[FreeSpirit777]

I visited some family out of town that i hadn't seen in a few years, and met my three year old relative (my cousins daughter) and fell in love with her; she was such a beautiful soul.

The trip was only for two days over the weekend, yet she really put an imprint in my life; I was really sad to leave yesterday and today as we left, I cried even more. Like I was sobbing; she was treated me with such love and respect, and she just connected with me in ways that I don't see with adults often at all. She was so authentic.

Anyways, I've been debating about taking a trip out in a maybe a month or two, to visit her and their parents (my cousins)... it would be so fun to spend time with this child, and I'm sure my cousins would enjoy having one less child to worry about for the day. Basically like free babysitting in their eyes, and I would love every second of it.

The only thing holding me back, is this child; if we grow close and she gets used to, and attached to me.. then when I leave after a few days and head back home, I feel that she will be sad and even heartbroken about me leaving.. and I don't want to cause her pain.

if me visiting and growing close to her will only inevitably end in causing her pain first and foremost, yet also me too.. then is this really worth it?

Unsure if I should build a relationship with my cousins and their child whom I admire deeply, when there's a chance that their child will be hurt ultimately by me visiting and then leaving only a few days, or one week at best.

I may visit five to 10 times per years at absolute best, and 10 is a big stretch..

Do children her age get heartbroken? Or are they pretty resilient and won't be hurt if they grow close to me, and I leave?

I know I would, but what do you think?

 

[dlb]

@FreeSpirit777 , instinct tells me there's more going on here than you might realize. It might be worthwhile to think very hard about why it's so important for you to assure children have emotionally friendly family members.

More importantly, children don't get heartbroken They see what's in front of them, and when it's gone, it's gone. I'm sure she'll appreciate your friendship

But, the 1st paragraph too. If you want to talk about it, this is a wonderful place

 

[FreeSpirit777]

@FreeSpirit777 , instinct tells me there's more going on here than you might realize. It might be worthwhile to think very hard about why it's so important for you to assure children have emotionally friendly family members.

More importantly, children don't get heartbroken They see what's in front of them, and when it's gone, it's gone. I'm sure she'll appreciate your friendship

But, the 1st paragraph too. If you want to talk about it, this is a wonderful place

@dlb

there's nothing more going on; only thing in didn't mention (which previous posts of mine have), is that my situation in life is far from ideal.. I'm just in a season in life that's lonelier than I'd like.

I'm very guarded and never allow myself to get too excited over people, because all I've known is pain and people leaving.

even wth this child and all my relatives, I stayed pretty level headed probably the entire time, because I knew I'd be leaving in two days.

part of me wanting to visit is because it breaks the monotony of my life, surrounds me with positive influences, and gives me something to look forward to..

yet at the same time, I'm very hard myself and kinda snap myself out of feeling this way because I don't want to go all-in and lose focus away from bettering my own situation in life..
instead of pursuing a temporary one.

most importantly, I could just see it now; I visit and spend all my days with this child, we grow close and when it comes time to leave she's wondering "why do you have to leave?",

which would just shatter me because I hate goodbyes as well, and don't want to cause her pain.

I'm torn on what to do.

I want to stay focused on my life, but think I can find a balance and visit along with that.. so long as this child wouldn't be hurt that im leaving..

I want to be sure of that.

 

[dlb]

@dlb

there's nothing more going on; only thing in didn't mention (which previous posts of mine have), is that my situation in life is far from ideal.. I'm just in a season in life that's lonelier than I'd like.

I'm very guarded and never allow myself to get too excited over people, because all I've known is pain and people leaving.

even wth this child and all my relatives, I stayed pretty level headed probably the entire time, because I knew I'd be leaving in two days.

part of me wanting to visit is because it breaks the monotony of my life, surrounds me with positive influences, and gives me something to look forward to..

yet at the same time, I'm very hard myself and kinda snap myself out of feeling this way because I don't want to go all-in and lose focus away from bettering my own situation in life..
instead of pursuing a temporary one.

most importantly, I could just see it now; I visit and spend all my days with this child, we grow close and when it comes time to leave she's wondering "why do you have to leave?",

which would just shatter me because I hate goodbyes as well, and don't want to cause her pain.

I'm torn on what to do.

I want to stay focused on my life, but think I can find a balance and visit along with that.. so long as this child wouldn't be hurt that im leaving..

I want to be sure of that.

Just love yourself. Let that love flow through you to the people you encounter, and the people who can accept and give some back. Life is a tedious journey with simple rules. At times, it appears to be complex, but it's not. Just love yourself. The rest flows as assuredly as a river.

 

[Green Girl]

I have spent a lot of time with other people's three year olds, raised three children, and am from a big family. Here are a couple of questions you may not have considered:

1. It sounds like this three-year-old has siblings. You show no interest in spending time with them. Are you prepared to give them equal amounts of your time and attention? Brothers and sisters are acutely aware of when adults prefer one over the other, and it hurts them and causes resentment, which often is taken out on the perceived favorite.

2. It is wonderful that you connected so well with her. But like everyone else, small children have good days and bad days, and a preschooler's bad day is bad indeed. Are you prepared to take that in stride? Emotional meltdowns, whining, unreasonable demands to get her own way? Screams and sobs? I have never met a three-year-old who didn't have these moments.

3. I doubt she'll have any issues with you coming and going. Her main emotional connections are with her parents and siblings. But how about you? Will you be okay accepting that you are not central to her life, no matter how important she is to you?

 

[OrangeAppled]

No. They get heartbroken if a primary caretaker rejects them, abuses them or abandons them in some way. You’re not a primary caretaker.

Extended family who treats them well may be little highlights in life, but the absences in between aren’t often deeply mourned.

It seems you could be projecting your own attachment issues. It’s sweet to have a fondness for a small child but you can’t put your emotional needs on them. That will do more damage than your absence. My grandmother did that to us....she needs a lot of attention and validation and when she didn’t get it, she’d criticize us. At that age, it simply felt like a truth about me (“I’m bad”), but now I know it was her issue. I was just being a kid and it wasn’t my responsibility to fill her emotional voids. Not saying you’re doing that, but it’s something to be aware of.

 

[Index]

I doubt it would have a large impact on the kid. I have family (some young) that live abroad and I may only see them once every 1 or 2 years. We get along well but I think you're overvaluing your presence.

 

[Westy365]

If they do, they'll bounce right back. Kids are pretty resilient.

My family moved across the country and I went from being 10 minutes away from my grandparents' house to being a 3 days drive away from their house. Moreover, I only got to see them 2-4 times a year. We made phone calls (which is something you can do if you'd like), and while I missed them, I was fine, and if anything, it made me appreciate family more.

So don't be too worried about her, I think she'll be just fine. :happy:

 

[X X]

I already made my post elsewhere, and still suggest professional help.

This isn't a healthy reaction for a 29 year old man to be having. I think everyone needs to read all of your recent posts in total to get a full picture of your situation here.

You've equated this child to an adult, have brought sexuality into the subject, and have considered further plans.

And in response to your last post before the thread closed, being "gentle" doesn't mean for anything, because often people who behave a certain way towards children which may not be may good for them, think they're acting in the child's best interest.

You say you're in total control and fine, yet after the thread was closed you went on to make 5 more threads asking the same question.

You have a general confusion about your health and inability to know why people are having certain reactions towards you. That's almost entirely what your 450 posts consist of. Maybe there's no one around to tell you but there are better ways to get answers than the internet, through a professional avenue.

 

[Red Panda]

I already made my post elsewhere, and still suggest professional help.

This isn't a healthy reaction for a 29 year old man should be having. I think everyone needs to read all of your recent posts in total to get a full picture of your situation here.

You've equated this child to an adult, have brought sexuality into the subject, and have considered further plans.

And in response to your last post before the thread closed, being "gentle" doesn't mean for anything, because often people who behave a certain way towards children which may not be may good for them, think they're acting in the child's best interest.

You say you're in total control and fine, yet after the thread was closed you went on to make 5 more threads asking the same question.

You have a general confusion about your health and inability to know why people are having certain reactions towards you. That's almost entirely what your 450 posts consist of. Maybe there's no one around to tell you but there are better ways to get answers than the internet, through a professional avenue.

Where did he bring sexuality into the subject?

And yea you are right, people have told him before he needs help, too.

 

[ponpiri]

You sound a lot like Michael Jackson...

Don't project your feelings onto this child.

 

[dulcinea]

If you're trolling us, you really need to think hard and ask yourself:
"Do I really want to be seen as the 'troll pedo'"?
I don't see how that's going to accomplish anything for you.

If you're serious, with the threads you've posted earlier as well as this one, you need to seek professional help immediately, before you ruin someone's life and become a sex offender.

Either way, you're wasting everyone's time on here.

 

[atamagasuita]

This thread actually got closed on spam thread

 

[FreeSpirit777]

@Mr.X @RedPanda @dulcinea oh my lanta this is equally laughable and irritating.. wow the misconceptions are real.

haha so many misconceptions; maybe I shouldn't post on here when I'm emotionally vulnerable..

I don't "need help", and given all these silly psychological jargon thrown at me; i view psychiatry/psychology as a pseudo-scientific lie, as do many others.

I'm a perfectly normal healthy person

sure, having the comfort of a friend to connect with is helpful. but don't throw all this psychy stuff at me, sheesh.

 

[0.M.I.A.0]

It doesn't take much of a search to uncover you copied and pasted the same topic in various areas. Obvious troll trademark. I already looked into your posting pattern to distinguish whether you were a troll or a Freako Pedo.

It appears you're not a pedo. Dulcinea was accurate in her intuition. Only weirdo trolls pose as a pedo. Yo dude whatever you gotta do for attention. So healthy.

 

[495602]

I've seen people starting the same topic somewhere else when they don't get their answer, or rather get advice they don't like. That doesn't necessarily label them as trolls.
But I can be naive, wouldn't be the first time...

 

[X X]

@Mr.X @RedPanda @dulcinea oh my lanta this is equally laughable and irritating.. wow the misconceptions are real.

haha so many misconceptions; maybe I shouldn't post on here when I'm in an emotionally vulnerable state..

I don't "need help", and given all these silly psychological jargon thrown at me; i view psychiatry/psychology as a pseudo-scientific lie, as do many others.

I'm a perfectly normal healthy person

sure, having the comfort of a friend to connect with is helpful. but don't throw all this psychy stuff at me, sheesh.

"Perfectly normal and healthy"
If you can logically explain to me just one single positive about anything you just posted about in regards to this situation, or anything you posted recently (More threads about losing jobs), then by all means, were all paying attention.


Either way, there doesn't seem to be any purpose in replying to you, as you don't seem to absorb or properly consider anything anyone says. Personally, I think you should be removed from the forum, because this seems like an outlet to further fuel whatever it is you have going on, which may culminate in a disastrous result like child abuse.


Either that or you're just trying to mess with people, to which I don't understand why an adult man would want to spend all of his time constantly making the same posts to no avail. It seems more the former.

 

[FreeSpirit777]

@Mr.X you're toxic dude; I'm literally the furthest thing a person could get from abusive or unhealthy in any way.

Certain people on here are so far off in the deep end, so I'm done with you.