[VivianeScrooge]

I'm an unhealthy type 5, I think it shows from my previous threads. Though I always relish my intelligence, use it as a shield and my validation for lack socialization. I hate being tease, my mother and my younger sister said I'm being overly dramatic. That I'm not as 'O, I'm super intelligent no one can understand me.' I thought I am. I'm normal like any other people.

Yeah, I am normal. I know that, its people who don't accept me. Or do I just want something to complain about? Thinking at least 'the intelligent card' give me freedom to step back from real crowd? My family don't get me? Am I purposely concealing my self cause of self-entitlement?

If I rethink it, I've been stressing since I was in elemantary school. I already display signs of depression, frequent loosing things, bad short term memory, lack of hygiene, mood swings, paranoia. None of them put any attention on this, my family I mean. So now they are saying I was okay when I'm in elemantary, middle school? But why I feel differently? So I have to deny my own perception and agree with them? I already did that as long as I can remember, agreeable, avoiding conflict, non judgmental. So at the very least I want to be certain of what I'm experiencing, but even that I have no rights?

My mother is a 2w3, my younger sister is a 9w1. I don't know what's wandering inside their minds about me, maybe they think I'm just a stuck up bitch who accentuates my oh so dreadful intelligence when in fact I'm not as superior. Because actual intelligent people don't whine and lament, or cry any given time because of how intelligent they are.

I'm at the point of my life that I feel every thing is useless, how every day I have no sense of 'why I'm doing this'. Real life is boring in comparison with what's going on inside my head. I don't have the urge to befriended anyone. I'm a sx/so, so usually I'm pretty outgoing for a 5. Now I walk around with a frown on my face, I'm like a ghost they say. People can't sense when I'm coming, I wear a creepy visage every day.

I do have acquintances but now I refuse to dive in like I used to, bearing my self out. Humiliate my self along the way.

I am being push to believe all this time I'm imagining my intelligence. Am I? I don't want to believe it. I guess, I have to if that's reality.

Why all this people are telling me who I am?

Do any 5's relate to this?

 

[hydrogen]

Yesyesyes, I can relate, although on a smaller level to what you experience. I caught myself walking into a classroom last Wednesday with a scowl on my face because I felt that some of the younger kids messing about in the corridor outside were pitifully stupid, and I felt really irritated with myself for doing that because of the way it probably makes me look - like a miserable hateful cow, no doubt >_<. I walk past my headteacher and he tells me to 'cheer up' frequently - when I feel like there is nothing wrong with me. To make matters worse, I'm sp/so and very reserved, and I'm aware that many people think that quiet reserved people are arrogant.
This paragraph of yours really struck a chord with me: "I'm at the point of my life that I feel every thing is useless, how every day I have no sense of 'why I'm doing this'. Real life is boring in comparison with what's going on inside my head." I feel like this often, too. I feel like time is just passing me by, and like I'm floating slowly down a rushing river or something. I feel like life should be more interesting than it actually is, and that I've been cheated of something.

EDIT: Building further on that last paragraph I wrote - I was reading Charles Dickens's Great Expectations yesterday and this quote jumped out at me as being similar to the feelings you and I have experienced:
"Once, it had seemed to me that when I should at last roll up my shirt-sleeves and go into the forge, Joe's 'prentice, I should be distinguished and happy. Now the reality was in my hold, I only felt that I was dusty with the dust of the small coal, and that I had weight upon my daily remembrance to which the anvil was a feather. There have been occassions in my later life (I suppose in most lives) when I have felt for a time as if a thick curtain had fallen on all its interest and romance, to shut me out from anything save dull endurance any more. Never has that curtain dropped so heavy and blank, as when my way in life lay stretched out straight before me through the newly-entered road of apprenticeship to Joe."
I just thought you might find that interesting ^_^ You're not alone in your thoughts.

 

[Larzcode]

Intelligence has a lot of definitions. Most people commonly recognise intelligence through visible success in life as achievements and certificates. The fact that you're insightful and able to think critically about yourself is more than enough to prove emotional intelligence, to some degree.

 

[Razare]

I am being push to believe all this time I'm imagining my intelligence. Am I? I don't want to believe it. I guess, I have to if that's reality.

Why all this people are telling me who I am?

Do any 5's relate to this?

I would have related to this in my late teens. From ages 15 to 19.

I was an abject failure socially... not that great physically... what was left for me to take pride-in other than my ability to think? Specifically in my knowledge of computers and programming.

Then I went to an engineering college and despite being smart, I was a total idiot there. There were geeks who had never seen the light of day until they had moved up to that college, and all of them had found their way into the advanced freshman programming course. Several of the students could have taught that class. But it wasn't just their knowledge in that area... it was all areas, some were just genius level 180+ IQ.

That's what burst my bubble and allowed me to let go of this false sense of pride I had in my intellect. It can hurt, but it's a healthy thing to let go of in the long-run. Now days, I never look down on anyone who is dumber than me, rather I appreciate what they have to offer... things I was missing entirely when I was too hung-up on intellect.

Using intellect as a measurement of self-worth or as way of measuring the worth of others is misguided. The intrinsic value of every person is different and based upon their unique gifts. Gifts you may possess in abundance but have overlooked because of your preoccupation on smarts.

*hugs* I hope you find them!


As a way of helping you, I will give you a hint. Our true gifts are at their core nature expressions of love. Love of music, love of math, love of friendship... when you feel that love in your core being as you're doing something, that is one of your true gifts.

One of my gifts is for accounting... not because I'm exceptional at it or highly intelligent, but because when doing it I feel love for the work. Another gift I have is for children, they have a special place in my heart.

Those who truly excel at something, more often than not are succeeding out of love for what they do... not necessarily out of intellect, strength, or charisma. Also, succeeding from feeling love for what you do is far more fulfilling than it is otherwise.