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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I, and others I have spoken to and observed are different around family than they are with non family unless it is a particularly close friend. How does this fit with MBTI and other typing systems? Is your true type the most relaxed one? Are you using other functions and being another type depending on circumstances?

Some people have a work self, a social self, a family self and a private self. Which is your true type? Are some types more likely to do this than others?
 

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I would say my true type is what I show when I'm relaxed. Most often that's when I'm alone. So I had little problem using introspection to figure out my personality types - I just look at how I am when I'm alone and it's pretty clear.

Which makes me wonder whether extraverts would need to pay attention to themselves in their environment to find clues to their types?

I don't know whether I use different functions when I'm with others. I'm more inclined to say that I favour the same functions, but that different agendas might lead to display different behaviours which might be associated with different functions, if that makes sense? Like, I might keep my opinions to myself around my parents, which people tend to associate with Fe keeping the harmony and all. But the motivations are totally Fi. I don't believe in imposing my opinions and values on someone who's not interested in them, and they've made it abundantly clear that they see my perspective as childish and uninformed. Fighting with them disturbs my inner peace, because they're stuck in their ways and don't seek to meet me halfway. Why would I willingly subject myself to conflict when I know there's no point to it?

Enneagram is about motivations so again, I'm motivated by the same things regardless of what kind of situation I'm in. Being Self-Preservation dominant might mean that I'll display different behaviours to keep myself safe, but deep down I still have the same fears and coping mechanisms. Different people might see different sides of my personality, but I hesitate to say that I become an entirely different type. It's more like different personalities and different situations bring out different aspects of me. There's no sitting and calculating what sort of person I need to be in order to impress someone else. I just keep quiet about what might cause me problems with someone. Actually I keep quiet about a lot of things. So it's probably more accurate to say that I reveal whatever is safe to reveal about myself, as I observe others.
 

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I have a family type, a friend type, and a work/misc/everybody else type.
My family type is extremely goofy and uninhibited, so much so that I sometimes don't like it.
My friend type is my best type, its talkative and interesting and funny.
My everybody-else type is quiet, self-conscious etc. Kinda boring.
 

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I was thinking about something like this this morning...a new theory about why I feel so damn strange and messed up. I have two major sides to myself: one is my natural tendencies and preferences, the other is a pack of superego demands and ideals that are strong enough and so deeply ingrained they feel like my real personality (or part of it).

Any other "selves" are pretty much different ratios of these two sides of me. It's weird.
 

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I, and others I have spoken to and observed are different around family than they are with non family unless it is a particularly close friend. How does this fit with MBTI and other typing systems? Is your true type the most relaxed one? Are you using other functions and being another type depending on circumstances?

Some people have a work self, a social self, a family self and a private self. Which is your true type? Are some types more likely to do this than others?
I'm pretty sure some types are.

Evidently, changability according to setting appears to depend most upon function stacking.

Someone with Ni or Ne as Dominant (first position), especially with Se or Si as Inferior (last position), is likely to be less changeable according to environment/setting. Doesn't mean they act the same in any environment; just that that the personality/process for dealing with whatever environment is pretty well fixed.

As Ni/Ne gets moved away from Dominant and Si/Se gets moved away from Inferior in the stack, the personality becomes less set and more responsive to setting. So, "sensor" personality types would be most likely to exhibit 'type flexibility' according to setting.

Just a theory; but, it does seem to fit your observations.
 

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I am always myself in any situation.
Meaning that my reaction is always spontaneous and I never act differently than how I feel like acting.
Of course, around some people I'm gonna act differently depending on whether I like them or not, and I can be playful in other situations and serious in others- but that's it.
My usual behaviour doesn't change depending on who/what is around me, and I'm not sure I could do that.
 

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Interesting! I act to meet people's needs so much, that I can't even host birthday parties because I won't know which side of myself to show.
I have true me, close family me, distant family me, best friend me, 3 good friend me's (for every good friend one), stranger me, internet me... It's pretty screwed up.
 

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Strange thread... but curious as well...

As for myself. I don't change, but how I manifest myself, I suppose, changes. I have one exception. When I'm around my mother, I'm on edge all the time--wondering what she's going to criticize or knock down about me or someone else next. It changes everything about me, and I hate it. It's been like this since I was a teen, I guess. It was like when I reached an age where her intrusions were noticed, I stiffened to them, and it's been that way ever since. I don't like it, am not happy about it, but it is what it is...

As to other people, like I said, I don't change on the inside, but what people see changes. I think that one caveat to that point is this, when out in crowds of people, especially at events where I'm an active participant (think wedding, or large reception), I have this feeling of being exposed--like I'm outside my membrane, and just naked to all the world. Again, this effects only how I come across to others, but doesn't change the me inside. And honestly, I have no idea how I come across to others. Sometimes I may be aware that people are laughing at what I'm saying or maybe I act shy and reserved--around people I do not yet feel comfortable around, but always, inside me, I don't really have a sense of how I come across to others. It is worse when I'm outside my membrane, because then everything may feel like a dream or non-real to me, and I can't trust any feedback I'm getting. It's weird and difficult to explain. But I may be very aware of people, how they are responding to what I'm saying or how they come across to me, but I am totally clueless of what they actually think or feel about me, nor am I able to gauge and act accordingly. I just am "out there" and that's what is. I sometimes get an impression that I am very "extraverting" and that people see me as somebody I entirely am not, but I think that may be part of that membrane problem--that sense of being exposed and "naked"... I don't honestly know.

But I cannot relate to the "family" personality, "friends" personality and "everybody else" personality. I can feel the above in any one of those environments--with the exception of being around my mother, where there's something entirely other going on...
 

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Discussion Starter · #12 ·
I am always myself in any situation.
Meaning that my reaction is always spontaneous and I never act differently than how I feel like acting.
Of course, around some people I'm gonna act differently depending on whether I like them or not, and I can be playful in other situations and serious in others- but that's it.
My usual behaviour doesn't change depending on who/what is around me, and I'm not sure I could do that.
I don't mean to imply that the different versions of oneself are put on or fake. Perhaps it may feel that way for some people, but more that as you observe yourself interacting you notice that your behaviour changes depending upon who you are with. I am also always myself, but there is a confident silly me, a more insecure don't know what to say me etc etc. They are very different yet both genuinely me.
 

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I can definitely act and come across very differently in certain situations compared to others, but to me that's just on the surface and I feel like that's mostly just different expressions of my true personality and how it interplays with different outer factors.

For instance, I am very affectionate and loving with people close to me, but can come across as distant and cold to people I don't know well. This difference is not because I don't care deeply, but because I'm so guarded about letting people in. If they don't know me and know this abot me then my true intentions might not shine through on their own in an obvious way.

I am profoundly introverted, but I can definitely "switch on" my extroverted side in social group situations where I feel the need to pull the group together, contribute positive energy to the atmosphere and/or make people feel included and comfortable. Even though that way of interacting is very unnatural for my personality, I have such intense focus on making sure everybody's comfortable that it's still a role that I often slip into automatically. I know that people who know me can see that as a little confusing and paradoxal and some people might initially misinterpret me as extrovertet rather than introverted.
 

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There is only one change in my type and that is the level of introversion. When I'm around people I'm comfortable with, I'm a bit more extroverted. If I don't know you, expect silence.
 

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I'm different in different situations, but I'm still the same person.
At school for example I don't like most people and feel very uncomfortable there, so I'm usually quiet and not motivated at all. Sometimes it's fun though, so rarely I might be a little talkactive or goofy.
With my family I feel more comfortable and I'm more talkactive, but a little more serious, because they don't know my fun side and it's just not their sort of humour.
With my boyfriend I'm just completly how I feel to be.


So for me it's just actively having a different personality or being someone else, it's just that in some situations I show one side more and in others I show another side more.
 
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