Actually, on further consideration, there's more to say.Why do men do to show it? What can a partner do to encourage it?
Oh, one other IMPORTANT point.Why do men do to show it? What can a partner do to encourage it?
So you're saying I hosed up (as usual). Le sigh.I am married to an INTJ. He walked up to me and introduced himself. It wasn't until I got to know him better and saw him interact with (or rather, ignore) other people that I understood how unusual it is for him to initiate communication. I would say that's a pretty good sign - INTJs generally don't chit-chat a lot, unless we are motivated to.
We are terrible at flirting. If you go to the INTJ Forum there is currently a thread on INTJs and flirting and there is also a sticky thread on INTJs and relationships. You might be able to pick up on something there, or you can just post you questions there - I am pretty sure that you would get more responses than in the Gen Forums.
Agree, with the modifier "genuine and honest relationships" that enhance our life in significant ways. Otherwise, I would rather just be single. I know already that I like my companionship.Hi. Hell yes, we want relationships.
I'll have to respectfully disagree. Not all of us are like this, especially with a little experience and wisdom under our belts. I have no problem approaching women nor dating them.We just don't know how to get from
"She's got (a) beautiful [ a) smile; b) hair; c) eyes; d) legs; e) *ss; f) rack; g) brain; h) all of the above]"
to a relationship.
+100 points for this observation. That said, once I decide that the relationship will not work for me, then there's no going back. (It's related to the intensity...I'm either all in or nothing.)Once we're IN one, we tend to burn out partners through sheer strength of our intensity.
However we are nearly inexhaustible in our attempts to revise / refine / improve the relationship;
and are *extremely* loyal once you remember to throw in bread and water once a day and
turn us toward the daylight once in awhile.
Guilty as charged. I am always gathering information and analyzing things...if I'm interested, then I'm meticulously learning everything about you.An INTJ man will show interest by worshipfully stalking from afar. He will go out of his way to research (unbenknownst to you) your wants, needs, likes, and habits, as best he can; and then go to considerable time and trouble (carefully hidden as well as possible from all viewers) to perform petty, thoughtful acts of service tailored *especially* and *uniquely* for you.
Again, spot on. But remember, this is all very subtlety emitted and doesn't begin to scratch the surface of the intensity of feeling that I am experiencing.Once he begins to fall for you, and his internal bulkheads fail, you will notice that in person, he goes from witty banter to trying to focus on substance -- in particular, to solve your problems using his mighty INTJ laser intellect; and, in writing, once he begins opening up (showing his intellect, not in a "Ha! Bow before me, mere puny mortals sense" but in a "twinkle in his eyes" sense), or (this is crucial) *playful* sarcasm, and correcting your grammar, and in *extreme* cases using emoticons -- he is hopelessly wrapped around your finger, like barbed wire wrapped around the axle of a car which has plowed into a pasture by mistake.
Can't stress this enough. Now that I'm older, I don't like to bullshit around. To crack the inner circle (of which I'm extremely picky about), I need to know the real you--you're glorious imperfections and idiosyncratic tendencies. Because you know what? I will not hold back who I am...For a partner to encourage it, the following are (as the mathematicians say) "both necessary and sufficient" :
1) You MUST be genuine and authentic.
This does work...but I like playful banter about all subjects. Just be willing to banter.2) Playful banter, about intellectual subjects. You can either lead with a subject you are *very* conversant with, or legitimately ask him. But don't "ooh" and "aah" like an ignorant philistine, do your best to keep up: and if you can't, let him know by your comments that you are aiming as high as you can: he will DELIGHT to stoop down to bring you up to speed.
For me personally, I like to see your eyes shine from laughter.3) Smile, let your eyes shine at him.
I don't do flighty and random. Bugs the shit out of me. I prefer consistency, stability, and reliability.4) Counterexample: INFPs are allowed to be flighty and random. Some INTJs don't like it, for others, it is like catnip. Think of a cat chasing around a laser pointer, completely oblivious to the rest of the world for the moment, that's what it's like for the INTJ.
Yep. This one backfires on me from time to time. I have to self-talk on just staying in the moment and relax...5) Be prepared for INTENSITY. Stuff that would make an INFPs inner world look shallow (OK, I'm exaggerating; but it's pretty much the same level of magnitude.) Alpha-Male INTJs are capable of up to 0.5 megaton/second firepower for extended periods. /Keith Laumer's Bolo>
Can't argue with any of these either. I appreciate bold, physical gestures (which is hypocritical since I send subtle signals my own self).6) Also be prepared for sudden walls of silence. INTJs need time ALONE (preferably with a computer, computer game, or books) to recharge. Don't expect to be let in unless it is to offer food and/or sex.
7) Once you have an INTJ's trust the sex will be ... not as evocative as an INFP, I'm told, but the next best thing. Remember, we're perfectionists: and that includes imparting pleasure to the one we love. Be prepared for numerous hours-long make-out (and more) sessions on a regular (continuous!) basis.
8) Most INTJs are not into the social scene, so forget bar-hopping, crowds, and the like. You may be able to lure him into music, cultural, artistic, or bookish events, if you frame it as either intellectual growth or an opportunity for people-watching (some INTJs feed their introspective side by trying to figure out the social interactions among other people, usually managing the same deep level of understanding as a Labrador Retriever looking at a blackboard filled with quantum mechanics).
9) DON'T criticize us intellectually, unless you can combine it with a Kari Byron from Mythbusters smile. We already know we screwed up at the moment we made the mistake, and are already ripping ourselves to shreds over it.
10) Forget about sending or receiving ANY significant messages via body english, unless you do it by signals so over the top as to put a cliche to shame...your INTJ will then notice and wonder if it was really sincere, and get too afraid to move. If this happens, lean over and kiss him with your best lovestruck shining eyes and/or Kari Byron smile. For some reason, we *believe* it when a woman's whole face is lit up at us.
I have a LOT of experience "under my belt." I've been married 27 years next month. Neither my wife nor I ever even *tries* to say "No" anymore...MindBomb said:I'll have to respectfully disagree. Not all of us are like this, especially with a little experience and wisdom under our belts. I have no problem approaching women nor dating them.
Sh*t, you're right. That's what I meant.MindBomb said:For me personally, I like to see your eyes shine from laughter.
Not married to one as long, but near 100% accurate. My hubby's aloof, except to close people, and to me he's just fun! totally the cat on the back displaying the belly, but just for me, and that's special indeed.I have a LOT of experience "under my belt." I've been married 27 years next month. Neither my wife nor I ever even *tries* to say "No" anymore...
Well, many younger INTJs may have this issue of approaching someone romanticly, but I'm not so sure about this being generalizable to us older INTJs. And don't take this the wrong way, but you haven't quite been on the dating scene in recent years ;-)I have a LOT of experience "under my belt." I've been married 27 years next month. Neither my wife nor I ever even *tries* to say "No" anymore...
Yah, that's just my *point*.Well, many younger INTJs may have this issue of approaching someone romanticly, but I'm not so sure about this being generalizable to us older INTJs. And don't take this the wrong way, but you haven't quite been on the dating scene in recent years ;-)
But yeah, congrats on the 27 years! Truly.