[emperor_domi]

As an ISTP, thinking is my dominant function and while I like it that way, people expect more emotion out of me, especialy as a woman. How do I develop the Fe function to satisfy people without becoming overly emotional? Any advice would be appreciated.

 

[aconite]

Well, I'm a Ti-dom too, and while I used to think that my Fe is abysmal, several people told me that it's not - I prefer thinking, of course, but if I have to, I can use Fe quite effectively.

I think the most important part is, well, talking to people, especially those with strong Fe - my sister is an ENFJ, and sometimes I ask her for insight, since her social skills are uncanny. Generally, people like when you're interested in them (obviously) - and for me, it's much easier to be genuinely interested in people than pretend to be. I love telling stories, and hearing stories; in my opinion, even someone who seems dumb and shallow, can have something interesting to say. I'm an illustrator/writer in making, and this made me develop my empathy and interest in others - I couldn't draw my clones, or read about them. I started to observe people, and this, somehow, made me fascinated with them. I ask questions. I watch people's reactions. I laugh at their jokes, I try to understand their mindsets. If I'm not sure, I ask questions - when people hear that I draw and write, they're usually very quick to tell me about themselves (many don't shut up at all, lol). Of course, this is not a natural skill, I had to learn it, but hey, it's something new and cool

Oh, and this is a very inspiring story from James Gurney's blog - Gurney is a painter, a writer (I bought "Color and Light", this is one of the coolest books I own). I want to be like him when I grow up.

Well, I hope it's a bit helpful, at least (I know I tend to ramble, sometimes, sorry). Good luck!

 

[JungyesMBTIno]

The thing about the inferior function is, it's not necessarily bad (I mean, against what standard is that being measured? None, other than the more consciously refined functions in an individual), but it's incomparable to it's caliber in higher forms. It the weak part of a person's personality. But honestly, there isn't much that can be done to develop it unless you can go a while ignoring the dominant function mindset, which is extremely hard to do. Otherwise, you're not really "living" life from the perspective of the inferior. Logically analyzing interesting characteristics about people is not Fe.

 

[LiquidLight]

As an ISTP, thinking is my dominant function and while I like it that way, people expect more emotion out of me, especialy as a woman. How do I develop the Fe function to satisfy people without becoming overly emotional? Any advice would be appreciated.

Inferior Fe doesn't make you more or less emotional. It's just how you deal with, rationalize or evaluate those emotions. If you are forcing yourself to be more 'emotional' (whatever that means) because you are woman, that has nothing to do with type but is rather a persona you are adopting. A role to play in society. The Feeling function tells us whether or not we like something, or whether or not something is good or bad to us (or based on the objective standards of the world).

The idea behind developing (or at least learning to come to grips with) the inferior function is to put away your dominant thinking and really see the value in the Feeling perspective. To not always view things as technical or conceptual but rather be able to see things and properly evaluate with nuance, not just the platitudes that Inferior Feeling types might be known for (like/dislike, beautiful/ugly, etc). This has nothing to do with more emotional and in fact helps you to not be hypersensitive emotionally because you can put your emotions in the right boxes, qualify them, rationalize them, know which are good and which are ridiculous, develop good tastes and all the things that come from having a decent Feeling function. Jung says the dominant Feeling types (IxFPs, and ExFJs) can sometimes be the coldest people on Earth, because to be able to understand or rationalize your emotional content, to properly evaluate is also to not be as enslaved by them. If it is time to cry you cry. If it is time to be angry you are angry. If it is time to be rational you do that. But these things are no longer rising up and overwhelming you (as they often do with Thinking types who might find themselves either hypersensitive to personal attack or critique or moody, nervous about what other people think, etc).

 

[madhatter]

Jung says the dominant Feeling types (IxFPs, and ExFJs) can sometimes be the coldest people on Earth, because to be able to understand or rationalize your emotional content, to properly evaluate is also to not be as enslaved by them.

I thought my INFP brother was INTJ for a long time, for this very reason.

 

[nevermore]

develop good tastes and all the things that come from having a decent Feeling function.

What do you mean by "tastes"? I'd consider myself a bit of an aesthete, actually, but I'd say it has as much to do with Si as it does with my Fe...or do you mean something different by this?

 

[Arrow]

What do you mean by "tastes"? I'd consider myself a bit of an aesthete, actually, but I'd say it has as much to do with Si as it does with my Fe...or do you mean something different by this?

Sounds to me like he was talking about decorum or social eloquence.

 

[LiquidLight]

Sounds to me like he was talking about decorum or social eloquence.

Yea exactly. Sense of proper timing. See the thing about all inferior functions is that they are both hot and cold. That an INTP might be, on the one hand quite adept with Fe in one circumstance (perhaps being aesthete as you put it) but terrible in dealing with people or their own emotions in another. Inferior functions sort of exist in an all or nothing paradigm, which is why they are so hard to deal with.

For example the intuitions of a Se-dom might be nonsensical. Conspiracy theorizing, or reading the wrong motivations into things or people, etc. If this was the case 100% of the time there would be no issue, but every once in a while the Se-dom's Ni is right. Not all their intuitions are bad (just like not all the Thinking of a Feeling type is poor) and this then becomes the problem because people then become unsure whether or not the influences of the inferior function are positive or negative (as a Ni-dom I have something of a love/hate with Sensation, one the one hand pursuing very Sensation oriented careers and activities, and on the other having a hard time really giving myself over to that perspective for what it is).

Von Franz

What is worse about negative intuition is that it sometimes does hit the nail right on the head. Jung says intuition is anyhow a problematic function because it gets right to the core of the situation. It either hits the bullseye or goes absolutely astray, right outside even the realm of the target. In general, when intuition is the main function and one of the other functions - either thinking or feeling - has been developed, the person has an intuition that might be either the bullseye or off in the woods, and therefore holds back. But inferior intuition is just primitive, and it either hits the bullseye or goes extremely wide of the mark. And the Sensation type sometimes surprises you by hitting the bullseye, which you can only admire, or else with hunches in which there is no truth - just pure invention! This type has sudden inner intuitions, and the great difficulty for him is to know how to deal with them, for they may be complete nonsense or absolutely right.

For the Ti-dom she continues

The introverted thinking type will very soon experience that with his Extraverted Feeling he is always putting his foot in it, for the Feeling is so primitive, sticky and childish; but it also has all the advantages of a primitive function, for it is very genuine and warm. When an Introverted Thinking type loves, there is no calculation in it. It will be for the sake of the other but it will be primitive.

The Inferior Feeling of a Thinking type is like a lioness that would like to play with you. She has no other intention than to play, but she rubs herself, purring, against your leg, or eats you up, or gives you a great blow so that you fall over when she licks your face. But there is no calculation or intention about it; its just an expression of Feeling, just as the dog wags his tail! What people find touching about the feeling of domestic animals is just this lack of calculation.

In the case of Inferior Feeling, just as in the other cases, the Inferior function is very much coupled with emotion. Whenever people have very emotional feeling, it is a sign that the feeling is undifferentiated. As soon as the tears come into their eeys in a Feeling situation that has been constellated and everything is flowing heavily and passionately, you know that the inferior function has been touched. But this is also true for the intuition of sensation types.

All inferior functions have this tendency to make people deadly serious and emotional and pathetic. You can see it very clearly in the Feeling of a Thinking type. Introverted Thinking may show very pathetic if not hysterical qualities in the manifestation of Feeling. But as Jung writes in Psychological Types, people who know Thinking types well, know that you can have very warm Feeling and intimate and reliable friendships with them, because if there is Feeling, it is true and genuine.

 

[JungyesMBTIno]

Yep, it only makes sense to me that feeling types would be very principled and controlled with rationalizing emotions since they actually take them seriously as an ego goal. All the stuff about feeling types being wishy-washy, weepy, and hypersensitive is 100% major projection of the F of T types onto F types - total hogwash (it's pretty much offensive to assume someone would be fragile with their dominant function - that would only be the case if someone were severely mentally ill, bordering on psychotic). They know exactly what they're doing with their feelings. I actually agree with Jung about dominant feelers being some of the coldest, sometimes most expressionless people around, especially the Fi dominants. I mean, they'll definitely know when and when not to come off as "cold," (but may not care anyway if they're pissed about something, etc. rationale) but from what I know from having Fi dom friends IRL, they have an extraordinary amount of control over their feelings, to the point that they can easily go from warm one minute to chillingly cold the next. I never saw any of them (other than one, who still comes off as extremely controlled with feelings none-the-less) as emotionally hypersensitive people at all - to me, they can be almost scary at times with the confidence they have with feeling judgements - quite honestly, I think the truth IRL is that thinkers tend to be rather scared of the value judgements of feelers (I'll admit, it's totally been true for me - I can't emphasize it enough), but due to idiotic MBTI stereotypes (more like, misunderstandings) about feelers online, this goes untouched.

 

[Worriedfunction]

@LiquidLight

@JungyesMBTIno

Great posts and they raise some important points about common misconceptions on the functions.

 

[emperor_domi]

I understand a little more now. It's not so much that I want to be more emotional, far from it, I just want to be able to be more understanding of people when they are expressing emotions that I can't quite rationalize in my brain and not appear insensitive when I don't give them the reaction they want, if that makes sense.

 

[JungyesMBTIno]

Here's the simple way to figure out your inferior function (on a more irrelevant note, since this conversation has come down to the nature of the inferior function): Figure out which makes you the most "yeah, yeah, whatever" and anal when it comes up: sensation (e.g. recall of data and detail, not noticing interesting details, noticing the environment in the present moment, etc.), intuition (e.g. foresight, shooting from the hip, speculation, etc.), feeling (evaluations, being expressive with evaluations and personal values or showing your feelings at random, coming up with ideas on the spot, etc.), or thinking (explaining or justifying your reasoning, noticing inconsistencies or logical nuance, etc.).

 

[Playful Proxy]

I too would like some answers as my Fe (or the lack thereof) has been causing me a ton of grief. It tries to dictate what I should do, but it is so underdeveloped that its whiny demands are often wrong, it does not give me answers when I need them, and it becomes a pain socially. Fe is what I need to rely on to be even the least bit social (because I have no idea how to use Ne in a social setting), but because I don't know many social regulations, the basic context of carrying a conversation consciously (my best friends were made subconsciously....we just hit it off and talked, I don't even remember trying very hard), and even worse, I have no idea how to objectify the entire concept of love and affection. I know the list of things which compose it, but I don't know why they work and because of this, all I know how to do is follow the motions (which failed...multiple times).

 

[Naama]

Yep, it only makes sense to me that feeling types would be very principled and controlled with rationalizing emotions since they actually take them seriously as an ego goal. All the stuff about feeling types being wishy-washy, weepy, and hypersensitive is 100% major projection of the F of T types onto F types - total hogwash (it's pretty much offensive to assume someone would be fragile with their dominant function - that would only be the case if someone were severely mentally ill, bordering on psychotic). They know exactly what they're doing with their feelings. I actually agree with Jung about dominant feelers being some of the coldest, sometimes most expressionless people around, especially the Fi dominants. I mean, they'll definitely know when and when not to come off as "cold," (but may not care anyway if they're pissed about something, etc. rationale) but from what I know from having Fi dom friends IRL, they have an extraordinary amount of control over their feelings, to the point that they can easily go from warm one minute to chillingly cold the next. I never saw any of them (other than one, who still comes off as extremely controlled with feelings none-the-less) as emotionally hypersensitive people at all - to me, they can be almost scary at times with the confidence they have with feeling judgements - quite honestly, I think the truth IRL is that thinkers tend to be rather scared of the value judgements of feelers (I'll admit, it's totally been true for me - I can't emphasize it enough), but due to idiotic MBTI stereotypes (more like, misunderstandings) about feelers online, this goes untouched.

my best friend is an INFP and i definitely see him as really emotionally sensitive person, but the deal is that he knows very well how to control on showing it. he will give hints about what goes on in his head(/heart), but almost never say it directly. like talking about getting f-f-f-friendzoned again in joking manner. sometimes, even when i can see it clearly that he is upset and all emo in his head, he will deny it when i ask. i think the difference between him and me is that he experiences feelings usually in much much stronger fashion than i do, but also has learned control on showing them, and because his feelings are soo strong it might be hard to control them sometimes(even if he can control on showing them, these things i dont see being the same thing at all). like when once this asshole wanna be gangsta started some shit with him(he is pretty much defenseless btw), but went away before anything happened. we left the scene and like two minutes later he fell apart completely and started crying. if that guy would had started some shit with me, i would had just been pissed off and experienced hate because the guy was an asshole, not take it so emotionally as he did(hate is an emotion too, but its towards other people, not emotions towards self, like my friend was experiencing).

his roommate(who is also good long term friend of mine) is an INTJ, and i have noticed that often the INTJ has no idea whats going on in the INFPs mind, because he is paying so much attention to how the INFP displays himself. i dont know if this is the case with you, but just something to consider.