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Hey INFJ's ... Does it matter to you if a person is much older then you or much younger then you as a deal breaker for a potential partner?
 

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♂️ INFJ 5w4 // IEI-Ni
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If they're within a ten year difference of me in either direction then I'm okay with it. One day I doubt age will mean much at all. It'd be some arbitrary number. "Oh you're 200? Yeah well I just turned 400 last week. You're way too young for me!" lol
 

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Hey INFJ's ... Does it matter to you if a person is much older then you or much younger then you as a deal breaker for a potential partner?
If I can, I'll respond to the question in the title as opposed to the question in the thread. In the title the subject is "a person of interest". In the thread, the subject is "partner". Huge difference... at least to me. And yes, I understand under any normal circumstance, the person of interest and the potential partner would be the same... But life has an endless bag of tricks. Sometimes it's not that easy. At my age, being someone else's "everything" isn't even possible. I'm not going to put myself through the self-deception that would tell me I could do such a thing. The time and energy I have left is already obligated to others. My whole life has been of the responsibilities I made very young in life. My time here will be up before I can fulfill those responsibilities.

I have been separated from my wife for over a decade... I have tried to put certain things down inside of me, to no avail. So to answer the question, I can still see a woman as "a person of interest", but not a possible partner. I have to say, God really knew what He was doing when He made women.

Before I get all tongue-waggled I'll answer the question:

Age in itself does not dictate what I seek in a relationship. However, physical attraction is still a factor for me... but not like it was when I was 20. My "person of interest" no longer needs to be a Farrah Fawcett. Now, I treasure "REAL" more than anything, because it's so hard to find in a world of fake everything and everyone. Everyone wears a mask.

As a young man, I just needed an attractive young woman ( and sometimes an older one) that had eyes for me... available to me... body and soul. I thought very little with my own mind, I thought of the mind of another even less, though every relationship I had was physically furious. I was an extreme extrovert... played in the top band in my area and traveled everywhere... it was the wild life of sex, drugs (at that time it was only pot as the craze) and southern rock and roll. I started a family participating in this kind of lifestyle.

Now it's totally opposite. I'm an extreme introvert. I go out only when I must (which is much more than I wish). I wouldn't have it any other way. I love being able to think and having time to myself, but not spent in small talk and games. Somewhere between now and then I grew up. I'm still married to the woman of my youth and I'll never re-marry for quite a few reasons. But as hard as I resist them, every so often I can't deny the need that we were all metaphorically hard-wired to have. Thus I still have needs... but they are much different now than they used to be. Now, I find myself wanting to connect to another in "MIND"... and body... And TRUST is the ultimate turn-on for me... and participating in all the ways the flesh can manifest trust.

This part of my life is nothing like the younger me. It's like we're two different people.

(Looks like I got chatty anyway. I do that sometimes when I have a beer. Apologies.)
 

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If I can, I'll respond to the question in the title as opposed to the question in the thread. In the title the subject is "a person of interest". In the thread, the subject is "partner". Huge difference... at least to me. And yes, I understand under any normal circumstance, the person of interest and the potential partner would be the same... But life has an endless bag of tricks. Sometimes it's not that easy. At my age, being someone else's "everything" isn't even possible. I'm not going to put myself through the self-deception that would tell me I could do such a thing. The time and energy I have left is already obligated to others. My whole life has been of the responsibilities I made very young in life. My time here will be up before I can fulfill those responsibilities.

I have been separated from my wife for over a decade... I have tried to put certain things down inside of me, to no avail. So to answer the question, I can still see a woman as "a person of interest", but not a possible partner. I have to say, God really knew what He was doing when He made women.

Before I get all tongue-waggled I'll answer the question:

Age in itself does not dictate what I seek in a relationship. However, physical attraction is still a factor for me... but not like it was when I was 20. My "person of interest" no longer needs to be a Farrah Fawcett. Now, I treasure "REAL" more than anything, because it's so hard to find in a world of fake everything and everyone. Everyone wears a mask.

As a young man, I just needed an attractive young woman ( and sometimes an older one) that had eyes for me... available to me... body and soul. I thought very little with my own mind, I thought of the mind of another even less, though every relationship I had was physically furious. I was an extreme extrovert... played in the top band in my area and traveled everywhere... it was the wild life of sex, drugs (at that time it was only pot as the craze) and southern rock and roll. I started a family participating in this kind of lifestyle.

Now it's totally opposite. I'm an extreme introvert. I go out only when I must (which is much more than I wish). I wouldn't have it any other way. I love being able to think and having time to myself, but not spent in small talk and games. Somewhere between now and then I grew up. I'm still married to the woman of my youth and I'll never re-marry for quite a few reasons. But as hard as I resist them, every so often I can't deny the need that we were all metaphorically hard-wired to have. Thus I still have needs... but they are much different now than they used to be. Now, I find myself wanting to connect to another in "MIND"... and body... And TRUST is the ultimate turn-on for me... and participating in all the ways the flesh can manifest trust.

This part of my life is nothing like the younger me. It's like we're two different people.

(Looks like I got chatty anyway. I do that sometimes when I have a beer. Apologies.)
Wow, that was well put. I do feel the same way as the person I was in my youth is a stranger to me now. But the wisdom has been quite the treat however I would trade back my wisdom for my youth if I had that option!
Now I face the future, at least short term ...alone. Not sure if its my type which turned out to be an ENFJ and that longing to merge with another even though Ive been burnt so bad so many times. I guess its just hope, hope is what keeps one going and looking and longing for that perfect mesh. Probably fantasy as perfection does not happen in this world but anything is possible so I hold onto that thought with a death grip. Ya never know, right? :)
 

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Wow, that was well put. I do feel the same way as the person I was in my youth is a stranger to me now. But the wisdom has been quite the treat however I would trade back my wisdom for my youth if I had that option!
I can't imagine what it would have been like to have someone teach me like I've taught my grandkids when I was growing up. I wouldn't mind being young again though...
Now I face the future, at least short term ...alone. Not sure if its my type which turned out to be an ENFJ and that longing to merge with another even though Ive been burnt so bad so many times.
I wish your predicament were uncommon, but it seems to be quite common today. I would have never thought I would be in the place where I am today ever in life... and it was a dang tough thing to adjust to. But I finally did... and I realize... the mind is SUCH a POWERFUL thing... capable of so much more than anyone realizes. I'm quite certain it is capable of more than any scientist anywhere knows.

And life? Ohhhh wow. I never know what it is, but I DO know that EVERY DAY will hold SOMETHING just for me to enjoy. I'm introverted and stay around the house most of the time, but those somethings find me almost every day... and even when I am forced to go out... there they are. And sometimes? I go out just because I want to, to places where there are no games, no masks, no small talk, no one looking to take something behind my back...

I look forward to every single tomorrow. I do love life. Every minute of it.
I guess its just hope, hope is what keeps one going and looking and longing for that perfect mesh. Probably fantasy as perfection does not happen in this world but anything is possible so I hold onto that thought with a death grip. Ya never know, right?
Not fantasy at all. And you're right. You never know. Hey. The Crocodile Hunter had a wife that was drop dead gorgeous, smart as a tack, and would jump on the back of a croc on whim! HAHAHAHAH. That proved to me there's someone out there for everyone...

I've been alone quite a time... but I haven't wanted it any other way. You do. There's just as much reason to think you will find something that satisfies you as not. ;)
 

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Depends on the need.

Physical needs vis-a-vis Emotional needs.

If I were to need only Physical intimacy, then obviously age should not be a barrier for physical attraction with my so called potential person of interest, on the other hand in order to form deep meaningful emotional connections, age is certainly a factor as the maturity level in both may not be the same, in order to have a harmonious and congenial relationship the emotional wavelengths at the least should not differ(if not match) especially where sustaining the relationship in long run becomes imperative.

A relationship becomes ideal

When both are able to understand each others needs without any expectations, acknowledge the flaws in each other,
yet accept and love each other unconditionally, without striving for perfection.
 

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Age has never been a factor for me, so no. What matters to me is the mental maturity of the person rather than their age...among other things, of course.
 

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My love interests have tended to be 10-15 years older then me. I just don't get along with guys my age. The love interests I've had have been very conscious about the age thing and didn't want it unless I wanted it. Be aware though that there is a certain power difference if someone is say, 20, with someone who is 30. The 30 year old has had more life experience and maybe a certain way of doing things, the 20 year old is still figuring things out. The stability the 30 year old brings may be comforting and attractive.

Part of me wonders if I'm cheating myself on my youth by being with someone who's older. The feeling I have with them doesn't compare to any experience I'd have as being a "young" person. I'd rather hang with my cats all evening and watch a movie then go to the bar for hours. That's just me. Something in us attracts us to this experience, see what it is for yourself that has led you to considering this relationship and make sure it's for the best interest of all involved and not just thinking of yourself.

Are you the one in the position of power?
How are you powerless in the situation?
Does one person make most of the decisions?
Are you comfortable sharing this person with your family?

Just things to think about.
 
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