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Seriously, you will lose points if you describe yourself!

Going through threads on PerC, it’s easy to bump into threads that have devolved into personal anecdotes of people’s experiences with certain (suspected) types. I thought it might be more interesting (and efficient) to have a thread completely dedicated to this idea in each type’s subforum. This way, we can get a variety of perspectives (both positive and negative) on how types appear IRL (and perhaps a better way of dissuading stereotypes).

Some prompts:
What was this person like?
How/Why do you know/suspect this person was ESFJ?


Responses are welcome from all types!


Here’s my example:
I think I’ve gotten pretty good at identifying you guys pretty quick, or, at least, the more outgoing ones. For example, this Thanksgiving, I met a man I’m quite positive was ESFJ. He had his two sons sitting either side of him at the table we shared (we were having an extended family get-together). As soon as my sister and I were seated at his table, he began trying to find points to connect with us – asking us about how we usually spent the holiday, our favorite foods, what we’d usually cook at our regular family get-togethers – and at each of these points, he’d have a story about a similar experience or advice on something to try. His stories often touched on his deep appreciation for his family and their accomplishments. He came across as very jovial and even charming. My sister commented about how good he was at keeping a conversation going without getting boring or sounding like a higher-than-thou know-it-all at the end of the dinner.


Well, there's my go. Your turn. :wink:






[ADDENDUM]
This thread is now in every subforum, so if you have experiences you can share about other types, you know where to look.
 

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Both I am thinking of: love/dating central part of thoughts, thoughtful in practical ways, get nervous is no planning is involved (like set times week in advance to socialize), comfortable with meeting just about anyone, love to gossip but don't ever mean to hurt anyone, trouble with conflict, worry about the impression they make on other people, good hearted, solid but not incredible workers, interested in new ideas- definitely not closed of to new ways of thinking, especially introduced by people they admire- but not making many new theories themselves. Enthusiastic about other people in general, hearts on sleeves. Work to maintain physical appearances. Like to care for others. Flirtatious. Interesting in helping others, take their obligations to others extremely seriously. Predictably broad emotional response to things. Easily reassured by other types when feeling bad.
 

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I love ESFJs! There are two people in my life that really stand out in my life right now (my best friend--confirmed ESFJ, and my boyfriend's mom).

Both are definitely mother hens. Both are very family oriented. They love to get together for holidays (usually both are the ones planning the events) or just for the SAKE of getting together. My friend ESFJ actually had two weekend outings for her birthday (just because she wanted to see friends!) They are both really wonderful hostesses and naturally in tune with what their guests will want/need. While they aren't nearly as gregarious as my ESFP friends, they are really very social people. I usually find myself being more at ease with an ESFJ, and they really bring me out of my shell. I find both to be very comforting to be around.

They have quite the temper though! Both flare up very easily, but mellow out within usually the same day,. A lot will set them off, and my friend is usually apt to act with anger if confused or frustrated. I've never been on the receiving end of their anger, and to be quite frank I never want to be. They do forgive very easily though. :)

The one thing I've noticed with my boyfriend's mom though is she is apt to use manipulation to get her way. I've heard this can be an ESFJ trait. She will sometimes cry or try to guilt my INTP boyfriend for not visiting her enough (every weekend). INTP boyfriend doesn't really respond well to this.
 

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My mom and aunt are ESFJs. From personal experience, they're very caring and loving people. They're very open and expressive about their emotions. They're naive and its hard for them to control their emotions sometimes. They both love company and socializing. They love to have people around them, just for the sake of having them around. They love to go to family activities and celebrate traditions. They love attention and feeling loved. They strive to be on time and being dependable. They are very sensitive to criticism and arguments. An ESFJs top priority is to liked and loved.
 

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This is about my ESFJ mom:

To set the scene, my mom, my dad, and I are sitting around the dining room table talking. But also, while we're talking (it's mostly me ranting) my mom's writing and organizing christmas cards to get sent out. My mom tells my dad to send his widowed friend a christmas card, and these "It's A Wonderful Life"(classic Jimmy Stewart movie) cards with the couple of the movie sticks out to me all while this chat goes on. So, I tell my dad, "Use this great It's a Wonderful Life card!" my dad replies, "OK."(it's one of his favorite movies actually too) and here's where my mom comes in: "NO! You can't give her that card with the couple! She's recently widowed...You gotta be sensitive." "Oh, Ok, I see your point...I didn't know she was widowed." I said. And, yeah, my dad doesn't talk too much. LOL. This was a moment of Fe, I had thought.
 

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I have known two ESFJs (that I am certain are ESFJs...I'm sure I have known more). Both were female.

The first was a friend in highschool, the second an in-law.

The first:
Very mothering, kind and responsible. We always counted on her to organize everything and keep everyone on task. Creative and interested in fashion, culinary arts and dance. Popular and well-liked. Very emotional and sensitive- cried about everything! A good listener- always felt like she was interested in what you were saying. Intelligent and good with words. Great public speaker. Confident and sure of herself.
A little inconsistent- "chameleon-like" to her surroundings and social setting. Would act one way around one group of friends, and another way around another group. Tended to assume that people liked and admired her. Changed values according to situation and would turn on friends spontaneously (sometimes- not a constant habit). Passive-aggressive when irritated or angry- not openly aggressive.

The second:
Cute and very feminine. Interested in domesticity in general. Lively and energetic. Makes a great first impression.
Very opinionated. Often two-faced. Expects others to follow her rules of etiquette and very hurt by those who do not live up to those expectations. Loves to be social. Assumes that people admire her. Mothering, but in a more "controlling" sense (rather than in a "smothering" way). Easily offended. Needs to be needed, needs to be liked, needs to be appreciated. Very superficial in conversation topics. Highly emotional- can not contain emotions or "pretend" past them.

(Obviously I liked the first one better...I can barely come up with any "good" traits for the second. :)
To be fair, the second doesn't like me either.
 

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I've recently become friends with an ESFJ and she is incredibly loving - a trait that I really admire. She is very enthusiastic and won't hesitate to shower you with compliments. She's great at organizing, and she definitely feels best when having organized something and people really appreciate her for that. She loves to be loved, which also makes her vulnerable to people who just tap her love but don't give her anything back. She's the first friend that also has Fe, and i'm incredibly happy to have found someone who empathizes as much as she does
 

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I can honestly say that I do not know any other ESFJ's which kinda sux, cuz we are Awesome!!!
 
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I know a few ESFJs, but one female ESFJ better than the others.

I would say that she is very kind, and has a kind face. She is very smiley in a very natural way. She is always concerned with the comfort of other people; her goal is for everyone to be relaxed. She is quite colourful in dress, and enjoys colourful things in general. She is always happy to organise or arrange something which may allow others to have fun: she is the first to volunteer when it comes to throwing a party. She is quite affected by injustice in the world, but not in the same way I am. Rather, she is much more focused on trying to make some sort of legal change or offer palliative care. She has for too many things that she uses to make her surroundings "homely". She once told me she liked people that she believed to be caring.
 

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My best friend! She's a big dork, fun loving, paranoid, giving, kind, protective, hilarious, supportive and loyal. Not to mention she's the best hostess in the world! :)
 
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I am starting to spot several of them in my life and what surprises me is how different they all can be from each other, yet still...each of them I definitely feel the same kind of connection. Like the way they can care about others a lot or get hurt by others is very similar to me. I read that ESFJs and ENFJs are like cousins because we share Fe as our dominant function. I find it is very easy for me to understand their emotions about things. Also, when I am feeling down, my one ESFJ friend understands my emotions well, too. They can all be very caring and quite motherly like, which makes me feel secure and appreciated.
 
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MY ESFJ friend is intelligent, loyal, traditional, sentimental, and caring. I think his biggest flaw is probably a quick temper, but he's wise enough not to act on it most of the time, but let it pass.
If I told you guys an anecdote to elaborate, people would probably judge me, as my face would look like this:

:D
 
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My best friend is an ESFJ. She's just so freakin' lovely! I mean, she vacuums her house too much but she's very kind and generous and loving. She's empathetic and everyone likes her.

That said, her Fe seems to be a bit of a double-edged sword. The other day, this ISTJ we know pissed her off. It was a minor thing but she'd been having a bad time as of late, so it was kind of the straw that broke the camel's back. She shouted at him, then walked off and started crying. For ages. Bloody hell, she can cry. Anyway, once she'd calmed down, she wanted to go back and apologise to him. I was like :shocked: I said, "He made you cry and you want to apologise to him?"
"But I shouted at him."
"Because he provoked you. You shouldn't say sorry to him when you've done nothing wrong."
"But what will the people who saw say? They'll think I'm a crazy person."
"I'm pretty sure the people who saw weren't paying attention or have already forgotten."

Sometimes, I'm glad Fe is my inferior function.

Anyway, ESFJs are made of awesome, but I wouldn't want to be one. It sounds stressful.
 

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Wonderful thread. <3 To answer your questions...

I have a mother who is an ESFJ. :)

What was this person like?

My mother is very caring. She feels other peoples' feelings as her own. She really loves to help people. She reaches out to people. She can sense when somebody is upset, and is very good about comforting them. She's funny, spontaneous (let's break that J stereotype!), and down-to-earth. She's brave. She has been nothing but good to me, and I get along with her very well. My weaknesses are her strengths, and that has helped me greatly. She makes sure to get interested in my interests. She doesn't steer me away from my interests, but encourages me to go after them. That has been one of the most important, meaningful things she has ever done.

How/Why do you know/suspect this person was ESFJ?

Well, when I got interested in MBTI, I naturally decided I had to type everyone in my family. I looked at all the cognitive functions, talked things over with my slightly amused, slightly intrigued family, and figured out that my mother is an ESFJ. And the more I study into ESFJ, the more I am assured, yup. She's an ESFJ. ^^ A healthy, wonderful ESFJ. :)

Which is why I greatly dislike that nasty ESFJ prejudice and stereotype out there. D:
 
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