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I thought about this when I thought about all the ENFJs that have come to this forum, posted regularly, and then just disappeared, without retiring anything, giving me the implication that they probably just wanted to leave the option open that they might come back....
That made me think of my ENFJ friend, he never really leaves a relationship or anything without leaving open the option that he might go back to it in some capacity. He likes to keep things kinda open-ended especially when it comes to people. I have speculated that that might be why he doesn't like to say "Good night" to people usually when he texts them but leaves it kinda open ended, because he seems to not really like the closure or to say "goodbye" to people in any capacity...

So I wonder, what is your relationship with closure? Is it necessary for a lot of things or do you usually prefer to keep a lot of things open in some ways?
 

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Closure is very important to me. It makes me anxious to not have closure, because then neither party knows where they stand. I definitively end relationships, conversations and the like, so that both parties know they're free to move on. It's the worst thing to have someone leave you hanging, never sure if the friendship is completely gone or not. Once I decide I'm done, then I'm done, and it's naive of anyone to think they could change my mind.
 

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I'm more flighty than most ENFJ's. I prefer to have my bonds last forever without ever going beyond a certain comfortable level. I get extremely close with someone till I reach a point where I feel both people are comfortable with and just leave it at that - though I always keep re-checking and making sure that the relationship is still at healthy levels.

However, when it comes to doorslamming negative/toxic people ---- there's NO room in my heart for them. I do leave a door open, but it's got a "you have to beg on your knees in order for me to accept you back" .. and since no one does that, I have no problems becoming indifferent to someone's existence over time.

I also don't really care if someone has erased me, or walked out of my life without any kind of closure. I used to when I was a kid [around 22-26] ---- but I've grown a lot since my divorce and now if someone walks out of my life, I'm like ... "Whatever, who cares."
 

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not sure how to anwser this one, i'm not one for bridge burning or door slamming.

I say goodbye alot and I always have kind of definite closure to conversations
 
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MOTM Feb 2011
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what is your relationship with closure? Is it necessary for a lot of things or do you usually prefer to keep a lot of things open in some ways?
If I disappear from PerC without any warning or anything it is probably due to absentmindedness more than not liking closure.

I hate it when people leave my life without any warning or any apparent reason. I can get over them leaving but what really bothers me is not knowing why they left. 2 people come to mind here. I tried to contact them and ask why. I asked for an answer so that A) I can fix the problem, or failing that I can B) have closure and move on without wondering why. Though perhaps I should ensure that I too do this to people and give them closure. Because I hate confrontation I will avoid it if possible. So I guess since I like closure from others I should probably extend the same courtesy myself. It's a work in progress.
 
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I'm surprised that a thread like this even exists... No offence...

Cause I'm a huge fan of closure. Heck, I wish I could have a "closure" t-shirt. I love having closure with problems and important issues that require my attention, be it a positive or a negative one.

Lack of closure drives my Ni Ne insane. Makes me overthink and I hate doing that.

In terms of relationships, I do sometimes can say the relationship can be subject to change but I would always let a person know where I stand when it comes down to the end of a relationship. I'm very particular about what people can expect from me and what I mean or ought to mean to them.
 

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Romantic Relationships drive me insane when it isn't ended with a closure. Or at least, I wasn't prepped for it.

My first BF died when we were together. I was so furious at him for petty reasons and I didn't really expect him to pass, but he did. I feel terrible about it and up until now I do still feel a lingering of emotion for him. We didn't close it as I wanted and though I have seen other people after him, he still holds some significant value in my heart. Sometimes I even compare my relationships with him so more often than not, I find myself get attracted to women because the gender difference helps me deviate from this.

My ex-gf left me for Singapore. She didn't tell me she was moving, though I knew her family migrated. I thought she was going to finish her studies here so I let her stay at my house and just one morning, she was gone. It drove me insane that entire day. I called her numerous times, called the people I thought knew her whereabouts, nothing. I gave up about three to four hours before she called and told me everything. I didn't really think I loved her until that day. It was really painful and she didn't exactly break up with me on the phone. She just said thank you and that she's moving to Singapore. When I went to Singapore, I didn't plan on going mainly because of the good chance we may see each other and I wasn't ready for it. Though I still went because we were going to watch Wicked and I told myself that it's just a week. Whatever will happen, will happen. We didn't meet, thankfully, but if we did, I was ready to face whatever I would see. I guess I wasn't ready to see her with someone else or that she has really moved on from me. I mean, I have indeed fallen for people, but like first bf, she has left her mark on my heart.

The third one is the easiest. I didn't love him, I told him after 5 months, he took it well and we had closure. Now we're quite great friends and I trust him a lot. He's over me and I never really did love him like he did.

Friendships are the ones that I don't really give much maintenance on. I will dedicate myself to a person but when I feel that I am needed by someone else, I will be there with that someone else. If I need to make a good bond with a new friend, I will do it. I am the type of person that has different groups of friends and I make sure my friends know this so if I suddenly start to not give them that special attention I used to, they know that I trust them very much and I hold them dear enough for me to meet new people and form that same bond with others. They will know that I give myself to other people and that being with just one set of friends make me feel limited and uncomfortable because I know I can be of help somewhere else. I am a very support type of person and if I feel that this set of friends is stable for me and that I know they understand me and love me for who I am, I will go to another group and develop something with that other group as well.

If they decide that they do not like that trait of me, then I won't force them to stay with me. I will respect that they do not want my type of friendship and let them be with whoever they want to be. I am a sensitive being and I do know when people start to detach from me. Keep in mind though, if they decide to return to me again, I will accept them with open arms. They are still a friend to me and for me, that's all that matters.

It's how I know if the person is worth more than a simple friendship as well. To me, if you're a friend worth being with, you will understand that I dedicate my time and self to different people. Even if I may seem detached from you at this point, be sure that I will be there for you when you need me to be. That true friendship knows no physical limit and there is a deeper, stronger connection that binds our hearts and lives together.

And for me, this is very true. The people I trust very well are people I spend least time with recently. When I'm hurting, they're the first people to ask me what's wrong through text or FB. Sometimes, I even don't need to tell them what's the matter. They simply know it. When I feel bored, I barely tell them to come over. They just do. Or pick me up and bring me home when I feel cooped up at home (just today 4 of these people did that). We don't have the same classes, breaks and most of them don't even have the same school as I do; though, these people, when time is spend with them, these are spent by having the funnest and the most memorable times in my life. That itself makes me feel lucky that I have met these people and that we share that same bond of friendship. That I know these people will be with me through thick and thin, in any circumstance and are willing to dedicate even the little time they have free to me.

Though, in all honesty, time can never replace what they give me in ample supply: Love, Trust and Support.

P.S. I don't tell people I'm detaching from them or that I'm moving to spend time with another set of people/person. If I successfully formed that bond with them, they will know what I am doing. It doesn't go positively 100%, but like I said, if they let go of it, then I have no control of their end of the string. I will keep my end if they take the initiative to pick it up again, if not, then I will hold on for as long as I could.
 

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Maybe...I sometimes like to keep things open-ended because I know that things can happen which can always change my mind. Or my first impression or first conclusion reached may have been rash and wrong.

Other times, I like having my mind "set" and "focused" and not look back...well, I don't wish to look back, but I still sometimes do.

I'm so vague...haha

Oh and with texts, I do like saying "ttyl" more than goodbye. I can say "goodnight" though, cuz I want them to have nice dreams. :)
 
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