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Discussion Starter #1 (Edited)
*EDITED* Desperate INFJ Needs Help Understanding Love of My Life, ENFJ

I am an INFJ who has been in love with an ENFJ for almost twenty years. And I still don't have him. I wonder if I've made every mistake that it's possible for an INFJ to make and I need help understanding what's going on...

We grew up together and from childhood I felt a connection with him. It was as if I understood the deepest part of him in a way that no one else did. And when he looked at me, I felt he understood me, too.

In our teens, lightning struck. Our eyes would connect, the world would fade away, and it was just he and I in a crowded room. I've never felt that with anyone else. But I was too young to realize what it meant. We never did anything about it, moved on, grew up, and I married someone else. He dated other people but never married.

For several years, I didn't see him. And yet, I never forgot him. It was as if he were a part of me; my soulmate. I was happily married. Content. But at night, sometimes I would dream about him. I would go months without a thought of him and then I would have a dream and I would think of him for days. Usually I dreamed that I was searching for him but I could never find him. Or if I found him, he never saw me. I came to believe that there was a connection between us that was unexplainable and I would just have to live with it. I went on with my life and tried to bury his memory deep inside.

Last year, my life changed; I discovered my husband was cheating. An intensely loyal INFJ, I was devestated. I mourned and grieved and started to rebuild my life. Six months ago, I saw my ENFJ again for the first time in all these years. It was like magic, all over again. We sat and talked and he opened himself up to me in a way that I am only just beginning to realize was pretty special. He's always been the life of the party, the funny guy, but I've always seen beneath that to the serious, deep, real man that he is. I was blown away. I fell even deeper in love, but for absolutely real this time. Call it the hopeless romantic INFJ part of me, but if I've loved him this long and it's only getting deeper, I can't imagine loving anyone else.

We began to text and email and carry on a long-distance...something. We talked about deep stuff. Real stuff. Fun stuff. Not every day but enough that we stayed in each other's lives for the next two months on a regular basis. Usually he initiated the online conversations; we would sometimes chat for two hours without saying anything very meaningful or important. We were just completely comfortable and natural with each other.

After two months, I began to feel that he was pulling back.The INFJ in me quickly retreated. I became scared. And I was already so deeply in love, I didn't know what to do. To be fair, he was very busy. Typical ENFJ, he was never home on any given night but was always busy "doing" with his hands in about a dozen pies. But I felt like he was rejecting me. My intuition told me he was pulling back. I wondered if it was too much, too fast. I decided to leave him alone.

I wasn't sure what was going on and began to feel that he was blowing hot and cold because he would still occasionlly seek me out online. But he never called me on the phone or did anything that was overtly flirty. I began to go back over his behavior toward me. I wasn't convinced he viewed me any differently than any of his other friends. He had never given me any indication that he viewed me romantically. The last time I had seen him, he continued to joke and laugh and treat me like everyone else. And yet, there was a subtle difference when he was around me. If I caught him unawares, came upon him when he wasn't expecting me, his eyes gave him away. There was an expression in them that caught at me, made me lose my breath. Like his soul looking into mine. It killed me; hooked me.

There were other things, too. I had noticed that when we first met again, he refused to look into my eyes at all. He would talk to me or rather "at" me, but wouldn't make eye contact. If he did, it was a glancing blow. It was so obvious that I had begun to wonder if maybe I was wrong and he wasn't really an extrovert, but was really shy instead. But that didn't add up. With everyone else, he was completely natural and confident. It was only with me that he was different and, when I thought about it, he had acted this way right before I married my husband years before. And there was always, always this tension within me when he was around, as if I were hyper-aware of him. I intuitively felt like he felt it, too, but wondered if I was imagining it.

I also noticed that he never hugged me. Never, ever. But he hugged everyone else in a friendly, affectionate way that seemed to be a part of his personality. Just not me. I wasn't included. I had even started to wonder if there was something wrong with me that he didn't want to hug me.

Over the next four months, our contact became less and less. I became desperate and yet determined not to beg. I wanted him to come to me, if he wanted me. And yet, if he wanted me even a little, I would have been willing to beg. I just wanted him. But I didn't know how to get him or if he even wanted me at all. I began to wonder if I had made a serious mistake by pulling back. I had thought he was playing games but I began to wonder if maybe he just hadn't thought I was interested. I had guarded my heart closely because I was afraid he wouldn't want it; what if he thought I didn't want his? If I were honest, I had to admit that I had carefully treated him like a friend when everything inside of me had been dying for him.

About a month and a half ago, I saw him again. I was still deeply certain that he didn't love me, that I was destined to live my life desperately loving him and pretending that I didn't. And so, I closed down my deepest emotions and pretended that I was perfectly calm and he was just a dear, treasured friend. There were no lingering glances, no accidental touches. But still...he sought me out. I told myself he was seeking out the entire group of friends. But he sat next to me, often. I felt torn, emotionally chaotic, absolutely certain one moment that he felt the same way for me and then just as certain the next that he didn't. Finally, he caught me alone in a quiet moment and started to ask the deep questions, the kind that we had once shared so freely. But I couldn't share; it was awkward and painful and I was in love with him and wanted ALL of him. And so I shared very little.

This time, when I left, he hugged me. It wasn't a friendly, arms-around-shoulders-hug that he gives everyone else. It was closer, intimate; I was the one to pull away, certain still that he viewed me as a friend. It was only later that I started to wonder... He told me specifically to keep in touch with him. I, trying to protect my heart, told him just as specifically that he could contact me if he wanted to. He told me that he hadn't seen me online lately and he seemed awkward, hesitant, unsure... I didn't know what this meant. I had felt that he didn't want to talk to me as much and so I hadn't been as available to him online but he could have called me if he had wanted to. He had my number. But he never had. I wasn't sure that I bought his reason. But the way he looked at me, it was almost as if he blamed me for our lack of communication. I was confused and didn't know what to think.

That night, I took a chance and texted him about how much I had enjoyed seeing him. He immediately texted back, asking if I was home. I said no and he texted back that we would "talk soon" and that he wasn't very busy over the next week. I thought, "Ok, I've done my part," and I didn't reply and just waited. I waited for a month. Out of the blue two weeks ago, he contacted me again, wanted to know how I was doing and told me a little bit about his "busy" life. We chatted online for an hour and then I initiated the goodbye, told him I loved talking with him but had to go. The truth is, I could have sat up all night talking to him and I don't want to be that girl! I'm so confused by him that I don't know if he wants me or not. My INFJ intuition says yes, but my INFJ need to protect myself says maybe not.

Why isn't he being bolder if he truly wants me? Is he just being nice to me because I'm a friend who's gone through a rough time? Or is he an ENFJ who's afraid of my rejection? I will tell you that my intuition says he's in love with me. But my logical brain keeps making me doubt because he's never actually done anything that could be considered romantic.

Should I take a chance? Should I open up more and be more vulnerable with him or should I just continue to wait?


Thank you in advance for your advice.
 

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I say take a chance! :) I mean...I think you should...cuz otherwise you will be left wondering all the time. If it doesn't work out at least you know you tried and then you can start looking elsewhere...I mean there are a lot of other guys out there even if it doesn't work out...even other ENFJ's you might come across who would love to have you in their lives!

But if it does work out...then how special would that be? I think you really don't have much to lose...and everything to gain :) If he does like you more than a friend, by now he's clearly demonstrated he's incapable of making the first move for whatever reason. If he doesn't view you as more than a friend that will hurt...but at least you can start moving past it and find someone who will want you as much as you want them :)

Hope that doesn't complicate things and I hope it works out for you!!! :)
 

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I mean this in the nicest way possible but....that is a total ENFP response! :)
My ENFP friend can lay all her cards on the table with the exact reasoning that you stated.
INFJs are completely opposite of that. There is nothing more terrifying than taking a chance on something THAT important to you and then getting rejected or embarrassed or hurt.
Also to an INFJ, 'the one' comes along so rarely and the feelings of connection are so intense that realistically there aren't a bunch of other fish in the sea. This one will be in your heart probably for years to come if not forever.
So many good INFJ qualities, but so many debilitating ones when it comes to romantic relationships.

ENFJs seem to be equally complicated in this area so the dynamics between the two are extra complicated.
 

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Sometimes I feel like smacking male ENFJ's upside the head for all the confusion and drama they cause women

o.0

Just reading this is gut-wrenching.

ENFJ men are notorious for giving mixed signals because we live on people possibilities and relationship possibilities and really get caught up in the long term instead of focusing on what's right there in front of us. .... The kinds of disappearances, getting too close and then pulling back ... Is very common, and I've done it a lot as well. Honestly, sometimes it's also about protecting my own feelings --- from getting rejected ... rejection is a huge wall of hurt.

I haven't told anyone this [not even my SO] but the first time I was rejected back in high school ... I went into depression for 3 years 0.0

I don't have any advice to offer ---- but I just have a very strong gut feeling that there's something there --- and can't put my finger on it. If he's single, and has been for a long time .. and both of you are ready in your lives to explore a relationship ... I think you might have to take a huge leap of faith and express your feelings :/ It's the toughest thing to do in the world and it may open you up to the potential of rejection .... but not knowing could mean that he might end up settling for, or falling in love with someone else - and could even end up compromising, if you're the one he really loves. And then both of you might compromise and struggle for long term intimacy with others, when you can find it with yourselves.
 

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My gut tells me he is very much into you, however he is playing it safe. It sounds like your relationship has so much depth and possibly means so much to him that he is too afraid to take the chance. I know that some of the women I have fallen completely insanely for, I was most afraid of initiating something, and I would intentionally keep some false wall up. I would almost act as if I didn't care at times. They are also the most likely to make me act more shy, awkward or more introverted when I am around them.

The part about not hugging you, but hugging everyone else is the #1 thing you mentioned that I would do myself if I was "crazy" about someone. They are the least likely person I would hug. I know it sounds strange, however I can be extremely introverted and cautious with the person I view as "the one". Him not hugging you, was his way of trying to hide how strongly he feels about you. However the time he did hug you (he got up the courage), sounds like you backed away, which in turn probably made him think that your not interested.

I would absolutely take the chance and open up to him. It sounds like he has most likely figured that YOU are the one that isn't interested, which is why he keeps somewhat of a distance. For some reason, your entire post reminded me sooo much of myself (the guy) when I'm very interested in someone. If you can make a ENFJ akward and introverted, then you absolutely are someone of insane importance to them :)

FYI, that I can't speak for all ENFJ's, however I am NOT bold when it comes to initiating things at the start of a relationship. I tend to start off very outgoing, but the more I realize how much I adore the person, the more afraid I become with opening up (that is until we have both confirmed our feelings for each other). Most all of my relationships, the other person has initiated their interest.
 

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If I were you, I would express my feelings to him online/email. That way, if I were to be rejected at least I wouldn't have to face him in person and risk that humiliation.

In my situation it was a bit opposite. I was oblivious to his attraction towards me for a year and then when it finally was revealed directly - I was so surprised that I didn't know what to say so that was sort of like a rejection. He was heartbroken and then the next day it was like it had never happened. He was genuinely cheerful. Long story short, we came together in the end once I stopped being an idiot. So stop playing games, bite the bullet and put it out there. You don't have to do it in the way I suggested - I just thought that might feel more comfortable/safer for you but it's probably going to be hard for you no matter what. Good luck. If it doesn't work out, at least you can finally put this to rest and work on mending your heart.
 

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He was genuinely cheerful.
That there is very, very true. When I was rejected by my first love in high school ... I tried my best to continue an intimate friendship with her --- but I was only completely devastated after she rejected that as well. I think ENFJ's value relationships in any shape or form and will continue them for as long as they can and even accept them in any shape or form.
 

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That there is very, very true. When I was rejected by my first love in high school ... I tried my best to continue an intimate friendship with her --- but I was only completely devastated after she rejected that as well. I think ENFJ's value relationships in any shape or form and will continue them for as long as they can and even accept them in any shape or form.
They're great chameleons. Later on I found out he had just vented about it all to his best friend that night so he had gotten it out of his system. He always feels better immediately after he vents. It feels like the world is ending and then all of the sudden it's just a sunny day again! Maybe this is more related to the 6w7...He's able to make himself accept anything after he has gone through intensely doubting himself and everything.
 

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Maybe this is more related to the 6w7...
I think it is ... Seeking support is a primarily 6 motivation. The motivation there is to seek guidance, as well as to quell the chaos that's simmering inside. To be without support and guidance is their basic fear actually, and I'm guessing in the case of ENFJ men, that could manifest itself as a desire to seek emotional support as well. I have experienced this with a female friend of mine in recent months. She has extreme moments of doubt, chaos and anxiety --- and then she's fine and cheerful immediately afterwards. It's also where I believe that added sense of loyalty comes in as well --- the loyalty to the person who was there to quell the anxiety and chaos. I honestly find friendships with 6's extremely rewarding.
 

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I can really relate to this. Yeah, ENFJ men can be really confusing. They can treat you like you're the only person in the universe sometimes, and then you realize that when you're not around, it's like you don't exist; or when you think they never think about you they come out the blue and do something profoundly kind catered specifically to you.

I'm not really sure if I have advice. I've read that it can be next to impossible sometimes to tell if an ENFJ truly has feelings for you, because as Jawz had explained, yes, they are terrified of rejection. I think sometimes they can be scared of ruining the friendship.

I've gone through similar experiences with my ENFJ friend; there was a time period, about a year ago when I liked him, and then I realized that the way he treated me was the way he treated everyone, and that he actually showed signs of seeing me more as an acquaintance than as a friend. Then, there was a time six months ago that I suspected that he liked me for several reasons: One time he wrote this paper for school and sent it to me to read it and wanted to know my thoughts, so one night I was tired and he was talking to a group of friends and I said on my way out, "I have more to say, but it can wait til tomorrow." then he left the conversation, followed me outside the building, and nervously offered to walk me to my car; it wasn't so much the things he said, but just his whole manner.
Now, I'm just casually confused. I just assume he sees me as a friend because I don't think I want to be anything more than friends with him now. He kind of treats me like he's my mommy most of the time, so I'm guessing we've gotten into a comfort zone. But still he treats me in contradictory ways, like one week if I say I don't like tea, and we're among a group of his old friends, he might say, "I couldn't date anyone who doesn't like tea!" or he'll find various ways to burst my bubble, then another week, we could pull into a house with a "For Sale" sign with a different group of people in the car and he might jokingly say, "If we pull into the driveway, we should buy this house." and then talk to me about all manner of topics that we have in common, practically ignoring everyone else, etc., etc.
Sorry to make this post about me. I guess I really feel like venting, but I can totally empathize with how strange ENFJ guys can behave sometimes; it can be for any number of reasons. I know we have a really strong connection that I have a difficult time defining; it's like it's beyond labels. It's weird. I think ENFJs and INFJs can have a really deep connection, because I find both can be really open people.
 

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I sometimes feel like as a male, I go out of my way to be there for people - but then sometimes I want my turn - and it never comes. In that case, even if I have romantic feelings for someone, I bury them ---- because being there for someone lies at the very core of having fully understood the person.

The minute someone starts playing push-pull games with me ... I become totally tuned to it and I know that it's happening and I pull away as well ... games don't sit well with me. And I've noticed that in almost every male/female relationship, there's this inherent tendency to start playing games sub-consciously. I really appreciate frankness, and straight-forward approach to friendships and romantic relationships ... My motto is .. "if you're feeling it ... say it." But when I notice that someone is holding back something from me, I either probe ... but if my signals are not picked up, or ignored, I feel burned and I pull back. Then I disappear .. and when I disappear, it's very hard to get me to come back out .. and usually only return into someone's life when they seem to be going through a rough time. However, by that time, even if I had any sort of feelings developing for the person, I would have started working towards dulling or even destroying those feelings.

This happened between my INTJ friend and I. There was a time even while I was engaged, I did seriously consider breaking off my engagement if I had gotten a sure shot sign from her that she was interested. She kept playing weird push-pull, on again, off again games ... and having that kind of unsurety left me in the arms of a potentially abusive woman.

Open-ness and vulnerability comes at a price ... but honestly, hiding feelings comes at a bigger price - and it took years of failed relationships, almost, but never was love affairs for me to learn that lesson. I told my eventual fiance immediately as I started developing feelings for her because I had been burned by that girl in high school and a couple of others ...

This time around, @Etherea took the first step ... and you know what .. even though I was not looking for a relationship at that point ... she made me realize that I was burying my real feelings, and that I really was looking for a relationship. It took me time to open up ---- but her offer was clear ... she was willing to remain my friend despite having feelings for me and I loved that about her. That was a huge risk she took - and at that time, I knew that I had a choice ... and that I wasn't responsible for her feelings. Rejecting, and being rejection both hurt ... [and I had rejected another person on this forum before @Etherea and I still think about her sometimes from the perspective of how she's doing. And even that woman was given the offer of a lifetime friendship but with specific boundaries ... and she kept crossing those boundaries and started manipulating me so I had to become harsher than I typically am, or would've been.]

It took me a couple of months to fall for @Etherea, but when I did, it was head over heals. I don't know how much to stress this ... but when people are completely open and honest with one another without playing any kind of games, they can have any kind of intimate connection. Things have a way of going wrong when feelings are hidden and fears are allowed to take over ... I've experienced something like 6-7 unrequited romances and an extended limerence .. probably caused a few as well .. but I am one of those people [and I don't know about other ENFJs] who would much rather know. I care so much about another person's feelings --- that my first instinct is "I will not hurt her .. I will not do anything to hurt someone even if they are interested in me romantically and I'm not ... maybe we can have a deep and intimate friendship."

Oh well .. that's just my story. This is probably as good a thread as any to talk about it.
 

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I sometimes feel like as a male, I go out of my way to be there for people - but then sometimes I want my turn - and it never comes. In that case, even if I have romantic feelings for someone, I bury them ---- because being there for someone lies at the very core of having fully understood the person.

The minute someone starts playing push-pull games with me ... I become totally tuned to it and I know that it's happening and I pull away as well ... games don't sit well with me. And I've noticed that in almost every male/female relationship, there's this inherent tendency to start playing games sub-consciously. I really appreciate frankness, and straight-forward approach to friendships and romantic relationships ... My motto is .. "if you're feeling it ... say it." But when I notice that someone is holding back something from me, I either probe ... but if my signals are not picked up, or ignored, I feel burned and I pull back. Then I disappear .. and when I disappear, it's very hard to get me to come back out .. and usually only return into someone's life when they seem to be going through a rough time. However, by that time, even if I had any sort of feelings developing for the person, I would have started working towards dulling or even destroying those feelings.

This happened between my INTJ friend and I. There was a time even while I was engaged, I did seriously consider breaking off my engagement if I had gotten a sure shot sign from her that she was interested. She kept playing weird push-pull, on again, off again games ... and having that kind of unsurety left me in the arms of a potentially abusive woman.

Open-ness and vulnerability comes at a price ... but honestly, hiding feelings comes at a bigger price - and it took years of failed relationships, almost, but never was love affairs for me to learn that lesson. I told my eventual fiance immediately as I started developing feelings for her because I had been burned by that girl in high school and a couple of others ...

This time around, @Etherea took the first step ... and you know what .. even though I was not looking for a relationship at that point ... she made me realize that I was burying my real feelings, and that I really was looking for a relationship. It took me time to open up ---- but her offer was clear ... she was willing to remain my friend despite having feelings for me and I loved that about her. That was a huge risk she took - and at that time, I knew that I had a choice ... and that I wasn't responsible for her feelings. Rejecting, and being rejection both hurt ... [and I had rejected another person on this forum before @Etherea and I still think about her sometimes from the perspective of how she's doing. And even that woman was given the offer of a lifetime friendship but with specific boundaries ... and she kept crossing those boundaries and started manipulating me so I had to become harsher than I typically am, or would've been.]

It took me a couple of months to fall for @Etherea, but when I did, it was head over heals. I don't know how much to stress this ... but when people are completely open and honest with one another without playing any kind of games, they can have any kind of intimate connection. Things have a way of going wrong when feelings are hidden and fears are allowed to take over ... I've experienced something like 6-7 unrequited romances and an extended limerence .. probably caused a few as well .. but I am one of those people [and I don't know about other ENFJs] who would much rather know. I care so much about another person's feelings --- that my first instinct is "I will not hurt her .. I will not do anything to hurt someone even if they are interested in me romantically and I'm not ... maybe we can have a deep and intimate friendship."

Oh well .. that's just my story. This is probably as good a thread as any to talk about it.
I find this extremely helpful. Yeah, all of this makes sense. When I think about my relations with the one that I know, I find there was a lot of "pushing" and "pulling" because I used to like him and I wanted him to like me, but then I didn't any more and I was scared he would like me but I wanted us to be friends so, I would pull away here and there because I was scared to give him the wrong impression, but recently, I've just made it a huge point to just be consistent and straightforward about everything, and that made a huge difference. Even if I misunderstand something he might say earlier that day and it hurts my feelings, I might tell him honestly what I feel and why; he seems to appreciate that. I can relate the vulnerability is really hard at first because I get so scared that he'll get bored with me or that I'll get taken for granted as a result, but it does pay in the end sometimes.
 

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I sometimes feel like as a male, I go out of my way to be there for people - but then sometimes I want my turn - and it never comes. In that case, even if I have romantic feelings for someone, I bury them ---- because being there for someone lies at the very core of having fully understood the person.

The minute someone starts playing push-pull games with me ... I become totally tuned to it and I know that it's happening and I pull away as well ... games don't sit well with me. And I've noticed that in almost every male/female relationship, there's this inherent tendency to start playing games sub-consciously. I really appreciate frankness, and straight-forward approach to friendships and romantic relationships ... My motto is .. "if you're feeling it ... say it." But when I notice that someone is holding back something from me, I either probe ... but if my signals are not picked up, or ignored, I feel burned and I pull back. Then I disappear .. and when I disappear, it's very hard to get me to come back out .. and usually only return into someone's life when they seem to be going through a rough time. However, by that time, even if I had any sort of feelings developing for the person, I would have started working towards dulling or even destroying those feelings.

This happened between my INTJ friend and I. There was a time even while I was engaged, I did seriously consider breaking off my engagement if I had gotten a sure shot sign from her that she was interested. She kept playing weird push-pull, on again, off again games ... and having that kind of unsurety left me in the arms of a potentially abusive woman.

Open-ness and vulnerability comes at a price ... but honestly, hiding feelings comes at a bigger price - and it took years of failed relationships, almost, but never was love affairs for me to learn that lesson. I told my eventual fiance immediately as I started developing feelings for her because I had been burned by that girl in high school and a couple of others ...

This time around, @Etherea took the first step ... and you know what .. even though I was not looking for a relationship at that point ... she made me realize that I was burying my real feelings, and that I really was looking for a relationship. It took me time to open up ---- but her offer was clear ... she was willing to remain my friend despite having feelings for me and I loved that about her. That was a huge risk she took - and at that time, I knew that I had a choice ... and that I wasn't responsible for her feelings. Rejecting, and being rejection both hurt ... [and I had rejected another person on this forum before @Etherea and I still think about her sometimes from the perspective of how she's doing. And even that woman was given the offer of a lifetime friendship but with specific boundaries ... and she kept crossing those boundaries and started manipulating me so I had to become harsher than I typically am, or would've been.]

It took me a couple of months to fall for @Etherea, but when I did, it was head over heals. I don't know how much to stress this ... but when people are completely open and honest with one another without playing any kind of games, they can have any kind of intimate connection. Things have a way of going wrong when feelings are hidden and fears are allowed to take over ... I've experienced something like 6-7 unrequited romances and an extended limerence .. probably caused a few as well .. but I am one of those people [and I don't know about other ENFJs] who would much rather know. I care so much about another person's feelings --- that my first instinct is "I will not hurt her .. I will not do anything to hurt someone even if they are interested in me romantically and I'm not ... maybe we can have a deep and intimate friendship."

Oh well .. that's just my story. This is probably as good a thread as any to talk about it.

Epic post...I can relate.
 

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They're great chameleons. Later on I found out he had just vented about it all to his best friend that night so he had gotten it out of his system. He always feels better immediately after he vents. It feels like the world is ending and then all of the sudden it's just a sunny day again! Maybe this is more related to the 6w7...He's able to make himself accept anything after he has gone through intensely doubting himself and everything.
Sounds like me... ENFJs are often referred to as drama queens/kings when they're in a really bad mood or stressed, but all it takes to cheer us up is a sincere act of kindness/apology or to be able to get it ALL out. Not completely related to what you were saying, it just made me think of it. XD
 

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Sounds like me... ENFJs are often referred to as drama queens/kings when they're in a really bad mood or stressed, but all it takes to cheer us up is a sincere act of kindness/apology or to be able to get it ALL out. Not completely related to what you were saying, it just made me think of it. XD
So true :) They are so "dramatic" because they CARE so damn much.
 

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@FourLittleMonkeys

Now, I'm going to stick with my assertion that ENFJs are usually more attracted to genuine, strong and raw emotions and I believe that if you lack the words to express your feelings to your potential ENFJ paramour, you should show him this thread. Thinking from his position, if he does have feelings for you and if his guerrilla style flirting is a product of his fear of rejection, then this post should bring him to tears, as well as give him some extra courage to ask you out "under different a context".

20 years is a long time... my salutations to you... I'm going down the same path and it's tiring... still, it's only 3 years so far... :p

They're great chameleons. Later on I found out he had just vented about it all to his best friend that night so he had gotten it out of his system. He always feels better immediately after he vents. It feels like the world is ending and then all of the sudden it's just a sunny day again! Maybe this is more related to the 6w7...He's able to make himself accept anything after he has gone through intensely doubting himself and everything.
I think it is ... Seeking support is a primarily 6 motivation. The motivation there is to seek guidance, as well as to quell the chaos that's simmering inside. To be without support and guidance is their basic fear actually, and I'm guessing in the case of ENFJ men, that could manifest itself as a desire to seek emotional support as well. I have experienced this with a female friend of mine in recent months. She has extreme moments of doubt, chaos and anxiety --- and then she's fine and cheerful immediately afterwards. It's also where I believe that added sense of loyalty comes in as well --- the loyalty to the person who was there to quell the anxiety and chaos. I honestly find friendships with 6's extremely rewarding.
I know that I'm not the only one in the world... but I'm feeling so raped by this. I'm powerless to say anything cause... it's true... especially the venting part... damn...

Remember our talk on Maslow's Theory Jawz? I still have doubts about myself on that...
 
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