as DR) is an alteration in the perception or experience of the external world so that it seems unreal. Other symptoms include feeling as though one's environment is lacking in spontaneity, emotional colouring, and depth.[1] It is a dissociative symptom of many conditions.

Derealization is a subjective experience of unreality of the outside world, while depersonalization is sense of unreality in one's personal self, although most authors currently do not regard derealization (surroundings) and depersonalization (self) as separate constructs.

Chronic derealization may be caused by occipital–temporal dysfunction.[2] These symptoms are common in the population, with a lifetime prevalence of up to 5% and 31–66% at the time of a traumatic event.[3]
I wonder why this is not spoken about because just being able to talk about these things is half the battle, right? It stops you from feeling so alien.


Do you recognise these symptoms? Have you experienced something similar?

I'm debating if this needs to be put in general psychology forum or something to hit a broader view but I feel safe in the NF forum and so often I see this kind of absent/dreamy attitude as being associates with NFs.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
20 Posts
hits close to home, i can completely relate to what you're saying since i suffer from the same thing but talking about it gets me really anxious
I read its a defence mechanism against stress and anxiety.
Just remember you're not crazy and you're not alone with this
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
5,264 Posts
I get the de-personalisation thing, I get that when I'm public speaking, or dealing with something that feels pressured or out of the ordinary.. Like if a kitchen fire happens and I have to deal with it. Actually any form of examination where I have a certain amount of time to deliver a pressured task really, I feel like I float off from reality and I don't know who/what is controlling me anymore except that I keep doing/saying things somehow. Fight or flight safety mode basically, where I lose my normal perception of real-ness and become numb, which actually allows me to blunt my emotions which can help me get through the damn thing and actually act.

Perhaps in other cases de-personalisation might happen as a form of numbing other strong emotions other than adrenaline/fear. I also had an anxiety attack once when I was stressed from doing essays, I was in the gym and suddenly felt like I was going to have a heart attack, and that I'd finally been confronted with my own mortality, everything became distant and unreal, so I'd guess people living with chronically high anxiety might experience this.

That's my 2 cents
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
4,567 Posts
Discussion Starter #4
hits close to home, i can completely relate to what you're saying since i suffer from the same thing but talking about it gets me really anxious
I read its a defence mechanism against stress and anxiety.
Just remember you're not crazy and you're not alone with this
Yeah, I think I started recognising the anxiety symptoms after this though, but they were all probably a compounding of the same events in my life to get me to this point.

Or maybe we're all mad here? It's fine.

Thanks.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
4,567 Posts
Discussion Starter #5
I get the de-personalisation thing, I get that when I'm public speaking, or dealing with something that feels pressured or out of the ordinary.. Like if a kitchen fire happens and I have to deal with it. Actually any form of examination where I have a certain amount of time to deliver a pressured task really, I feel like I float off from reality and I don't know who/what is controlling me anymore except that I keep doing/saying things somehow. Fight or flight safety mode basically, where I lose my normal perception of real-ness and become numb, which actually allows me to blunt my emotions which can help me get through the damn thing and actually act.

Perhaps in other cases de-personalisation might happen as a form of numbing other strong emotions other than adrenaline/fear. I also had an anxiety attack once when I was stressed from doing essays, I was in the gym and suddenly felt like I was going to have a heart attack, and that I'd finally been confronted with my own mortality, everything became distant and unreal, so I'd guess people living with chronically high anxiety might experience this.

That's my 2 cents
I can't say I've had an anxiety attack where it felt so painful, but certainly moments where it feels like I'm suffocating. Like I'm drowning in oxygen! Yay! Hah, I mean I wouldn't think my anxiety is that bad... but... okay, I feel like I can function most of the time. Uh, I've said before that I need to find help but I never do.

I think I'm slowly shifting out of this feeling of 'everything is a dream' though... maybe. Who knows? It's hard to know when it turns off.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,343 Posts
I get that kind of disassociation, yeah. Not all the time, but occasionally. It happened to me the other night, actually, while I was writing up a post. It was a little different this time from some of the other times I've experienced it.

The only time it ever worried me was when it happened after roughly 2 1/2 days without sleep, a few years ago. It didn't go away even after I got sleep. It stayed with me for about 2-3 days after. That had me concerned.

I distinctly remember it hitting me while my cousin and I were walking around in Walmart. I told him something really weird had just happened and that everything seemed fake/like a dream and told him I wasn't sure if I was going to have any memory of any of this when it passed. It didn't seem to end up effecting my memory, but it was most definitely weird.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
23 Posts
Whenever I experience this, it feels as though I'm underwater or as though my body is on autopilot. It tends to come in waves.

While I do have clinical depression and anxiety, I also experienced something traumatic when I was a child. I know that childhood trauma is often linked to dissociation and is considered a coping mechanism.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
4,567 Posts
Discussion Starter #8
Whenever I experience this, it feels as though I'm underwater or as though my body is on autopilot. It tends to come in waves.

While I do have clinical depression and anxiety, I also experienced something traumatic when I was a child. I know that childhood trauma is often linked to dissociation and is considered a coping mechanism.
Waves of a dreamlike ocean. Sounds poetic.

It's definitely a trauma coping mechanism. It doesn't have to be a 'big' traumatic event like in childhood, it could be "small traumas", moments that whilst on their own seem insignificant, together they build up to a breaking point, like more pressure against the dam to bring those waves in.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
341 Posts
You know, OP, when they said "hear no evil, see no evil, speak no evil" a couple centuries past, they meant the unconscious, aka soul.
Let's imagine a mind like an egg. What is "sane" is that, like in all other animals, the "I" (aka ego) moves across the surface, unaware of what lies underneath it.

And, if the person has an average mind and no out-of-the-ordinary-sorrowful incident strikes into their life, they'll probably pass their life as dots moving on the egg's, id est their own self's, surface.
#happy
#smile
#44 people liked it
#wow u so beautiful

<i>Introspection</i> means inspection of the inner (self, if we talk of a person).
The real meaning of Fi and Ti is thinking and having emotions with your individual feeling and thinking. It also means that your mind is designed so as to tend to break the egg's shell, and venture into the albumen — in the most ill-fated cases, the yolk where you have actual schizophrenia and other horrors of the same kind (and not the "schizophrenia" that you get diagnosed socially whenever you see, and say, that the tale's Emperor is naked. Real schizophrenia is much different to thinking with one's end and being immune to societally shared mass-delusions, and it is a horror.).

It's likely you won't find "real life friends" to whom you can share anxieties and puzzlements and wonders welling up from your deep mind (aka soul). Even the internet features a noteworthy scarcity of suchlike chances.
But there are real books of psychology, real poetry, real literature, real art, ... which, in their essence and although in an indirect way to avoid aggression from society, are all about the soul and its wandering on the sea of possibilities and the imaginable.

If you have no familiarity with real art, you could for example start from David Lynch's Mulholland Drive.
Or from one of the books on the soul by James Hillman (or C. G. Jung): use the originals, not Wikipedia quotations, and random pages purportedly on them found on the WWW.

And don't repress all the parts of yourself that you cannot show. Hide them from whom you have to — everyone, habitually — but not from your own ego. Or you'll fall from a potentially 3D being to a 2D or uni-dimensional one (the super-ego: a socially-apt mask, without a face beneath it any more, just a mask).
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
4,567 Posts
Discussion Starter #10
You know, OP, when they said "hear no evil, see no evil, speak no evil" a couple centuries past, they meant the unconscious, aka soul.
Let's imagine a mind like an egg. What is "sane" is that, like in all other animals, the "I" (aka ego) moves across the surface, unaware of what lies underneath it.

And, if the person has an average mind and no out-of-the-ordinary-sorrowful incident strikes into their life, they'll probably pass their life as dots moving on the egg's, id est their own self's, surface.
#happy
#smile
#44 people liked it
#wow u so beautiful

<i>Introspection</i> means inspection of the inner (self, if we talk of a person).
The real meaning of Fi and Ti is thinking and having emotions with your individual feeling and thinking. It also means that your mind is designed so as to tend to break the egg's shell, and venture into the albumen — in the most ill-fated cases, the yolk where you have actual schizophrenia and other horrors of the same kind (and not the "schizophrenia" that you get diagnosed socially whenever you see, and say, that the tale's Emperor is naked. Real schizophrenia is much different to thinking with one's end and being immune to societally shared mass-delusions, and it is a horror.).

It's likely you won't find "real life friends" to whom you can share anxieties and puzzlements and wonders welling up from your deep mind (aka soul). Even the internet features a noteworthy scarcity of suchlike chances.
But there are real books of psychology, real poetry, real literature, real art, ... which, in their essence and although in an indirect way to avoid aggression from society, are all about the soul and its wandering on the sea of possibilities and the imaginable.

If you have no familiarity with real art, you could for example start from David Lynch's Mulholland Drive.
Or from one of the books on the soul by James Hillman (or C. G. Jung): use the originals, not Wikipedia quotations, and random pages purportedly on them found on the WWW.

And don't repress all the parts of yourself that you cannot show. Hide them from whom you have to — everyone, habitually — but not from your own ego. Or you'll fall from a potentially 3D being to a 2D or uni-dimensional one (the super-ego: a socially-apt mask, without a face beneath it any more, just a mask).
"Not Wikipedia quotations", I see you think lowly of my scratching of the surface of this topic... Heh, you sound like a teacher. Well, I'm not writing a dissertation on the topic, I'm not looking for those reputable sources, I'm merely throwing something out there for people to quickly grasp what I'm referring to. I didn't want to bury the meaning behind abstract.

I don't subscribe to this theory of 'real art' but I understand what you mean. I haven't watched Mulholland Drive, I know enough about it to know you travel deeper into the dream of a budding actress. Now is this 'delusional' or is it on the topic of derealisation? I think David Lynch's style is enough to get you truly thinking but is it enough for me to find something to relate to in it?

You bring up schizophrenia, was that because you feel that it is related to this topic? Or related to viewing the world in an unapproved way? Or as a mere look at the topic of 'sanity'? I know that if I had no filter between my mind and my mouth at times then there is no doubt that is what the line is for me to cross from being 'sane' to 'insane' and that's a horrifying idea.

I feel like I have repressed a lot, I know how hollow that is but I've slowly been pulling myself out of that.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
7,976 Posts
@Falling Snow I came late to the party. Do you know that you are actually an amazing writer?
Okay, so several years ago I was listening to NPR (USA National Public Radio) and they were interviewing a doctor in Sweden who had discovered a new disease. I cannot remember the disease name.. maybe I can search. Anyway, it was a disease where people thought they were dead. They lived their lives as usual but would come into his office saying, "Yes, I'm dead. I died. This is how it is now."
SO.... I think there's a game here to make. Boy am I annoying with this kind of thing for you! lol I have ideas! Have you ever thought it might lend itself well to a game being a ghost putting things to right? Solving a murder or something? Dang it, I should be brainstorming WITH you instead of at you. It just seems very cool and very deep in you.
Found it... I think... except the doctor they were interviewing was alive and in Sweden.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cotard_delusion
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
4,567 Posts
Discussion Starter #12
@Falling Snow I came late to the party. Do you know that you are actually an amazing writer?
Okay, so several years ago I was listening to NPR (USA National Public Radio) and they were interviewing a doctor in Sweden who had discovered a new disease. I cannot remember the disease name.. maybe I can search. Anyway, it was a disease where people thought they were dead. They lived their lives as usual but would come into his office saying, "Yes, I'm dead. I died. This is how it is now."
SO.... I think there's a game here to make. Boy am I annoying with this kind of thing for you! lol I have ideas! Have you ever thought it might lend itself well to a game being a ghost putting things to right? Solving a murder or something? Dang it, I should be brainstorming WITH you instead of at you. It just seems very cool and very deep in you.
Found it... I think... except the doctor they were interviewing was alive and in Sweden.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cotard_delusion
Well, that delusion sounds a lot more severe than what I was going through, fortunately. That would terrify me. I know that even if everything feels surreal I have to treat everything as real. I don't have that much faith in anything to fully embrace the idea so to feel 'immortal'.

I liken it to a kind of "The Matrix Syndrome" where you question your existence, your world and whether everything you see is fake. I always dove into that theory because the "what if"s are fascinating but when it starts to become a little more real then it's worrying. "I think therefore I am" is the only true comfort that I can prove. Truly going down this rabbit hole is dangerous though, you need to be able to believe in something otherwise what's the point? Then I think these theories are like a religion in their own right... it's all about faith in the end.

Anyway... solving a murder? Who's? My own? I wish almost wish I was a ghost with spectral powers. I had a character that I created once, his life being a boring 9-5 slog, nothing out of the ordinary but nothing worth 'living' for, an accident happened, he came back as a ghost and ironically started finding more of a purpose after death than he had before when he was so obsessed with playing life safe that he forgot to live it. Became a kind of detective in a way. Probably spurred from all this thinking of living in a dream experience and as a representation of my fears in life. To be honest all the characters I create nowadays represent something of myself I want to explore even if the characters are nothing like me. I rarely try to apply these characters to anything public though.
 
  • Like
Reactions: Llyralen

·
Registered
Joined
·
7,976 Posts
Well, that delusion sounds a lot more severe than what I was going through, fortunately. That would terrify me. I know that even if everything feels surreal I have to treat everything as real. I don't have that much faith in anything to fully embrace the idea so to feel 'immortal'.

I liken it to a kind of "The Matrix Syndrome" where you question your existence, your world and whether everything you see is fake. I always dove into that theory because the "what if"s are fascinating but when it starts to become a little more real then it's worrying. "I think therefore I am" is the only true comfort that I can prove. Truly going down this rabbit hole is dangerous though, you need to be able to believe in something otherwise what's the point? Then I think these theories are like a religion in their own right... it's all about faith in the end.

Anyway... solving a murder? Who's? My own? I wish almost wish I was a ghost with spectral powers. I had a character that I created once, his life being a boring 9-5 slog, nothing out of the ordinary but nothing worth 'living' for, an accident happened, he came back as a ghost and ironically started finding more of a purpose after death than he had before when he was so obsessed with playing life safe that he forgot to live it. Became a kind of detective in a way. Probably spurred from all this thinking of living in a dream experience and as a representation of my fears in life. To be honest all the characters I create nowadays represent something of myself I want to explore even if the characters are nothing like me. I rarely try to apply these characters to anything public though.
I think it would appeal to SO MANY people! Sounds like a blast to me, actually. You already have the character and background! Yep, you weren't anywhere near that abyss, but I wanted to say "I've seen the abyss!" I heard it on NPR. =) xoxoxo
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
381 Posts
For some reason, the repressed emotions seems to be a great starting point to what you are describing. I'm not saying you describe your past traumas here, but maybe writing them down somewhere to get them 'out'. Repression of anything usually manifests itself in negative ways in a person's life. But that is the past and what's important is now. The past can mold you, but you can change your ways. You could talk to somebody about your feelings, maybe someone professionally. But the repression seems to be a great starting point. Feel those feelings, allow them to be there, and try to let go of them. It has helped for me with anything I'm dwelling on.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,341 Posts
based on my experience, quiting derealisation works good with feeling an enormous pain, named life's tests
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
4,083 Posts
Ever since I first watched The Matrix, I knew in a theoretical sense that nothing is real. Science will tell you that our brains process everything from waves of sensory input, that's all, and it is so easy to trick the brain into perceiving something else. Through drugs, trauma or just plain delusion. For a while I got into "new age" stuff and basically they all say that everything is illusion and you create your own reality. Okay fine, it's all illusion my mind would say, but my body and heart feel pain and the pain is so real.

People were talking about dissociation on another thread, to the point that one could blackout or create different personalities. My ego much have a terrific hold on me, because even when I felt unreal I never completely dissociate. Even in my sleep, I am still myself, people tell me that I talk in my sleep and even answer questions. This really sucks because I hate my life. If it were so easy to disconnect from reality, why would I crave death so much and so openly? My feet are stuck in the Matrix, and it doesn't help that I quite like steak.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
45 Posts
It happened to me a few times. The most intense was when I was recovering from severe depression, and I had just left my daughter's father for good. He was going on a trip and I had no way of communicating with him for a week. Somehow I managed to imagine a whole scenario where I would say this and he would react like that and we would come back together ... and I truly believed it was going to be real. When he came back and I got to talk to him, he rejected me, like reason says he would have done anyway, but for me it was like brutally waking up by falling off of a bubble. I wasn't even hurt or sad, just soooo confused to come back to reality so brutally. At that time I thought I was maybe bipolar. Later I put this on the fact that I'm just very dreamy and idealist. Now, I see that it was probably a depression relapse or side effect.

I did not suffer trauma in my childhood, however I have another very vivid example of this phenomenon that happened when I was 9 or 10. I remember clearly saying to my teacher, out of nowhere, that I sometimes feel like I'm living in a dream. I don't remember what her answer was tho. I also recall my body going into autopilot mode when under strong stress.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
225 Posts
I have experienced derealisation quite a few times. I remember the first time - after a huge argument with my boyfriend at the time (lol) I walked to town. I felt so horrific I can't even explain. I walked into Boots (a pharmacy in England) and everything looked ill and 2D. All the garish colours of the advertisements and products just washed out and appeared dead. I ran out of the store as it was terrifying. It is related to anxiety, I was diagnosed with a panic disorder when I was 21.

Every now and then it comes back into my life, and I'll have it solidly for about a week. I feel as though I am not connected to my surroundings, or that there is a thick glass wall between me and reality. I try to just accept it now and figure out why it's happening. But, there is always the feeling of fear and great discomfort when it is occurring.

I wouldn't say I have had a traumatic childhood, but I have definitely experienced panic attacks since the age of around 3. Some people are just prone to these sorts of "disorders" because of genetics or whatnot. I think the key is to not dwell on the feeling, but to pragmatically "treat" yourself. Educating yourself on it and having a mini psychiatrist in the back of your mind helps.
 
  • Like
Reactions: Falling Foxes
1 - 18 of 18 Posts
Top