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Hello, I'm a long time lurker and finally decided to post on this site.

I have been talking and dating an INFJ for the past few months. I can honestly say I am intrigued and fascinated by you INFJs. This guy is the reason I became interested in MBTI in the first place. Once I realized I am an INFP, everything made perfect sense to me. It's as if he helped me take the blinds off my eyes. Welcoming him into my life has been an emotional and spiritual experience for me, which has led me to a path of self-discovery. I can only hope that I've caused such an impact in his life too.

We've been on many dates, probably 20, and see each other every other day at university. We can spend hours talking and learning from each other, as well as being goofy with each other. About two months, I noticed his mood changed and started being aloof, conflicted, almost depressed due to his wrong career choice. I knew he needed some space to feel and think, so I let him be. I never made his mood change mine, I tried to always be happy, positive, and loving around him, since I felt I had to be the stronger one in that situation.

All of a sudden, 3 weeks ago, he came up to me and told me he had some news. He decided to move away in a few months to pursue a different degree. This really shocked me, but I was completely supportive of him. Then he stated that we should stop seeing each other as soon as possible. This is what I do not understand, since I believe that if someone is about to leave, they'd naturally want to spend more time with you. He apologized the next morning and has been texting me ever since, but has kept his distance from me. He keeps saying I've been one of the most amazing people he's ever met, that I'm his rock, and that he fell in love with my heart, etc... Is he scared of getting hurt when it's time for him to leave? Was this connection too intense for him?

I'd be more than willing to keep contact without pursuing a LDR with him after leaving, since this is a person I have decided to love very deeply.
 

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Less of a door slam and more of a ghosting attempt as the door slam is usually done out of anger, frustration, or simple self preservation. He is likely feeling some guilt if not a lot really for the whole ordeal.
 

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Have you told them how you feel about a 'friendship' despite them being afar? The world seems small and interconnected enough that that's not impossible if both parties are for it.

They were probably trying to cut themselves out of your life as quickly as possible to avoid any further attachment from either of you. Those crazy cold hearted bastards.
 

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Less of a door slam and more of a ghosting attempt as the door slam is usually done out of anger, frustration, or simple self preservation. He is likely feeling some guilt if not a lot really for the whole ordeal.
I agree with that. I've doorslammed one person (my ex) and he had no doubt what happened lol.
 

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This is what I do not understand, since I believe that if someone is about to leave, they'd naturally want to spend more time with you.
That is something you believe. I'm exactly the opposite and he might me too.

I would say that he isn't scared of getting hurt. Just trying to reduce the damage. That is what I would do but also what I do is I don't invest any time or energy into temporary relationships with people since it seems pointless. Even if I like someone just as a friend or a temp co-worker. Kind of a fatalistic but that's what life has to offer for me. Any relations with people break not because of any fallout or negative interaction but simply because people decide to move away and I never hear from them any more. I read something online once and it was along this lines "Did you realise that you were friends with someone only because you saw them at 5 times a week at school?"

After my INFP broke up with me after 9 years I was devastated it seemed better to pretend like she never existed because I have never experienced something like that and had no idea what else to do. It worked for a while but later on I had to face the reality and it wasn't pretty. Maybe he is trying to do the same.
 

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Like others have said too he might feel that since he's going to move away it's just better to let you go. Maybe he feels it's better to not make you wait around for him because he doesn't know what the future will hold with him being away.

INFJs tend to be future oriented. So if we can't see something working out long-term, for whatever reason, we will move on.
 

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He could be like me, I just am detached from everyone right now to see myself more clearly. I feel like I not only don't need people close to me at present, but it's distracting as hell from my own self care. He might want to make life decisions without anyone right by his side to make sure he's happy with his choice, and maybe he doesn't feel as attached to you as you do to him.
 

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I'm guessing he's inwardly preparing himself to make what he sees as an inevitable breakoff. Long distance relationships are hard, and he may believe he won't be able to make it work. So, sometimes the way we deal with emotions is by stuffing them--and the people they relate to--out of our mind. :/

Still, you're not going to know unless you ask, so maybe ask him about how he sees a LDR working out.
 

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This was not a door slam at all. There would be absolutely zero contact from him to you and ever again had he done that. Sounds to me like he met you and wasn't expecting to like you as much as he does and didn't realize how much he actually liked you until he made the decision to move. If he's still keeping in contact with you he definitely likes you, I personally would door slam someone if a) I had no interest at all and was moving anyway or b) realized I liked someone quite a bit but am moving anyway so it doesn't really matter if I like them or not. INFJs (at least I am, and from what i've read online about others) are loyal to a fault, so if you are as well maybe give the long-distance thing a go?? that is if it's what both you want
 

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About two months, I noticed his mood changed and started being aloof, conflicted, almost depressed due to his wrong career choice. I knew he needed some space to feel and think, so I let him be. I never made his mood change mine, I tried to always be happy, positive, and loving around him, since I felt I had to be the stronger one in that situation.
I believe you were right about him needing time to feel and think. I'm glad you respected his space. Also, for your sake, you stayed detached enough to keep a loving attitude -- Props to you for doing that. As for being the stronger one, there's a certain inner strength that INFJ's need to find in order to move forward. And literally, we just tend to find it ourselves with time, (sometimes years, sometimes days).

Then he stated that we should stop seeing each other as soon as possible. This is what I do not understand, since I believe that if someone is about to leave, they'd naturally want to spend more time with you.
Here's my personal interpretation of this. "I've been feeling out the future, and I believe I need to move away. I know that this will prevent us from sharing the level of intimacy we currently share because we cannot spend as much time together. I do not see the point in trying to be as close as we have been because the situation won't allow it. I only want to put effort into growing closer not farther away. I deeply appreciate and value the depth of our relationship but I don't think it can continue in the future." If he's like me and other INFJ males, we only want a possibility of serious relationship that has a high probability of future success.

He's definitely weighed this situation over in his mind and tried to bring in all the variables, and he most likely sees no point in diving deeper because he's moving away.

He apologized the next morning and has been texting me ever since, but has kept his distance from me. He keeps saying I've been one of the most amazing people he's ever met, that I'm his rock, and that he fell in love with my heart, etc... Is he scared of getting hurt when it's time for him to leave?
I believe he's trying to feel out your reaction to his decision. He probably doesn't want to hurt your feelings too much and he's trying to be considerate of how much he values the effort you have put forth into the relationship up until now. He's probably far more worried about you being angry or hurt than he is of himself.

Was this connection too intense for him?
I don't believe so at all. Intensity and depth to an INFJ is more valuable than gold. He's got to be strongly weighing the variables in his mind. He's very much considering your relationship in the big scheme of things.
 

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Fi types are capable of something that others aren't, and that's appreciating emotion in the moment as they have it. You guys are like the masters of extracting deep lifelong meaning from a short-term connection, and often being gladder that you had it (better to have loved & lost).

Ni-Fe is just... Not like that. Ni is future focused, and Fe invests in the other person in ways that are hard to extract tentacles from. If you think of him as an octopus, he knows those tentacles are about to be amputated from his body and he wants the pain over with in one quick cut.
If circumstances were slightly different - if he had made the decision to move faster and discussed it with you quickly and heard you were willing to continue on until the last moment, then he could probably bury his head in the sand until the last moment by pretending it wasn't coming, and thus enjoyed his last moments with you. But that sort of pretend is easily shattered.
What happened instead was he started the cut as soon as he decided, and well here you guys are. He already lost those tentacles, and to ask him to sew them back on only to later cut them back off again, would be kind of cruel, and he wouldn't be able to feel well in the interim with limbs that take time & patience to heal, if you know what I mean.

I'm sorry that you aren't able to appreciate every available moment as you would rather do, as that always seems like it would be a beneficial way to be.
 

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This sounds like a classic attempt at self-protection by distancing. He knows he's gone, so what's the point in maintaining contact with you? That may seem cruel, but I assure you, it does to him as well. This is his way of pulling the band-aid off in one pull to minimize the duration of the pain.
 

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Also I believe a lot, if not most, INFJs don't want to stay friends with someone they have feelings for if they don't feel things will work out long-term. I also don't see the point of staying friends with exes.
 
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