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Discussion Starter #1
Hello INFPies!

I just asked myself how I can speak so brilliantly in my head but sound like an idiot in real life?
Like you think in high poetic words and enclosed sentences, with lots of loanwords and all, but if you speak for real you use child's language, simple sentences and even simpler words, sometimes even making grammatical mistakes.
And that is even though I speak very slow.

And a somewhat similar problem: In my head I can speak really enthusiastically, with lots of adjectives and emotions. But in real life I sound like a robot. I once recorded my voice and really tried to speak with more energy but it still sounds monotonous. I once held a speech in school lessons (we had to) and it was all quite good, but my voice was drowsy (so they said).

Can you relate? Do you have the same problem? Does it trouble you? Do you work on it? How? With success?

Kind regards.


P.S. I don't necessarily mean stuttering here. Just a dramatic difference in level in the way you speak for real and in your head.
 

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I know what you mean, when in my head I don't have to think and worry about what the other person is thinking or if they even understand me, sometimes it's a feeling or a emotion I want to convey but the words I choose don't accurately describe them, or the words mean one thing to me and something else to whom I'm speaking to. I do better when I turn of my thinking/logical mind and just speak from my heart without any planning ahead.
 

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Yes, I do this too. I noticed I type as I think, and this convey so much more than in real life conversations. In real life, most people cannot pick up all that you say, and if it is more than a set number of words, their mind already switch off. This is whereby that "intensity" level which so many people speak of for INFP comes across. This also explains why INFP are writers, cos we can even more our hands and write words without actually even realising that they are actual words and comes out of the sentences itself, if that makes sense. As I am touch typing now, my mind is whirling and my fingers are going at a rate of speed lighting as I am thinking and touch-typing itself. But this style of my body to keyboard association had taken me the majority of my life to do, as I worked with computers for a long time.

Pretty intuitive scary stuff, huh?

In real life, I just use simple words, and stay back. These days, I just stare with a blank face and say "right", or I stare with a "smile" already cos I know that they are likely to talk about something wonderful in their life, and I just "smile".

I normally switch off from the other person unless I know that we can intuitively think on the same wavelength. Otherwise, most of the time, I just switch off.
 

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Ayatollah of Coca-Cola
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I know exactly what you mean, so don't feel so bad.

In general, my inner world is a million times richer than what shows on the surface. Depth and brilliance only exude to the top when you're in the right circumstances, when someone is worthy enough to get to know you down underneath the covers. Those are the people you never forget.

If people don't see how brilliant you can be on the inside with your feelings and thoughts, then that's their loss.
 

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Yes.

I can write or have an eloquent internal monologue but if I am speaking to someone, especially someone who I feel is not on the same page as me, I cut myself short and use simplified jargon or become nervous and scattered in my speech. People probably think I am dumb or at least pretentious because I always try to verbalize my complex ideas and they don't usually come out correctly.

Social Anxiety is also a factor in this, however.
 

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It's infuriating at times. My head is full of the most eloquent, full, energetic and overwhelmingly awesome speeches and verse. As soon as I start speaking I become hyperaware of the fact I can speak, I worry, forget everything, can't translate the rest and end up saying 'wurple purple nurple' and running away.

I just can't translate between talking internally and making actual speech. To the point I even get basic grammar wrong and can't find words for simple concepts. In order to prevent running out of talk I often end up grossly simplifying and it's just so...ugh. Not quite so bad with writing but still far from good. :frustrating:

On the rare occasion it comes out though my physical performance isn't bad.
 

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Discussion Starter #8
Thank you all. It is nice to make sure one is not alone with a certain problem. :proud:

Has anyone of you ever figured out how to be a better speaker? I don't necessarily mean holding a speech (you could write it down first and then just read it to the audience). Just normal spontaneous talks between people.

I also found some more famous people quite inspiring. I once saw a documentary about German politicians and lawyers. They could talk very very eloquently (not the common empty politician talk). And then I saw "V for Vendetta" and was pretty impressed by the way V talks. Very fast, clever, pointedly, insightful and complex and poetic. Also Gandhi (the film with Ben Kingsley) was pretty inspiring in that regard. This of course is a level not found even in the most extraverted, socially integrated folks. I just found this examples quite fascinating.

Thinking about what @ATLeow wrote about being hyperaware: I just remembered all the times I suddenly got overwhelmed with my surrounding, the people I am talking to and myself, my words, the way I am standing. This gets even worse if I look someone into the eyes (which for itself just sucks up all my energy) which totally distracts me. I just don't hear myself thinking and am 'forced' to start talking. When I was in school I noticed that on some days, where I had lots of discussions with classmates, I didn't have had one serious or normal-for-me thought (more then "Have I done my homework?"). And as @morpheusx66 wrote social anxiety may indeed be an issue, too, at least for me.

Do good INFP-talkers exist out their?
 

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Yes!! You have to just do it. (Throw yourself out of your comfort zone) I had a friend who forced me to speak about myself and my feelings and the more I did it, the more comfortable I became and the easier it has become to verbally express myself. I am an excellent public speaker as well-- mostly because I work at a job where I have to be up front and center and I have taught myself to become comfortable with it. I was so nervous the first few times, especially in speech class, but once I realized that everyone was feeling as vulnerable I allowed myself to let go. Dale Carnegie has some great books that helped motivate me as well.
 

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It happens to the best of us! I assure you. My inner voice sounds so expressive, in depth and my ideas sound so complex in the inner workings of my mind. However when it comes out, it comes out jumbled, awkward and tongue-tied. My actual voice, similar to your voice, is soft, slow, monotonic and calm, I think I use too much air in my voice because it sounds too distant and child-like (almost making me sound inarticulate). It's difficult for people to take me and my ideas seriously when I use my actual voice. That is probably why I find sanctuary in websites like this, that require writing instead of talking.
 

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I can be pretty poetic when it comes to my inner voice. When I speak it's as if I'm fumbling for words or getting stuck. People have described me as speaking in spurts. I pause at first, then talk fairly fast and then suddenly slow down again. It's embarassing sometimes, but co-workers describe it as if I'm giving great thought and weight to the matter as I answer or speak. I guess it isn't too bad, then. Writing is so much easier though.
 
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