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Discussion Starter #1
Hey guys.
I've had this problem for years now and I'd like to know if it's a common thing to INTJ's.
I often find myself in nice conversations with people and letting my thoughts be known and all that, untill suddenly I go through some weird thought processes that end up insulting people badly. This is something that happens suddenly and I don't realize that my words could harm the other person, since in my perspective, it was just a sentence like any other.
This happens every 2 weeks or so, sometimes less.
Either I'm trying to have a laugh with friends and let out what to me seems to be a cool joke but ends up just as calling people bad names, or I'm trying to make a reference to something and I don't consider a part of the other person's bad past that I may touch with the reference I made, or I'm just talking regularly and suddenly I insulted the other person directly when I think I'm just being objective.

Long story short, I have a hard time considering other people's feelings, and I'd like to stop hurting some of my friends with my words.

So yeah, does this happen to you INTJ's a lot? If so, how do you control yourself to prevent such situations?

Finally, thank you very much for the attention given reading this.
 

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I've had this happen to me plenty of times, and a lot of times it is inadvertent. People have a hard time taking my sarcasm as anything more than a joke, and a lot of people are too attached to their thoughts and beliefs.

In the end, they choose to hurt themselves by letting your words hurt them. They have no one to blame but themselves.
 
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Used to... Likely still will.


People get butt hurt over fuck all..

Ways to avoid it...

Have a memory and use it to store EVERYTHING, every remark made, every slight taken, ever action and moment with your friends... Map this and store it in your head, repeat for each friend, adding in each exchange they make between eachother, even when you are not present.. That's where mapping them comes in.

After a while you will not insult them any more, but you will have vanished, there will no longer be any room for you to be you.

Or

Let them deal with you and accept you as you are, and I stress this a bit.... BE YOURSELF... Because no-one else is!

If they don't value that, then screw them.
 

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Discussion Starter #5
A friend of mine asked me if I had read Eragon, I said no its below my usual reading level, apparently she is reading it and assumed that I was calling her stupid. I now know that in the future I should say "No, is it good?"
THIS. THIS IS EXACTLY WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT.
I do that all the time, really. But luckily that's not the worst of things to say because everyone says things like that.
I'm worried about the REALLY BAD THINGS. Like accidentally calling someone a whore.
 

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Discussion Starter #6
Used to... Likely still will.


People get butt hurt over fuck all..

Ways to avoid it...

Have a memory and use it to store EVERYTHING, every remark made, every slight taken, ever action and moment with your friends... Map this and store it in your head, repeat for each friend, adding in each exchange they make between eachother, even when you are not present.. That's where mapping them comes in.

After a while you will not insult them any more, but you will have vanished, there will no longer be any room for you to be you.

Or

Let them deal with you and accept you as you are, and I stress this a bit.... BE YOURSELF... Because no-one else is!

If they don't value that, then screw them.
I found your post very interesting specially because I already thought about that and got to the exact same conclusion.
I was thinking a while ago about trying to manipulate my own thought process into making it include feelings without somehow ruining it's accuracy.
Yeah it's a weird plan but I do think it should be better and less problematic than that one.
 

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I found your post very interesting specially because I already thought about that and got to the exact same conclusion.
I was thinking a while ago about trying to manipulate my own thought process into making it include feelings without somehow ruining it's accuracy.
Yeah it's a weird plan but I do think it should be better and less problematic than that one.
Learn to embrace the badass of intj.


What you could do is just hold on a second, count to 4 or 10 and check, "is this gonna cause someone a feeling crash" then at least you will have run it through the system and not just straight to the output device.


Side effect is you "look" like you are thinking... And we all know the hot chicks like a guy who thinks!


Don't we?
 

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Discussion Starter #8
Oh yes. That seems like a good strategy.
And I already am doing so. By kindly showing and commenting the posts in this thread with an ENFP, who does very much happen to be a chick.
Yeah, an ENFP. How about that. Behold every INTJ in this forum punching me with the power of jealousy.
I own the true power of badassness, mate.
 

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INTP Fe is a wonderful thing at times. Fe is at least strong enough (usually) to tell me before I say something that will most likely piss someone off. I think people are more offended by my "are you retarded" tone than what I am actually saying.
 

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Discussion Starter #10
INTP Fe is a wonderful thing at times. Fe is at least strong enough (usually) to tell me before I say something that will most likely piss someone off. I think people are more offended by my "are you retarded" tone than what I am actually saying.
Yeah, I'm friends with an INTP and I get very surprised with her kindness despite her being so damn logical. Sometimes I wish I could be more like her, but I'm too proud of being like this.
 

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As an exchange-student in California, I met this really cute girl at a mormon dance and later at my highschool. I enjoyed spending time with her and feeling like the ugly duckling that had been turned into a beautiful swan. Unfortunately, one day, she asked me what I thought of Jesus. Lying was out of the question (as seems to be the case to many INTJs). I should've dodged the question but instead answered it like the atheist I was and that was the end of those nice moments with her. Maybe I should've used another synonym than "phony"...
I tried to patch up things at the mormon dance New Year's Eve but got a "Fuck you!" to which I pretended to be an ignorant foreigner: "OK, where?", which didn't help. Feisty girl.
 
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It came out the worst in some of my early romantic relationships...
I am more up front in any relationships I get into now, I actually make it a point to let them know of things like my independence, need for space, and that I am not going to be touchy/feely. I tell them no matter what I might say, it was meant in good conciense.

When this comes off bad is when I have exerted some cordial friendliness... and they haven't seen that T prowess yet. I might start critiquing them more harshly the longer I know somebody, some people can't take that.
 

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For the most part, I don't get into much trouble. Of course, it might just be because my friends (all four of them) aren't very sensitive. I don't get into much trouble in my general conversations, though, which I think is thanks to my higher-than-normal Fe.
 

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Happens to me quite frequently. I have put a note on my phone screen which says "Maintain Distance", so that I don't talk too much/share too much with others. I forget often that everyone is not like me, this note helps me remind that.
 

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Discussion Starter #17
But I don't understand how you by mistake call someone a whore??
It's a good idea to explain that. Imagine that you know someone who is a person who frequently dates other people and moves on fast from relationship to relationship and suddenly in the middle of a conversation you say something like "So, who's your next partner of amusement?"
It happened to me before. Sounded perfectly logical at the time, but then I thought "Oh no. I did it again. Here comes a storm."
 

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Discussion Starter #18
Happens to me quite frequently. I have put a note on my phone screen which says "Maintain Distance", so that I don't talk too much/share too much with others. I forget often that everyone is not like me, this note helps me remind that.
This, my friend, is kind of an anti-social behavior, but it does seem like a GREAT idea.
 

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It doesn't sound like you've gone through much development of your Fi function yet. This will come with time, and you'll feel more comfortable playing around people's preferences as you realize that it really isn't that bad sacrifice your own convictions to make someone else feel comfortable in a conversation.

Many appreciate this much more than they would an INTJ's convoluted ways of seeing themselves as "right" or even "intelligent." Of course, you have to care in the first place.
 

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Discussion Starter #20
It doesn't sound like you've gone through much development of your Fi function yet. This will come with time, and you'll feel more comfortable playing around people's preferences as you realize that it really isn't that bad sacrifice your own convictions to make someone else feel comfortable in a conversation.

Many appreciate this much more than they would an INTJ's convoluted ways of seeing themselves as "right" or even "intelligent." Of course, you have to care in the first place.
You may be right since I have a lot of Fi, more than the usual INTJ, at least. I have as much Fi as I have Te according to the tests I make on a regular basis.
And I do hope you're right about the rest, it would make me happy to say the least.
 
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