Hi all. I'm an ENFP who went to visit an ISTP guy I had dated briefly before he moved across the country. He initally told me he didn't see a point in my visiting, but a few months later he invited me out to stay.
He seemed genuinely excited about my coming. When I got there everything was really comfortable and seemed familiar and we ended up becoming intimate. Afterward, things were ok for a little while, but all of a sudden he started getting snippy and mean--to the point where his roommate even said something. He even invited the girl he is casually seeing out with a group of us one evening, and acted completely clueless as to why I would be upset about this. When I confronted him, he basically told me it was none of my business and acted like I wasn't even there.
I had my cousins come pick me up the following day, and on my way out I asked why he asked me to come in the first place. He responded by screaming at me that he never wanted me there, didn't know how horrible I was, told me I was trying to manipulate him, and that I was trying to rekindle something that had never been there for him in the first place. He tried to apologize a few minutes later and said that he was really uncomfortable the whole time I was there and had never been around someone who made him so anxious before. I don't understand how he could seem like he was enjoying my company one second, and then completely rip me apart the next. Even while I was there when he had opportunities to go be by himself for a while, he would call and have me meet him for lunch or come home early from work to hang out. He even was going to take an extra day off of work. Leading up to the visit I asked him several times, point blank, if it would be better for me to stay somehwere else. I was so completely confused when I left, and I still am. I know I won't hear from him again, but I wish I had some understaning about what happened. What did I miss? Any thoughts?
I don't get these posts. Do you think every ISTP is connected on an exclusive worldwide network, feeding advice and information into each other's heads?
Or perhaps ISTP's are all clones of each other, each one indistinguishable from the last, and we'll eventually form a giant clone army from which a charismatic politician will one day build a Galactic Empire of evil.
Ok, disregard that last part, I just finished seeing Star Wars again.
Its a legitimate question to ask for personality related advice, as it plays a big part in how we behave.
He responded by screaming at me...
Its a legitimate question to ask for personality related advice, as it plays a big part in how we behave.
As for your question, I agree with ClarifiedMind. Its possible he didn't even know he would start acting like that. But on the other hand, I don't have enough details to know if you somehow pressured him or something... or the close proximity brought out everything in you he didn't realize at first, and he realized it would have taken too much effort to compromize, or didn't like what he saw... or maybe he had an ISTP freakout, where he believes his freedom to be taken away because he might feel he had to pay attention to you as you were living in his house. I couldn't tell ya. But ISTP men are a dime a dozen, if you can't figure this out.
And then there's always the possibility of him just being a plain douche bag that is way behind on the maturity curve.
I'd imagine it can be quite draining on an ISTP to take a house guest. I myself couldn't do it. I'd try to do the polite thing and keep the person company as much as possible, but inevitably, I'll develop a sort of resentment inside. And this will keep growing and break out at some point.
I don't know about the other ISTPs, but there are a lot of little things that people do that can really irritate the hell out of me. It can be the way they look, how they talk, what they wear or their personal habits - any amount of little things. I dislike the existence of people in general.
This may be where an ISTP and an INFP are very similar-----my guess is that he impulsively invited you to stay without thinking about the consequences, i.e. living in the moment. And that he was responding to his feelings about you. What he didn't foresee was his lack of control over these feelings, coupled with feeling "trapped" in his own space. I know myself better, I guess: I know not to ask someone to be a houseguest, because I wouldn't be able to handle it! Obviously he doesn't know himself well enough---maybe he will learn from this incident. I'm sorry you were the one who was part of the lesson, though. Man! :crying:
If the guy has these two women going at the same time, he's obviously not all that serious about either one of them. He was comparison shopping, that's all.He even invited the girl he is casually seeing out with a group of us one evening, and acted completely clueless as to why I would be upset about this. When I confronted him, he basically told me it was none of my business and acted like I wasn't even there.
I don't like this answer. First of all you're giving hope where there is none. And second, your argument is silly. He got angry, therefore he must have feelings for her? If that was true of ISTPs, then we must have feelings for almost everyone we deal with. You said above that INFPs are similar to ISTPs, well they're not. Please don't speak for us.I have no doubt he still has feelings for you (otherwise he would have probably ignored you completely instead of getting upset---i.e. anger/hatred is not the opposite of love: indifference is), but that he felt walled-in and out of control in his own environment.
There is always hope, heheh. Always. And anger at a stranger (i.e. driver in the car that just cut you off) is different than anger directed at someone you have been intimate with, wouldn't you agree?First of all you're giving hope where there is none.
Maybe I am likening the two types, but it does seem that INFPs and ISTPs share impulsiveness and live in the moment more than other types?
If the guy has these two women going at the same time, he's obviously not all that serious about either one of them. He was comparison shopping, that's all.
The argument IS silly, actually - but (in my opinion) for a different reason. The issue here, I think, is that the guy has two women going simultaneously, and no shame in revealing that to the visiting woman. That's just ballsy, and really shitty. The fact that he got angry is almost completely separate from the douchiness of the two-timing thing.I don't like this answer. First of all you're giving hope where there is none. And second, your argument is silly. He got angry, therefore he must have feelings for her?