[BleaK]

I just had a dream where I'm walking alone on a railroad then in broad daylight I see what looks like a woman from a poor Cambodian village with the entire upper half of her body facing the sky and her long black hair just dangling as she walked towards me. Her body looked rotten but she had no visible tissue damage.

For some reason in my dream I already knew she was dead but we just continued to walk towards each other. Just as we got closer she completely collapses on the ground. I was curious to see what she looked like so I walked up to her and noticed her eyes were open looking like there's no hint of any life in there. Kind of shocked and unsettled I continued on my way but then looked back again and saw her get up slowly this time standing up right. She then motioned for me to follow her.

And then i woke up. What the hell was that supposed to mean? Am I gonna die or something?

 

[BleaK]

I'd hardly know, but judging from your reaction I'd say it could imply, shot in the dark, you either have death on the mind, or fear death, or fear certain aspects of death. Or, maybe there's something on your mind that "just won't die already"? Seems like I sometimes have dreams about people or even things who can't seem to die/who I thought died/are now living-are now dead/came back from nowhere, when I'm really stressed. I also find that kind of dream stressful. At some point in the dream I find myself wishing unspoken that person would die. I associate it with my wanting to resolve a problem. Did you have that vibe?

Just ideas.

Honestly though, aside from the specifics, sounds like a dream I would have. Especially the kind of details you noticed and remembered.

Wow you're good. I have in fact been thinking about death a lot. I practically meditate on it and I'd be lying if I said I didn't fear it. So i associated the dream with what's been going on in my head while I'm awake. But my reaction to the whole thing was pretty dull. It just grabbed my attention more than usual because I'm surprised I didn't have more dreams like this.

I didn't get the wanting to solve a problem vibe as you've said. There was really almost no feeling except a little bit of fear when I saw the woman's gaunt face. My dreams (just like this one) are very vivid and very in the moment. I can still remember the trees, the leaves, the sun, the sloped hill, all the gravel under my shoes, what the woman wore and even the temperature but I never really get that feeling where I want to solve something.

When a problem arises I just take it and try to deal with the issue alone as best I can with what I've got, in this case death. I've been coming to terms with myself that I wont know when I'll die and that whatever happens after will either suck or be the opposite. I do believe in the afterlife and coming to terms with an unexpected death is fine with me but not knowing what'll happen frightens me.

It's interesting that in your dream you wish a person would die in result of your want for a solution. Do you think your problems in real life are manifested into people in your dreams? For example you see an accountant in your dream which could represent your financial problems or struggles. Or are you talking about something completely different?

 

[BleaK]

Not completely different, just less direct of an association maybe. Then again, back as a young teen when I had sexual problems, a few terrible dreams about rapists helped me with my problem.I was scared to death.


I guess I think less of symbolism and more of emotional states, my roles (what am I in this dream? Why am I doing this?), and cues to things that happen. I would also be more focused on what is being said in the dream, as well as the surroundings. But the emotion sticks with me the most.

I guess I don't exactly feel that I've had premonitions really, with dreams, it's more like knots being untangled. (Although I did dream about a plane crashing into a mountain two nights before 9/11, but I don't take that seriously). I omce had another dream that made me feel better about my decision to teach dance as well.

The deja vu are the ones that I get "future" insight, but in turn I can't tell if it is something I actually did see before, or simply... Deja vu. What scientifically happens during a deja vu, is actually a shortcut of an image straight to your memory part of your brain, bypassing the processing part. Since I tend to process my surroundings quite a bit, I find deja vus powerful feelings. Just suddenly knowing stuff, intensely. I almost just wonder if it enhances my mind a bit, and helps ME think ahead better, or notice something less from an observant level and more from a... Like ferroequinokogist said, Ni level. Seeing the pattern more than the reality, but still in the reality, just for a split second. Insight.

I know what you mean. I'm kinda the same way when I dream and have certain feelings. I replay what I felt over and over. It's not for fun or anything though and usually it isn't fun. You ever dwell on a certain emotion so much you turn a little insane? That's kinda how I was but not anymore. Over time it turned me into a very neurotic person.

I definitely had deja vu's and premonitions before...I think. When i was a kid the deja vu's would happen when I'm conscious. When I'm asleep I get premonitions and then find myself doing what I had done in my premonition. It's nothing crazy tho. I really don't know if it's a premonition or not. For example when I would clean dishes a certain way that I never did before, I had had a premonition of it already. I really don't know what it is. Could be my mind subconscious doing what I had envisioned previously. But sometimes they get a little freaky. Like i have premonitions of family members fighting and then they'd actually come true. It could be my Ni recording subtle nuances of relationship status and tensions and then predicting the outcome of the near future probably combined with Fi since it's a judging and rational function and all.

Stupid ole me just observes and says "whoa...this is crazy." Then others just stare.

 

[BleaK]

I do dwell on a certain emotion, and it does get intense, but it's only if I try to verbally express it to another so they could understand that I feel insane. I feel that way about expressing anything, speaking or writing. It's so incomplete-feeling, I will write and write and write and it doesn't ever feel complete, so I just chop it off, never want to see it again.

Really some things aren't meant to be recorded from what I can tell. Now that makes me a bit crazy sad. I feel so... Displaced having no record of anything much. I never could keep diaries, letter writing is about like talking to myself. Makes me feel worthless when I think about it too much. Forgotten, in a way. I feel dumb taking pictures and writing about events, old blog posts o ly serve ti make me angry, and I never do any of it effectively, but time just keeps slipping by. Makes me so angry. I haven't done anything with my life that will do much for me or lastingly. Ugh

Maybe I do sound a bit insane. dumb emotions, haha. I'd rather dance what I feel, to be honest. Or sweep the floor with it. Trying to catch it in something permanent almost has too much pressure or something. I will never be satisfied enough with results to have it be to last forever.

Ugh this topic makes me feel nihilistic and existential.

Lol yeah I tried keeping a journal to get all my thoughts down..didn't work for me either. I also tried too hard to make it sound aesthetically pleasing but it just made me sound like an amateur poet.

I think dancing is a BEAUTIFUL way to show how you feel. Of course you will never be satisfied with something permanent, probably because you're an ISFP! Even Though we're very 'go-with-the-flow' our art has to be perfect, am I right?

But why does this topic make you feel nihilistic and existential? lol

 

[BleaK]

It just makes me sad that I can feel so much as I do and so little of it means anything to anyone anywhere. It's all just... Me. It means nothing outside of itself, in any lasting sense. I dunno. Lol. How do you put your soul to good purpose??? Very frustrating. I've been trying to think of a job for months. What I want to do, I am not capable of, and what I could do, does not interest me or I find obstacles. I feel so helpless.

It definitely sucks to have nobody recognize what you're feeling especially when a type like ISFP can never get it out. I've learned to just accept it and some people don't even care what you're feeling which is fine because talking about feelings and emotions so openly to acquaintances just gives me a weird feeling.

I just worked at some lumber place that dealt with wood. It was the worst job experience I've ever had. After that I made a choice that I didn't want to do these odd jobs forever because the money is unstable and I only get these offers so rarely. So feeling useless is very familiar with me. The only option I can think of now as a way of bringing in stable money realistically is a career. But everything just seems like a big gamble with money. Nothing seems guaranteed. So many people that have graduated from colleges are still unemployed and are in deep debt...

 

[BleaK]

^All that. Yes.


And worse even, is it seems my parents would be happy to support my lazy butt for a long time, so I don't feel very supported in my attempts to get a life. It is so degrading. I hate being a bum, so depressing, but I've been coddled and protected so long. They'd be happy to let me be useless and pass me off being that useless person to a husband who'd just expect me to be pretty and pushover. That's all I really want anyway, is my own family and my own man to love and support, but I at least want to be a useful and educated/experienced wife! Not to mention you never meet people if you're slacking at home all the time anyway. Ugh. Makes me sick sometimes, like today. Trapped in this damn house of ease and taint and dilapidation.

I'm so stressed over my lack of use and lack of freedom, that it is only making it harfer to find a job too. And I can't even handle being with my friends now, and recently, now church too is hinging on my desperation over my inferior useless lazy feelings.

My parents are stubborn strict hardasses in all the wrong ways and nonw of the right ways. I'm not allowed to barely have friends, but I'm not expected or challenged to have any success or ambition either. So I end up with these painful voids.

They'd probably send me to college if I had a strong whim to, but I don't want to be wasteful, don't want to feel further attached to this family than I already do by having monetary help, and neither am I interested in spending my time learning something I might decide I don't like, merely for escapist purposes. I want to be serious.

What I really want is an apprenticeship or personal assistant job of some sorts. Or hell, just moving a hundred mikes to live with my awesome ENFP aunt and being her employee for awhile would be awesome!!! Classes don't interest me anyway, on a large scale.

I do odd jobs too, very rarely. I relish them, but I want much more.

Everything you said really resonated with me in each paragraph more or less

Except my parents aren't that much of a hard-ass, I don't go to church even though I would love to, and I don't often relish odd jobs but everything else is almost exactly how my life is also! Even the college thing in your fourth paragraph is how me and my parents are. They would really want me to go to college if I had a strong whim to, but I dont want to take the risk of investing my time in something that I might lose interest in, knowing me, that could happen pretty quickly.

I'd also like to be an apprentice for someone in something that I'm very passionate about and would have no doubt that I'd want to do it for a long time.

I hope you get to live with your aunt in the future

p.s. sorry for excessive use of commas. I'm horrible at punctuation and grammar now loll