Joined
·
102 Posts
Hi ENFPs,
I was wondering if you could give me your thoughts about a situation I'm having with a very good ENFP friend of mine. We are both single women, I am 30 and she is 33. This friend has supported me through several periods of clinical depression, has taught me that money and external markers of success are not important in comparison to friends, family and the simple things in life. Her and her family have introduced me to alternative lifestyle views, taught me how to crochet, use essential oils and lots of delicious vegetarian recipes. This friend is a great listener and very good at giving helpful advice that encourages you to consider things from a different perspective and become unstuck.
The problem is, this friend (in my eyes) is completely lacking in direction in life. Her family, being alternative, believe the state should just pay people and that we shouldn't need to work. As a result my friend and her mum have been on benefits for years. My friend deliberately sends in bad applications to jobs so she won't get employed. I can understand her aversion to work as she has had several bad experiences with previous jobs, but what I can't understand is how she has no intention to find work she enjoys. I myself have been signed off from work for mental health problems, but I am attending college part time and have been working with a local charity to help me set up a business. I'm also volunteering. I'm in no way perfect, but I am always striving to move forward with my life. My aim is to finish my college course, set up a small business to support myself and to continue to volunteer. Meanwhile my friend gets up every day at midday and spends the day reading, watching films and playing the piano.
On top of finding it hard to understand her life choices, she has also put many conditions on our friendship that I accepted for years as I valued her friendship but these conditions increasingly frustrate me. For example, she refuses any suggestion to meet up before midday as she says she 'hates getting up early.' If we travel anywhere she says she can't understand bus timetables and expects me to give her lifts everywhere (she can't drive). She will only agree to meet up for a coffee or lunch if I pay, even though she knows I am also not working at the moment. The only time I see her now is if I drive round to her house, but then her parents stop what they are doing and sit with us the whole time. I find this very, very strange and have to listen to her mum talk at me when really I just want to have a chat with my friend.
Finally, my friend is 33 and has never had a boyfriend. There's nothing wrong with that, but for the past year and a half she has been infatuated by a man who seems at best indifferent to her, who has been rude to her and kicked her out of a car. He doesn't even know she likes him. Instead of moving on, she spends most of her days lying on her bed replaying conversations they have had. Fair enough if she was a 13 year old girl, but she is 33! I have had several relationships and just don't understand this at all. If a man isn't interested I learnt a long time ago not to waste any time on him. It seems to me that she is deliberately making herself miserable by choosing to obsess about a man rather than focus on improving other aspects of her life. The other day I said that I think she needed to move on from him and focus on things she enjoys to try to help her, but she got very upset with me and we've not really spoken since.
Sorry this is a lot of text to read! I'm not sure if my friend is a typical ENFP but if any of you can help me understand her better or suggestions in how to move forward that would be really helpful. I'm starting to think that maybe we are just too different in terms of our life choices, goals and values and that maybe the friendship is unhealthy for both of us.
Thanks in advance,
Road Less Travelled
I was wondering if you could give me your thoughts about a situation I'm having with a very good ENFP friend of mine. We are both single women, I am 30 and she is 33. This friend has supported me through several periods of clinical depression, has taught me that money and external markers of success are not important in comparison to friends, family and the simple things in life. Her and her family have introduced me to alternative lifestyle views, taught me how to crochet, use essential oils and lots of delicious vegetarian recipes. This friend is a great listener and very good at giving helpful advice that encourages you to consider things from a different perspective and become unstuck.
The problem is, this friend (in my eyes) is completely lacking in direction in life. Her family, being alternative, believe the state should just pay people and that we shouldn't need to work. As a result my friend and her mum have been on benefits for years. My friend deliberately sends in bad applications to jobs so she won't get employed. I can understand her aversion to work as she has had several bad experiences with previous jobs, but what I can't understand is how she has no intention to find work she enjoys. I myself have been signed off from work for mental health problems, but I am attending college part time and have been working with a local charity to help me set up a business. I'm also volunteering. I'm in no way perfect, but I am always striving to move forward with my life. My aim is to finish my college course, set up a small business to support myself and to continue to volunteer. Meanwhile my friend gets up every day at midday and spends the day reading, watching films and playing the piano.
On top of finding it hard to understand her life choices, she has also put many conditions on our friendship that I accepted for years as I valued her friendship but these conditions increasingly frustrate me. For example, she refuses any suggestion to meet up before midday as she says she 'hates getting up early.' If we travel anywhere she says she can't understand bus timetables and expects me to give her lifts everywhere (she can't drive). She will only agree to meet up for a coffee or lunch if I pay, even though she knows I am also not working at the moment. The only time I see her now is if I drive round to her house, but then her parents stop what they are doing and sit with us the whole time. I find this very, very strange and have to listen to her mum talk at me when really I just want to have a chat with my friend.
Finally, my friend is 33 and has never had a boyfriend. There's nothing wrong with that, but for the past year and a half she has been infatuated by a man who seems at best indifferent to her, who has been rude to her and kicked her out of a car. He doesn't even know she likes him. Instead of moving on, she spends most of her days lying on her bed replaying conversations they have had. Fair enough if she was a 13 year old girl, but she is 33! I have had several relationships and just don't understand this at all. If a man isn't interested I learnt a long time ago not to waste any time on him. It seems to me that she is deliberately making herself miserable by choosing to obsess about a man rather than focus on improving other aspects of her life. The other day I said that I think she needed to move on from him and focus on things she enjoys to try to help her, but she got very upset with me and we've not really spoken since.
Sorry this is a lot of text to read! I'm not sure if my friend is a typical ENFP but if any of you can help me understand her better or suggestions in how to move forward that would be really helpful. I'm starting to think that maybe we are just too different in terms of our life choices, goals and values and that maybe the friendship is unhealthy for both of us.
Thanks in advance,
Road Less Travelled