You bring up a really important point here, one that maybe makes INFP idealizations a little different from other types.I idealise my crushes more than the people I love. With the people I love I usually know them very well, and accept their good points and bad points.
They're the bomb yo.I do idealize them, yes.
Tis an unfortunate thing, no? Especially if you idealize those that don't do you well.
I fell in love with a boy not long ago and he kinda broke my heart when he ended things between us. It was good he did though. I was living in a world of fantasies and he grounded me. Now I'm very cautious about who I open my heart to.
What a cheesy post. It might as well be a cheesy poof. :/ Tis true though. It is.
Thank you. That's really helpful.You bring up a really important point here, one that maybe makes INFP idealizations a little different from other types.
I will be the first to admit to putting my romantic interests up on a pedestal, especially in the initial stages. No arguing there. When I fall for someone, everything they do is inspiring to me. If things don't work out, then it's like the rose-colored glasses are shattered and I'm suddenly exposed to their flaws all at once and I can be kind of repulsed by them (or by how they treated me). Maybe it's a defense mechanism of some kind--if I can become angry with them, it makes it easier to let go...
But I digress. The point I'm trying to get at is that when things DO work out I still idealize them, but I idealize the flaws as well. Perfection is terrifying, I could never even hope to equal half of perfection. But someone who is flawed is someone like me. They're someone who understands me, someone I can trust because I know they understand my own pain. And someone who can show me their flaws is someone who, the way I see it, is willing to put an enormous amount of trust in me. In a really strange way I actually find myself romanticizing the idea of two flawed people, two broken halves that can only become complete by joining with one another. Neither one of us as an individual is perfect. But the two of us as a unified entity--brought together by love--now THAT is perfection, my friend.
To give you a real life example, my mother is an ENFJ and I think she tends to idealize those close to her as well--my father, even me and my siblings. The difference between us is that her Fe means she has a very hard time seeing our flaws for what they are, and utilizes her nifty Ni to view them from a different angle instead: "Oh your father doesn't drink too much. Alcohol is just how he unwinds after work, and we all know how hard he works for us. If he's drinking, that's just proof that he loves you all so much." In my case I see the flaws, but I find the connections between the flaws and the humanity behind them and idealize them: My father doesn't drink to "unwind," he drinks because he hates his job and gets no fulfillment from it. That's the sad truth. But the fact that he stays miserable is a testament to how much he loves our family. He stays at a horrible job to support us and his drinking is a symptom of the unhappiness he endures for us. In this way, he's still a kind of hero, and someone I can empathize with.
To sum it all up, INFP's are some very perceptive little ninja's. We know your inner workings, maybe almost as well as you do sometimes. But if we love you enough, we won't just look beyond them. We won't even love you in spite of them. No, we'll do one better. We'll love you because of them.
Anyway, I hope that offers some additional insight to the OP, or anyone else who's curious. These are, of course, my own observations so I'd be interested in seeing if anyone else has some thoughts on the matter.
I'm a 4 myself, so I relate to a lot of what you said as well. I get frustrated when people aren't true to themselves and when people are overly critical... although I myself am super critical. And like you, I'm more critical of people close to me.I've read that e9s do this with their partners - they put on rose-colored glasses & put their partner on a pedestal. I've seen several ISFP e9s do this.
As an e4 INFP, I idealize the relationships & romantic interests from a distance, but once I get to know someone, then I am very alert to how they fall short of the fantasy. This can lead to me bailing early on when the bubble bursts, because the feelings were based on the fantasy, not the reality of the person. If I still see great future potential (because potential often keeps me going) & feel a genuine connection to the actual person, then I will sort of negotiate with myself what I can tolerate. If the person's flaws are deemed tolerable, then I try to take them as they are. I will encourage them if they show initiative to change for the better themselves, & I will discourage negative traits that seem to be growing, but I don't believe you can change someone.