Personality Cafe banner

1 - 8 of 8 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
7 Posts
Discussion Starter #1
Ok, so here's the deal: I'm an INFP teen and I feel as though I have NO friends.

I know what you’re thinking- I’m exaggerating and being overly dramatic, but it’s honestly true. Sure, I have people who I talk to in class, people who I eat lunch with and occasionally text. But I don’t feel close to them. They never call me and rarely invite me to hang out anymore, and I feel like they only put up with me because they have to. I don’t know if it’s all in my head and I’m merely wallowing around in self-pity right now, or if I have a serious problem relating to other people.

Here’s a rundown of my sad existence as an INFP:

As a kid, I would hang out in my room and read and play with dolls all day instead of hanging out with the other kids on the playground. My mom had to basically force me to go and interact with them, because I never wanted to. I got bored running around and playing tag, and they were always SCREAMING. Needless to say, I didn’t become great friends with them, and mostly hung around the older kids.

Through elementary and middle school, I basically stuck with the same core group of people. I hung around them because I found them interesting, but we didn’t actually become good friends until around 8th grade (after 7 years of knowing each other). I attribute this to my tendency back then to stick my nose in a book and never come up for air. After my ISTJ friend practically ripped it out of my hands and forced me to talk more, we really hit it off. Like REALLY. I began to crawl out of my shell.

And then HIGH SCHOOL hit, and I suddenly found that I couldn’t relate to ANYONE (Not that I wasn’t trying). I would smile and make small talk with people, but I noticed that our conversations would quickly sputter out, leaving an awkward silence behind through which I would sneak furtive glances at the other person, wishing that I could fill the void. I could get past “Hey, what’s up?” and go from there, but I would soon find myself racking my brain for stuff to say, blurting out things that sounded good in my head but lame once they left my mouth. And then I would silently berate myself, wishing that I could have said something cooler while the other person stared at me oddly. :unsure:

I’m a junior now, and the people who I “hang” with seem nice. They pretend to like me and call me their friend, but I KNOW they’re lying. Most of them never call me, rarely text me, and don’t include me in their plans. I feel like the odd ball out in their group, but I don’t leave because I don’t have another group to join. They’re really into theater and musicals, which I hardly know anything about (I’ve only heard of the classics like Les Mis and all the Disney ones), and although I tried get into the modern indie shows, I never could, so we don’t have much to talk about. I’ll try to change the subject sometimes so I can actually participate in a conversation with them, but it never works. I feel alone even when I’m with people, and I’m starting to wonder if there’s something wrong with me, or if this is common among INFP’s.

… Thoughts, anyone? All of the people who I hand around are ISTJs, INTJs, ISFJs, and ESFPs, by the way.
(And sorry for the long post! I kinda got carried away!)
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
571 Posts
Hi Angel.

It seems that you yourself have already found the answer to your question. I know that you wish to have some sort of meaningful relationship, where you can freely explore your interests and passions with the other person. Right now, you are friends by convenience only. Like you said, you have nothing in common with these kids, and there is nothing wrong with that. Throughout high school I was also ignored because I did not share in the same interests as the others in my circle. I also had this feeling of aloneness and let me tell you it is perfectly normal to feel that way. When you get out of high school, you will meet all kinds of other people who will share similar interests like yourself.

The not calling you/texting you could also be part of the "front" you put up when interacting with people. My friends in highschool rarely called me because I just gave off the vibe that I wasn't interested in hanging out.

Don't change yourself because you want to fit in. You are beautiful just the way you are. I know this might sound like suicide, but enroll into some kind of club or group centered around your interests. I had the guts to join into a film group and I found a friend I am still in contact with. Never compromise for less than what you feel is true to yourself and what you're comfortable with.

Hope this helps :)
 
  • Like
Reactions: Angel_on_the_clouds

·
Banned
Joined
·
573 Posts
You shouldn't think so negatively about yourself and your assumptions about your friends. Also, work on the dwelling of conversations in the past with others. It is behind you, there is no changing it, just move forward and just give it your best to stay natural.

As an INFP, it's only normal for us to sit back and observe others in conversation! It's really fun, if you ask me, to watch other persons' behavior and the way people converse with eachother. I just whip out my popcorn and have a blast!

In regards to never being invited anywhere, I would suggest reaching out to your friends for that. If you don't have a lot to offer, then you better be good company to have around. Other than that, I can only suggest finding other NFs because NFs are fucking awesome!!

P.s. You DO have friends! I am your friend, just like everyone else on PerC! :kitteh:
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
7 Posts
Discussion Starter #4
Thanks so much guys! Your advice really helped; I think I'll hunt down some kids who seem like NF's at my school and see how it goes. It's kinda nice being able to talk about this with other INFPs, y'know? People who actually get you. :tongue:
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
489 Posts
I do feel out of place. I am in my early 20s and I often feel more connected to slightly older people, like 30s.

I have a lot of acquaintances and people I am "friendly" with, but far fewer real friends who I actually have a real connectio with.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,455 Posts
I feel the same way as you.

I think that you should try to find people you have more in common with. I know it's hard to find new people, but just give it a shot! You may find someone very similar to you who you can talk to and have a deep friendship with. I think you've probably just been pushed into the wrong group of people.

Hope this helps! <3
 
1 - 8 of 8 Posts
Top