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Discussion Starter #1
Hi! I am in the process of figuring out what type I am. ENFJ was not something I considered originally, but I find that I do relate to a lot of descriptions of the function order. The thing is, I am still very confused about the difference between Fi and Fe in the concrete world, even though I've read dozens of articles on the distinction.

From a VERY young age, I was concerned with being well-liked. I was always interested in maintaining friendships, always wanting to be one of the popular kids...But for some reason, was rejected by many of my peers since a young age. I was lucky though, because a girl on the second day of a new school in first grade came and asked me to be my friend and of course I accepted.

But she was the type who made friends, it seems, with anyone, especially the social loners; she made us sit with the most unpopular boy in the class during lunch. I hated it because everyone else would judge us. I did not want him around. So, the days when she was at home sick and not in school, I would try to ditch him and sit at another table.

This obsession with "popularity" continued even to my college years. I wanted to appear like I was part of the crowd. I would make decisions, sometimes really short-sighted ones, just because I was so concerned with how others perceived me.

It's only recently, tired of my depression due to my struggle at creating social relationships, that I began trying to accept and revel at the theory that maybe I am just really, really weird. And I should make friends with more weird people. however, I still enjoy it when I'm out and about and another person and I see someone acting out of the social norm, and we exchange that side glance of "Wow, what a weirdo". It makes me feel accepted.


So yeah, hopefully you can understand my dilemma! XD Does this resonate with you Fe-doms, or would you say this isn't how you process the social world?
 

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Hi! I am in the process of figuring out what type I am. ENFJ was not something I considered originally, but I find that I do relate to a lot of descriptions of the function order. The thing is, I am still very confused about the difference between Fi and Fe in the concrete world, even though I've read dozens of articles on the distinction.

From a VERY young age, I was concerned with being well-liked. I was always interested in maintaining friendships, always wanting to be one of the popular kids...But for some reason, was rejected by many of my peers since a young age. I was lucky though, because a girl on the second day of a new school in first grade came and asked me to be my friend and of course I accepted.

But she was the type who made friends, it seems, with anyone, especially the social loners; she made us sit with the most unpopular boy in the class during lunch. I hated it because everyone else would judge us. I did not want him around. So, the days when she was at home sick and not in school, I would try to ditch him and sit at another table.

This obsession with "popularity" continued even to my college years. I wanted to appear like I was part of the crowd. I would make decisions, sometimes really short-sighted ones, just because I was so concerned with how others perceived me.

It's only recently, tired of my depression due to my struggle at creating social relationships, that I began trying to accept and revel at the theory that maybe I am just really, really weird. And I should make friends with more weird people. however, I still enjoy it when I'm out and about and another person and I see someone acting out of the social norm, and we exchange that side glance of "Wow, what a weirdo". It makes me feel accepted.


So yeah, hopefully you can understand my dilemma! XD Does this resonate with you Fe-doms, or would you say this isn't how you process the social world?
Yes and no. If I liked hanging out with someone, it had nothing to do with social status. I always thought social status was dumb.

I mean, I definitely wanted to be well-liked, but I despised social "caste systems" and what not. I didn't do things differently to seem popular—I did what I felt was best/right, and scoffed at the "popular people." I hated being judged because it felt wrong, not because I wanted to be popular. I wanted people to respect my differences and the differences of others. I guess you could say I was more idealistic and cared about how all people should be treated well—the only social influence I desired was seen by me as a means to spread my ideals and make the world a better place.
 

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Discussion Starter #3
I just saw on the funkymbtifiction blog that they had typed Cady Heron from mean girls as a Fe user (ESFJ). I could relate to her in her desire to get an in with the plastics despite her not being a huge fan of them deep down inside, but, assuming you watched Mean Girls, would you agree with that categorization?
 

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I have never been concerned with being popular or being "liked". There is a lot of misconception about the meaning of extraverted feeling.

Extraverted Feeling has to do with being able to sense the feelings of others. It makes you good at supporting people ans understanding where theyre coming from so you are able to empathize.

They usually dont have problems making friends and are usually popular and well liked.

Fe users are ENFJ , ESFJ, ESTP ENTP ect.
 

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Discussion Starter #5
I understand that the goal of Fe is "social harmony" and to keep the "social hierarchy" established. I also read that Fi is generally more open minded than Fe in terms of dealing with people who don't follow social norms. Would you agree? Because I am quite judgmental towards others.
 

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@InkMyUmbrella It's difficult to differentiate between Fe and Fi because both are empathetic and both are concerned about relationships. It's the nature of a feeling function. The best way to differentiate both is to ask yourself: are you an introvert or an extrovert? Are you feeling drained by social interactions or are you feeling reinvigorated? This has nothing to do with how many friends or how talkative and confident you are. If spending alone time makes you feel uncomfortable then you're probably more Fe than Fi.
 

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Discussion Starter #7
I'm not sure the extrovert and introvert thing comes into play. I read that the cognitive functions are about psychological introversion/extraversion and not social, ie are your feelings more towards the outside world or inner. Plus, ENFPs are extraverts who use Fi.

Tbh ive been doing some digging though, and I actually do think I use Fe over Fi. Lots of folks, particularly you NFJ types (no offense), seem to be a bit more guarded against categorizing someone as a Fe-user, but I can honestly say I have tons of trouble relating to Fi. Hell, I don't even think I'm an NFJ at all and am more on the Ne-Si/Si-Ne track lol. To me its about the goal: one is about maintaining inner harmony with their outside world (so stringent on their own actions), the other on maintaining outer harmony and keeping their place in the social hierarchy/maintaining their image (so flexible in their actions depending on the people and circumstance). I'm definitely the second. For the most part, I follow "morals" so that I can seem like a "good" person to other people, and not necessarily because of my own subjective view points.
 

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For me it sounds like you might be a Fe user but not necessary a Ni user. SFJs are usually more concern about social hierarchy than NFJs are. See Fe+Si (or Si+Fe) combo is more concern about persons own status and surroundings than Fe+Ni (or Ni+Fe) is. Ni is about the big picture/ideas not so much about physical experiences (does people act today the same way they have acted before, in which table you are allowed to sit etc...). It makes sense to me that SFJs are concern about social hierarchy if it impacts their everyday life and routines.
 
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For the most part, I follow "morals" so that I can seem like a "good" person to other people, and not necessarily because of my own subjective view points.
This is definitely Fe :p Do you relate to ISFJ or ESFJ descriptions?
 

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I'm not sure the extrovert and introvert thing comes into play. I read that the cognitive functions are about psychological introversion/extraversion and not social, ie are your feelings more towards the outside world or inner. Plus, ENFPs are extraverts who use Fi.

Tbh ive been doing some digging though, and I actually do think I use Fe over Fi. Lots of folks, particularly you NFJ types (no offense), seem to be a bit more guarded against categorizing someone as a Fe-user, but I can honestly say I have tons of trouble relating to Fi. Hell, I don't even think I'm an NFJ at all and am more on the Ne-Si/Si-Ne track lol. To me its about the goal: one is about maintaining inner harmony with their outside world (so stringent on their own actions), the other on maintaining outer harmony and keeping their place in the social hierarchy/maintaining their image (so flexible in their actions depending on the people and circumstance). I'm definitely the second. For the most part, I follow "morals" so that I can seem like a "good" person to other people, and not necessarily because of my own subjective view points.
I was talking in terms of how you feel around others. I agree on everything you said, while Fe and Fi both put an equal amount of intensity into social relationships, Fi has a more inductive lens in its outview, so seeing broader strokes is seen as an hindrance, while a Fe user is more easily in tune with group dynamics. Fe gains energy through external stimuli, so the more they interact with people the more they feel comfortable, and Fi users experience the reverse effect. That's easier than having to figure out the details.
 

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Discussion Starter #11 (Edited)
For me it sounds like you might be a Fe user but not necessary a Ni user. SFJs are usually more concern about social hierarchy than NFJs are. See Fe+Si (or Si+Fe) combo is more concern about persons own status and surroundings than Fe+Ni (or Ni+Fe) is. Ni is about the big picture/ideas not so much about physical experiences (does people act today the same way they have acted before, in which table you are allowed to sit etc...). It makes sense to me that SFJs are concern about social hierarchy if it impacts their everyday life and routines.
Perhaps. But...


Do you relate to ISFJ or ESFJ descriptions?
Yes and no. I relate to some parts of it, but it seems weird to consider me a Si-dom. Granted, I'm not the most healthy-minded person in the first place, so this just adds to the confusion. I've had low self esteem and mental illness for as long as I can remember, and these things do impact things like attention to detail and concentration.

I do relate to their cautious mentality and fear of change, but those are more due to my enormous self doubt at potentially handling those types of situations, particularly when there are people relying on me to get something done. I don't want to let them down. Routine in general is quite boring though...unless I can put my own "spin" or "mark" on it. If that makes any sense.

I also am definitely not a person anyone would label as "practical" and "pragmatic". I've become more like this as I've gotten older, but absolutely not when I was young.
 
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