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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
The last threads I found on this were from 2011, though I may just be inept as using the search function.

Not super intense question, I just have an INTP friend-acquaintance ish who messaged me earlier today (and used an emoticon AND a joke *gasp*) about some research we're supposed to do together. I wasn't feeling well so I didn't joke back with him as much as I normally would have, and he kinda just shut down. (HE SENT ME A "K" :crying:) (Can you tell I'm still loopy?)

Should I worry that I hurt his feelings? Do INTPs tend to overanalyze a lack of response? I told him I was sick, so it shouldn't be a problem, but I don't want to be mean.

This is also a more general question, because one of my INTP friends (a 6w5) messages me pretty constantly and always seems to want an immediate response, which I can't always give her.

Oh, and if you feel like answering this too: do you analyze text conversations more or less than normal in-person conversations?
 

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Yes. Very yes (well, idk about more than in person, but yes to both). I don't know if it's an INTP thing or a me thing though. I would always be pretty explicit in conversation though.
 

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黐線 ~Chiseen~
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don't get us started... the gears in our head will be whirring in neutral burning gas unnecessarily. but yes, some of us do read and re-read historical convo's... just in case we miss a point, weren't truly considering responses at the time, or tangent off but forgot to return to the original point and carry on from there thinking how the convo should have went / continued.

Quite a lot of the time, instead of living inside the head, it's living inside of nostalgia; especially chat histories, sms histories, etc.
 

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If I'm not mindful, I over-analyze most conversations. When I was younger I would obsessively think about something I said or how somebody interacted with me for days, revolving the words and tone and intentions and possible effects round and round and round. I'd even go through entire trajectories of relationships with people based on the current evidence of our interactions. Needless to say, being that hyper-sensitive to socialization and examining everything can make me withdraw into myself. I still have to force myself to appear like a half-person to people because my natural tendency is to remain silent and observe and dissect everything that is happening around me. But as I've aged I've learned to stop getting caught up in these stories. I watch my thoughts as they arise. I don't want to get sucked into unnecessary thinking. Instead of falling into the trap of thinking myself out of thinking and beating a dead horse until I go mad, I let go of the story. I just breathe and don't attach myself to what happens. I don't feed the negative ruminations. I only focus on what I can change in that moment.
 

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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
Oh. Er. Dammit. Does this mean I have to apologize? He's pretty outgoing for an INTP- SX/SO, either a 5 or an 8.
 

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Do INTPs over-analyze ________? Yes, to everything . . . Although, what most consider over-analyzing is mainly just analyzing for INTPs so there's that. :)
 

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Yeah, I know I tend to fret quite frequently over texts I've sent. I always get nervous about people misunderstanding a text because of a lack of inflection or a delay in my or their response. Part of it is that INTP's really value our friendships and really don't want to mess things up with people we care about. We also hate conflict so if we thing we caused some among those we care about, that's a scary thing. We don't worry so much about conversations in person as we can use inflection and try to work things out then and there, but we do go over those conversations in our heads a lot as well. Either way, just talk to them, make sure that they aren't upset/tell them that you weren't upset with them and things will be fine. A little bit of reassurance goes a long way sometimes.
 

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Depends how neurotic I am in the moment.

I know I don't want anyone overanylizing my texts, though. Just like in person, sometimes I go to the effort of emoting or otherwise establishing the way something should be taken, and sometimes I just relay facts without any packaging and let the cards fall where they may. The awesome thing about text is that I can make the effort without much effort—emoticons require so much less energy than making appropriate facial expressions and voice tones, but sometimes I can't even be bothered with emoticons.

BUT I know I don't typically read into slow responses (to txts or email or missed phone calls, supposing the context is merely social) because I have the worst response time of anyone I know.
 

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I don't think it's your friend who's over-analyzing.

As for me. I don't bother. People usually mean less than what they write anyway so I'm more likely to just disregard them.
 

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Yes. Like a lot. Like A LOT. Especially if it's one-on-one, I'm not likely to over-analyze forum posts for example. Over-analyzing increases exponentially if I don't know the person perfectly but would like to. Decreases if the person is a close friend who I know will get what I mean, they don't always but I don't feel as awkward correcting them. I don't over-analyze face to face conversation cuz too much is happening, if I added analyzing into the mix I wouldn't actually ever speak. I do often go back after the conversation is over and deconstruct everything though.

I realize this isn't terribly reasonable and people rarely put as much active thought into what they're saying as what I read into it but I can't stop. Sometimes I wish someone could tell what's happening and just pull the breaks but no one ever does. I think it's cuz it all happens in my head. Don't apologize to your friend since that would make things weird, just go on like nothing's out of order.

EDIT:

It's improved somewhat with age though. I used to add smilies to EVERYTHING so that people could be 100% sure when I was joking. I can only imagine how annoying that must have been.
 

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Oh. Er. Dammit. Does this mean I have to apologize? He's pretty outgoing for an INTP- SX/SO, either a 5 or an 8.
We don't expect apologies, just explanations. Like he might be wondering why you didn't reply (I mean, not knowing sucks), rather than being offended by the omission greatly.

K is such a neutral response for me, if I said it, it's because I'm getting that same response from you or that I understand that you may not want to talk right now. Not everyone has their, let's say, "gears" running every day of their lives , especially not the INTPs, and we don't expect every conversation to be mind boggling awesome or funny. so you have nothing to worry about in the long run, you can explain yourself if you want, judging from the information you've provided.

Anyway, as a common understanding, I've accepted where I think I need to say sorry, I probably don't need to. and when I don't think I need to say sorry, I probably might need to. It's strange, but it works most of the time to keep some relationships from being unstable.
 

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We're known for overanalyzing, yet to me its best to keep in mind that over analysis is not always appropriate nor productive. When I find myself deeply questioning a text message, my logic takes over. I'll force myself to remember there are numerous explanations or possible intentions behind what was said (or not said) in the text and will then make myself quit over thinking.
 

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黐線 ~Chiseen~
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We're known for overanalyzing, yet to me its best to keep in mind that over analysis is not always appropriate nor productive. When I find myself deeply questioning a text message, my logic takes over. I'll force myself to remember there are numerous explanations or possible intentions behind what was said (or not said) in the text and will then make myself quit over thinking.


i've lost count of how many times i type long chat messages, sms messages, thread posts, etc... only to re-read them to turn out to be tl;dr then ultimately, highlight all, delete. on occasion, give a summary thereafter instead.

when people go "why didn't you say so? why didn't you speak up?" but i did.... it was explained in this tidbit (point to area)... "how is anyone suppose to get anything from that?" that's why it's called a summary. besides, you don't like extrainious details, remember? i was told to 'keep it brief'...
 

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EDIT:

It's improved somewhat with age though. I used to add smilies to EVERYTHING so that people could be 100% sure when I was joking. I can only imagine how annoying that must have been.
I wouldn't call this inappropiate when you text other types (read Ss and Fs). I've found that the permanent use of emotes can prevent misunderstandings with those types (i.e. my jokes taken seriously and/or personally) and thus make coexistence much easier.
 

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i've lost count of how many times i type long chat messages, sms messages, thread posts, etc... only to re-read them to turn out to be tl;dr then ultimately, highlight all, delete. on occasion, give a summary thereafter instead.

when people go "why didn't you say so? why didn't you speak up?" but i did.... it was explained in this tidbit (point to area)... "how is anyone suppose to get anything from that?" that's why it's called a summary. besides, you don't like extrainious details, remember? i was told to 'keep it brief'...

I also do this constantly. Reread, attempt to shorten, but then delete something I spent a good chunk of time typing up because it's too long or because the moment has passed and I just don't even care anymore. I'm working on the "keeping it short and sweet" thing, but the whole idea of doing so is such a challenge. It seems that important details are left out when my message is extremely brief and that it'll result in my being misunderstood.
 

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people rarely put as much active thought into what they're saying as what I read into it
This exact thing is why I mostly do not bother to deeply analyze what people write. Only when I notice something weird in how or what someone writes do I take the effort of analyzing what they wrote. Even then I've seen other people over-analyze way worse than I've done, I think.

I wouldn't call this inappropiate when you text other types (read Ss and Fs). I've found that the permanent use of emotes can prevent misunderstandings with those types (i.e. my jokes taken seriously and/or personally) and thus make coexistence much easier.
I've also noticed I started using more emoticons as the time per day I spend chatting with people online increased. I try not to do it too much though, because I know how annoying that can be.
 

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I may never admit to it, but yes. I rely a lot on analyzing human behavior. It helps me connect the dots and stay ahead of what is happening. If I'm not cautious I let in people I should have never trusted, if I don't over analyze I let toxic people linger longer than they should. I struggle between two extremes, completely oblivious or over analyzing.

I also tend to notice when people are more out going around me/when interacting with me. When that suddenly changes I have to withdraw and think. I first have to make sure if I said or did something or I didn't say or do something I should have. Like I said, I live between the two extremes of oblivious or over analyzing. The oblivious part can get me in trouble.
 

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I may never admit to it, but yes. I rely a lot on analyzing human behavior. It helps me connect the dots and stay ahead of what is happening. If I'm not cautious I let in people I should have never trusted, if I don't over analyze I let toxic people linger longer than they should. I struggle between two extremes, completely oblivious or over analyzing.

I also tend to notice when people are more out going around me/when interacting with me. When that suddenly changes I have to withdraw and think. I first have to make sure if I said or did something or I didn't say or do something I should have. Like I said, I live between the two extremes of oblivious or over analyzing. The oblivious part can get me in trouble.
That's the same issue going on with me! I analyze people around me too much that sometimes I think I'm being a mean scumbag! But I can't help it. I sort of overanalyze everything and this really bothers me. But as I said, I can't help it!
 

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I really care about you: I will overanalize everything
I don't care about you: you can also write me insults I will probably think you are just kidding or will not notice that.

But, if I care about you I will ask you if I need explanations, at least until I don't understand that you don't care about me and I will simply leave you alone.
 

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Yeah someone sent me an "ok" a few days ago and I was suffocating myself with a pillow. I may have caught emotions at the time. Normally I just don't speak to people after the send me that type of response thinking that the conversation has met a dead end.
 
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