Personality Cafe banner

Status
Not open for further replies.
1 - 20 of 23 Posts

·
Banned
Joined
·
5,240 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Okay this exchange occurred on thread that I won't post a link to since I want to keep things anonymous. The person apparently replied without reading any of the posts in the thread. If anyone here wants the full context, I'll PM a link:

Member said:
Saying sheesh rolling your eyes makes me shrug, nothing more. I've yet to read the content of your post. I simply read the topic title, and by it I gave my answer. If you find yourself personally attacked by my high-on-valium whim, then whatever, again I shrug.
Me said:
First off, I'm a very sensitive person. I'm trying to use the anonymity of online forums as a step to help me overcome that. Second, how was I supposed to know that you were high on valium? ...Unless you were being sarcastic there. :tongue: And here's a lesson for you: When you respond to a thread, read what's in it. Other people may not be as polite as me.
Member said:
You do realize that by "telling me what to do" you could provoke me into hurting your feelings on purpose, right? I don't find people who tell me what to do anywhere near polite, I find them disgusting. Having a self-righteous attitude doesn't help the situation.
I've posted a brief apology just now, but he hasn't had the chance to read it. I was only trying to give the person some advice. Just what did I do wrong? :crying:
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
2,009 Posts
I'm almost curious as to what people might say.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
89 Posts
I don't think you did anything wrong. But the Internet tends to bring out people inner asshole, so it's wise to not take the negative too personally. If you ever feel offended on the Internet, remember that it's the Internet and it's pretty insignificant as things go. I'd advise that you just ignore this guy's negativity and don't engage with people like him any further.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,682 Posts
It's simple. People don't like being ordered around. That person inflated your desire to read the thread (it's beneficial surely) into you trying to dictate their actions. The plan is simple..if they make big judgments without knowing anything, perhaps their counsel is not worth seeking.
 

·
Iron Fist
Joined
·
3,684 Posts
I think the very first post (the one you took offense to, and was claimed to be posted while high) was a harmless joke and merely a quote from a movie.

There were far more insulting posts on the thread.

My personal opinion is that you replied with somewhat passive aggressiveness (and hinting that you were being attacked, maybe you meant the other posts?) that stimulated the other poster to reply in a manner that you did not like.
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
5,240 Posts
Discussion Starter · #7 ·
I think the very first post (the one you took offense to, and was claimed to be posted while high) was a harmless joke and merely a quote from a movie.
It wasn't so much the joke that offended me than the fact that the person in question didn't even read the thread to begin with. It may be me reading into things too much, but it seemed to me that the poster was assuming I was being naive and childish. At least the others seemed to be more thoughtful. Perhaps that one was just the final straw.

How did you find the thread? Did you just put the text into the search box? Anyhow, I feel like such a horrible person...I hate hurting others in any way.
 

·
Iron Fist
Joined
·
3,684 Posts
It wasn't so much the joke that offended me than the fact that the person in question didn't even read the thread to begin with. It may be me reading into things too much, but it seemed to me that the poster was assuming I was being naive and childish. At least the others seemed to be more thoughtful. Perhaps that one was just the final straw.

How did you find the thread? Did you just put the text into the search box? Anyhow, I feel like such a horrible person...I hate hurting others in any way.
It's really no big deal, as mentioned before *it's the internets*

A lot of people don't read posts, it is sometimes fun to just write the first thing that comes to your mind.

I didn't as much find the thread, just that I had just read it earlier.

Anyway, you already mentioned that you apologized. If the matter is still bugging you, you can ask one of the mods/admins to remove the whole thing.

:happy:
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
5,240 Posts
Discussion Starter · #9 ·
It's really no big deal, as mentioned before *it's the internets*

A lot of people don't read posts, it is sometimes fun to just write the first thing that comes to your mind.

I didn't as much find the thread, just that I had just read it earlier.

Anyway, you already mentioned that you apologized. If the matter is still bugging you, you can ask one of the mods/admins to remove the whole thing.

:happy:
Like, the whole thread? Or just the posts themselves?

I just hate myself because all of this happened in the first place. I cried. I actually lost sleep over this. Was I being cruel by replying the way I did? I wish I didn't have to apologize and that I didn't even hurt a person in the first place...
 

·
Iron Fist
Joined
·
3,684 Posts
Like, the whole thread? Or just the posts themselves?
Whatever you like.

I just hate myself because all of this happened in the first place. I cried. I actually lost sleep over this. Was I being cruel by replying the way I did? I wish I didn't have to apologize and that I didn't even hurt a person in the first place...
I'm probably very sure the person is not *hurt*. So lets not worry about that :)

You are obviously a very conflict avoidant person, and I am guessing your reaction was foreign even to yourself. The thread and the reactions you got have caused stressed (right?) Which is ok, because people join the forum to learn and to explore more about themselves.

I might be going out on a whim, but I suggest you read this link:

Eliminating Passive Aggressiveness | LIVESTRONG.COM

Hope you feel better :happy:
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
89 Posts
Just read the thread in question-- I don't think either of you were particularly out of line. I think it would be wise to just move on from it.
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
5,240 Posts
Discussion Starter · #12 ·
Whatever you like.
Would people lose their post count if the whole thread is deleted?

You are obviously a very conflict avoidant person, and I am guessing your reaction was foreign even to yourself. The thread and the reactions you got have caused stressed (right?) Which is ok, because people join the forum to learn and to explore more about themselves.

I might be going out on a whim, but I suggest you read this link:

Eliminating Passive Aggressiveness | LIVESTRONG.COM

Hope you feel better :happy:
A lot comments people left on that article make passive aggressive people sound....I dunno...like horrible people. *shrugs* My self-esteem is currently way down the crapper. I was hoping this place would help me build some self-esteem. I wanted to prove to myself that I was intelligent enough to hold good discussions. I like to think of myself as a good person. And honestly, I wasn't trying to sound impolite to the guy. The way I saw it, I was trying to give him useful advice so he wouldn't get into a huge flame war or something. But he said I was being disgusting. I didn't expect him to respond that way at all. I suppose he felt I was attacking him. Thinking about it, I wonder if he was feeling defensive. If someone tries to tell me something and I feel that they are attacking my character, I would most likely be defensive. But not all people are like me, and most people on the internet seem to have thick shells. I tried to word everything in the most non-offensive way possible. Maybe he mistook what I said. Maybe I should have worded things better. I have no clue. Maybe I'm assuming way too much about this guy. I have no clue. I just feel like crap...
 

·
Cafe Legend and MOTM Jan 2011
Joined
·
15,420 Posts
I don't know the context, but the from the bits you posted here, it sounds like the other person was the one being out of line by being threatening and insensitive. I'd have to know what was said before this to make any firm judgment.
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
2,009 Posts
You're assuming.
 

·
Iron Fist
Joined
·
3,684 Posts
Sorry Would people lose their post count if the whole thread is deleted?


A lot comments people left on that article make passive aggressive people sound....I dunno...like horrible people. *shrugs* My self-esteem is currently way down the crapper. I was hoping this place would help me build some self-esteem. I wanted to prove to myself that I was intelligent enough to hold good discussions. I like to think of myself as a good person. And honestly, I wasn't trying to sound impolite to the guy. The way I saw it, I was trying to give him useful advice so he wouldn't get into a huge flame war or something. But he said I was being disgusting. I didn't expect him to respond that way at all. I suppose he felt I was attacking him. Thinking about it, I wonder if he was feeling defensive. If someone tries to tell me something and I feel that they are attacking my character, I would most likely be defensive. But not all people are like me, and most people on the internet seem to have thick shells. I tried to word everything in the most non-offensive way possible. Maybe he mistook what I said. Maybe I should have worded things better. I have no clue. Maybe I'm assuming way too much about this guy. I have no clue. I just feel like crap...
*hug* I just saw you are a girl.. *hug some more*

You need to do something to make you feel good. This issue is really really really minor :) and nothing is worth you feeling like crap over, especially over the internets :) SERIOUSLY go pamper yourself to something fun.

Look at this pic:

 
  • Like
Reactions: Angelic Gardevoir

·
MOTM Nov 2010
Joined
·
10,402 Posts
I'm not understanding why this is a thread and not you pm-ing each other. Go to the source. Do we really need to be here?

I like to think of myself as a good person.
Only you are stopping yourself from continuing to think that way.
 
  • Like
Reactions: Angelic Gardevoir

·
Banned
Joined
·
5,240 Posts
Discussion Starter · #17 · (Edited)
I'm not understanding why this is a thread and not you pm-ing each other. Go to the source. Do we really need to be here?
Umm...I want advice? Other opinions on the matter? And I'm afraid of confronting the person, to be honest. ...And I made this thread at about two in the morning in a crazed emotional state. (And I'm not sure that it has completely subsided.) I was not thinking rationally.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
76 Posts
Starri is giving sound feedback, and she has been here with you every step of the way. So my only task here is to reaffirm.

To put it bluntly, you were being screwed with. I don't have to read the thread in question to spot that. You had done no harm, caused no foul. Erase that pesky concept from your mind.

You are clearly a compassionate and peaceful person. Your natural response mechanism is to rest blame on your own shoulders; which is great for refining your approach to situations, but only to an extent. Right now, your enemy is that tendency to over-think matters and question yourself mercilessly.

Let's move on from there, alright? You've been faced with what you're looking for---an opportunity to grow, challenge and prove yourself. You cannot allow harsh reactions to knock you out. It's crucial to discern between what's presented on the surface and what dwells underneath. People are going to be pissy and rude in life, and it's important to grasp that these things are fleeting. You'll never see the sun if you can't weather the storm.

So get excited. I mean it. You have the chance to get in there and thicken your skin. That is essential, and you'll be glad you did.

Breath fire, lady!
 

·
MOTM Nov 2010
Joined
·
10,402 Posts
Woah there, girly. Sometimes it takes a village to lend the courage.
And sometimes it takes a person being direct. Who knows?

Anyway, I purposely chose to remain non-biased yet help where I could. I don't like threads that have the potential to build alliances or make people choose sides between 2 active members on the forum. I still feel it would be best to directly approach him in private or perhaps ask a mod or admin in private for help or feedback.
 
1 - 20 of 23 Posts
Status
Not open for further replies.
Top