describe your pedestal
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^ Saaaame. "You're so happy, optimistic and carefree!" eeeer no, I'm actually really anxious, and I come from an abusive, turbulent home, so I have a lot of leftover trauma to deal with. I try really hard to work on it, but it comes out inevitably and I end up feeling like a terrible partner.
"You're so mature, you have it all figured out" - nope, I actually still have a LOT to figure out, I don't always know what I want or need, I have shit reactions, and more often than not, I don't express my overwhelming feelings very well.
"You're so mature, you have it all figured out" - nope, I actually still have a LOT to figure out, I don't always know what I want or need, I have shit reactions, and more often than not, I don't express my overwhelming feelings very well.
"you can learn anything", I learn fast! but that doesn't mean I can learn everything or be good at everything. I've tried explaining but discovered many times people insist on pushing others to do what they don't want to do, and also the Peter Effect. I just can learn fast some things, some... well I just can't or I'm absolutely inefficient at it.
I've got the same most my life, had to become some sort of father figure at short age due to family circumstances, the results have been emergencies where people freak out and I must remain calm to figure out what to do but I feel exactly what you describe too. The problem is not just a pedestal, but when people want to take out your humanity out forching you to inhumane standards, like they can freak out and you must be calmn, they can act like drowning people and you must keep them afloat (when in fact hitting them in the face is the solution).
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2,042 Posts
Cynical: It's a positive quality according to those around me (it supposedly adds to my decision-making capabilities, for which I'm rightly respected). A quality that I don't have but somehow appear to have. On the contrary, I'm extremely optimistic and have always been despite frequent bouts of melancholy. In Jinnah's gist: Despair is a word unknown to me.
Cut-throat: What will it take to convince the world that I'm actually a nice guy? Sure I look like a rapist but goddammit. Just because I talk about spanking that girl in my class until she bleeds from her buttcheeks doesn't mean I have the heart to be unjust in pursuit of my goals.
Tbh, everyone thinks I have the qualities of your stereotypical ENTJ when I'm actually just an INFP who was dropped on his head two more times than normal as a kid. That's about it.
Cut-throat: What will it take to convince the world that I'm actually a nice guy? Sure I look like a rapist but goddammit. Just because I talk about spanking that girl in my class until she bleeds from her buttcheeks doesn't mean I have the heart to be unjust in pursuit of my goals.
Tbh, everyone thinks I have the qualities of your stereotypical ENTJ when I'm actually just an INFP who was dropped on his head two more times than normal as a kid. That's about it.
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3,365 Posts
Being considered very confident, strong willed and intelligent.
The confidence is used to combat otherwise crippling anxiety, the willpower comes from constantly being left to be self reliant emotionally and psychologically from a young age and the perceived intelligence is merely a product of an overactive intuitive mind that is always trying to put pieces together and invariably figures things out with sometimes little to no background knowledge and experience.
I also have a lot of other things that I don't like about my personality that are a product of an unhealthy environment growing up that I still am working to get rid of. I rarely if ever showcase this to the outside world and thus are usually perceived as being able to navigate life quite easily which couldn't be further from the truth.
The confidence is used to combat otherwise crippling anxiety, the willpower comes from constantly being left to be self reliant emotionally and psychologically from a young age and the perceived intelligence is merely a product of an overactive intuitive mind that is always trying to put pieces together and invariably figures things out with sometimes little to no background knowledge and experience.
I also have a lot of other things that I don't like about my personality that are a product of an unhealthy environment growing up that I still am working to get rid of. I rarely if ever showcase this to the outside world and thus are usually perceived as being able to navigate life quite easily which couldn't be further from the truth.
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8,651 Posts
I mostly get attributed negative qualities that I feel are misunderstandings... when someone notes something positive about me, it feels like a shock.
So I try to accept the positive views because why be so quick to discredit them yet accept the critiques readily? My ideals are so high I often don’t give myself much credit. I figure my delusions can go both ways at times - too positive and too negative.
One thing I get called that isn’t all that true is calm. Some interpret this as detached or too reserved. But others see it as a kind of soothing energy. This does exist within me, or at least I have a calming effect on animals and children, but I’m just as frequently filled with emotional turmoil and simply manage to keep a lid on it. I think I resist this impression because I know of my temperamental side and prefer people who don’t mind some intensity.
Another one is confident. It’s mistaking being quiet for confidence. Not sure why people make that association. I guess the self-contained aspect looks like not needing anyone, which is seen as some kind of confidence in oneself. Not true about me. I’m really just that shy. I probably need more validation and support than I appear to need, and so I prefer when people allow me to be vulnerable than having to present as confident all the time.
Logical - ha ha, that one’s funny. People tend to aggrandize my intelligence, which I don’t even consider to be of the logical variety. I’ve often found this to be a backhanded compliment though....it’s like calling someone “dry”.
People sometimes think I have more money than I do. They think I have no problems, that I have total freedom. They seem to imagine my life is a lot greater than it is. This idea is most frequently held by married mothers. They think I’m living this single and fabulous childfree life. I’m so thin and have great clothes and a job that sounds cool, so clearly life must be good. To a point my life is good, but it’s not half of what they imagine. Grass is always greener.
So I try to accept the positive views because why be so quick to discredit them yet accept the critiques readily? My ideals are so high I often don’t give myself much credit. I figure my delusions can go both ways at times - too positive and too negative.
One thing I get called that isn’t all that true is calm. Some interpret this as detached or too reserved. But others see it as a kind of soothing energy. This does exist within me, or at least I have a calming effect on animals and children, but I’m just as frequently filled with emotional turmoil and simply manage to keep a lid on it. I think I resist this impression because I know of my temperamental side and prefer people who don’t mind some intensity.
Another one is confident. It’s mistaking being quiet for confidence. Not sure why people make that association. I guess the self-contained aspect looks like not needing anyone, which is seen as some kind of confidence in oneself. Not true about me. I’m really just that shy. I probably need more validation and support than I appear to need, and so I prefer when people allow me to be vulnerable than having to present as confident all the time.
Logical - ha ha, that one’s funny. People tend to aggrandize my intelligence, which I don’t even consider to be of the logical variety. I’ve often found this to be a backhanded compliment though....it’s like calling someone “dry”.
People sometimes think I have more money than I do. They think I have no problems, that I have total freedom. They seem to imagine my life is a lot greater than it is. This idea is most frequently held by married mothers. They think I’m living this single and fabulous childfree life. I’m so thin and have great clothes and a job that sounds cool, so clearly life must be good. To a point my life is good, but it’s not half of what they imagine. Grass is always greener.
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So the irony is I have often been seen as down to earth. Well yeah off the surface. This does allow people to make themselves too comfortable around me and turn me off. It's not that I can't be down to earth. But it's that it can get confused with maybe being more relaxed than I am. This goes into that people maybe mistake down to earth as maybe having lower expectations. I have heard numerous men comment on how they feel at such ease, no pressure, or expectations. Hmmm. No you fuck nut, don't confuse me not revealing a checklist as that there are no expectations. I think everyone has some expectations, even if they don't reveal them. Anyways I HATE this because I truly think many guys maybe confuse my being more tom boy like as I would like them to actually treat me like a boy oh except of course aside from when they are trying to fuck. Hey you fuckers I am a girl too. And I would probably appreciate being romanced a bit more because of this.
I do seem to run into males that get sort of fixated on thinking I am a badass. I really do get that a lot. This is more amusing. I consider myself maybe more stoic with emoting to strangers, yeah. But considering I entertain myself watching old lady shows, on per c, and shuffling my kids to activities outside work I would say 'badass' is not the right analogy. Yelling at someone who cuts you off when you're on a timeline is not badass it's just having some balls to stand up for yourself.
Maybe that I am more exciting than I am. Going into 'badass' thing. I think I am sort of in a boring stage of life for sake of personal activities and enrichment goes. If exciting means busy to people. Granted I have had chaos in my life and in some of my story line I think that has maybe led people to believe I myself am somehow full of excitement. Err come watch Poirot with me while I pass out from sleep deprivation. I know so fucking exciting. I have actually had several guys though misinterpret my ability to have fun given circumstances where I dance etc with no inhibitions as like I somehow should entertain them. I feel like a lot of guys seem to expect me to bring a whole new fucking magical world to their life from some weird notion they get. Here let me get my magic carpet, I can show you the world. Take you wonder by wonder. Over sideways. (Ok that is totally my fave Disney song) but why the fuck am I Aladdin in the storyline. Here you show me something dude. I am tired I am a caretaker, activities and recreational worker inside work and my personal life, here you do something here are some tap shoes show me your song and dance what the fuck do I look like.
I do seem to run into males that get sort of fixated on thinking I am a badass. I really do get that a lot. This is more amusing. I consider myself maybe more stoic with emoting to strangers, yeah. But considering I entertain myself watching old lady shows, on per c, and shuffling my kids to activities outside work I would say 'badass' is not the right analogy. Yelling at someone who cuts you off when you're on a timeline is not badass it's just having some balls to stand up for yourself.
Maybe that I am more exciting than I am. Going into 'badass' thing. I think I am sort of in a boring stage of life for sake of personal activities and enrichment goes. If exciting means busy to people. Granted I have had chaos in my life and in some of my story line I think that has maybe led people to believe I myself am somehow full of excitement. Err come watch Poirot with me while I pass out from sleep deprivation. I know so fucking exciting. I have actually had several guys though misinterpret my ability to have fun given circumstances where I dance etc with no inhibitions as like I somehow should entertain them. I feel like a lot of guys seem to expect me to bring a whole new fucking magical world to their life from some weird notion they get. Here let me get my magic carpet, I can show you the world. Take you wonder by wonder. Over sideways. (Ok that is totally my fave Disney song) but why the fuck am I Aladdin in the storyline. Here you show me something dude. I am tired I am a caretaker, activities and recreational worker inside work and my personal life, here you do something here are some tap shoes show me your song and dance what the fuck do I look like.
I do not think specimen(s) "observations," and/or 'subjective/personal experiences,' whether positive (re: confident) or negative (re: insecure), they share when around myself, or have attributed to myself by being within my presence, are right nor wrong. They just are—&, I do not argue about nor against their POV, (&) certainly do not give it much thought besides a tad more support in which their (observations) thus, I know they have a somewhat (personally-critiqued by that humanoid) foundation with a base, & due to the circular self-insanities / psychological bias traps within myself—it seems a high-functioning effort(s) a time waste to determine which POV is "really right," or "really wrong," and making sure it is known with certainty/absolutism; something of this nature can never be "truly rightly/wrongly known with certitude"...
(Edit: last part(s) were irrelevant).
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That I'm usually cheerful, upbeat and/or positive. No, I act that way to cheer myself up. Humour has often been my salvation through troubled times.
Also, for some weird bizarro reasons; people expect me to übermature and entirely unselfish and get upset at me for being the highly flawed human being that I am. I'm definitely trying hard to be a better person but I have a very long way to go.
Also, for some weird bizarro reasons; people expect me to übermature and entirely unselfish and get upset at me for being the highly flawed human being that I am. I'm definitely trying hard to be a better person but I have a very long way to go.
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829 Posts
You are so romantic inside! You will make a loving wife! You will be a lovely mother!
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829 Posts
If you perceive cut-throat a positive trait AND you are actually a nice guy, then you don't want to be nice. Your chosen words show it very well
So why do you want to convince the world that you're not a rapist?
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I'm not a good listener, I just let people talk.
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Harnessing the image of the devil is the surest way to easily live like an angel. It keeps the other devils away from you, and you get to have the heaven all by yourself. Yes, that does imply that there was irony in my rhetorical question regarding convincing others. I don't want to convince others of how nice I am. It works to my advantage.If you perceive cut-throat a positive trait AND you are actually a nice guy, then you don't want to be nice. Your chosen words show it very well
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3,734 Posts
"You don't care what people think, life is easy for you because nothing affects you".
What? I'm super sensitive and almost everything under the sun affects me. I just stay stoic and focus on my own self and what I want, but my little heart is affected, I have anxiety on a constant basis navigating life and people, and many things keep me up at night overthinking and overfeeling. I just cultivate a strong mind to the best of my abilities, confide in my diary all my problems instead of confiding in people, and I certainly don't let my own sensitivity freeze me. But it could if I let it. I work hard to stay as centered as possible.
"You are so talented you can do whatever you want in the world"
Literally all my INTJ friends have told me this. I think they must be smoking something really dark and dense. I'm mediocre at my supposed "talents", there's plenty of people who are far superior than me, and I certainly can't do anything I want. They just think my supposed talents are great because they wish to have them too, so they get excited, but it's all projection imo. They don't actually hang out in my field, so they don't know the reality of it.
"You are so sweet and lovely"
loooool These people clearly don't know me. 1.Some days I bark at people with blood in my eyes. 2.Sometimes I make myself sweet and lovely in order to get something from the person. Once I get it, I'm gone.
What? I'm super sensitive and almost everything under the sun affects me. I just stay stoic and focus on my own self and what I want, but my little heart is affected, I have anxiety on a constant basis navigating life and people, and many things keep me up at night overthinking and overfeeling. I just cultivate a strong mind to the best of my abilities, confide in my diary all my problems instead of confiding in people, and I certainly don't let my own sensitivity freeze me. But it could if I let it. I work hard to stay as centered as possible.
"You are so talented you can do whatever you want in the world"
Literally all my INTJ friends have told me this. I think they must be smoking something really dark and dense. I'm mediocre at my supposed "talents", there's plenty of people who are far superior than me, and I certainly can't do anything I want. They just think my supposed talents are great because they wish to have them too, so they get excited, but it's all projection imo. They don't actually hang out in my field, so they don't know the reality of it.
"You are so sweet and lovely"
loooool These people clearly don't know me. 1.Some days I bark at people with blood in my eyes. 2.Sometimes I make myself sweet and lovely in order to get something from the person. Once I get it, I'm gone.
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8,492 Posts
That I'm objective and unflappable. Get that a lot, but it is not true. People in my life think that nothing gets to me and anything negative just rolls off of me like water off a duck's back. The truth is that I struggle internally with the same things anybody does. I doubt myself, I get anxiety, I get frustrated. If I appear to be objective it is because I am constantly withholding judgement and checking myself for biases. Obviously this does not and cannot work all the time, but it is something I do consciously rather than effortlessly. If I appear to be unflappable that is because I deliberately refrain from speaking or acting when I feel myself becoming emotional. It is not always easy, but I do that on the internet all the time. If a post invokes an emotional reaction in me I tend to put the computer away and wait before responding. I wait hours or days to return text messages and e-mails if they are heated, too. I like to wait until I feel I am capable of reason again.
I can and do fail at these things all the time. Plus, anybody can do these things; I do not deserve the praise I receive for this.
I can and do fail at these things all the time. Plus, anybody can do these things; I do not deserve the praise I receive for this.
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3,365 Posts
This thing gets to me the most. I put in the effort that anyone else can if they chose to and it just gets to me that I get praise for it.
Sometimes I feel like self sabotaging just to prove a point that I can get completely and utterly destroyed by stress and anxiety.
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