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I don't know if this is just me, but I've realised lately that I find it almost impossible to forgive people if they mess up/piss me off (or lie to me) in a fairly big way. It's odd because I know nobody is perfect, but because I'm honest with people, I do try and avoid messing anyone around of pissing them off. Because of that, I find it incredibly annoying when other people clearly are trying to manipulate or lie to me.

I'm not referring to situations where something goes wrong or something bad happens and it's out of a person's control - that's fine and happens quite a lot. But where someone deliberately lies to me, messes me around or something, I absolutely hate it and tend to cut that person out of my life straight away. I don't give second chances - if you piss me off, you're out of the door and you aren't coming back.

The area of my life I've noticed this the most is in romantic relationships. When I listen to friends moaning about things their partners have done, I can find myself thinking 'Well, I wouldn't put up with that', and yet people can and do put up with their loved ones behaving like arses (as I said above, nobody is perfect) and they still continue with their relationships. In many cases - the 'fuck up' eventually gets forgotten and they seem happy enough together.

If I'm completely honest, I guess a part of this comes from the ENTP self-confidence - so if someone does piss me off, I think HOW DARE YOU PISS ME OFF I AM AWESOME AND YOU WILL REGRET THIS.

Over to you - is this an ENTP thing or am I the fuck up for not forgiving people?
 

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The whole premise of forgiveness has been bastardized. If you forgive someone, it is on the basis that they won't do it again. Inevitably, they continue with their garbage behaviour. Sure I'll forgive, not forget and be sure to lay the pain down if it happens again.

A spouse is different. I've been that guy saying "I'd never let a woman do that to me"... and then I got married. Happy wife, happy life.
 

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Yes, I think this might be true :crying: this is where estp's have a one up on ya. They're such knuckle heads they end up forgiving by the sheer fairness of reality :tongue: you guys and you're damn Si!!!
 
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I'm not a "one strike and you're out" guy, and I can get past something. But, yes, it's hard for me to forgive a serious screw up.
 
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Yes, I think this might be true :crying: this is where estp's have a one up on ya. They're such knuckle heads they end up forgiving by the sheer fairness of reality :tongue: you guys and you're damn Si!!!
I suspect this is correct. I can still feel a twinge of anger/pain for things that happened 20 years ago.
 

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I'm not a "one strike and you're out" guy, and I can get past something. But, yes, it's hard for me to forgive a serious screw up.
I guess the question is, what do you guys consider a serious screw up?


I tend to blow everything up to ridiculous proportions in my head. So really, I don't think I have any voodoo dolls with my name on it but, you never know..
 

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I tend to easily forgive for most things in life. I have always felt it was more the logically/rationalizing side of me that lets me do it. I don't take too much very personally, which usually is the catalyst for resentment and being able to forgive. Most of the time, my feeling is that a person behaved a certain way (that is the way they are and I am not going to change them) or is in a situation that made them do a certain thing and I am not going to change that, so why get worked up. However, I am going to be wary of that person until I feel the situation has been resolved and it won't happen again. If it continuously happens with no chance for resolution, I usually cut myself off from them; however, I don't really have any lingering resentment for them and really forget about it.

My ESFJ mother is the queen of not being able to forgive and forget. God forbid you get on her bad side, 20 years later, she still would be cursing your name (and often for not anything particularly awful either). She is amazed at how tolerant and forgiving I am of my very difficult mother in law. I realized early on in our marriage that she can be awful to everyone who is not a blood relative, so I don't take it personally when she directs a comment at me. I was just around her at the wrong time and it really does not upset me. I also can see that she is very kind to her grandchildren so it helps to humanize her more. However, I try not be alone with her too often because that is when the comments happen.
 

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I forgive way too easily and often. Especially if it's someone I care about. I don't like to give up on people and give them too many chances. But once you've hit a certain threshold, you are dead to me. Show up drunk to dinner? Okay. Show up drunk to a date? Annoying but okay. Show up drunk to an important event? Fine, I'll deal with it later. Show up drunk to try to win me back after I dumped you for being an alcoholic, and I will never speak to you again. Don't care if he goes through AA and comes back in five years to apologise. Don't care if he joins the Peace Corps and is in the newspapers for rescuing kittens. You've crossed that threshold for my tolerance and I will never again grace you with my presence.
 

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I forgive way too easily and often. Especially if it's someone I care about. I don't like to give up on people and give them too many chances. But once you've hit a certain threshold, you are dead to me. Show up drunk to dinner? Okay. Show up drunk to a date? Annoying but okay. Show up drunk to an important event? Fine, I'll deal with it later. Show up drunk to try to win me back after I dumped you for being an alcoholic, and I will never speak to you again. Don't care if he goes through AA and comes back in five years to apologise. Don't care if he joins the Peace Corps and is in the newspapers for rescuing kittens. You've crossed that threshold for my tolerance and I will never again grace you with my presence.
..maybe you should have made a big stink when he showed up drunk to that first dinner :/
 

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I will often forgive a person because I know I'm a person as well and they also forgive me of my mistakes.

However, I will not tolerate multiple attempts of blatant disrespect toward myself or anyone I know.
 

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i don't think there's anything I've ever not forgiven anyone for

the only thing that will irks me about other is when they judge others and don't forgive them for stuff and hold a grudge


you can lie, steal, cheat, kill, i don't care I'd forgive....think you're better than someone else and not forgive someone, in my eye you're a piece of shit and the scum of the earth

I always think its sad and shameful when people do things out of weakness like lie, steal, cheat etc...but I forgive them because it was done out of weakness

when people lie, cheat and steal etc out of will, with some goal in mind, I forgive them too because they have good intentions and are doing what seems best from their point of view... and I can relate to that. I always have lie to people because what I believe is wrong they think is right and what I think is right they think is wrong for example what I'm saying right here

the only sin in my opinion is not forgiving
 

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Forgiving people is ridiculously easy. I actually probably give people way too many chances just because I think they're stupid for making mistakes in the first place. It still hurts though, because it's essentially insulting my intelligence.

Forgetting is another thing. Never lie to an ENTP.
 

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..maybe you should have made a big stink when he showed up drunk to that first dinner :/
Trust me, I have a pile of regrets involving my own inaction during that relationship. However, me being an enabler during the relationship is still no excuse for him insulting and wounding me by shoving the one thing I'd been praying and crying over back in my face. His addiction was never my personal responsibility. I tried to help. He told me he doesn't want to stop, and he's willing to lose me for the sake of drinking. Consciously, knowingly.
 

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I think that my relationship with people is defined by the culmination of all behavior between me and the other person. So when someone does something vindictive or hurtful, I will never forget that they're capable of that type of behavior. I forgive and get over things rather easily, but don't ever think I'll forget.
 

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I forgive sure, but repeated or serious criminal offenses, then no.

People won't change better apply to criminals, than those who aren't criminals, I think.
 

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For me I forgive too easily, but I never forget. I will still feel pissed or angry no matter how much time passes but I learn to look passed that because I have a too large view of things, for example if someone did something such as get me in trouble on purpose I will be livid for like 4 days at least then my rational side will take over and I will start thinking about it in a much broader prospective: "Man who cares if they did that to me we are all young and I probably wont ever see them again and it's stupid to be caught up in such small petty things when bigger things are happening all around me plus who knows what kind of life they led, they probably have to face a lot of trouble from how tiny their brains are" and that's the thought process of moving on, I still feel angry though sometimes, that and a bit of pity.
 

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Normally I forgive very fast and also aim to forget if it wasn't something of a great importance to me

Then again, sometimes I get incredibly stubborn and refuse to discuss with the person until ages later I realize that I haven't been angry in a long, long time and am like shhiiittt when I wonder whether I should approach the person or not.
 

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I forgive very easily. It's not that I'm a good Christian, it's just not in my nature to harbor such emotions because they only harm the owner. Insult me, call me names and see if I care.
 
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