Hello everyone!
I am not sure if this is a topic that fits well into the INFP category because it could actually concern everyone, but I hope this is still a good place to write this
The main problem is that since i was a young child i have always had problems with my dad. I know that deep down he is a very good person and he does not intentionally want anything bad to anyone, but still, he hurt me a lot during the time I have been a teenager (i am 20 now, btw). He has his own company and he really lives for it. He always put almost all his energy into this company and he is good at it, because it's running very well and he really achieved something with it. I am actually really proud of him, but I think I never tell him this often enough. This might probably be because when I was a kid and a teenager, he was never really there for us when we needed him. I had some anxiety/depression/being in wrong circle of friends - issues as a teenager, and I was always afraid to tell him anything about that.
He is a very dominant person with a lot of charisma and i know that people have a lot of respect of him. But again, he never wants to do anything bad to anyone. It happens unconsciously if he hurts someone emotionally. As a kid and teenager i was pretty shy and i also had some respect of my dad and as he wasn't at home very often (my parents are seperated, but he still comes home about once a week or every other week), so that's why we never managed to have a very close and trusting relationship. I think I always was afraid that he thinks that I am a fail or that I am somehow strange.
Now i thought I somehow got over all that, but I notice that every time I start to get serious with a boy all this history I have is kind of...catching up. Deep down I just feel it's weird that a guy likes me or really appreciates me for my personality. Because this is something my dad never really showed me. He was always good to me and we went on lots of holidays together, but he actually never really showed me any kind of love. I mean, in sense of appreciating a kid for what it is and showing him/her that he/she deserves to be loved.
And although i know the theory (that all this is bullshit and i should grow up and get over this), I still somehow can't. It's like magic - I'm always attracted to guys I know in advance that they will probably hurt me emotionally.
Well, I think I talked enough
I really want to have a good relation with my dad and I really like him. But I have no idea how to establish any trust to him. Talking about all that past stuff and how he hurt me would feel good to me, but I know he wouldn't respond well to it as he is not an emotional person at all.
Every time we see each other we can talk about different things (on a surface Level). But I know that if I want to get my problem with boys managed, I have to somehow fix the problem with my dad first.
Oh, and I forgot to say that my dad also had a difficult relationship with his parents when he was a teenager. (And he still has today.) So that's why I understand where some of his behavior is coming from. But still, I just want to have a good and trusting relation with him.
Do you have any tips or ideas or inspirational thoughts about this issue? It would be really helpful and I would be super grateful for that!
Thanks in advance for your answer!
(And sorry for any mistakes in this text, english is not my native language.)
I am not sure if this is a topic that fits well into the INFP category because it could actually concern everyone, but I hope this is still a good place to write this
The main problem is that since i was a young child i have always had problems with my dad. I know that deep down he is a very good person and he does not intentionally want anything bad to anyone, but still, he hurt me a lot during the time I have been a teenager (i am 20 now, btw). He has his own company and he really lives for it. He always put almost all his energy into this company and he is good at it, because it's running very well and he really achieved something with it. I am actually really proud of him, but I think I never tell him this often enough. This might probably be because when I was a kid and a teenager, he was never really there for us when we needed him. I had some anxiety/depression/being in wrong circle of friends - issues as a teenager, and I was always afraid to tell him anything about that.
He is a very dominant person with a lot of charisma and i know that people have a lot of respect of him. But again, he never wants to do anything bad to anyone. It happens unconsciously if he hurts someone emotionally. As a kid and teenager i was pretty shy and i also had some respect of my dad and as he wasn't at home very often (my parents are seperated, but he still comes home about once a week or every other week), so that's why we never managed to have a very close and trusting relationship. I think I always was afraid that he thinks that I am a fail or that I am somehow strange.
Now i thought I somehow got over all that, but I notice that every time I start to get serious with a boy all this history I have is kind of...catching up. Deep down I just feel it's weird that a guy likes me or really appreciates me for my personality. Because this is something my dad never really showed me. He was always good to me and we went on lots of holidays together, but he actually never really showed me any kind of love. I mean, in sense of appreciating a kid for what it is and showing him/her that he/she deserves to be loved.
And although i know the theory (that all this is bullshit and i should grow up and get over this), I still somehow can't. It's like magic - I'm always attracted to guys I know in advance that they will probably hurt me emotionally.
Well, I think I talked enough
I really want to have a good relation with my dad and I really like him. But I have no idea how to establish any trust to him. Talking about all that past stuff and how he hurt me would feel good to me, but I know he wouldn't respond well to it as he is not an emotional person at all.
Every time we see each other we can talk about different things (on a surface Level). But I know that if I want to get my problem with boys managed, I have to somehow fix the problem with my dad first.
Oh, and I forgot to say that my dad also had a difficult relationship with his parents when he was a teenager. (And he still has today.) So that's why I understand where some of his behavior is coming from. But still, I just want to have a good and trusting relation with him.
Do you have any tips or ideas or inspirational thoughts about this issue? It would be really helpful and I would be super grateful for that!
Thanks in advance for your answer!
(And sorry for any mistakes in this text, english is not my native language.)