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I'm learning that I have an extremely difficult time being romantic with someone. I can display my affections, but as it turns out, they are not very expressive (though it feels very expressive to me). I find that murmuring "sweet nothings", experiencing lots of physical contact, and receiving constant compliments about my appearance irritates me. This becomes a problem when I have strong feelings for someone, but can't embrace the "romantic" aspect of being around them. Does anyone else struggle with this? How can I learn to like it? :unsure:
 

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Savannah,

If I might make so bold......from your profile pictures you look a very attractive young woman, at least in physical appearance (I obviously can't make any informed comment on other aspects).

Enjoy it while you can! Youth and beauty are fleeting and it is a treasure and privilege few are given.

As for irritation accepting compliments, if they are sincere, accept them with grace, return them if a return is warranted.

If they are insincere, tell the complementer that you don't accept them, and why.

Be as intimate as you are comfortable with, no more, no less, but be as sincere and clear with your intimates as you would have them be with you.

I'm sure you'll do fine.
 

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I'm a male who actually has all of these problems. There aren't a lot of people who I'm just totally moved by or anything, and I don't always tell them about the like right away. I value the idea of a relationship, but don't really believe that it's mandatory.

The thing is that when I really do care for someone, it does actually show in my communication and body language, the latter which is much quicker than my mouth.
 

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I'm learning that I have an extremely difficult time being romantic with someone. I can display my affections, but as it turns out, they are not very expressive (though it feels very expressive to me). I find that murmuring "sweet nothings", experiencing lots of physical contact, and receiving constant compliments about my appearance irritates me. This becomes a problem when I have strong feelings for someone, but can't embrace the "romantic" aspect of being around them. Does anyone else struggle with this? How can I learn to like it? :unsure:
Just as I have suspected. You're a type 5 (I actually had a look at your profile first to confirm this). If you have typed yourself correctly, then that explains it. I suppose at some point of your life on knowing about personality typing, you once considered yourself as an INTJ? I'm pretty sure you can relate to this.I suggest you delve deeper into Enneagram to shed more light into this.

I experience the same struggle too. I can say that I'm rather rational/logical for a typical INFJ (which in my opinion this group is mostly dominated by Type 2's and Type 4's).

My love language I must say is more through action rather than through words. Despite this I am capable of dropping tidbits of "romantically friendly" verbal expressions, but only through typing [or writing] though (even so, there is still some awkwardness in doing it :/ ).
 

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@Savannah, I second what @vanilla_dream suggested in looking into the Enneagram more as you may find it very helpful. I'm a fellow Type 5 btw as you and @vanilla_dream are, and I've had enough discussions with other fellow Type 5 women on issues regarding intimate/romantic relationships to gather that we tend not to go about such things in a more conventional way...
 

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I have to admit, romantic gestures are difficult for me. Especially in the form of gift giving or romantic dinners or saying romantic things. I suck at all of those. Probably because NONE of them are my primary love language. I wheel and deal in physical touch and quality time. To me, being romantic means going out and seeing something amazing and new and sharing that experience. Like going to the symphony together. The conversation might not be all lovey dovey, but I'm totally feeling it as we sit there and listen to a beautiful piece of music. Or maybe spending an hour or two snuggling somewhere. Or just unconsciously orbiting around each other as we go about our business like a binary star system.

But as for the others I first mentioned... Part of me wants those things, but then when I do get them or enact on them, I feel ridiculous, stupid, and silly. I embarrass myself.
 

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Aww, I wish I could help. Physical touch and words of affirmation are my highest love languages though, so I tend to actually like being close and giving/receiving compliments with an SO. :eek:)

For what it's worth, I'm terrible when it comes to the more traditional/pragmatic romance stuff though, like remembering or being concerned with anniversaries, giving flowers/cards, remembering birthdays, and so on. When everyday is love, special days aren't quite so noteworthy. :eek:P
 

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Aww, I wish I could help. Physical touch and words of affirmation are my highest love languages though, so I tend to actually like being close and giving/receiving compliments with an SO. :eek:)

For what it's worth, I'm terrible when it comes to the more traditional/pragmatic romance stuff though, like remembering or being concerned with anniversaries, giving flowers/cards, remembering birthdays, and so on. When everyday is love, special days aren't quite so noteworthy. :eek:P
Reading your first sentence made me cringe a bit. To give you an idea...
 

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How interesting!
I am a Type 5 in the second part of my tri-type and I have to say that I can relate to feeling easily embarrassed or somehow cheated when I receive affirmation in a direct, outright fashion. I dislike coddling and pet names.
I, too, thrive on quality time and conversation and the physicality is spontaneous, because my ideals of it are in a state of constant flux.
I don't have much experience in romantic relationships, but romance is an ever-present, evolutionary experience I am having with life and my development as an individual. When it comes to personalizing that experience to fit a relationship, it can be rather difficult.
How much is really us and how much is projected onto us? How much have we decided on our own to pursue in a relationship and how much are we subconsciously deciding based on perceived expectations? If you've ponder these questions constantly, as I have, you are likely more caring, thoughtful, concerned with direction/quality, and intent on creating harmony than focused on literal displays. I'd try being more direct about one's intentions, if only to help the more literal person understand they are deeply cared for, only in different ways.
If it comes from a place of love and true understanding, eventually one will come along who will happily share their own love languages but adjust to understand your communication style. However, modification of one's own expectations and behavior has to happen as well for there to be harmony. Fear is not an answer; it is a block to building, not a building block.
For me, I find it difficult to unearth a well and prove its existence; you'll just have to trust that you've rippled the water and remain there, creating constant flux in my heart. Just let me spoil you in the ways I see fit.
I feel people should find a way to be dominant and showy in their particular love languages; find ways to impress each other and develop your own unusual language out of those differences.
Don't bother with comparisons with which to map progress; as long as you're growing as an individual and your sense of self (and that of your partner) has not been threatened, warped or compromised to fit a particular mold then keep working on achieving happiness.
Switch languages for a week; see what happens.
 
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Yes. I'm very unromantic. I show my love in other ways.

Yes to getting irritated at constantly being complimented on my appearance. I usually have more important things I am thinking about. If I am curious about how I look, I will ask, and then you need to be honest.
Same here. Compliments and gestures of affection are always appreciated in retrospect but I get flustered and self-conscious when they're thrown my way. To me, romance and flirting are like a choreographed exchange that really don't have much depth. Showing real respect and love is a lifestyle, not a whimsical play.

I have no idea how to do it.
I think you're in good company here...:tongue:
 

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I feel awkward when it comes to the initial start of a relationship. But I warm up quickly to people I end up trusting, friends or SOs. Once someone's in my circle, I'm there for them with whatever they need. A hug, a shoulder to cry on, an ear to listen, whatever. SOs get even more than that.

I'm more reserved than say, an ENFP, as I don't go around hugging everyone or whatever without invitation to do so. But I'm quite comfortable when doing so. I don't really feel loved or loving when things are kept at a distance. Maybe that's because I keep strangers at a distance already. *shrug*

But everyone's love languages are different. Some people have a high LL for gifts. I'm terrible at giving gifts. I'd just as soon give or get gift cards, lol. Acts of service is relatively low for me too. It's nice when an SO does something for me, for example, like cook a special meal. But snuggling up with me would mean oh so much more. :eek:)
 
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My idea of romantic may not be the other persons' idea of romantic. I do what I can.
 
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Ive only been in one relationship so my romantic view might be a little skewed. (still a youngin infj in the teen years) I thought I loved someone but then I realized that it was an infatuation and I decided to let it slide. I liked her A LOT but being in the first relationship was a lot more painful than I thought. The moments when I was not with her absolutely tore my heart out and before long I started imagining how she would break my heart. We were both introverts so I guess it was kind of hard but for some reason whenever I was with her I felt like I was about to cry. Our conversations were kind of short and usually ended with a staring contest. I would need like verification that it was okay to hug her before I did so (it was usually tugging on my sleeve or something along that sort *I am quite tall xD). We broke up before we could kiss :|....(its okay though :p I got my first kiss in first grade... some extroverted girl)

I wish there was a machine that show the world how this infj feels :( ...wait I lied.... that would be quite scary....
 

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I loved what @Kyrielle said. Hits the nail on the head.

For me I never liked getting romantic compliments and stuff because I felt they were insincere or flattery. That is always a turnoff to me, and so is the theatricality of romance or sentimentality. Makes me laugh. Also, I was afraid that men valued me more for my appearance than for my brain or feelings; they always seemed to give me more compliments on my looks than, say, my insights on Sartre or whatever. I appreciate spontaneous affection and sincerity in relationships much more than compliments which often sound awkward or rehearsed, or like they're trying to get something from you. And really, if I'm talking to you about how the moon looks tonight, I'd rather you look up at it and enjoy it with me than twist it into some compliment about my looks, however romantic. I want to earnestly share my thoughts with you and not receive trite niceties in return.
 
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