[goodgracesbadinfluence]

I think I already know the answer but... yeah.

 

[Lachesis]

A hundred percent yeash.

I also like candy.

 

[Isildin]

A hundred percent?
Seems like a low number

 

[da_gobbo]

think its gotta be a yes

 

[Vin The Dreamer]

Haven't had the chance yet... But I suppose I would.

 

[Michael82]

definitely yes.

however, to protect myself...i have ideals, and if they don't work, well then i have others.

 

[Luke]

I idealise my crushes more than the people I love. With the people I love I usually know them very well, and accept their good points and bad points.

 

[IAmOrangeToday]

Lets save us all a long discussion and all the heart ache and release of emotions this means to INFPs.

Do we idealise our loves?

YES

 

[Colyo]

Only when I'm crushing on them. I don't take the relationship seriously until I know and understand them on a much more objective level. Not that I stop being a romantic, or anything~

 

[chameleon333888]

I idealise my crushes more than the people I love. With the people I love I usually know them very well, and accept their good points and bad points.

You bring up a really important point here, one that maybe makes INFP idealizations a little different from other types.

I will be the first to admit to putting my romantic interests up on a pedestal, especially in the initial stages. No arguing there. When I fall for someone, everything they do is inspiring to me. If things don't work out, then it's like the rose-colored glasses are shattered and I'm suddenly exposed to their flaws all at once and I can be kind of repulsed by them (or by how they treated me). Maybe it's a defense mechanism of some kind--if I can become angry with them, it makes it easier to let go...

But I digress. The point I'm trying to get at is that when things DO work out I still idealize them, but I idealize the flaws as well. Perfection is terrifying, I could never even hope to equal half of perfection. But someone who is flawed is someone like me. They're someone who understands me, someone I can trust because I know they understand my own pain. And someone who can show me their flaws is someone who, the way I see it, is willing to put an enormous amount of trust in me. In a really strange way I actually find myself romanticizing the idea of two flawed people, two broken halves that can only become complete by joining with one another. Neither one of us as an individual is perfect. But the two of us as a unified entity--brought together by love--now THAT is perfection, my friend.

To give you a real life example, my mother is an ENFJ and I think she tends to idealize those close to her as well--my father, even me and my siblings. The difference between us is that her Fe means she has a very hard time seeing our flaws for what they are, and utilizes her nifty Ni to view them from a different angle instead: "Oh your father doesn't drink too much. Alcohol is just how he unwinds after work, and we all know how hard he works for us. If he's drinking, that's just proof that he loves you all so much." In my case I see the flaws, but I find the connections between the flaws and the humanity behind them and idealize them: My father doesn't drink to "unwind," he drinks because he hates his job and gets no fulfillment from it. That's the sad truth. But the fact that he stays miserable is a testament to how much he loves our family. He stays at a horrible job to support us and his drinking is a symptom of the unhappiness he endures for us. In this way, he's still a kind of hero, and someone I can empathize with.

To sum it all up, INFP's are some very perceptive little ninja's. We know your inner workings, maybe almost as well as you do sometimes. But if we love you enough, we won't just look beyond them. We won't even love you in spite of them. No, we'll do one better. We'll love you because of them.

Anyway, I hope that offers some additional insight to the OP, or anyone else who's curious. These are, of course, my own observations so I'd be interested in seeing if anyone else has some thoughts on the matter.

 

[Moon_Child]

I do idealize them, yes.

Tis an unfortunate thing, no? Especially if you idealize those that don't do you well.

I fell in love with a boy not long ago and he kinda broke my heart when he ended things between us. It was good he did though. I was living in a world of fantasies and he grounded me. Now I'm very cautious about who I open my heart to.

What a cheesy post. It might as well be a cheesy poof. :/ Tis true though. It is.

 

[refugee]

I do idealize them, yes.

Tis an unfortunate thing, no? Especially if you idealize those that don't do you well.

I fell in love with a boy not long ago and he kinda broke my heart when he ended things between us. It was good he did though. I was living in a world of fantasies and he grounded me. Now I'm very cautious about who I open my heart to.

What a cheesy post. It might as well be a cheesy poof. :/ Tis true though. It is.

They're the bomb yo.

 

[Moon_Child]

They're the bomb yo.

Rofl.

Indeed, they are quite delicious.

 

[IcarusDreams]

Yes, and it is fine.

My recommendations:

-Understand that you will idealize, but don't be afraid of doing so. This may make you appreciate somebody who you might never do so otherwise, and who might end up being better than expected. It is a gift, not a curse-especially if you know how to deal with your idealism of others.

-Realize that you are also amazing-the person you like may seem super "special" in your eyes, but never neglect yourself or your needs in favor of this person, because you are also pretty awesome, and really deserve that others like you/love you.

-Learn to balance reality vs idealism, and while knowing that it's ok to believe that the person is "superb", you should also be open to understand that he/she is a human being after all. Also, learn more about the person, and be ready to accept when the individual is not all what your enthusiasm made him/her to be (no need to be too hard on yourself or the person about this.)

I believe the most important thing is not to deny that we are prone to idealize others (or similarly, trying to be too "realistic"/"grounded" as a reaction against our idealism), but to learn to be happy with the fact, and be able to use that ability (not liability) of ours to enrich our personal lives, as well as that of others. It needs not be a negative, and I actually feel good when I am thinking the best out of a person-it's very inspiring and invigorating. In case the person is not "as good" as we thought, that's fine as well-enjoy the moment, and move on with your life. Don't be afraid to idealize-just do so wisely.

NFs other than INFPs tend to idealize others as well, so don't feel too badly about it. It's great, it's who you are! We are this way for a reason, and I am glad about it.

 

[rbgj]

I do idealize people close to me, but I tend to keep that idealization to myself. Sorry all you wonderful people out there.

 

[Monoquel]

This one's not true about me... The only person i really idealize is my beloved Infj sis, lol. Maybe some other ppl too. But if it is something like a crush, sometimes I dream of killing them, because I feel like I'm being cornered or victimized by them. My crushes are usually a Love-Hate relationship sort of thing.
I also have a perfectionist- complex kinda thing, where I tend to see too much of the bad in others. (Which is veryy bad -,-)

 

[Aqualung]

Yes. Every "angelic goddess" I've ever known became normal & average eventually. I've also become normal & average to any girl who ever thought I was something special. But real love sometimes transcends all that over the years.

 

[goodgracesbadinfluence]

You bring up a really important point here, one that maybe makes INFP idealizations a little different from other types.

I will be the first to admit to putting my romantic interests up on a pedestal, especially in the initial stages. No arguing there. When I fall for someone, everything they do is inspiring to me. If things don't work out, then it's like the rose-colored glasses are shattered and I'm suddenly exposed to their flaws all at once and I can be kind of repulsed by them (or by how they treated me). Maybe it's a defense mechanism of some kind--if I can become angry with them, it makes it easier to let go...

But I digress. The point I'm trying to get at is that when things DO work out I still idealize them, but I idealize the flaws as well. Perfection is terrifying, I could never even hope to equal half of perfection. But someone who is flawed is someone like me. They're someone who understands me, someone I can trust because I know they understand my own pain. And someone who can show me their flaws is someone who, the way I see it, is willing to put an enormous amount of trust in me. In a really strange way I actually find myself romanticizing the idea of two flawed people, two broken halves that can only become complete by joining with one another. Neither one of us as an individual is perfect. But the two of us as a unified entity--brought together by love--now THAT is perfection, my friend.

To give you a real life example, my mother is an ENFJ and I think she tends to idealize those close to her as well--my father, even me and my siblings. The difference between us is that her Fe means she has a very hard time seeing our flaws for what they are, and utilizes her nifty Ni to view them from a different angle instead: "Oh your father doesn't drink too much. Alcohol is just how he unwinds after work, and we all know how hard he works for us. If he's drinking, that's just proof that he loves you all so much." In my case I see the flaws, but I find the connections between the flaws and the humanity behind them and idealize them: My father doesn't drink to "unwind," he drinks because he hates his job and gets no fulfillment from it. That's the sad truth. But the fact that he stays miserable is a testament to how much he loves our family. He stays at a horrible job to support us and his drinking is a symptom of the unhappiness he endures for us. In this way, he's still a kind of hero, and someone I can empathize with.

To sum it all up, INFP's are some very perceptive little ninja's. We know your inner workings, maybe almost as well as you do sometimes. But if we love you enough, we won't just look beyond them. We won't even love you in spite of them. No, we'll do one better. We'll love you because of them.

Anyway, I hope that offers some additional insight to the OP, or anyone else who's curious. These are, of course, my own observations so I'd be interested in seeing if anyone else has some thoughts on the matter.

Thank you. That's really helpful.

I'm an INTP and I don't understand INFPs well. Your inner workings confuse me and I have a really hard time grasping what you're all about... Probably because Fi is my eighth function. Although I daresay you all think the same of Ti.

Would any of you INFPs "settle" for being in a relationship? Like, would you choose to stay with someone even though logic dictates a relationship might not work out, because you can idealize those flaws and you've decided you're okay with them? Or would you stay with someone out of gratitude for all the crap they've put up with?

And also on a similar note... how can you tell if an INFP is manipulating you? I don't think I'm being manipulated. But it wouldn't hurt to know to make sure it never happens.

 

[OrangeAppled]

I've read that e9s do this with their partners - they put on rose-colored glasses & put their partner on a pedestal. I've seen several ISFP e9s do this.

As an e4 INFP, I idealize the relationships & romantic interests from a distance, but once I get to know someone, then I am very alert to how they fall short of the fantasy. This can lead to me bailing early on when the bubble bursts, because the feelings were based on the fantasy, not the reality of the person. If I still see great future potential (because potential often keeps me going) & feel a genuine connection to the actual person, then I will sort of negotiate with myself what I can tolerate. If the person's flaws are deemed tolerable, then I try to take them as they are. I will encourage them if they show initiative to change for the better themselves, & I will discourage negative traits that seem to be growing, but I don't believe you can change someone.

I actually have a frustration with people over the fact that many are not accepting of their partners being human; they can be flawed, but their partner cannot be. I find it easy to empathize with a person's flaws, so that I can tolerate them, but I don't gloss over them to the point of condoning them. I guess I just try to be understanding, partly to temper my own critical side.

When it comes to those I love, I admit I tend to be critical, sometimes to the point where I expect too much. I'm a lot harsher on people I'm close to than strangers because I know them & their potential better, and they know me & my needs better, so my expectations run higher. If there's any idealizing, I guess it's in the form of seeing great potential in people, but it mostly makes me frustrated when they don't cultivate it.

I actually read in one of those type statistic things that INFPs are one of the types least satisfied with their marital partners, but their partners are often satisfied with them. I think that says a lot...

--------

EDIT:

I just saw these questions...

Would any of you INFPs "settle" for being in a relationship? Like, would you choose to stay with someone even though logic dictates a relationship might not work out, because you can idealize those flaws and you've decided you're okay with them? Or would you stay with someone out of gratitude for all the crap they've put up with?

You may find it interesting that along with INTPs, INFPs are the type most likely to marry later in life or not at all (according to those stats again). I think high ideals about relationships, love, and even ourselves means we'll hold out until reality is satisfactorily close enough to the ideals. So instead of idealizing an actual partner, we may tend to have ideal fantasy partners that no one lives up to.

This may mean that when we commit, it's serious. It's a strong, deep feeling that moves us to accept something that is obviously not ideal. It is not something entered into lightly. We'll probably put a lot of ourselves into it, and we'll probably expect a lot out of it.

I think my above answer explains how I accept flaws in people. I don't idealize, I just try to keep them in perspective & accept people as imperfect.

The one major thing that would keep me in a relationship with a partner I no longer feel the same about or am not happy with is that commitment. As I said, I don't make such commitments lightly, and I have strong principles about honoring such commitments. So for me, it would be those notorious INFP values that would keep me plugging along, "doing the right thing". Frankly, it would be less about the person than what I'd see as a moral obligation.

One other thing may be if I still see great future potential. However, I have a limit on my patience there.

And also on a similar note... how can you tell if an INFP is manipulating you?

I can't think of any time I directly, intentionally manipulated someone. It's not that I'm so angelic, I just don't even think I'd be good at it. It doesn't even occur to me to slyly finesse outcomes... I tend to either hold it in or lay it out on the table. This withdrawing / directness is what causes me problems.

 

[goodgracesbadinfluence]

I've read that e9s do this with their partners - they put on rose-colored glasses & put their partner on a pedestal. I've seen several ISFP e9s do this.

As an e4 INFP, I idealize the relationships & romantic interests from a distance, but once I get to know someone, then I am very alert to how they fall short of the fantasy. This can lead to me bailing early on when the bubble bursts, because the feelings were based on the fantasy, not the reality of the person. If I still see great future potential (because potential often keeps me going) & feel a genuine connection to the actual person, then I will sort of negotiate with myself what I can tolerate. If the person's flaws are deemed tolerable, then I try to take them as they are. I will encourage them if they show initiative to change for the better themselves, & I will discourage negative traits that seem to be growing, but I don't believe you can change someone.

I'm a 4 myself, so I relate to a lot of what you said as well. I get frustrated when people aren't true to themselves and when people are overly critical... although I myself am super critical. And like you, I'm more critical of people close to me.

How can I tell if an INFP is legitimately serious? Like, how do I know I'm more special/important than people the INFP may flirt with?