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MOTM Nov 2010
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So Tridentus made the comment on an ENFP Energy thread that he though female ENFPs were different from male ENFPs. I'd like to know how. In my experience irl and on the forum, I find ENFP male and females eerily like me. I would like to open this up for discussion. Do you think there are major differences in the way a male ENFP mind works from a female? I've never really noticed it.

The only thing is, maybe I've noticed the men were into romance a bit more than me. But the underlying importance we both place on relationships and people seem to be the same. And both of us have to work against stereo type gender roles. Perhaps the men a bit more because society isn't frowning on me as much for going running and playing in the mud.

I think age and experience separates us more than being male or female does.
 

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Dunno about how people's minds work, but one obvious difference to my eye is that the guys will do something unusual as an expression of an unarticulated thought whereas the women will more likely say something unusual in preamble to doing. This would be observed if you had a random sample of people in a room participating in what could be considered "normal" activity for the location/context/culture. And is just an observation/generalisation. Wouldn't take it too seriously.
 

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Great topic! I think fundamentally we are all the same and we have similar motivations however I think think you are right that societal pressures of 'F' being a sign of weakness in Males may create differences in how Males interact and express their emotions. Upon first interaction, there are times I have my guard up with expression and one needs to peel the onion before I can get comfortable in letting people know the real me. I'm wondering if this is an easier process for female ENFP's since they don't have the same societal expectation. However I don't think this constitutes as a major difference since once we are comfortable there is not much considerable difference.
 

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In my experience irl and on the forum, I find ENFP male and females eerily like me. I would like to open this up for discussion. Do you think there are major differences in the way a male ENFP mind works from a female? I've never really noticed it.
I've never noticed much difference either. I've skipped commenting on some threads for the simple fact that a male or female ENFP already nailed my point on the head so well there's not much point in my commentary. I do like the sight of my own prose though, so sometimes I chime in anyways. (As is the case in this thread.)

The only thing is, maybe I've noticed the men were into romance a bit more than me.
hahahahahaha I was on my knee proposing to my wife while on a walk in some non-descript residential neighborhood about sixty seconds after she mused to me that we'd make a good married couple. No fancy restaurant, no camera at the baseball game, no mariachi band, not even a ring. She loves to bring that story up whenever she hears some fancy proposal story. I love to remind her that she said 'yes'. So much for romance.

But the underlying importance we both place on relationships and people seem to be the same. And both of us have to work against stereo type gender roles. Perhaps the men a bit more because society isn't frowning on me as much for going running and playing in the mud.
I try as hard as I can to make gender stereotypes work against me, especially with men. An example - I was at a work meeting last week with a small group and a large room. Usually people sit at the back of the room and the presenter is uncomfortable. One of my buddies (who I believe to be ENFP) says we should sit in the front row. I agree, we move towards the front, then announce as I go to sit down "I will leave the requisite one seat between us as is male custom to do whenever a venue is not full." Basically, I conform to the rule but I'm making every point that I think it's a bullshit rule. Where and why did this custom ever start anyways?

It's okay, you can run in the mud and I can hang out at the shopping mall. Screw stereotyping.

I think age and experience separates us more than being male or female does.
Agreed. I have in my mind a stereotypical ENFP development arc. I see the college age crowd dealing with what I dealt with, I see the 30-40somethings going through things that I am, I also see my poor daughter going through what I did as a kid. We need some more retirement age ENFP input on here so I have a better idea what's to come for me.
 

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I personally think ENFP males and females are like just one has different body parts then the other :crazy:.
 

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I could say male ENFPs have bigger Pness, but I'd be lyin.
 

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MOTM Nov 2010
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Discussion Starter #7
Dunno about how people's minds work, but one obvious difference to my eye is that the guys will do something unusual as an expression of an unarticulated thought whereas the women will more likely say something unusual in preamble to doing.
I think you have a point there. I noticed that I embarrass myself way more often in public than my ENFP male friends do. In fact, they often are the ones rolling their eyes or play the "straight man" just so I look even more awkward after some random comment I made. It's their way of poking fun of me.

hahahahahaha I was on my knee proposing to my wife while on a walk in some non-descript residential neighborhood about sixty seconds after she mused to me that we'd make a good married couple. No fancy restaurant, no camera at the baseball game, no mariachi band, not even a ring. She loves to bring that story up whenever she hears some fancy proposal story. I love to remind her that she said 'yes'. So much for romance.
Well dammit, there's just no escaping the commonalities. I saw something similar to this phenomenon on a Brady Bunch episode. Why don't you go and put on a dress already and I'll get me a tie. We will go to each other's place of employment and see if anyone notices the difference. Maybe we will fool them :wink:


Agreed. I have in my mind a stereotypical ENFP development arc. I see the college age crowd dealing with what I dealt with, I see the 30-40somethings going through things that I am, I also see my poor daughter going through what I did as a kid. We need some more retirement age ENFP input on here so I have a better idea what's to come for me.
I sort of just keep my eye on Robin Williams and watch how he's aging. I want to know if I'm going to remain a fool for all my life. So far, it seems so. :unsure:
 
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Well dammit, there's just no escaping the commonalities. I saw something similar to this phenomenon on a Brady Bunch episode. Why don't you go and put on a dress already and I'll get me a tie. We will go to each other's place of employment and see if anyone notices the difference. Maybe we will fool them :wink:
You would be a huge hit at my work. They wouldn't let me come back. Plus you'd let them all in on the nuts and bolts of team building rendering me useless.

Me in a dress? hahahhaha Well there was that night in college... I really need to do some serious shaving first. Either that or 2-3 bottles of Nair. How about a pantsuit instead? I'd even wear a pink blouse in honor of Pinkrasputin. Anyone got a size 50A bra I could borrow?

I sort of just keep my eye on Robin Williams and watch how he's aging. I want to know if I'm going to remain a fool for all my life. So far, it seems so. :unsure:
Oh my, yeah he's still nutty. So how would he compare to say, Cher? Maybe the women eventually mellow out.
 

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Discussion Starter #9
Anyone got a size 50A bra I could borrow?
Oh yeah. Hey I got one right he...... Oh wait. Nevermind. What the hell IS that?



Oh my, yeah he's still nutty. So how would he compare to say, Cher? Maybe the women eventually mellow out.
Those around the cafe that have had the misfortune of seeing me spaz out on webcam would say 'NOPE'. I get very high on people. Even more so because I care less about appropriateness as the years tack on.

Btw, is Cher an ENFP? No way.. Too plastic. I couldn't imagine doing something like that to my body. Well unless, I got to take television cameras with me and narrate through the whole process and have some sort of party involved.
 
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I think being ENFP is hard on guys. I've met a couple of other one's in life. Some just seem like good guys that have a heart (but are still guys). Some, sadly, feel bad about their "F" and "N" combination. You've got these social butterflies but (many) women, frankly, get turned off by the infatuation a romance-filled male ENFP shows.

This isn't the 1700's. Romeo and Juliet isn't cool with girls anymore no matter what they say they want. In actuality, a lot of girls *cough* Rasputin *cough* prefer the aloof, adventuresome (and insensitive) ESTP, ENTP, ISTP types over sensative NF men. It's reality: and it leads many NF men in general to feel depressed I think.

While I'm quite confidant. The complaint I hear from girls about me is a lack of mystery. My ESTP club promoting brother and Seduction business owner, who literally has threesomes (and foursomes) every week tells me if I could act more aloof and mysterious and less...Open and honest...More girls would find that sexy. He's right, but as an ENFP I won't compromise my authenticity and I have met some pretty cool women that respect a guy who just is what he is. No promotion, no big sales job.
 

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General differences of me versus a female ENFP:

--I have a penis.
--I like girls. This one is subject to opinion, but I said in general.
--I can grow a beard.
 
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MOTM Nov 2010
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Discussion Starter #12 (Edited)
I think being ENFP is hard on guys. I've met a couple of other one's in life. Some just seem like good guys that have a heart (but are still guys). Some, sadly, feel bad about their "F" and "N" combination. You've got these social butterflies but (many) women, frankly, get turned off by the infatuation a romance-filled male ENFP shows.

This isn't the 1700's. Romeo and Juliet isn't cool with girls anymore no matter what they say they want. In actuality, a lot of girls *cough* Rasputin *cough* prefer the aloof, adventuresome (and insensitive) ESTP, ENTP, ISTP types over sensative NF men. It's reality: and it leads many NF men in general to feel depressed I think.
Haha. Touche! (I don't know how to put the accent on).

While I'm quite confidant. The complaint I hear from girls about me is a lack of mystery. My ESTP club promoting brother and Seduction business owner, who literally has threesomes (and foursomes) every week tells me if I could act more aloof and mysterious and less...Open and honest...More girls would find that sexy. He's right, but as an ENFP I won't compromise my authenticity and I have met some pretty cool women that respect a guy who just is what he is. No promotion, no big sales job.
Actually, I don't find male ENFPs the most open of all the types. The ENFP men I know in real life are pretty guarded with their deepest stuff. They keep it more locked up. There is the one "open face" that allows them to really be present emotionally for someone, but when it comes to opening up their own stuff. Nope. Very, very few ever see that. So that does add an air of mystery.

In other words, you guys aren't exactly pouring out your personal emotions and all over the place. But you DO have the benefit of understanding other people's emotions.
 

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Whatever the type, I will never get used to hearing about threesomes or foursomes or any kind of mindless, promiscuous, casual, risky, sexual behavior. Call me old fashioned; I'm ok with that. Seriously, that disturbs me even hearing about it.

I think what both enfp males and females have going for us is the ability to look ahead. We can see what could happen to our bodies, our hearts, or our futures and it makes a difference in the decisions we make. We could be wrong too, but we still envision.

Sometimes we might see all those things and still take foolish risks. I think we both have a lot inside our churning minds and sometimes we want to cross over and not worry about anything. I don't know if males or females are more likely to act on desires or impulses but we both seem to have emotions that we don't share. We share the tip of the ice berg and it can seem like a lot, but it's only the tip.
 

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well yeah and there is a very good reason why we don't do that- there are social protocols and an ENFP male (actually starts off with a bad sense for these things i've noticed) learns VERY quickly how to obey them. no man can go running his mouth off about his emotions, that's obvious.

i agree and disagree with moby's post from a personal standpoint- i can see how we compromise ourselves sometimes by being too welcoming and boistrous, especially early on, but i don't think it takes much to reign yourself in around women, or guys for that matter. i love the whole game of projecting personalities at people to create attraction, it's fun and doesn't feel inauthentic to me personally. i guess maybe it's easier for me as i'd imagine you forge a much more expressive confident reputation for yourself as an entertainer (would i be correct?) and therefore would naturally find it harder to suddenly adopt an aloof personna, wheras i think i project an "approachable" everyman takesthingsinstride personna (key word: relatively) so it's no big deal for me to make a sudden change of pace.

however i think it all revolves around the development of Te. guys are going to tend to develop their Te more than gals- of course we are; makes sense. i know most of the social decisions i make tend to be through Te, which i know annoys the crap out of my friends when i spout all sorts of social cause-and-effect theories when drunk; and it works. i'm a feminine guy, people identify me as a feeling guy, and yet when the conversation comes round about "feminine guys" i'm never mentioned- ill even say "hey! i'm a feminine guy there's nothing wrong with that." and the response will be "yeah, but you're a DIFFERENT feminine". and yet you've all seen it come out in posts when i'm halfdead typing in the early morning. i'm even sickeningly romantic sometimes when i reminisce.
basically i think an ENFP male shouldn't have too many problems with the "feminine" issue if they develop Te- especially since there are plenty of perks which come with being one too :wink:

maybe it's slightly a cultural thing as well. i notice most of the threads about being an F male are by americans talking about how social expectation means you're garunteed a hard time. what i've experienced in my life so far in australia and england hasn't been anything like that, you feel the SJ majority BIG time in england, and obviously overly feminine guys have a harder time than most, but being a feeling male goes unjudged here in my experience. i guess ill have to find out for myself sometime in the future.

ok 4am rant OVER.:proud: (i really need my money to come through soon ¬¬)
 

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ENFP females can "fake it"
ENFP males can't.

males: 0
females: 1

BUT

ENFP males have hair on their balls.
ENFP females don't even have balls.

males: 1
females: 1

if we go on ad infinitum, you'll see that it's virtually a tie.

...

what are we talking about again?
 

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MOTM Nov 2010
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Discussion Starter #16
Whatever the type, I will never get used to hearing about threesomes or foursomes or any kind of mindless, promiscuous, casual, risky, sexual behavior. Call me old fashioned; I'm ok with that. Seriously, that disturbs me even hearing about it.

I think what both enfp males and females have going for us is the ability to look ahead. We can see what could happen to our bodies, our hearts, or our futures and it makes a difference in the decisions we make. We could be wrong too, but we still envision.

Sometimes we might see all those things and still take foolish risks. I think we both have a lot inside our churning minds and sometimes we want to cross over and not worry about anything. I don't know if males or females are more likely to act on desires or impulses but we both seem to have emotions that we don't share. We share the tip of the ice berg and it can seem like a lot, but it's only the tip.
Is this in response to something written in the thread?

well yeah and there is a very good reason why we don't do that- there are social protocols and an ENFP male (actually starts off with a bad sense for these things i've noticed) learns VERY quickly how to obey them. no man can go running his mouth off about his emotions, that's obvious.
I don't believe an ENFP woman or man automatically shares everything emotionally with everyone. My ENFJ girlfriend often tells me I'm "too logical" about my feelings.

Btw, you are the reason I started the thread. I don't really see differences between the men and women ENFPs. So when you wrote about there being some on another thread, I was wondering how so?

i agree and disagree with moby's post from a personal standpoint- i can see how we compromise ourselves sometimes by being too welcoming and boistrous, especially early on, but i don't think it takes much to reign yourself in around women, or guys for that matter. i love the whole game of projecting personalities at people to create attraction, it's fun and doesn't feel inauthentic to me personally. i guess maybe it's easier for me as i'd imagine you forge a much more expressive confident reputation for yourself as an entertainer (would i be correct?) and therefore would naturally find it harder to suddenly adopt an aloof personna, wheras i think i project an "approachable" everyman takesthingsinstride personna (key word: relatively) so it's no big deal for me to make a sudden change of pace.
I don't believe in "creating attraction" either. This is because I'm not going to keep being I'm something I'm not once I'm in the relationship. I rather filter out the ones who don't like me for me in the beginning, rather than later. I also can't stand it if a man were to play games with me either.

however i think it all revolves around the development of Te. guys are going to tend to develop their Te more than gals- of course we are; makes sense. i know most of the social decisions i make tend to be through Te, which i know annoys the crap out of my friends when i spout all sorts of social cause-and-effect theories when drunk; and it works. i'm a feminine guy, people identify me as a feeling guy, and yet when the conversation comes round about "feminine guys" i'm never mentioned- ill even say "hey! i'm a feminine guy there's nothing wrong with that." and the response will be "yeah, but you're a DIFFERENT feminine". and yet you've all seen it come out in posts when i'm halfdead typing in the early morning. i'm even sickeningly romantic sometimes when i reminisce.
basically i think an ENFP male shouldn't have too many problems with the "feminine" issue if they develop Te- especially since there are plenty of perks which come with being one too :wink:
Well I use a ton of Te. Usually tertiary functions start kicking in around college. But everyone travels at their own pace. If all ENFPs have Te as their tertiary function, it's accessible to male and female ENFPs in the same way. And it can be developed more, according to the individual.
]

ENFP females can "fake it"
ENFP males can't.

males: 0
females: 1

BUT

ENFP males have hair on their balls.
ENFP females don't even have balls.

males: 1
females: 1

if we go on ad infinitum, you'll see that it's virtually a tie.

...

what are we talking about again?
You seem to be talking about the anatomical differences in the sexes and quantifying physical attributes.
 

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actually i guess there really aren't that many differences. my main observation was that female ENFPs tend to be sillier and more expressive more of the time, wheras male ENFPs try to give some appearance at being laidback.

i don't think creating attraction has anything to do with being who you are or aren't. it's basically knowing how to create sexual tension and knowing how to present your best side. everyone does it- in fact i'd say that when i'm trying to attract someone i'm probably more myself than at any other time. how i act around friends is a dynamic i've created over time, how i act around strangers are largely social skills i've picked up over the years, but how i act when trying to attract someone i know i'm compatible for is pure instinct.
and yes i do see the whole courtship ritual as a game. i don't think there's anything wrong with that- i don't mean it in a dismissive manipulative way- i just mean the whole flirting thing back and forth. it's not like i don't take it seriously, but at the same time i'm 19 years old and not exactly looking for "mrs right".
 

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Is this in response to something written in the thread?
Yes, my post was in response to Moby's post about being authentic even if it means he isn't as 'mysterious' to women and out there having numerous sexual escapades. Also in response to yours about how ENFP men don't share everything they are feeling.

Sorry; I didn't use the quote.
 

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While I'm quite confidant. The complaint I hear from girls about me is a lack of mystery.
This is weird. I get the exact opposite. Girls often tell me I'm a mystery to them (if they don't know me for years :D ). Maybe it's because I'm not as self-confident as you are and therefore I keep to myself most of the time. However, when I let somebody into my world...They are quite charmed (at least that's what tell me).

On the topic of differencies between male and female ENFPs...I've read somewhere that ENFP women are "cute" and ENFP men are "engaging". ENFP is without not doubt the most attractive type! :D

Female ENFPs have what I like to call the "protect me" vibe. We attract types that want to preserve our innocence and crap as if it's fragile and anyday we'll wake up and become cynical and jaded. Male ENFPs are adventurous and fun...with just enough gender balance to be emotionally sensitive.
 
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